League_Girl
Proud mamma
Joined: Feb 05, 2010
Posts: 13496
Location: My house
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 Posted: Sun Mar 18, 2012 6:45 pm Post subject: |
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I had an aspie friend who was mild enough to pick up on the cues and know the social rules of bullying. So he started to bully and bullies became his friend and treated him with respect. But when I did that in my childhood, I did not get that at all. He told me it was because i did it wrong because I didn't understand the rules about it. He also told me bullying is part of the social rules and kids who bully don't want to do it but have to or they will get bullied. Then they always feel bad when their victims are hurt but they pretend to not care. So not all bullies are sociopaths.
Today people are trying to change that social rule. |
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TheHouseholdCat
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 01, 2012
Posts: 667
Location: Berlin, Germany
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| Posted: Sun Mar 18, 2012 7:23 pm Post subject: |
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| fallen_angel wrote: | | Most of them aren't real friends. They only join the bullying to not become the victims. So I think it's fear but also to feel better by putting others down. It's paradox but human nature that we rather walk with the crowd even if that means to do bad things than to stand alone and fight for the good things. |
Yeah, it's just the same reason why absolutist regimes can exist. Because people are scared. "If you can't beat 'em, join them."
_________________
EXPANDED CIRCLE OF FIFTHS
"It's how they see things. It's a way of bringing class to an environment, and I say that pejoratively because, obviously, good music is good music however it's created, however it's motivated." - Thomas Newman |
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Surfman
beyond human
Joined: Aug 02, 2010
Age: 50
Posts: 3938
Location: Homeward bound
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| Posted: Sun Mar 18, 2012 8:20 pm Post subject: |
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| SpongeBobRocksMao wrote: | | Well, sometimes I wonder if those "friends" are actually scared of the bully too, and for that reason befriend that bully, so they don't end up bullied themselves. Perhaps it's a silly theory, but I still wonder. |
Keep your friends close and your enemies closer
The downside is infection, or corruption of the spirit by the beast
I mean bully  |
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CanisMajor
Toucan
Joined: Feb 27, 2012
Age: 24
Posts: 271
Location: Miami Beach
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| Posted: Sun Mar 18, 2012 8:41 pm Post subject: |
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| Surfman wrote: | | SpongeBobRocksMao wrote: | | Well, sometimes I wonder if those "friends" are actually scared of the bully too, and for that reason befriend that bully, so they don't end up bullied themselves. Perhaps it's a silly theory, but I still wonder. |
Keep your friends close and your enemies closer
The downside is infection, or corruption of the spirit by the beast
I mean bully |
I always hope these kids grow up and realize what a mistake they made. I know a few of them who say they have, and they're actually pretty friendly and open-minded today. Oddly though, I've only ever heard one person apologize, and that was my boyfriend saying he was sorry to a kid he (and everyone else) used to pick on in summer camp. We're friends with the kid now (he's actually autistic, too.) I know a lot of people come to their senses eventually, but wouldn't it be nice if more actually apologized? I think I'd be moved to tears if some of the people who once pushed me around came up to me with a genuine apology. I wonder why it's so rare? (Besides the fact that a lot of people lose touch, that is.) |
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Surfman
beyond human
Joined: Aug 02, 2010
Age: 50
Posts: 3938
Location: Homeward bound
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| Posted: Sun Mar 18, 2012 9:07 pm Post subject: |
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A part of them wants to
Some(most?) of my bullies are consumed from within and want the guilts to stop. Maybe some get cancer, have accidents 
If that part that wants to make amends for being a bully is too small for the part that says 'screw this and screw you' ..... no coming forward to heal the past will eventuate.
maybe after a spiritual awakening, or the spectre of imminent death from disease, may see NT's apologising if your lucky |
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LennytheWicked
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 23, 2011
Posts: 516
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| Posted: Sun Mar 18, 2012 10:05 pm Post subject: |
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| They have high serotonin levels; high serotonin makes them more social AND more aggressive. |
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c0bo
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Jan 30, 2012
Age: 23
Posts: 63
Location: London UK
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| Posted: Sun Mar 18, 2012 10:09 pm Post subject: |
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That's Interesting,
When I was in secondary school I was bullied a lot and I always wonder why the bullies had a lot friends and the girls but I sadly didn't.
I guess it's because the 'friends' of the bullies want to be a part of the pack and they don't want to be bullied themselves. |
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League_Girl
Proud mamma
Joined: Feb 05, 2010
Posts: 13496
Location: My house
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| Posted: Sun Mar 18, 2012 10:14 pm Post subject: |
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| CanisMajor wrote: | | Surfman wrote: | | SpongeBobRocksMao wrote: | | Well, sometimes I wonder if those "friends" are actually scared of the bully too, and for that reason befriend that bully, so they don't end up bullied themselves. Perhaps it's a silly theory, but I still wonder. |
Keep your friends close and your enemies closer
The downside is infection, or corruption of the spirit by the beast
I mean bully |
I always hope these kids grow up and realize what a mistake they made. I know a few of them who say they have, and they're actually pretty friendly and open-minded today. Oddly though, I've only ever heard one person apologize, and that was my boyfriend saying he was sorry to a kid he (and everyone else) used to pick on in summer camp. We're friends with the kid now (he's actually autistic, too.) I know a lot of people come to their senses eventually, but wouldn't it be nice if more actually apologized? I think I'd be moved to tears if some of the people who once pushed me around came up to me with a genuine apology. I wonder why it's so rare? (Besides the fact that a lot of people lose touch, that is.) |
Why apologize if people are going to think it's BS and won't forgive you? |
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CockneyRebel
Mick Avory, Sensitive brown-eyed Sweet Pea
Joined: Jul 18, 2004
Age: 38
Posts: 87192
Location: In a quiet and peaceful garden, where gentle Mick Avory-like Sweet Peas grow.
