Ldub20Owl316
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Mar 19, 2012
Posts: 55
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 Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 5:10 am Post subject: |
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| Probably not because I've heard so many say that I'm "too good-looking to be single". |
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Wolfheart
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 18, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 2971
Location: Kent, England
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| Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 5:21 am Post subject: |
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| ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote: | | I'm not saying it's the sole reason for deciding to 'date' someone, what I am saying is, it's ridiculous to suggest that physical attraction doesn't play any part at all and that a person is somehow shallow for saying that it does. |
As stated, if you like someone and you like their personality, the attraction for them in your opinion will go up. For instance, if a man is highly desired by several females in a particular social circle, the attraction level for him will go up. It's the same for females really, if a female is popular and outgoing, she is more likely to be considered as attractive or desired.
Of course, presentation can play a role to an extent, people might associate different traits with different physical features but I don't think it's a deal breaker. I have friends that are in good shape, have good ambitions, presentable and they are studying at universities, yet they still aren't the greatest at getting women. The presentation of charisma, humour, attention, social relevance and reciprocity are more important factors than looks when it comes to the general population. |
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mds_02
Skank
Joined: Sep 10, 2011
Posts: 1943
Location: Los Angeles
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| Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 5:31 am Post subject: |
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| Boxman108 wrote: | | Judging others by how they look would be the same as deciding to date someone based on whether they're NT or not. You can't get to know someone just by looking at them. It is shallow and it becomes prejudice. |
Are you saying that you don't take looks into account when looking for a partner?
I mean, judging someone to be a good or bad person based on their looks is certainly a bad idea. I admit to an unconscious tendency to think well of people who don't deserve it, based on attraction. Which is not at all the same as treating poorly, or thinking less of, those I am not attracted to.
But surely, when selecting a mate, physical attraction must play some part? |
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ZX_SpectrumDisorder
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 25, 2012
Posts: 1608
Location: Ireland
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| Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 5:36 am Post subject: |
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| If he or she's 630lbs, with a cleft palette, orthopedic shoes and an eye patch, he/she can have all the personality and charisma in the world and it's still negated. Your utopia doesn't exist. |
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techstepgenr8tion
that chatty American
Joined: Feb 07, 2005
Posts: 14832
Location: A beautiful vector among many
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| Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 6:50 am Post subject: |
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| ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote: | | If he or she's 630lbs, with a cleft palette, orthopedic shoes and an eye patch, he/she can have all the personality and charisma in the world and it's still negated. Your utopia doesn't exist. |
At a minimum the 630lbs and orthopedic shoes would be part-in-parcel. |
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Keeno
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 09, 2006
Posts: 4948
Location: Earth
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| Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 8:47 am Post subject: |
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Looks, and other characteristics such as dominance get you through the door for biological reasons. Once through the door, personality starts to work more.
I guess anyway. |
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MXH
TomCat
Joined: Jul 29, 2010
Age: 22
Posts: 12469
Location: Here i stand and face the rain
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| Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 9:00 am Post subject: |
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| idk if looks matter but i can tell thread dates dont |
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The-Raven
Phoenix
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Joined: May 01, 2011
Posts: 762
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| Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 11:31 am Post subject: |
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| ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote: | | If he or she's 630lbs, with a cleft palette, orthopedic shoes and an eye patch, he/she can have all the personality and charisma in the world and it's still negated. Your utopia doesn't exist. |
Stephen Hawking is not famed for his looks yet he is constantly married and even had affairs. |
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MXH
TomCat
Joined: Jul 29, 2010
Age: 22
Posts: 12469
Location: Here i stand and face the rain
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| Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 12:07 pm Post subject: |
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| The-Raven wrote: | | ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote: | | If he or she's 630lbs, with a cleft palette, orthopedic shoes and an eye patch, he/she can have all the personality and charisma in the world and it's still negated. Your utopia doesn't exist. |
Stephen Hawking is not famed for his looks yet he is constantly married and even had affairs. |
because hes one of the most well known people on the western hemisphere. There comes a point where popularity will beat out looks. |
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ZX_SpectrumDisorder
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 25, 2012
Posts: 1608
Location: Ireland
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| Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 12:08 pm Post subject: |
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| The-Raven wrote: | | ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote: | | If he or she's 630lbs, with a cleft palette, orthopedic shoes and an eye patch, he/she can have all the personality and charisma in the world and it's still negated. Your utopia doesn't exist. |
Stephen Hawking is not famed for his looks yet he is constantly married and even had affairs. |
There are exceptions, of course. Murderers on death row receive love letters and marriage proposals, too.
