aspie_giraffe
Snowy Owl
Joined: Feb 27, 2010
Age: 20
Posts: 137
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 Posted: Tue Mar 27, 2012 12:40 pm Post subject: Giving up on being social |
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I just lost another friend by sharing my feelings when I've been down I'm giving up on trying to make a best friend or close friend even tho that's what I desire so much I'll just focus on my studies and get high distinctions in all my subjects
I'm really upset
I thought sharing feelings was how one got close friends but my mum said that's not how it works, I stuffed up a good friendship by being honest with my feelings, even though I have nothing in common with these people outside of uni subjects
Maybe I need to look for people with the same interests in order to ave something decent to talk about I don't know anymore
I crave a meaningful friendship with someone who understands my aspiness I think only other aspies understand |
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Ann2011
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 16, 2011
Posts: 1720
Location: Ontario, Canada
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| Posted: Tue Mar 27, 2012 1:31 pm Post subject: |
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I feel the same way. I have people I do stuff with, but I wouldn't call them good friends. When I open up about how I feel or what I'm going through they either don't understand or don't care and I'm left with silence and a change of conversation topic.
It would be nice to meet someone in the real world who has experienced the same things as me, but I'm not holding my breath. |
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Blackholesun
Blue Jay
Joined: Mar 20, 2012
Posts: 90
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| Posted: Tue Mar 27, 2012 1:34 pm Post subject: |
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| Wow. Have a read of my vicious circle thread... |
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questor
Hermit
Joined: Apr 24, 2011
Posts: 1983
Location: Twilight Zone
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| Posted: Tue Mar 27, 2012 2:52 pm Post subject: Social issues |
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| Most people feel dumped on when someone tries to share their feelings. This is something that is better done with a shrink, not a friend or acquaintance. Most people feel that you expect them to "fix the boo boo" when you dump your feelings on them, and that is a turn off. They don't want to be your shrink unless they are a shrink. So just stick with sharing interests, but not too much in the way of feelings. |
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aspie_giraffe
Snowy Owl
Joined: Feb 27, 2010
Age: 20
Posts: 137
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| Posted: Wed Mar 28, 2012 2:02 am Post subject: |
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| its so frustrating, i did find that girls talk about feelings and are quite sympathetic but guys are not so much |
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bumble
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 27, 2011
Posts: 1390
Location: Norfolk, UK
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| Posted: Wed Mar 28, 2012 2:51 am Post subject: |
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I have also decided to give up on socialising and focus on my studies.
_________________
For cross stitching, tapestry, other arts and crafts and the upcoming shark kingdom when I get around to it, visit: www.bumbleshobbyhome.blogspot.com |
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Dillogic
boom bang pow
Joined: Nov 25, 2011
Posts: 3493
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| Posted: Wed Mar 28, 2012 2:54 am Post subject: |
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| Yesss! Show your...resentment for the "social" side, it'll only lead you to the hermit side. |
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Boxman108
"Oh...it's just a box."
Joined: Jan 03, 2012
Age: 21
Posts: 1399
Location: NH
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| Posted: Wed Mar 28, 2012 2:56 am Post subject: |
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Eh, I really don't put much effort into necessarily being out going myself. The way I see it, if others don't want to be your friend, it's their loss. Having a more "natural" connection with someone rather than deliberately trying seems to yield far better results.
Then again, I'm also fine with not having many friends I see in person. Most of them are on forums like these or on xbox live. Takes a bit of stress away at least.
_________________
About suffering they were never wrong,
The Old Masters: how well they understood
Its human position; how it takes place
While someone else is eating or opening a window or
just walking dully along... |
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Surfman
beyond human
Joined: Aug 02, 2010
Age: 50
Posts: 3938
Location: Homeward bound
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| Posted: Wed Mar 28, 2012 4:04 am Post subject: |
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If friends were ducks they would go 'quack'
I go down the pond and spill my heart to the ducks. My quack works for free and is about as effective |
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Surfman
beyond human
Joined: Aug 02, 2010
Age: 50
Posts: 3938
Location: Homeward bound
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| Posted: Wed Mar 28, 2012 4:24 am Post subject: |
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| aspie_giraffe wrote: | | its so frustrating, i did find that girls talk about feelings and are quite sympathetic but guys are not so much |
its like playing with dolls
its like practise for motherhood
with crying children
next minute they're gossiping secrets to another......
