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Peko
Chameleon by Force
Joined: Feb 13, 2008
Age: 22
Posts: 2389
Location: Eastern PA, USA
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 Posted: Tue May 25, 2010 8:50 am Post subject: |
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| Sparrowrose wrote: | What bothers me more than messages from strangers is when someone I vaguely know says something like, "don't take this the wrong way, but you're very attractive." or "I don't mean to sound creepy or anything, but you're really cute."
My general rule for people: if you have to qualify your statement beforehand or apologize for saying it, perhaps you'd like to re-think whether you ought to say it at all. If you think I'm attractive and you can't just give me a straightforward compliment without all kinds of small print and safety statements, just keep it to yourself.
I don't mind genuine compliments. But compliments that require extra statements in case it was a bad idea to compliment me just confuse me and turn me off. |
My friends always put extra statements b4 they compliment me b/c I can't tell genuine from fake compliments & I told them flat out I have the desire to physically harm people who genuinely compliment me (I like insults  ).
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Kiley
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 27, 2010
Age: 49
Posts: 879
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| Posted: Tue May 25, 2010 8:59 am Post subject: |
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| I've got a second Facebook profile, yes I know I'm not supposed to, but I use it for the kids and games and stuff. I based it on my cat but added ten years to his age. It's male because he's male. I've been very shocked at the number of scantily dressed provocatively posed women request to be his friend. A lot of them seem to be in Eastern Block countries and maybe they are hoping to get a visa or something, or money for pictures or whatever people like that do. |
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Kiley
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 27, 2010
Age: 49
Posts: 879
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| Posted: Tue May 25, 2010 9:00 am Post subject: |
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| Peko wrote: | | Sparrowrose wrote: | What bothers me more than messages from strangers is when someone I vaguely know says something like, "don't take this the wrong way, but you're very attractive." or "I don't mean to sound creepy or anything, but you're really cute."
My general rule for people: if you have to qualify your statement beforehand or apologize for saying it, perhaps you'd like to re-think whether you ought to say it at all. If you think I'm attractive and you can't just give me a straightforward compliment without all kinds of small print and safety statements, just keep it to yourself.
I don't mind genuine compliments. But compliments that require extra statements in case it was a bad idea to compliment me just confuse me and turn me off. |
My friends always put extra statements b4 they compliment me b/c I can't tell genuine from fake compliments & I told them flat out I have the desire to physically harm people who genuinely compliment me (I like insults ). |
I'll put a little disclaimer on a statement like that when I just want to boost the person's self esteem and bolster their confidence to ask someone they are interested in out for a date. I'm happily married and old, so I can get away with it pretty easily. |
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nick007
old-skewl fan-boy
Joined: May 05, 2010
Age: 30
Posts: 9805
Location: was Louisiana but moved in with my girlfreind in Vermont
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| Posted: Tue May 25, 2010 2:51 pm Post subject: |
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| Kiley wrote: | | I've got a second Facebook profile, yes I know I'm not supposed to, but I use it for the kids and games and stuff. I based it on my cat but added ten years to his age. It's male because he's male. I've been very shocked at the number of scantily dressed provocatively posed women request to be his friend. A lot of them seem to be in Eastern Block countries and maybe they are hoping to get a visa or something, or money for pictures or whatever people like that do. |
It sounds like one of those mail order bride scams that are going to want you to send em money. I bet some of those people are guys & not women
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For info about where I've been & what's up with me check this post~
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serenity
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 26, 2007
Age: 34
Posts: 1464
Location: Invisibly here
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| Posted: Tue May 25, 2010 3:13 pm Post subject: |
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| Willard wrote: | I can understand the annoyance at getting messages from strangers, and I certainly don't recommend encouraging them, but as those of us with ASDs well know, complimenting people and approaching them socially can be next to impossible for some, and the illusion of anonymity of the Internet can make it less intimidating to communicate more openly than one normally might.
It may sound clumsy or stupid to you, especially since you're not looking to begin with, but unless he's said something genuinely offensive, there's no reason on trod on someone's feelings for greeting you and saying something nice, or trying to. Of course there's the possibility that it is someone creepy or someone doing a little phishing. I think I'd just ignore it and add it to the SPAM filter list. |
I agree with this, except I'd at least have said thanks or something in reply. I try to always give people the benefit of the doubt. I know there's been so many times where I have been misjudged, because of my lack of social skills. It's my goal in life to never make anyone else feel bad for trying to talk/connect to another human being. Unless there was something truly offensive in a pm I always answer the person with respect. I just can't think of any good reason to hurt someone else's feelings for simply giving me a compliment.
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Sparrowrose
wombat
Joined: Oct 12, 2009
Age: 46
Posts: 1679
Location: Idaho, USA
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| Posted: Tue May 25, 2010 4:46 pm Post subject: |
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| Kiley wrote: | | Sparrowrose wrote: | What bothers me more than messages from strangers is when someone I vaguely know says something like, "don't take this the wrong way, but you're very attractive." or "I don't mean to sound creepy or anything, but you're really cute."
My general rule for people: if you have to qualify your statement beforehand or apologize for saying it, perhaps you'd like to re-think whether you ought to say it at all. If you think I'm attractive and you can't just give me a straightforward compliment without all kinds of small print and safety statements, just keep it to yourself.
