TroubledPerson
Emu Egg
Joined: Mar 18, 2012
Posts: 4
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 Posted: Sun Mar 18, 2012 8:02 pm Post subject: Failing miserably at dancing and related activities |
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There's no way around it, the deep-seated social obligation I fear: dancing. When I observe people in music videos, at parties, clubs or other social gatherings, they all seem to propel so effortlessly, so naturally. I sometimes try to imitate them to a certain level in my room with enjoyable music in the background, however, this usually does not surpass clumsy nodding and tapping, which makes me feel even more awkward and ashamed of myself.
I have looked everywhere for clear instructions, preferrably video material, on how to simply move to the beat. Ironically enough I'm an avid music listener and play the piano, yet I am such a gawk when it comes to performing simple rhythmic movements. My feet, my shoulders? How and when do I move them? I just never feel the urge to move my body when I'm listening music.
What are your experiences with clubbing and dancing? I am thoroughly ashamed to ask this, even more, I loathe this shortcoming of mine. Some of my friends who ask me out at times (in the rare case I feel confident enough to join them) have no trouble whatsoever and feel no discomfort at all when they are having a good time.
Last edited by TroubledPerson on Sun Mar 18, 2012 8:45 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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nebrets
Velociraptor
Joined: Feb 27, 2012
Posts: 455
Location: Orion–Cygnus Arm of the Milky Way galaxy.
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| Posted: Sun Mar 18, 2012 8:15 pm Post subject: Trouble dancing |
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I cannot dance. I play three instruments, but move my body and I am lost. I can nod my head and tap my feet to the rhythm, on the most stressed part of the beat (which in a concert often leaves me clapping in between everyone else's clap). I take Aikido, and I sometimes get told that a move is just like a dance, and these are often moves and holds I am having trouble learning.
This means that I do not go clubbing, and I am unsure if I even want dancing at the reception (in the unlikely event that I ever get married).
Good luck. |
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LittleBlackCat
Toucan
Joined: Sep 11, 2011
Posts: 262
Location: England
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| Posted: Sun Mar 18, 2012 8:32 pm Post subject: |
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I am an atrocious dancer too - in fact I'm terrible at anything requiring physical coordination (games lessons at school were a nightmare, combine bullying with something that's highly prized socially, done in teams and you're appallinly bad at and it's a recipe for disaster!).
There are two kinds of dancing. Formal dancing where you have to do specific steps in a specific order, e.g. salsa, tap, ballet etc. and social dancing e.g. at a nightclub or party. The former if you're anything like me will have you tying yourself in knots and constantly doing the wrong thing at the wrong time 
The good news is, at the latter it really doesn't matter how good a dancer you actually are. The main purpose of everyone there (apart from the odd poser) is to have a good time, not to complete some flawless solo performance piece. In fact you will probably notice (if it's anything like the parties and clubs I've been to) if someone does show off too much half of the rest of the room will probably be bitching about them behind their back before the night is out. If all you can manage is some kind of vague swaying or stepping motion, as long as you do it with a big smile on your face and look like you're enjoying it chances are nobody will even notice you apart from your one or two close friends who are dancing with you and should like you enough not to make a big deal out of it.
And if you are asked to dance by a member of the opposite sex (or the same sex if you're that way inclined) they'll more than likely be so chuffed you said yes they won't care either, and will probably themselves be concentrating so hard on not treading on your toes and where it's appropriate to look or put their hands that how well you're moving will be just fine and a vague swaying motion is probably all that's called for in that scenario anyway.
I've also found it's perfectly ok not to dance for very much of the evening either. I usually will dance for a few minutes when everyone first starts, to show willing. Then make some excuse like needing a break or to get a drink. There will always be other people doing similar things you can get chatting to for a while. Eventually I'll go and dance for a bit more under protest when one of my friends drags me back to the dance floor. A few minutes later and I make another excuse about needing the loo or something and bump into someone else I can get chatting to for a bit longer, then we need another drink. And so on... So I actually spend most of the evening floating around the bar and any available seating chatting to people and very little time dancing. Some of the larger clubs even have chill out rooms or areas. My friends are happy because they love dancing, I'm happy because I've met some interesting people, had some interesting conversations, maybe even pulled (before I met my hubby obviously). All is well. |
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Who_Am_I
almost human
Joined: Aug 28, 2005
Age: 29
Posts: 10511
Location: My body is in Brisbane and my mind is in the gutter. :D
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| Posted: Sun Mar 18, 2012 8:45 pm Post subject: |
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There's an easy way around it: don't go to places where dancing will be expected. If you do end up in such a place, don't dance. It's that simple. All you're doing is not dancing; it's not like you're headbutting people in the face or kicking puppies.
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AngelKnight
Phoenix
Joined: May 04, 2011
Posts: 748
Location: This is not my home; I'm just passing through
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| Posted: Sun Mar 18, 2012 8:45 pm Post subject: Re: Trouble dancing |
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| nebrets wrote: | I cannot dance. I play three instruments, but move my body and I am lost. I can nod my head and tap my feet to the rhythm, on the most stressed part of the beat (which in a concert often leaves me clapping in between everyone else's clap). I take Aikido, and I sometimes get told that a move is just like a dance, and these are often moves and holds I am having trouble learning.
This means that I do not go clubbing, and I am unsure if I even want dancing at the reception (in the unlikely event that I ever get married).
