Summer_Twilight
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 14, 2011
Posts: 645
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 Posted: Sat Mar 31, 2012 5:54 pm Post subject: Labeled disabled and putting my foot down |
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Like most of you in here, I have Asperger's Syndrome which comes with all kinds of labels and reminders that I need this or that because I qualify. As an individual with AS, I currently know someone who happens to be in charge of a new program that would have allowed me to get a certain scholarship.
However, I told them that I was laid off which led them to ask if I was working at a special place for people with disabilities. This irritated me to no end by saying, "I don't like those kinds of programs and I had been in one for eight years and I am tired of them." She then laid into me, "Sometimes those services can be good." I responded by saying, "I am not disabled." They responded with, "Then what are you because I can't help you unless you're disabled." I then got mad and said some things that I should not have and ended up breaking down. Then I apologized and mentioned that I had gotten hired somewhere else and that I felt like I had outgrown the job coach situation. They responded back to me in a cold manner, "Listen, do you have a counselor who you can talk to?" I said that I did. "Are you paying for them?" I then said no.
So long story short, I decided to come home and calm down while also electing not to use their services. Yes, I did need to get some assistance from being laid off but I don't like it when someone talks about how I need this service or that service. I also don't appreciate being called "Disabled." I then mentioned that it would have been like me using racial slurs with them and saying that they needed services by also mentioning that I didn't like those words. Finally, I said that I don't think it is going to work out for me to work with you especially if you are going to treat me like that. Then I hung up.
It's not that they are a bad person it's just that I feel like it's not going to be a good fit for either of us. For one, we are going to bring the worst out in each other just like today. If it happens today, you can imagine what will happen down the road.
How do I handle people like that since I already know that being disabled and needing social services is a hot button for me? |
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kirayng
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 13, 2011
Age: 36
Posts: 745
Location: Maine, USA
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| Posted: Sat Mar 31, 2012 5:58 pm Post subject: |
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| I'd feel the same way as you in that situation. I waited a very long time to even get diagnosed because I was scared of being considered disabled even though my life already showed I am disabled. I can't support myself. My family supports me and so does my Aspie husband. I will work this summer, I've found work I can do and that I like, but I also hold it in my mind (as much as it severely pisses me off) that I will once again be financially dependent on someone when I flake out at that job or it ends in November. I do best in seasonal work. Good luck. |
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Summer_Twilight
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 14, 2011
Posts: 645
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| Posted: Sat Mar 31, 2012 6:13 pm Post subject: |
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I got hired at a job that pays commissions.
However, I am trying to seek a different part time job in addition to help pay the bills in addition to disability so that I can continue to pay for my classes. However, that person has made me mad before but that might be because of her personality and views that I don't happen to agree with. |
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AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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Joined: Apr 27, 2009
Age: 50
Posts: 4897
Location: Houston, Texas
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| Posted: Sat Mar 31, 2012 6:34 pm Post subject: |
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Some disengaged individual mechanically giving me the party line, yeah, that kind of really rubs me the wrong way, too.
What if when they say the word 'disability,' you quickly come back with 'It's both a difference and a disability'? |
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Chronos
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Joined: Apr 23, 2010
Posts: 5231
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| Posted: Sat Mar 31, 2012 6:54 pm Post subject: Re: Labeled disabled and putting my foot down |
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I would have said "Unfortunately those programs are not designed to cater to the needs of those with Asperger's Syndrome."
You should not be upset with this woman because it doesn't sound like it's her job to understand your condition. She has been told that the organization she works for is to assist those with disabilities at obtaining certain services. She is not in a position to write or change organization policies. For her to do her job she simply needs to know whether you are disabled or not by some definition of the word that her organization recognizes. If you are, she can give you services. If you're not, she can't help you and could get fired for doing so. |
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Summer_Twilight
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 14, 2011
Posts: 645
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| Posted: Sat Mar 31, 2012 6:58 pm Post subject: |
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I understand that getting services to help you along the way while being encouraged until you get to where you want to be. However, but to sit there and talk like you need this and that and say things about helping disabled people but not being able to help people who are non disabled. I would say that was a pretty patronizing thing to say in addition to tactless. Regardless of whether that person didn't mean it or not, that was still uncalled for.
