Salutations and Introductions!

laissez_square · Butterfly Joined: Mar 30, 2012 Posts: 15

Hi! I'm new to wrongplanet, though I've been lurking a lot for the last week or so. I'm also new to the concept of my "quirks" having the name Aspergers!

I'm a 24-year-old female whose upcoming wedding (and short guest list!!) has necessitated taking a closer look at a severe difficulty to form and maintain relationships. I've always just sort of felt like I didn't fit in, like there was something wrong or defective about me. A good friend's 12-year-old was recently diagnosed with AS, and I just couldn't stop noticing the similarities between his behaviors/interests/idiosyncrasies and my own, as a child and now.

I casually brought it up to my fiance, who just sort of said "that's interesting" at first, and then later confessed that he had a strong suspicion that I might have Asperger's. We went through some characteristic lists together, and I was just sort of in shock- it's me. I was hesitant to bring this internet self-diagnosis to my psychiatric nurse practitioner, thinking she would dismiss the idea, but she just said she was pretty sure that's what's going on here.

I've been treated for depression and severe social anxiety for as long as I can remember. The ADHD diagnosis came around age 20, and that has really helped to make things clearer... however, no one really brought up the underlying underlier, most likely because I am SO GOOD AT FAKING... and that is truly how I have always felt, like it is so much WORK to just exist among other people sometimes. I never understood why. One of my "obsessions" has been to study, study, study human behavior and social interactions, out of desperation to do whatever was necessary to fit in, to have friends, to feel a sense of belonging and mutual understanding. I'm a psych major and I work with kids where most are neurotypical but a handful are somewhere on the autistic spectrum. In all this searching for self-understanding and social integration, how did I never see this before?

Sorry for the long intro! Thanks for reading and for posting your own perspectives/stories/experiences. It's been incredibly insightful for me to read these things as I try to make sense of all the information.
_________________
My Aspie score: 160 of 200
My NT score: 50 of 200
Very likely an Aspie

"There are many possible directions to go from here. The current structure is folded only once. Like paper origami, it is possible to fold multiple times."
-Ming Wu