connysmom
Emu Egg
Joined: Mar 21, 2012
Posts: 7
Location: Greenville, SC
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 Posted: Wed Mar 21, 2012 8:31 am Post subject: My HFA Son ALWAYS wears the SAME THING? |
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Hi all.... I would love some insight so I can understand my son.
He is 8 years old and fully mainstreamed. For several years, he has been VERY specific about what he will wear. If allowed, he will wear a solid red shirt every single day. No printing, no buttons, no nothing. In warm weather, it's a t-shirt. In cool weather, it is a turtleneck or long-sleve t-shirt.
For a while, we were able to use a "shirt schedule", which allowed him to wear the red shirt 2-3x a week, but another color the other days. For a while, he agreed to royal blue and orange. But then last year, he would ONLY wear red or royal blue. This past winter, he would ONLY wear red or white. But at least we had 2.
Now that it's spring and we're moving back to t-shirts, he refuses to wear anything but solid red t-shirts. They are all the exact same brand/style. He won't wear anything else. This morning when there were no more clean red shirts, he would not go to school without red, and wound up taking one out of the hamper.
The only insight I have in to why he only wants certain shirts comes when he is required to wear his "class t-shirt" at school. He insists on wearing his jacket all day so "no one will see it". He seems to not want attention drawn to himself.
In any case, as a 3rd grader, I am concerned about his peers noticing that he is wearing the exact same thing every day, and possibly teasing him.
Any suggestions? Do you think this will lead to teasing? Should I push him to add another color back? If so, any ideas of how? Any insight in to why he may be so restrictive in what he will wear?
Thanks so much! |
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Taybot97
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Feb 23, 2012
Posts: 186
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| Posted: Wed Mar 21, 2012 8:52 am Post subject: |
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| The aspie me wears the same thing too. A blue hoodie, some jeans, the se shoes. Only the shirt changes . It could be normal for HDA/ASD if both your son and I do it |
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Heidi80
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Joined: Dec 05, 2011
Age: 33
Posts: 507
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| Posted: Wed Mar 21, 2012 8:59 am Post subject: |
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| Yes, people with HFA/asperger are sometimes very particular about clothing. Could be a sensory issue, like other colours than red hurt his eyes. What's the problem with him wearing the same shirt every day? |
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connysmom
Emu Egg
Joined: Mar 21, 2012
Posts: 7
Location: Greenville, SC
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| Posted: Wed Mar 21, 2012 9:04 am Post subject: |
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From a practical perspective, there's nothing wrong with wearing the same thing. Clothing is for body coverage, protection, and warmth.
From a SOCIAL perspective, I am concerned that it is a very obvious way that he may appear "different" from the other kids. I don't care if he's different. He's perfect to me. But might it be something that could subject him to teasing or bullying?
That's really the only reason I'm concerned about it. I'm certainly no fashionista myself!  |
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TheDarkMage
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Joined: Feb 21, 2012
Posts: 418
Location: united kingdom
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| Posted: Wed Mar 21, 2012 9:09 am Post subject: |
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im 33 and i pretty much only wear the same thing every day.
i either wear shorts and black tshirts in summer - printed or plain. if printed then it has to be something i like - such as iron maiden tshirts or game t shirts.
in winter i only wear jogging pants and hoodies - even when i am freezing to death outside.
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izzeme
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Age: 26
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| Posted: Wed Mar 21, 2012 9:15 am Post subject: |
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this has to do with the rituals part of AS/HFA.
i myself have learned to change shirts at least every 2 days; but if you look at my closet, you see 3 items repeated (if you disregard the colours); jeans, hooded sweaters and unprinted t-shirts, which double as underclothes for the hoodies in cold weather.
this is clothing i feel comportable in, and i see no reason to change my wardrobe, and your son is probarbly the same.
as far as i'm aware though, this didn't result in teasing (well, it didn't increase what already happened, there was plenty to tease me with without including choice of clothes).
i do understand the attention thing, being on the spectrum, your mannerisms and behaviour already attacts enough attention.
however, you might be able to use this to get him to change colours; try to explain that wearing the same clothes everyday will get him noticed more then changing the colour regulary, even if it's only a set of 2... |
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jagatai
Idiot
Joined: Feb 22, 2010
Age: 48
Posts: 1312
Location: Los Angeles
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| Posted: Wed Mar 21, 2012 9:24 am Post subject: |
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It is possible that your son will be teased over his choice of clothes, but it probably won't be particularly bad. There are other things that kids are more likely to hone in on and tease people over. I have always tended to wear the same thing, but all I got were annoying comments about it when I was a kid. That was nothing compared to the teasing I got over other things.