I may have been nasty with her too and I apologize for loosing my temper all the same as it showed that I sunk to her level. At the same time, they need to be careful about how they talk to people. This is the third time that this person has made me mad. |
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Summer_Twilight
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 14, 2011
Posts: 645
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| Posted: Sat Mar 31, 2012 7:20 pm Post subject: Re: Labeled disabled and putting my foot down |
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| Chronos wrote: | I would have said "Unfortunately those programs are not designed to cater to the needs of those with Asperger's Syndrome."
You should not be upset with this woman because it doesn't sound like it's her job to understand your condition. She has been told that the organization she works for is to assist those with disabilities at obtaining certain services. She is not in a position to write or change organization policies. For her to do her job she simply needs to know whether you are disabled or not by some definition of the word that her organization recognizes. If you are, she can give you services. If you're not, she can't help you and could get fired for doing so. |
She has a son with AS and has a program for people with AS but she has been trained as a licensed social worker so you know how that goes. |
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Chronos
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Joined: Apr 23, 2010
Posts: 5231
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| Posted: Sat Mar 31, 2012 10:11 pm Post subject: Re: Labeled disabled and putting my foot down |
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| Summer_Twilight wrote: | | Chronos wrote: | I would have said "Unfortunately those programs are not designed to cater to the needs of those with Asperger's Syndrome."
You should not be upset with this woman because it doesn't sound like it's her job to understand your condition. She has been told that the organization she works for is to assist those with disabilities at obtaining certain services. She is not in a position to write or change organization policies. For her to do her job she simply needs to know whether you are disabled or not by some definition of the word that her organization recognizes. If you are, she can give you services. If you're not, she can't help you and could get fired for doing so. |
She has a son with AS and has a program for people with AS but she has been trained as a licensed social worker so you know how that goes. |
That does change things. Though her son probably receives some type of benefits or accommodations under the label of being disabled, so it's really a system wide issue. |
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CrazyCatLord
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Joined: Oct 25, 2011
Posts: 2177
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| Posted: Sat Mar 31, 2012 10:30 pm Post subject: |
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| Why are you so upset about the disability label? AS is a disorder that often comes with certain disabilities, and there is nothing shameful about that. Do what's best for you and milk the system for all that it's worth. If they make it a requirement for you to be disabled, tell them you are disabled. I don't really see the problem. |
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Summer_Twilight
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Joined: Sep 14, 2011
Posts: 645
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| Posted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 12:22 am Post subject: |
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| The label is fine. It's when someone tries to nag at about needing this or that program because you have a label that makes me mad. I have had it happen to me many times. This person has the tendency to be controlling and also says things without thinking about what and when they say it. |
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OliveOilMom
Queen of cans and jars
Joined: Nov 12, 2011
Posts: 6775
Location: Living in Faulkner's nightmare
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| Posted: Mon Apr 02, 2012 1:40 am Post subject: |
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Tell them there is a difference in being disabled in paper and being disabled in real life. Would anyone call Ray Charles or Stevie Wonder disabled? Yes, they are blind as bats and that is a disability but they have found ways to be able to deal with things, basically hiring people and spending lots of money on things so that they can use them, but still.
What may be disabling for one person isn't disabling for another. I was more disabled by my panic disorder and agoraphobia than I ever was by my AS. I've only been inconvenienced by my AS.
_________________
Frances
What if Jessie's girl was Stacy's mom and her number was 867-5309? |
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Summer_Twilight
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 14, 2011
Posts: 645
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| Posted: Mon Apr 02, 2012 5:08 pm Post subject: |
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This woman is a social worker and so she is like this by nature because of her career.
