Post 4477288 - Social personality (Social personality)

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Social personality

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Wrong Planet Autism Forum Index -> Social Skills and Making Friends

youngxmagexofxmyths
Tufted Titmouse

Joined: Mar 06, 2012
Age: 21
Posts: 37

Posted: Fri Mar 16, 2012 1:11 am Post subject: Social personality

I've been told I'm quite unique to most Aspies because I have a social personality and will instinctively go up to any one in (lets say) lunch time in school and talk to them. I literally require social interaction. I'm told most Aspies feel okay being alone. Does anyone have any thoughts on the situation? Does anyone feel fine on there own? Is there anyone who has this same personality trait? It's a big pain in the neck because I have the social personality but not the interaction skills.

namaste
Enigmatic Charismatically Odd
Phoenix

Joined: Apr 15, 2011
Posts: 1840
Location: Hindustan

Posted: Fri Mar 16, 2012 1:28 am Post subject: Re: Social personality

youngxmagexofxmyths wrote:

I've been told I'm quite unique to most Aspies because I have a social personality and will instinctively go up to any one in (lets say) lunch time in school and talk to them. I literally require social interaction. I'm told most Aspies feel okay being alone. Does anyone have any thoughts on the situation? Does anyone feel fine on there own? Is there anyone who has this same personality trait? It's a big pain in the neck because I have the social personality but not the interaction skills.

i can relate to what you are saying even i have a social personality.

At one point in my college i used to go and talk with everyone, anyone i met in the college campus, college canteen etc.
I was so desperate for friends that i would just go up and talk with person randomly.

And many times those people would not continue talking with me at a later time.
that would hurt more since i expected that from that point we would become friends.

But its quite later on in my life i realised that things are not working out and my interaction skills are bad
means i am dull, boring, sad looking, depressed and nothing interesting to share with others.

Now at this point i feel i should only talk with those people who take interest to interact with me rather then making
the first try myself.
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questor
Hermit
Phoenix

Joined: Apr 24, 2011
Posts: 1983
Location: Twilight Zone

Posted: Fri Mar 16, 2012 1:45 am Post subject: Social interactions

I prefer being alone, but I do talk to the neighbors occasionally, if I see them on my few trips to the yard, or to people in stores on my rare errand runs. I am not a misanthrope, just non social.

Stargazer43
Scruffy-looking Nerf Herder
Phoenix

Joined: Nov 07, 2011
Posts: 1328

Posted: Fri Mar 16, 2012 2:01 am Post subject:

I personally enjoy social interaction a lot, I'm just not the best at it lol. That's not to say I'm going out partying every night, but I do like to socialize regularly in small doses. As for having a social personality, I wouldn't really say I have that.

youngxmagexofxmyths
Tufted Titmouse

Joined: Mar 06, 2012
Age: 21
Posts: 37

Posted: Fri Mar 16, 2012 4:43 pm Post subject:

Veteran, I disagree. I don't think its all our faults. Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. Therefore the idea that 1 group of people is boring, uninteresting, and depressing and the other is fun, interesting, and happy is undeniably incorrect. I consider myself intelligent, insightful, creative, friendly, nice, interesting and fun. My issues are that I have not had enough oppurtunities to explore and and further develop my personality, bad experiances have left me distrusting and cynnical, i missed out on certian experiances and exposer, and all combined into the social awkwardness and impairment that Aspergers gives me. I believe the issue with an aspies social difficulties aren't faulted on the Aspie alone, but both the social impairment AND the people around him. Most people we seem to be around could be described as shallow, superficial, ignorant, easily frightened, believing theircultures are the best and their opinions are right, self centered, self rightious, closed minded, pretentious, not to mention cruel, minipulative, decieving, apathetic, and so obsessed with looks, athletics, pleasure, relationships, appearences, sex, and money. Therefore the issue is not us being dull, boring, or uninteresting, its other people.

TheDarkMage
Velociraptor

Joined: Feb 21, 2012
Posts: 418
Location: united kingdom

Posted: Fri Mar 16, 2012 5:10 pm Post subject: Re: Social personality

namaste wrote:

At one point in my college i used to go and talk with everyone, anyone i met in the college campus, college canteen etc.
I was so desperate for friends that i would just go up and talk with person randomly.