Last edited by ZX_SpectrumDisorder on Tue Mar 20, 2012 12:43 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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hyperlexian
loves the man who typed too much and ran outta spa
Joined: Jul 22, 2010
Age: 41
Posts: 21969
Location: with bucephalus
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| Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 12:27 pm Post subject: |
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| ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote: | | I'm not saying it's the sole reason for deciding to 'date' someone, what I am saying is, it's ridiculous to suggest that physical attraction doesn't play any part at all and that a person is somehow shallow for suggesting that it does. |
but that wasn't what mds_02 said at all. what he said was that he had physical attraction to women then imagined them to have positive traits that they did not possess. so the attraction was 100% based on looks, and when the personalities didn't match, his mind did a bit of manipulation. this is not the same as looks being one factor of many
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ZX_SpectrumDisorder
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 25, 2012
Posts: 1608
Location: Ireland
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| Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 12:50 pm Post subject: |
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| Get in here mds_02, I'd love to read an example. |
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hyperlexian
loves the man who typed too much and ran outta spa
Joined: Jul 22, 2010
Age: 41
Posts: 21969
Location: with bucephalus
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| Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 12:51 pm Post subject: |
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it was an extremely honest admission. think most of us could find similar experiences in our own pasts too
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mds_02
Skank
Joined: Sep 10, 2011
Posts: 1943
Location: Los Angeles
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| Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 3:17 pm Post subject: |
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| ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote: | | Get in here mds_02, I'd love to read an example. |
hyperlexian has it pretty much exactly right. Looks aren't everything to me. I very highly value positive personality traits; kindness, boldness, a sense of humor. I would not date someone who I did not believe to have a good, positive personality. The problem is that my mind will trick me into believing a person has those traits when they really don't, based on my physical attraction to them.
It's not that I say to myself (consciously, at least) "oh, she's so pretty. She must be a good person." But, when I'm attracted to someone, I'll ignore, or make excuses for, any negative behavior they show.
Short version; Personality matters to me. A lot. But show me a pretty face, and I can be fooled into thinking that the personality is there when it just isn't.
I don't really know how to give an example that doesn't read as "I liked her. She did something to hurt me, and I didn't see it coming because I was so infatuated." everyone has a version of that story. Most people, it happens to a few times. I'm just saying that when it does happen to me, the reason I don't see it coming is usually her looks.
I'm kinda agreeing with both sides here.
The point hyper is making, that attraction can develop where there was none initially based on personality, makes perfect sense to me. I'm just pointing out that the reverse happens as well. A good personality can help someone appear attractive, but attractiveness can help someone appear to have a good personality.
At the same time, I see what ZX is saying. A lot of posts in this thread sound as though physical attraction plays no part at all. Unless a person is incapable of physical attraction, it just does not compute that they would not take it into account when choosing a mate. Further, I believe that someone who ignores physical attraction (assuming they feel it) is doing both themselves and their partner a disservice. Denying themselves the pleasure of a partner they are attracted to, and denying their partner the pleasure of finding someone who is attracted to them. |
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The-Raven
Phoenix
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Joined: May 01, 2011
Posts: 762
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| Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 3:24 pm Post subject: |
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| mds_02 wrote: | | ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote: | | Get in here mds_02, I'd love to read an example. |
hyperlexian has it pretty much exactly right. Looks aren't everything to me. I very highly value positive personality traits; kindness, boldness, a sense of humor. I would not date someone who I did not believe to have a good, positive personality. The problem is that my mind will trick me into believing a person has those traits when they really don't, based on my physical attraction to them.
It's not that I say to myself (consciously, at least) "oh, she's so pretty. She must be a good person." But, when I'm attracted to someone, I'll ignore, or make excuses for, any negative behavior they show.
Short version; Personality matters to me. A lot. But show me a pretty face, and I can be fooled into thinking that the personality is there when it just isn't.
I don't really know how to give an example that doesn't read as "I liked her. She did something to hurt me, and I didn't see it coming because I was so infatuated." everyone has a version of that story. Most people, it happens to a few times. I'm just saying that when it does happen to me, the reason I don't see it coming is usually her looks.
I'm kinda agreeing with both sides here.
The point hyper is making, that attraction can develop where there was none initially based on personality, makes perfect sense to me. I'm just pointing out that the reverse happens as well. A good personality can help someone appear attractive, but attractiveness can help someone appear to have a good personality.
At the same time, I see what ZX is saying. A lot of posts in this thread sound as though physical attraction plays no part at all. Unless a person is incapable of physical attraction, it just does not compute that they would not take it into account when choosing a mate. Further, I believe that someone who ignores physical attraction (assuming they feel it) is doing both themselves and their partner a disservice. Denying themselves the pleasure of a partner they are attracted to, and denying their partner the pleasure of finding someone who is attracted to them. |
yeah my ex said when he met me he ignored the things he didnt like about my personality and life because he liked how I looked.
I wish people didnt do that as no one wants to be unaccepted and not liked for who they are
and people dont keep ignoring a persons faults because they find them attractive, sooner or later they become increasingly critical of those flaws. |
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