However, I left a message on her cell phone and basically said, "This type of situation is the same as calling you the 'N' word(Without saying the full word I just flat out used the first letter which was 'N' and said 'word')," because they are African American and putting her into a box because of that." I also said, "Or it's the same as if I called you and your daughter fat." I said that by not meaning to since they were both obese to again prove my point. Now, would you talk someone to get special service based on those two factors? No, I don't think so. Look at Ray Charles and Stevie wonder again in terms of being African American. Did anyone give them special services based on being African American? In truth, I have nothing against either factor and I usually except both type of status. However, I don't like being bullied and that was excactly what she was doing. She had bullied me one other time last year by saying some other really innapropriate things at the worst possible time too.
She attempted to call me back but I did not bother to pick up the phone, call her back, or listen to the message. I just figured there was no point in working with someone like that if she was going to treat me that way.
She had said some other things that made me feel miserable in the past that were just out of side innappropriate and out out line. In fact, they were none of her business to begin with. |
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Summer_Twilight
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 14, 2011
Posts: 645
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| Posted: Mon Apr 02, 2012 5:11 pm Post subject: |
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| CrazyCatLord wrote: | | Why are you so upset about the disability label? AS is a disorder that often comes with certain disabilities, and there is nothing shameful about that. Do what's best for you and milk the system for all that it's worth. If they make it a requirement for you to be disabled, tell them you are disabled. I don't really see the problem. |
I see what you mean it becomes a problem when the other person takes a look through a telescopte at you and sees the current situation by not stepping back to look at the whole picture around you.
I just felt like this person was doing the same thing. |
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BuyerBeware
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 29, 2011
Age: 35
Posts: 1038
Location: PA, USA
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| Posted: Mon Apr 02, 2012 10:55 pm Post subject: |
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Get over it. You are disabled.
That's what I need to do. Get over it, and accept being heavily medicated so that I can be happy living a severely limited life.
It's not the life I want...
...but I've had the life I want for a decade now, and I fail all the time. My kids aren't good enough, smart enough, fast enough, polite enough. My house isn't clean enough. My presentation isn't pleasant enough. I'm not even sexy enough.
It's never enough. Because I reached too high. Because I didn't want to think of myself as disabled.
It's a high-pressure world. If you can't jump the bar, 97% of the time, you are disabled. Get over it.
_________________
I'm tired. I do not have sufficient strength remaining to persevere in the face of adversity. I accept myself as broken and conformity/compliance as the only acceptable existence. I give up.
What's on TV tonight?? |
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NicoleG
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Joined: Dec 26, 2011
Age: 36
Posts: 661
Location: Dallas-Fort Worth
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| Posted: Tue Apr 03, 2012 8:31 am Post subject: |
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Explain to them that there are other ways of looking at it.
Tell them that you prefer the term impaired over disabled (or whatever term you would prefer).
Ask them if they were to break their ankle if they would decline crutches.
Explain that breaking an ankle is not the same as losing a leg permanently - there are degrees.
While someone with just a broken leg will see people calling them a cripple as a funny joke amongst friends, someone who has lost a leg might not see being called a cripple as a joke - words have different meanings and connotations depending on how they are used and on whom they are being used.
There's a quote from a book I read called The Losers.
"He was no longer a cripple, but rather was simply a man who happened to have only one leg."
Each label has its own stigmatism, definition, and usage. One person might not care about what they have been labelled, yet the next person with the exact same situation may take personal offense. Understand that if you take offense you need to accept at least some responsibility for your being offended, and that means being able to explain calmly and succinctly why the term is bothersome to you. You want to be nice about it because the other person may not understand how these different terms can affect people differently. You are perfectly entitled to be upset at being labelled a certain way to which you disagree, but be able to explain why you feel that way and offer up alternative solutions for the other person to use. Remember, the other person cannot see into you brain and may not grasp why it is that you feel so strongly about the terms being used, especially if they deal with many other people on a daily basis in very similar circumstances to you who do not feel as strongly about it as you do. |
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