oThanatoSo
Emu Egg
Joined: Mar 20, 2012
Posts: 6
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 Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 12:18 pm Post subject: Aspie needs help. |
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Hi, I'm new to WrongPlanet after a lot of lurking. So I figure I should introduce myself before I should ask for any help or advice.
Meet me, a 15 year old Aspie. That's about it. Don't know what else to say. I should also mention that English is not my native language, so bare with me if I make some mistakes.
Now, here's the problem:
I think a girl likes me, but I'm not sure. She keeps trying to start a conversation about anything really, says hi to me with a high pitched voice and has no problem standing close to me. She also twirls her hair occasionally and I saw her to smile at me a couple of times. I have never approached her, she always approaches me. I hardly talk to anyone at school (I go to a normal school) but I don't get bullied or anything either. Is it possible that she's just being nice or does she like me? I also should mention I'm pretty much the only guy she talks too. I think people are extra nice to people with Asperger's, or that's at least what I think.
Additional info:
I'm pretty normal other than just talking back when spoken to. I'm pretty smart and quite good looking.  It's not completely true that I don't talk at all, I only speak when I'm spoken to and that happens quite some times on a day.
So, my question is: Is she just being nice or is there something there?
Thanks
If you need more info or have questions, just ask.
Last edited by oThanatoSo on Tue Mar 20, 2012 12:37 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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jedaustin
Toucan
Joined: Dec 26, 2010
Age: 45
Posts: 298
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| Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 12:36 pm Post subject: |
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It certainly sounds like she likes you but just in case you're wrong.... instead of going all in at first try something non threatening. Perhaps ask her to a movie and perhaps lunch/dinner. Movies are an ideal starting point because there isn't a lot of talking 
A few rules I've learned -
1. Listen and ask questions. The more she talks the less you have to and the more you'll figure out to talk about.
2. Don't try to be anyone other than you. Don't lie, over embellish, etc. Just be you. |
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oThanatoSo
Emu Egg
Joined: Mar 20, 2012
Posts: 6
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| Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 3:59 pm Post subject: |
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Okay, that's helpful. Thanks (;
Thing I'm scared about is asking her out. Is there a chance that she'll hint at it or ask me out? Also she has started to talk to me less gradually. Does she want me to talk with her? And is that a good sign? |
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jedaustin
Toucan
Joined: Dec 26, 2010
Age: 45
Posts: 298
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| Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 4:17 pm Post subject: |
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It can be difficult to discern the intentions of others especially when your own feelings are involved; it is far easier when you have no emotional involvement.
I've had it go both ways in the past where in some cases my Aspergian brain couldn't see that someone liked me (and by the time I figured it out it was too late) or where I thought someone liked me when really I was just a 'resource' for them to be used and abused. Once I realized I'd been used by such shallow people I started looking for it and cutting ties with 'users'. I bring this up because you'll likely encounter it. I started to test my assumptions to discern whether I was delusional or not
In your case I'd test your assumptions and don't wait too long. Start with the assumption that she likes you but don't go overboard (I know that can be difficult!). Choose something that she will view as non-threatening to start with that doesn't mean anything and gradually work up from that. If you have classes in common ask if she'd like to study with you. Lunch is less threatening than dinner; coffee/whatever less than lunch. Start small and test the waters.
As far as rejection goes... most people won't just say no. Instead they'll make excuses such as I'm sorry I have a class/appointment/etc. Instead of viewing this as a rejection to start (sometimes it's true) offer options - such as how about Tuesday or Wednesday then? A no answer here is usually a tell that she isn't really interested.
An NT person would probably give different advice...
Good luck! |
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oThanatoSo
Emu Egg
Joined: Mar 20, 2012
Posts: 6
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| Posted: Wed Mar 21, 2012 12:34 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks again, really appreciated.
But, does anyone know if talking gradually less to me means something? She hasn't said a word to me in a couple of days, but I think I still see her sneaking peeks at me from time to time... |
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jedaustin
Toucan
Joined: Dec 26, 2010
Age: 45
Posts: 298
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| Posted: Wed Mar 21, 2012 12:39 pm Post subject: |
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It doesn't mean anything until it means something (grin).
She may just have other things going on - don't obsess about it (not healthy).
Find a way to make contact with her - 'Hey - haven't heard from you in a few days; hope everything is ok!' |
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oThanatoSo
Emu Egg
Joined: Mar 20, 2012
Posts: 6
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| Posted: Thu Mar 22, 2012 11:19 am Post subject: |
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I'm not really sure on how to approach her, unless I'm confident she likes me.
Today, she complimented me 3 times. That's quite a lot, I think. I just said thanks and didn't look at her, since I don't really know what to do in a situation like that. She complimented me once about my shoes, the 2nd time about something I did and I can't recall the 3rd time. What does this mean? Is she just being nice, or...?
Thanks |
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oThanatoSo
Emu Egg
Joined: Mar 20, 2012
Posts: 6
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| Posted: Fri Mar 23, 2012 6:44 am Post subject: |
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jedaustin
Toucan
Joined: Dec 26, 2010
Age: 45
Posts: 298
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| Posted: Fri Mar 23, 2012 9:55 am Post subject: |
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You only regret the actions you dont make...
If you have somewhere you attend in common use that as a precursor to say hello. If not then just make contact...
"I haven't heard from you in a while; I hope I didn't say something to offend you! If not would you like to meet for lunch sometime to touch base?"
Just do it  |
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