Good luck. |
^ Similar: pianist, a bit of guitar and bass, and I *still* have no physical rhythm if both my hands and feet are involved (which explains why I'm no drummer). |
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TroubledPerson
Emu Egg
Joined: Mar 18, 2012
Posts: 4
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| Posted: Sun Mar 18, 2012 8:54 pm Post subject: Re: Trouble dancing |
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| AngelKnight wrote: | | nebrets wrote: | I cannot dance. I play three instruments, but move my body and I am lost. I can nod my head and tap my feet to the rhythm, on the most stressed part of the beat (which in a concert often leaves me clapping in between everyone else's clap). I take Aikido, and I sometimes get told that a move is just like a dance, and these are often moves and holds I am having trouble learning.
This means that I do not go clubbing, and I am unsure if I even want dancing at the reception (in the unlikely event that I ever get married).
Good luck. |
^ Similar: pianist, a bit of guitar and bass, and I *still* have no physical rhythm if both my hands and feet are involved (which explains why I'm no drummer). |
Odds are that you will usually find me drumming absently on tables, chairs and whatnot, trying out beats that I make up in my head. I always hope I don't draw too much attention in class because of that, but I just can't help doing it. My point is, I do have a fairly good sense of rhythm, I just strongly wish I could be of use in social situations. |
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A_Landy
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Jan 23, 2012
Age: 18
Posts: 46
Location: Surrey, BC
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| Posted: Mon Mar 19, 2012 11:35 am Post subject: |
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It's alright, I don't go to school dances anymore (I'm about to grad out of my high school) because can only do slow music dancing, not this dirty dancing that all of my friends do. (do I do anything when a woman I dancing up on me?  When was there a point of transition:?: ) I don't think I could bear to embaress myself in a club. |
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BMctav
Snowy Owl
Joined: Jan 14, 2012
Posts: 144
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| Posted: Mon Mar 19, 2012 4:41 pm Post subject: |
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| I also play an instrument and also can't dance. When I try dancing, I look like an old man shuffling around in the dark. Perhaps there are evening classes that can teach us non-dancing types to dance. Has anyone ever heard of such? |
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lostgirl1986
There's a party in my head.
Joined: Feb 29, 2012
Age: 26
Posts: 6250
Location: Ontario, Canada
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| Posted: Mon Mar 19, 2012 5:53 pm Post subject: |
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| I usually only dance when I've had a few drinks. I've been known to dance in the cage but I have to be really hammered for that. It just comes naturally when you're drunk, pick a style and dance. My style is usually a mix of mimicking my friends, my own rave style and then my sexy dance style. haha It depends what kind of music is playing. |
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nebrets
Velociraptor
Joined: Feb 27, 2012
Posts: 455
Location: Orion–Cygnus Arm of the Milky Way galaxy.
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| Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 5:26 pm Post subject: |
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Has anyone tried ballroom dancing classes? If so are they any help or just frustrating?
I know this might not help with clubbing, but the noise and lights and lots of moving people make that a very uncomfortable environment for me, not to mention that I do not drink alcoholic beverages. |
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Alohilani
Blue Jay
Joined: Feb 16, 2012
Age: 30
Posts: 81
Location: The northern capital
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| Posted: Wed Mar 21, 2012 2:30 am Post subject: |
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i never dance. not even alone in my room. I can be drunk as a skunk, my body still refuses to do dance moves. But I'm not a fan of clubbing or any other occasions where I would be required to dance.
Though I love watching people dance, dancing with the stars and such... awesome! |
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marginalized
Butterfly
Joined: Jan 03, 2012
Age: 32
Posts: 17
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| Posted: Wed Mar 21, 2012 5:46 am Post subject: |
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| Dancing terrifies me. |
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BMctav
Snowy Owl
Joined: Jan 14, 2012
Posts: 144
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| Posted: Wed Mar 21, 2012 6:42 am Post subject: |
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| nebrets wrote: | Has anyone tried ballroom dancing classes? If so are they any help or just frustrating?
I know this might not help with clubbing, but the noise and lights and lots of moving people make that a very uncomfortable environment for me, not to mention that I do not drink alcoholic beverages. |
I don't know much about ballroom dancing, but to me it's always seemed to be more ordered and less intense. I think you have to keep count of steps or some such. The fact that it's a form or dancing may be a good introduction to dancing and lead on to other forms of dance; a gateway dance, if you will. I might give it a try. |
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Gazelle
Crossword Aficionado
Joined: Mar 09, 2012
Posts: 1626
Location: Tropical island
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| Posted: Wed Mar 21, 2012 7:23 pm Post subject: Dancing |
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When it is dark on the dance floor and they are tons of people it is hard to even move let alone dance and this may be the best time to be on the dance floor.
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"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure." |
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TroubledPerson
Emu Egg
Joined: Mar 18, 2012
Posts: 4
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| Posted: Wed Mar 21, 2012 8:16 pm Post subject: |
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Thank you for your replies so far, it gives such relief to see I'm not an expection amongst fellow aspies.
Still I am wondering how I should learn the very basics of what I would call "social dancing". The swinging, feet movement, I try to improvise, but it just doesn't turn out smoothly.
Is anyone here aware of some kind of instructional video, or just a practical list of advices? I would be so grateful.
I also agree on the crowdedness and lack of space to actually dance in a club. Still, it terrifies me imagining friends dragging me onto the dancefloor, how good their intentions might be, I'm only embarassing myself with it. |
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