or having a laugh with their shopping mates over their kids emotional outburst
just seeming sympathetic is often enough, and a shoulder for crying on |
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Taybot97
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Feb 23, 2012
Posts: 186
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| Posted: Wed Mar 28, 2012 11:12 am Post subject: |
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| I only have about 3 friends I would call friends for more than not being a weird loner at school. One of them live halfway across the world and one lives halfway across the state. So basically my social life consists or seeing one person every few days and sometimes weeks. Problem I the third friend is my girlfriend and if we break up I may as well give up socially. |
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Blackholesun
Blue Jay
Joined: Mar 20, 2012
Posts: 90
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| Posted: Wed Mar 28, 2012 11:23 am Post subject: |
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| Surfman wrote: | If friends were ducks they would go 'quack'
I go down the pond and spill my heart to the ducks. My quack works for free and is about as effective |
Yeah I talk to my cats  They don't judge me and they always reply 
I find animals far easier to be around than humans. With humans my suspicions are always aroused as to what it is they are after. Humans tend to be out for everything they can get.
I'm paranoid, but I admit that. I've been screwed over too many times in the past to let my guard down again.
Half of the issue for me is that I talk a load of crap. I get an emotion or a feeling and I then go on and on and on trying to put it into words. When really I have no idea how to do that and it just ends up as a load of incoherent crap.
So basically I have limited myself to one real life friend who suffers from depression and OCD (and who I suspect is Aspie but he seems to be able to make his way in life, unlike me) who I can talk to about any old sh** and he will sort of understand.
The rest of my friends I keep to online. If I've had enough I can just say bye and log out. |
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metalab
Raven
Joined: Jan 23, 2008
Age: 27
Posts: 109
Location: Portland, Oregon
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| Posted: Wed Mar 28, 2012 11:29 am Post subject: |
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Guys generally don't want to hear about the feelings of other guys.
Men have sort of a pack animal instinct together. When you get with the guys, you all may have problems, you all may be f****, but your not going to talk about it, your going to actually go do things to fix it. A man can only complain about not having a house to other men for only so long until they all band together and build a house. Men generally have a much more 'can do will do' attitude.
Have problems talking to girls? The solution to correcting those feelings with other males isn't to sit around and put out a depressed speech about it. Rather you say "Lets go to the bars and try to get girls" and then when you are in the midst of doing it you use the male to better help you figure it out. Or your making online dating profiles, asking male friends how to improve the profile is a great subject among males. However on the flipside, going through all the stupid sh** youve said at dates, all the fears and insecurities you have about it. Not so much so. Males don't like to sit and sort through feelings, especially someone elses feelings. The just like to do, over and over, until they get it.
I have a friend, very very good, old friend, I invite him over periodically. But actually don't invite him over very much because he is just depressed, and talks about being depressed, and does nothing about being depressed. It gets old, and starts to look very stupid just hearing someone talk about there same problems over and over. I would much rather hear someone talk about how they've been trying to fix their problems and whether or not it works, or I'd much rather someone specifically ask me for specific advice on key points of their issues. But just an overall "heres my life story of f**** up sh**", I don't lay that on male friends. Even though a male may LOOK really confident, have their sh** together, have a girlfriend and appear very happy. It is still a struggle for them to keep up just with themselves. For them to start carrying the issues of someone else would be too much. |
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Robdemanc
Phoenix
Joined: May 31, 2010
Posts: 2320
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| Posted: Wed Mar 28, 2012 11:33 am Post subject: |
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NT's seem to deal with their problems by not talking to friends unless the friend is very close. I think its the wrong way to get to make friends with people by telling them your issues. Most people just want laughs and jokes from new acquaintances which we are usually rubbish at. Then after a while they become more friendly and they build trust (I imagine), then they can start talking about thier issues.
Many times in my life I have given up on being social, then I go back to it for a while, then give up again.... |
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JuggaspieZ2k
Blue Jay
Joined: Feb 09, 2012
Posts: 87
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| Posted: Wed Mar 28, 2012 1:29 pm Post subject: |
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Just be close friends with Aspies. NT's don't understand me, and I don't understand them. That doesn't mean avoid NT's.
_________________
The unsettled mind is at times an ally,
Leaving the senses to fend for themselves,
Then, the senses wanted the sky...
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