I believe Albert Einstein had a number of identical suits, probably for much the same reason as your son. He felt comfortable in that suit and he didn't have to think about what he was going to wear everyday.
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EmmaUK12
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Age: 21
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| Posted: Wed Mar 21, 2012 9:32 am Post subject: |
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| Have you asked him why he will only wear a red shirt? |
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Cornflake
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Joined: Oct 31, 2010
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Location: Hertfordshire, UK
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| Posted: Wed Mar 21, 2012 9:33 am Post subject: |
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[Moved from General Autism Discussion to Parents' Discussion]
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goodwitchy
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Location: Interplanetary
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| Posted: Wed Mar 21, 2012 9:37 am Post subject: |
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I wear black tees almost everyday... hey, it's easy to match and I don't have to think much about what to wear 
I've created my own layered style. A men's black tee under an open shirt or jacket. When I finally found the perfect black men's tees, I bought several - exactly the same. They're soft, roomy, and practical.
If I'm not comfortable, I'm going to have a bad day, and unfortunately, I'll also be miserable for others to be around.
ETA: I'm in my mid 40s and female. When I was a child, my mom had a very difficult time dressing me. Comfort is the most important thing - and color does determine a level of comfort (not physically, but emotionally and mentally). I'd let him wear what he likes, but I'm afflicted with what you're concerned about, so I may not have good advice.
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Last edited by goodwitchy on Wed Mar 21, 2012 9:55 am; edited 2 times in total |
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connysmom
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Joined: Mar 21, 2012
Posts: 7
Location: Greenville, SC
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| Posted: Wed Mar 21, 2012 9:41 am Post subject: |
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| EmmaUK12 wrote: | | Have you asked him why he will only wear a red shirt? |
Yes, I've asked him. He won't give an answer. He just kind of withdraws and groans at me. That's his standard response when he doesn't want to talk about something. |
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EmmaUK12
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Age: 21
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| Posted: Wed Mar 21, 2012 9:46 am Post subject: |
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| connysmom wrote: | | EmmaUK12 wrote: | | Have you asked him why he will only wear a red shirt? |
Yes, I've asked him. He won't give an answer. He just kind of withdraws and groans at me. That's his standard response when he doesn't want to talk about something. |
Fair enough, i would just keep on with the red shirts because from my experience he won't get picked on for that (i'd hope not anyway) and the stress of wearing another colour/texture is a horrible. |
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TheDarkMage
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Posts: 418
Location: united kingdom
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| Posted: Wed Mar 21, 2012 9:51 am Post subject: |
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as long as his clothes are clean then i dont think it really matters. like somebody else said, there will likely be other things that people will pick on.
what you have to remember is that people get picked on no matter what they do. i can vouch for that. you are always damned if you do and damned if you dont.
if the little guy is happy in red then red it is.
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connysmom
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Joined: Mar 21, 2012
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Location: Greenville, SC
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| Posted: Wed Mar 21, 2012 10:10 am Post subject: |
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| THANK YOU ALL!!! I really appreciate all your comments. I wish I could walk in his shoes and fully understand all the ways that he thinks. But I can't. So I am very grateful that you all are here to help me along! |
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momsparky
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| Posted: Wed Mar 21, 2012 10:13 am Post subject: |
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LOL - my first reaction to the title of this thread was to answer "yes."
If your son were a girl, this might matter more socially, but I doubt 3rd grade boys notice that he's wearing the same shirt every day, unless it is obviously dirty. It sounds from your description, that rather than just a sensory issue, your son is trying to find social camouflage - and he's trying to keep it predictable, too. This is complete conjecture, but it's like he figured out one solid social rule for clothes and he's clinging to it for dear life. (It may be that someone complimented him on a red shirt once; this happened with my son and his lunch.)
My son, who's not too particular about clothes, will suddenly freak out if he thinks he's breaking a social rule - even something he likes. He decided that jean shorts were "for girls," even though up to last year they were his favorites, and he stopped wearing them entirely. He'd bought himself a Lego Batman t-shirt and decided "kids don't wear tshirts with pictures" (poor guy was really sad about that one - he actually liked it so much that despite real trepidation, he wore it once or twice, I was really proud of him!)
So, some detective work is in order: figure out if that's the reason, (or if it's sensory/visual/textural) and to then find out if it's working or not. If it isn't, I am guessing he won't believe you: you're going to have to find a peer to kindly direct him to a slightly more invisible wardrobe (probably rightly - I'm guessing that as a parent you have only a vague idea of how 3rd grade boys dress.) If you can find a sympathetic girl in his class to help, that would be ideal. |
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