I don't mind genuine compliments. But compliments that require extra statements in case it was a bad idea to compliment me just confuse me and turn me off. |
I'll put a little disclaimer on a statement like that when I just want to boost the person's self esteem and bolster their confidence to ask someone they are interested in out for a date. I'm happily married and old, so I can get away with it pretty easily. |
I find the idea of someone saying something just to "bolster my confidence" as offensive as someone stepping all over themselves with special qualifications before they say something nice about someone. Say it or don't say it. And if you don't mean it, don't say it. If you were going to say something nice about me, you would say it anyway, not just for some kind of manipulation to try to make me feel better about myself.
You saying something about me isn't even about me - it's about you and what you see and think. It's revealing your own self, not "bolstering" mine. I am what I am, whether you say anything about it or not. What you say doesn't change who or what I am, it only changes what I think about you.
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"In the end, we decide if we're remembered for what happened to us or for what we did with it."
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Avatar=WWI propaganda poster promoting victory gardens. |
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Keeno
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 09, 2006
Posts: 4948
Location: Earth
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| Posted: Wed May 26, 2010 8:58 am Post subject: |
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| The reason for attracting so many Arabs, and Turks, is because the environment in which they live represses sexual expression and identity to some degree. |
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Asp-Z
Clockwork Planet
Joined: Dec 07, 2009
Posts: 11016
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| Posted: Wed May 26, 2010 11:55 am Post subject: |
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| Those messages are probably from bots anyway. |
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kwilky
Raven
Joined: Apr 24, 2010
Age: 25
Posts: 113
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| Posted: Wed May 26, 2010 12:07 pm Post subject: |
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| I send messages to random strangers occasionally. Nothing offensive I don't think. Just people who I think might be interesting and that maybe I'd like to talk too. I would never send a chick a message complimenting her on how gorgeous she is. That's quite stupid and you won't get anywhere that way. I don't see anything wrong with a Hi to someone who seems to share interests with me though. |
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Terrapin
Butterfly
Joined: May 20, 2007
Age: 36
Posts: 14
Location: Portland, OR
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| Posted: Fri May 28, 2010 4:00 am Post subject: |
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| When I first started using the internet back in the mid-late 90's I had America Online internet service because it was one of the only ones available at that time and tried to go into some of the chat rooms and have had an extreme aversion to anyone messaging me since. It didn't matter what topic you tried to go into on there, whether it was gardening or music or whatever people would instantly start asking for age/sex and sending really inappropriate private messages that made me intensely uncomfortable. Ever since then I've just turned off instant messengers or set them to show me as offline and I don't put my photo on profiles. I've gotten a few people on Myspace but I just delete them or refuse their friend requests when they are random strangers. |
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DarthMaul
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Sep 10, 2011
Posts: 193
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| Posted: Sun Mar 25, 2012 10:32 pm Post subject: |
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| Sparrowrose wrote: | | Valoyossa wrote: | Some people, mostly Arabs, call me on Skype and they want to talk about sex. I pretend I don't speak English and I block them  |
I seem to mainly attract Turks for some reason, unknown to me. |
 You know what... There's a dude all the way in Afghanistan trying to chat me up on Skype... He's on chatroulette... I now regret going on chatroulette. I now regret even making a Skype... Well, at least they don't have my ooVoo... And I seem to attract Turks, Albanians, and Afghanis... And I also attract coke addicted, half-Greek dudes from New Hampshire. What a world!
| Keeno wrote: | | The reason for attracting so many Arabs, and Turks, is because the environment in which they live represses sexual expression and identity to some degree. |
You may or may not be onto something... I was asked so many times to take off my shirt... I'm glad my webcam's acting up. |
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League_Girl
Proud mamma
Joined: Feb 05, 2010
Posts: 13675
Location: My house
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| Posted: Mon Mar 26, 2012 12:44 am Post subject: |
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| I occasionally get a PM and it's someone claiming they are interested in me and they just looked at my profile. Those are just scams. On IM I will sometimes get a IM bot and they start talking about web cam sex and right away I block them. Every time I get a new friends request on YIM I just deny them and block them assuming they are spam bots. If they know me from a forum, I am sure they would tell me who they are as they are adding me. |
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ToastableNeko
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Feb 02, 2012
Posts: 51
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| Posted: Mon Mar 26, 2012 2:36 am Post subject: |
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| It annoys me to no end. |
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Invader
Velociraptor
Joined: Aug 17, 2010
Age: 29
Posts: 458
Location: UK
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| Posted: Mon Mar 26, 2012 3:47 am Post subject: |
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I've been getting weird messages in PMs on here, with a similar theme, wanting me to contact them outside the site.
It's sick that people come here to prey on autistic people. |
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TechnoDog
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 17, 2012
Posts: 869
Location: Thornaby, UK
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| Posted: Mon Mar 26, 2012 6:49 am Post subject: |
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| Invader wrote: | I've been getting weird messages in PMs on here, with a similar theme, wanting me to contact them outside the site.
It's sick that people come here to prey on autistic people. |
Funny I get none. Maybe I am not going into the topics you guys post in. Or maybe you upset someone & they out to get you.  . Kinda like always get none lol.
Mind you they will under estimate my bite. Because I will just use a chat bot on them. Always funny the stuff it comes out with, while it's learning.
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INTJ, Type5 Observer, Ecologists,
“When you make a mistake, don't look back at it long. Take the reason of the thing into your mind and then look forward. Mistakes are lessons of wisdom. The past cannot be changed. The future is yet in your power.” |
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