Kiseki
I just ran out of Band-Aids
Joined: May 30, 2010
Age: 33
Posts: 1604
Location: Osaka JP
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 Posted: Mon Mar 19, 2012 12:45 am Post subject: I Should Just Shut My Mouth! |
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Ugh, it's happened again that one of my friends has finally gotten to know the real me. I had a get-together at my house and one of my other friends was being loud and I slapped my hands over my ears. Then I was just saying whatever popped into my mind as usual and being too honest.
Now she thinks I am "naive" and "too sensitive." This sucks! I don't want to be someone that I'm not, but why are people turned off by a childlike demeanor? I find it easy to draw people to me but then, after getting to know me, they start to not like me as much. Does anyone else have this problem? What can I do?
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Your Aspie score: 161 of 200
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Sibyl
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 11, 2009
Age: 69
Posts: 530
Location: Kansas
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| Posted: Mon Mar 19, 2012 12:58 am Post subject: |
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Wish I could help, because I've done things like that over and over, and often couldn't even figure out afterward what I did wrong, but the trouble is that culture makes a huge difference in things like maintaining friendships, and good manners.
I'm 67 years old, and still haven't learned to keep my mouth shut every time that I should, but I think I'm better at it than I used to be.
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Asperges me, Domine |
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Kiseki
I just ran out of Band-Aids
Joined: May 30, 2010
Age: 33
Posts: 1604
Location: Osaka JP
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| Posted: Mon Mar 19, 2012 10:17 am Post subject: |
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| Sibyl wrote: | Wish I could help, because I've done things like that over and over, and often couldn't even figure out afterward what I did wrong, but the trouble is that culture makes a huge difference in things like maintaining friendships, and good manners.
I'm 67 years old, and still haven't learned to keep my mouth shut every time that I should, but I think I'm better at it than I used to be. |
Yeah, I don't understand. If you are just yourself can't people appreciate that?
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FredOak3
Sea Gull
Joined: Mar 09, 2010
Posts: 220
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| Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 3:10 pm Post subject: |
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I think it's a couple things
One, we have a tendency to say what pops into our head, and we honestly don't mean to be rude, or mean or sarcastic, we are just saying what we perceive without a lot of emotional baggage attached to it.
Unfortunately NT's seen to attach emotion to everything they say, whether it be to be manipulative or condescending.
Two, when we do open our mouths and get the total opposite reaction then we expected, we don't understand why.
This happens between my wife and me all the time. I end up back peddling and trying to explain that what I said wasn't personal, just an observation. |
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Koi
Snowy Owl
Joined: Mar 17, 2012
Age: 18
Posts: 145
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| Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 3:59 pm Post subject: Re: I Should Just Shut My Mouth! |
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| Kiseki wrote: | Ugh, it's happened again that one of my friends has finally gotten to know the real me. I had a get-together at my house and one of my other friends was being loud and I slapped my hands over my ears. Then I was just saying whatever popped into my mind as usual and being too honest.
Now she thinks I am "naive" and "too sensitive." This sucks! I don't want to be someone that I'm not, but why are people turned off by a childlike demeanor? I find it easy to draw people to me but then, after getting to know me, they start to not like me as much. Does anyone else have this problem? What can I do? |
Same. God. Damn. Thing. For me.
Except my really close friends don't say that about me. It just tends to be my sister, acquaintances, friends of friends, and boyfriends.
I sadly don't know how to fix it because I've been trying to figure that out myself. |
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Kiseki
I just ran out of Band-Aids
Joined: May 30, 2010
Age: 33
Posts: 1604
Location: Osaka JP
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| Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 9:56 pm Post subject: |
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| FredOak3 wrote: | I think it's a couple things
One, we have a tendency to say what pops into our head, and we honestly don't mean to be rude, or mean or sarcastic, we are just saying what we perceive without a lot of emotional baggage attached to it.
Unfortunately NT's seen to attach emotion to everything they say, whether it be to be manipulative or condescending.
Two, when we do open our mouths and get the total opposite reaction then we expected, we don't understand why.
This happens between my wife and me all the time. I end up back peddling and trying to explain that what I said wasn't personal, just an observation. |
Yep, that is exactly what happens with me!
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Looneytunes
Snowy Owl
Joined: Feb 22, 2012
Posts: 162
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| Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 10:51 pm Post subject: |
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Look at it like this - if something you said was enough to damage a true friendship - how good was the friendship in the first place?
I mean, come on now.
You all have been watching too many episodes of friends or something.
When I was a kid, I had about 6 true friends, someone whom I could trust.
As I got older, that number dwindled down to about two.
I found out which side my bread was buttered on and I realized that it was ok if I did not have a lot of friends.
Too much emphasis is placed today on friendship.
You got to have a cell phone,
Someone has to call you on the cell phone to make you feel important, loved, wanted, needed...
Then you start to twitter - you feel the need to share your innermost thoughts and feelings and your day to day happenings - which are insignificant in the grand scheme of things.
After all - who is going to care in 100 years that you stepped off the curb and stubbed your big toe?
You forgot your lunch on the counter again or you ate a sandwich for lunch again.
I can remember when it all started - with beepers.
Doesn't Beepers seem real stupid to you today.
But it was real important back then.
Build a core group of a couple of friends, whom you trust, that trusts you and let it go at that.
Do not bombard them with a lot of trivial nonsense - like forwarding a new email you got with a cartoon in it about something stupid.
Keep things real simple and in time, they will wonder what you are doing and where you are at and when they do care they will call you on the phone.
Forget about being Mr or Miss popularity and trying to please everyone or being the perfect host.
If that person is a true friend and not just a fair weather friend, they will come back to you eventually.
THE END |
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Kiseki
I just ran out of Band-Aids
Joined: May 30, 2010
Age: 33
Posts: 1604
Location: Osaka JP
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| Posted: Wed Mar 21, 2012 11:45 am Post subject: |
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Nice words, Looneytunes 
Well, basically, I'm sure my friend doesn't dislike me now. It's just that her impression of me has been colored by my Aspieness and I can no longer hide. I feel somewhat awkward in positions like this.
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MrXxx
Moderator/Enigmatus Paradoxius
Joined: May 12, 2010
Posts: 5678
Location: New England
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| Posted: Wed Mar 21, 2012 12:37 pm Post subject: |
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It's not so much what you should do as maybe what you ought not to do.
Don't try to be liked by everyone. Accept that not everyone will....
and continue being yourself.
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MrXxx is taking a long sabbatical, and no longer moderating. |
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Matt62
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 05, 2012
Age: 51
Posts: 1178
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| Posted: Wed Mar 21, 2012 1:58 pm Post subject: |
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If anyone has a solution to this, please let me know!
For the love of God, the worst aspect of ASD.
I also tend to think out loud if my thoughts/memories involve words.
Sincerely,
Matthew |
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MrXxx
Moderator/Enigmatus Paradoxius
Joined: May 12, 2010
Posts: 5678
Location: New England
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| Posted: Wed Mar 21, 2012 2:00 pm Post subject: |
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I just gave it to you.
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MrXxx is taking a long sabbatical, and no longer moderating. |
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