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| Posted: Sun Mar 18, 2012 10:28 pm Post subject: |
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It's not that they have all those friends. Bullies have a wolf pack mentality. They like to form a pack and gain up on the most vulnerable members of society. I'm speaking from experience. I've been bullied and teased a lot.
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The darling, unworldly Mick Avory with hands like shovels, who wouldn't dare choose to hurt a soul: I'm the cuddly, adorable Kink. Sweet Peas: http://s76.photobucket.com/albums/j37/Cocknee/Kinks/Sweet%20Pea%20Smileys/ Other: http://www.mybrowsercash.com/ |
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Aprilviolets
Slave of my ginger cat.
Joined: May 07, 2011
Posts: 1255
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| Posted: Sun Mar 18, 2012 11:33 pm Post subject: Why do bullies have so many friends? |
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| I know that one girl who bullied me was disliked at the place I worked in which was good news for me. I remember one of my bosses said they wanted to get their hands on her because she was trouble. |
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CaptainTrips222
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 31, 2009
Age: 31
Posts: 3020
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| Posted: Mon Mar 19, 2012 12:28 am Post subject: |
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| Zexion wrote: | | I have had teachers who knew that I was being bullied by the whole class and that I had low self esteem and they made fun of me infront of the class and I have never had a teacher who gave a monkeys about me being bullied. |
God that's horrible. I had a few teachers bully me too. F**king scum of the Earth. |
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Falloy
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Dec 02, 2011
Age: 46
Posts: 56
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| Posted: Mon Mar 19, 2012 6:33 am Post subject: |
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| CanisMajor wrote: | | Isn't it great when the adults side with the bullies? Okay, I get it, you say I act different. Mind actually explaining what I'm doing wrong so I can, you know, change it? And don't just tell me some broad excuse like, "You have an attitude" or "You talk too much." I don't know what "an attitude" is. I don't hear myself as talking any differently from how anyone else talks. If I'm talking too much, how about helping me determine at what point I should stop talking? If the kid doesn't automatically pick up on these social cues, what in the world makes you think just stating the problem will fix it? The kid's aware these are the issues. They just don't know how to fix them. Pssst! This is the point where you, the counselor, is supposed to step in and help the child! |
I was bullied badly at Secondary school and always got the impression that the teachers sided with the bullies. Especially my House Master who told me "There must be pretty damned fundamental wrong with you if they are all doing it". I was about 14 at the time and that really damaged my self esteem.
There were also times when people who weren't directly involved in the bullying would come to me when they were on their own and say "don't worry about it - they're idiots". However, when the ringleaders were around these same people would join in!
True, I may have been a bit awkward and a bit immature (which may or may not have been related to Aspergers) but I wasn't a nasty kid who was "asking for it". It's only now, thirty years later that I'm coming to realise that it wasn't my fault. |
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DJFester
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 06, 2009
Posts: 970
Location: Minneapolis MN USA
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| Posted: Mon Mar 19, 2012 7:45 am Post subject: |
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Bullies have so many friends because of two things. Fear and peer pressure.
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You can't tell which way the train went by looking at the tracks. |
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DanRaccoon
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 14, 2012
Age: 25
Posts: 871
Location: England
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| Posted: Mon Mar 19, 2012 8:23 am Post subject: Re: Why do bullies have so many friends? |
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| Zexion wrote: | | It seems to me sometimes that the more idiotic you are, the more friends you get. Why did many of the people who bullied me a lot have so many friends and why were they so popular? Anyone else ask themselves this? |
c***s tend to band together, just as flies swarm around s**t. It's the nature of the universe.
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Please, if you are a female don't PM, IM or contact me in anyway. This isn't a joke, I've just simply had enough of all of you.
http://www.youtube.com/user/DanRaccoon |
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c0bo
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Jan 30, 2012
Age: 23
Posts: 63
Location: London UK
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| Posted: Mon Mar 19, 2012 11:08 am Post subject: |
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| Falloy wrote: | | CanisMajor wrote: | | Isn't it great when the adults side with the bullies? Okay, I get it, you say I act different. Mind actually explaining what I'm doing wrong so I can, you know, change it? And don't just tell me some broad excuse like, "You have an attitude" or "You talk too much." I don't know what "an attitude" is. I don't hear myself as talking any differently from how anyone else talks. If I'm talking too much, how about helping me determine at what point I should stop talking? If the kid doesn't automatically pick up on these social cues, what in the world makes you think just stating the problem will fix it? The kid's aware these are the issues. They just don't know how to fix them. Pssst! This is the point where you, the counselor, is supposed to step in and help the child! |
I was bullied badly at Secondary school and always got the impression that the teachers sided with the bullies. Especially my House Master who told me "There must be pretty damned fundamental wrong with you if they are all doing it". I was about 14 at the time and that really damaged my self esteem.
There were also times when people who weren't directly involved in the bullying would come to me when they were on their own and say "don't worry about it - they're idiots". However, when the ringleaders were around these same people would join in!
True, I may have been a bit awkward and a bit immature (which may or may not have been related to Aspergers) but I wasn't a nasty kid who was "asking for it". It's only now, thirty years later that I'm coming to realise that it wasn't my fault. |
I have suffered the same, when I was at Secondary school there was a few boys who would say hi or act friendly towards me but when they had a audience they would taunt me, there audience will start laughing and join in or when a bully starts taunting me they would join in and start laughing like a pack of Hyenas.
Once I was being bullied in Science, the bully was taunting me, having fights with me, the other kids were either laughing at me or staring at me and the entire time while this happening the teacher and teacher's assistant was there and did nothing to stop anything. |
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