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Rai27
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Dec 05, 2011
Posts: 26
Location: Hertfordshire, England
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 Posted: Mon Mar 19, 2012 1:51 pm Post subject: friendship problems, don't know what to do |
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I have a friend who has been being mean to me for around 2 years, and I have tried to explain how I feel but she says she doesn't realise what she's saying is offensive although I know she means to offend (for example if I didn't hear something she said, she would say "that's an insult by the way" and walk off). I do suspect she has Asperger's or at least some form of HFA, but I don't think that's much excuse for what she's doing.
Anyway, I got enough of this friend of mine and I walked away from her and all my other friends and I found some new friends(if they are even friends and not just classmates). However I don't feel like I fit in with these friends and I don't know why they would even like me although they assure me they do and that they need me to stay strong.
I miss hanging out with my old friends but I tried going back today and I had to put up with more than I had to before from the first friend mentioned above. I don't know what to do; whether I should try with my newer friends or if I should go back and just put up with my old friend.
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Your Aspie score: 153 out of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 40 out of 200
You are very likely an Aspie
AQ - 38
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Guybrush_Threepwood
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 20, 2011
Posts: 547
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| Posted: Mon Mar 19, 2012 2:07 pm Post subject: |
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It sounds to me like you were at the bottom of the pecking order with your previous friends. Not knowing why your most recent buddies would even like you would suggest to me you don't have a self-image that is very positive.
I hope you don't go back to being trodden upon by your previous associates. Some people feel good when they make other people feel like crap. Some people feel good when they have a positive influence on others. You should gravitate towards the latter.
Just what I think... |
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zzmondo
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 19, 2012
Age: 19
Posts: 866
Location: Columbus, Ohio
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| Posted: Mon Mar 19, 2012 2:16 pm Post subject: |
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I definitely think you should meet new people. You don't have to feel obligated to be with your old friends because you don't feel like you fit in. In my experience, fitting in is something that happened over time. You just feel more comfortable the more you are around them and get to know them. I had to deal with a friend about 2 years ago who was a jerk and I didn't really pay attention or see through that. Long story short, we eventually cut ties with each other when he left my school after my freshman year (in high school, I'm still in high school). Sophomore year, I had to deal with someone who was self-centered but long story short for that we stopped being friends. We still get along in school, but we don't really talk to each other much in school. We never talk outside of school too, I should mention.
I've been talking to someone I knew freshman year who was a good guy to be around and we have really gotten to know each other this year and its really done well for me. I'm also talking to other people and getting to know them and having a new circle of friends. It really works well when you know you've come up to new people and met them. For me, the people approached me and we're either really negative and/or jerks in the end.
If you're friends assure they like you too and they mean it, then that's a good sign. Keep going with your new friends, you will probably like them.
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Ria1989
Deinonychus
Joined: Feb 19, 2011
Posts: 336
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| Posted: Mon Mar 19, 2012 4:30 pm Post subject: |
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If you're friends assure they like you too and they mean it, then that's a good sign. Keep going with your new friends, you will probably like them.[/quote]
That's what I thought, too. That's a very good sign they're understanding of your insecurities and aren't judging you for it. I would try and not ask a lot, because that might annoy them. If they talk to you in school, out of school, and ask you to hang out, their actions are showing you that they like you.
I've noticed that it's easier being friends with meaner people, as they generally like the power over a nicer person. Don't fall for that trap; I did for a long time. Even if the new friends don't give you what your old friend gave you, that could be better. If you have a gut feeling and a voice inside your head telling you something, that might be the best thing to listen to. |
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questor
Hermit
Joined: Apr 24, 2011
Posts: 1983
Location: Twilight Zone
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| Posted: Mon Mar 19, 2012 5:23 pm Post subject: False friends |
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| People who treat you like crap are not your friends. Stick with the new crowd. They seem like a nice bunch of people. |
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Gazelle
Crossword Aficionado
Joined: Mar 09, 2012
Posts: 1634
Location: Tropical island
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| Posted: Thu Mar 22, 2012 4:45 pm Post subject: Friends |
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My recommendation is hang out with friends who make you feel positive about yourself. To me it is best to have friends that lift you up and make you feel energerized. When I hang out with people who make me feel bad and drain my energy I move on to better and greener pastures. Plus I am pretty black and white about things and not into having "frenemies". 
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"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure." |
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