And many times those people would not continue talking with me at a later time.
that would hurt more since i expected that from that point we would become friends.

But its quite later on in my life i realised that things are not working out and my interaction skills are bad
means i am dull, boring, sad looking, depressed and nothing interesting to share with others.

Now at this point i feel i should only talk with those people who take interest to interact with me rather then making
the first try myself.

aww thats a bit of a sad story actually. i would have spoke to you. i like people speaking to me who are chatterboxes so i can just get to know the person before i actually have say a lot - if you understand.
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alex
Developer

Joined: Jun 14, 2004
Age: 26
Posts: 8100
Location: Beverly Hills, CA

Posted: Sat Mar 17, 2012 2:03 am Post subject: Re: Social personality

youngxmagexofxmyths wrote:

I feel the same way as you. I crave social interaction.

I think the reason a lot of aspies feel differently is because they've grown wary after many negative experiences with social interaction.
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nat4200
Phoenix
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Joined: Jan 11, 2011
Posts: 704
Location: BANNED

Posted: Sat Mar 17, 2012 3:01 am Post subject:

Redacted Last edited by nat4200 on Sat Apr 21, 2012 2:39 am; edited 1 time in total

Who_Am_I
almost human
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Age: 29
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Location: My body is in Brisbane and my mind is in the gutter. :D

Posted: Sat Mar 17, 2012 3:31 am Post subject:

I'm introverted, but a couple of my students have ASDs and they are both extroverted. Their talkativeness was actually one of the clues I had that they might have some kind of ASD. _________________ Music Theory 101: Cadences. Authentic cadence: V-I Plagal cadence: IV-I Deceptive cadence: V- ANYTHING BUT I !!!! Beethoven cadence: V-I-V-I-V-V-V-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I -I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I! I! I! I I I

lostgirl1986
There's a party in my head.
Phoenix

Joined: Feb 29, 2012
Age: 26
Posts: 6250
Location: Ontario, Canada

Posted: Sat Mar 17, 2012 8:25 am Post subject:

No but I've heard that there are two kinds of aspies out there. Ones that prefer limited social interaction and ones who thrive on it, the latter being more rare.

nick007
old-skewl fan-boy
Phoenix

Joined: May 05, 2010
Age: 30
Posts: 9726
Location: was Louisiana but moved in with my girlfreind in Vermont

Posted: Sat Mar 17, 2012 3:53 pm Post subject: Re: Social personality

alex wrote:

youngxmagexofxmyths wrote:

I feel the same way as you. I crave social interaction.

I think the reason a lot of aspies feel differently is because they've grown wary after many negative experiences with social interaction.

I did that when I was little but people tended to either ignore me if I was lucky, told me to leave them alone, told me to shut up, made fun of me, or hurt me due to my Aspie issues with missing social cues, being weird ect . I became an extreme loner as a form of self-protection. I don't have that personality now & I don't really desire much social interaction but I would love to have one person to talk to
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namaste
Enigmatic Charismatically Odd
Phoenix

Joined: Apr 15, 2011
Posts: 1840
Location: Hindustan

Posted: Sun Mar 18, 2012 2:53 am Post subject:

one of my cousin who was quite social earlier as now become socially introvert we do have schizophrenia running in her our genetic pool and i think now she is exhibiting some of the symptoms. _________________ The only thing right in this wrong world is WRONG PLANET

Pandora_Box
Phoenix
Phoenix

Joined: Dec 13, 2010
Age: 25
Posts: 1273

Posted: Sun Mar 18, 2012 3:15 am Post subject:

I have had a similiar experience as Namaste. I would talk to people and we'd seem like we'd have a great time. All though I was never the person to sort of instigate everything. There were a few people whom I believed we truly became friends. It was back in the day of when I was majoring in journalism. I had met two people who got along with me. They were kind of weird and oddball like me. They had the same beefs about the teacher and we did things. They use to text me and I'd text back despite my feelings about text, we went out to eat, we got each other Christmas presents. For the first time in my life I felt like I had belonged and I was doing something right. Then after the class, I never heard from them again. They never text me, they never called me. It was like they were only my friends when they took the class. I also hate that, how, I seemingly make these friends in college. Give people my e-mails and then no one ever contacts me again. They only contact me when I was there in class and then the moment we don't see each other they stop all contact. But I know and I know they are talking to other people somewhere. Other people who are probably more interetsing than me, maybe. It's an extremely painful experience, imo. I don't quite think I'm the most interesting person in the world, I am not mainstream. However, I am always myself. I like weird humor and have a very jaded personality. I want to socialize more. But don't really know how. I struggle with the very thought that I don't have friends. I struggle with the idea that I am not rememerable enough. I try to socialize, I just don't know when to talk or if I am interupting someone, etc.

namaste
Enigmatic Charismatically Odd
Phoenix

Joined: Apr 15, 2011
Posts: 1840
Location: Hindustan

Posted: Sun Mar 18, 2012 5:53 am Post subject:

Pandora_Box wrote:

I have had a similiar experience as Namaste. I would talk to people and we'd seem like we'd have a great time. All though I was never the person to sort of instigate everything. There were a few people whom I believed we truly became friends. It was back in the day of when I was majoring in journalism. I had met two people who got along with me. They were kind of weird and oddball like me. They had the same beefs about the teacher and we did things. They use to text me and I'd text back despite my feelings about text, we went out to eat, we got each other Christmas presents. For the first time in my life I felt like I had belonged and I was doing something right. Then after the class, I never heard from them again. They never text me, they never called me. It was like they were only my friends when they took the class.

I also hate that, how, I seemingly make these friends in college. Give people my e-mails and then no one ever contacts me again. They only contact me when I was there in class and then the moment we don't see each other they stop all contact. But I know and I know they are talking to other people somewhere. Other people who are probably more interetsing than me, maybe. It's an extremely painful experience, imo. I don't quite think I'm the most interesting person in the world, I am not mainstream. However, I am always myself. I like weird humor and have a very jaded personality. I want to socialize more. But don't really know how.

I struggle with the very thought that I don't have friends. I struggle with the idea that I am not rememerable enough. I try to socialize, I just don't know when to talk or if I am interupting someone, etc.

this happened with me many times

i remember when in college one of my friend called me one day all the way to college for important notes. i changed two trains and travelled for 1 and half hour to give her notes
but the last day when the exams of final year was over and i was waiting for her outside college she didnt come i was surprised and called her in the evening she said that she had to leave early and could not say good bye anything as she got new job after that she never called me nor kept in touch.
most of the friends have used me for personal gain, vested interest and once that interest is over they kicked me out of their life.
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Pandora_Box
Phoenix
Phoenix

Joined: Dec 13, 2010
Age: 25
Posts: 1273

Posted: Sun Mar 18, 2012 2:13 pm Post subject:

namaste wrote:

It really upsets me. Because I felt we had done things friends do. We even exchanged Christmas gifts. And I just am tired of being used by people. I'm tired of being other peope's stepping stone. I'm tired of being other people's ulterior motives. It's extremely frustrating.

What also frustrates me is the fact that other people can do it, but I cannot. My best example is this, when I had to write an article for journalism the people in college wanted to write about a "party" they were going to or the "christian event" When I asked about a scooter meetup, my first and never been to one, the teacher goes can you be actively involved in the meetup and write an article. I found this upsetting because the other people are going to be actively involved in the party of the christian event or the baby shower and he gave them the go ahead.

Or recently I'm taking a Natural Resource Class and this girl says awkward and weird things. Like one day we were going to watch Why Sex a PBS documentary on Valentine's day about Natural Selection and Sexual Selection. And the projector was not working. She says, "Maybe it needs to cool down before it gets hot and heavy in here" Everyone laughs. They don't care. And then when the teacher finally gets the projector to work he goes, "Let's start the movie" She goes, "Let's do this" Everyone stops and starts laughing again.

But whenever I do something similiar, I get awkward pauses or it's wrong for me to do it. I'm tired of being the person doing something wrong and everyone else is doing it right. Sometimes too I'll adress an idea and no one likes my idea. But someone else will bring up the idea a few months later and everyone will like it.

It always feels like I'm wrong. It always feels like what I do is wrong.

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