Aspie_Chav
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 07, 2006
Age: 39
Posts: 3025
Location: Croydon
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 Posted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 10:42 am Post subject: What kind of relationship does an average aspie get. |
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What kind of relationship does an average aspie get. I know what relationship an average NTs gets.
I see it enough get get a idea. It feels like that kind of relationships that the average NTs have with
each other unlikely for an average aspie. Perhaps I will get another kind of relationship though. |
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Taybot97
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Feb 23, 2012
Posts: 186
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| Posted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 11:25 am Post subject: |
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| Care to elaborate on our idea of an average NT relationship? If I know what your criteria is I could better answer than if I were to guess your questions full meaning |
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Asp-Z
Clockwork Planet
Joined: Dec 07, 2009
Posts: 11016
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| Posted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 11:49 am Post subject: |
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| How do you define an "average Aspie"? We're all different and we all want different things from relationships. |
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The_Face_of_Boo
A savage
Joined: Jun 17, 2010
Age: 31
Posts: 9301
Location: Beirut ,Lebanon
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| Posted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 11:55 am Post subject: |
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| Asp-Z wrote: | | How do you define an "average Aspie"? We're all different and we all want different things from relationships. |
I recall a user here posted of pic of him here and asked the girls' opinions.
Most of the responses were like "you look like a guy we see in the street everyday"
That's the average aspie, the average-looking aspie guy. |
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Asp-Z
Clockwork Planet
Joined: Dec 07, 2009
Posts: 11016
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| Posted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 11:59 am Post subject: |
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| The_Face_of_Boo wrote: | | Asp-Z wrote: | | How do you define an "average Aspie"? We're all different and we all want different things from relationships. |
I recall a user here posted of pic of him here and asked the girls' opinions.
Most of the responses were like "you look like a guy we see in the street everyday"
That's the average aspie, the average-looking aspie guy. |
So the same as any other guy? Then my answer is the same: we all want different things from relationships. I go out seeking partners into BDSM but most people don't, yet according to your definition I'm an "average Aspie". |
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Aspie_Chav
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 07, 2006
Age: 39
Posts: 3025
Location: Croydon
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| Posted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 12:32 pm Post subject: |
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| Asp-Z wrote: | | How do you define an "average Aspie"? We're all different and we all want different things from relationships. |
I remember talking about dating with two ladies. There basic view on dating was, everyone is different so everyone is the same. I don't
think that degree of difference registered with them. I don't think either that these ladies would have helped with the discovery of aspergers |
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noname_ever
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 26, 2011
Posts: 500
Location: Indiana
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| Posted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 1:40 pm Post subject: Re: What kind of relationship does an average aspie get. |
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| Aspie_Chav wrote: | What kind of relationship does an average aspie get. I know what relationship an average NTs gets.
I see it enough get get a idea. It feels like that kind of relationships that the average NTs have with
each other unlikely for an average aspie. Perhaps I will get another kind of relationship though. |
Do you mean those aspies that are diagnosed or have a high suspicion or the people who have no clue about having it and are just different? |
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TruthTree
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Jul 04, 2010
Posts: 58
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| Posted: Tue Apr 03, 2012 11:00 pm Post subject: |
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I think I know what you mean.
I'm NT and my relationships with other NTs were all very similar even though the people themselves were so different. It's almost like both of us knew the script to a 'relationship' and we just had to play our parts. In a NT-NT relationship it was a lot easier to read each other's motivations and feelings from their body language and other subtle ways. If either of us was unhappy with the relationship, it felt natural to talk about it (or scream about it) but it was quite easy to feel resolved about it afterwards. We texted each other 'sweet nothings' on a regular basis and talked to each other on the phone almost every day without even thinking about it. etc.
My current relationship with my aspie is very different, and at first I didn't even realize relationships could be this different. I didn't even know what aspergers was so I really had nooooo idea, and this caused so many problems.
Of course now I understand my husband a lot better and the relationship is very different from my past ones. I don't expect us to be communicating all the time like a NT couple, and I don't expect him to join me in all the random things I like to do so I'm much more comfortable doing things by myself. And I know when we go on social gatherings I should stay next to him to make sure he's not feeling anxious. He gives me the best cuddles in the world. He is completely devoted to me which keeps me devoted to him. I respect him tremendously for his focus and ability. Respect is such an important aspect for me in a relationship and something I found missing for me in relationships with other NTs.
I think NT-AS relationship is more quiet than a NT relationship, and more work emotionally, but sturdier at the foundation as long as you are in touch with that kind of depth.  |
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rabbittss
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 30, 2011
Posts: 1348
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| Posted: Wed Apr 04, 2012 8:02 am Post subject: |
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If you take this sub forum as an indicator I'd say "None".
I myself always seem to get right to the cusp of having a relationship and then it invariably falls apart. |
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Asp-Z
Clockwork Planet
Joined: Dec 07, 2009
Posts: 11016
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| Posted: Wed Apr 04, 2012 8:48 am Post subject: |
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| rabbittss wrote: | | If you take this sub forum as an indicator I'd say "None". |
You can't use forums as an accurate representation of how often any sort of problem occurs because people only make threads when they're asking for help. I don't make threads every day about how awesome my relationship is, but if something were to go wrong and I needed advice/support then I would. See? |
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rabbittss
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 30, 2011
Posts: 1348
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| Posted: Wed Apr 04, 2012 9:38 am Post subject: |
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| Asp-Z wrote: | | rabbittss wrote: | | If you take this sub forum as an indicator I'd say "None". |
You can't use forums as an accurate representation of how often any sort of problem occurs because people only make threads when they're asking for help. I don't make threads every day about how awesome my relationship is, but if something were to go wrong and I needed advice/support then I would. See? |
Of course.
But if I use my own experience as a model, and then collate that with the data presented on the forum.. it does paint a pretty bleak picture. |
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DrDiva
Butterfly
Joined: Mar 25, 2012
Posts: 16
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| Posted: Wed Apr 04, 2012 10:08 am Post subject: |
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I think you can have the relationship you want. You just have to realize that it isn't magic. It is work. Fun work, lovely, lovely work. As in the song, "Nice work if you can get it, and you can get it if you try."
If at first you don't succeed....hide in your apartment?
I think you know the answer there! ( : |
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Asp-Z
Clockwork Planet
Joined: Dec 07, 2009
Posts: 11016
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| Posted: Wed Apr 04, 2012 11:11 am Post subject: |
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| rabbittss wrote: | | Asp-Z wrote: | | rabbittss wrote: | | If you take this sub forum as an indicator I'd say "None". |
You can't use forums as an accurate representation of how often any sort of problem occurs because people only make threads when they're asking for help. I don't make threads every day about how awesome my relationship is, but if something were to go wrong and I needed advice/support then I would. See? |
Of course.
But if I use my own experience as a model, and then collate that with the data presented on the forum.. it does paint a pretty bleak picture. |
Anecdotal evidence is rarely accurate. There are still people who'll tell you MMR causes autism because it apparently happened to their friend's brother, and while I don't think what you're saying about your own experience is inaccurate, you can hardly use it to talk about Aspies in general. If you can do that then I claim all Aspies do S&M on the same grounds. |
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LoveAspie
Emu Egg
Joined: Mar 29, 2012
Posts: 5
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| Posted: Wed Apr 04, 2012 11:46 am Post subject: |
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| I dont know what kind of relationship MOST Aspies get, but I can tell you that most NT's (I am one) live their life according to what they were trained or taught. Most NT girls are taught to go to college, get a job, get married, have children, buy a house, go on vacations. Most NT's are just following this social PLAN. I think that an NT who chooses to commit to an Aspie is acknowledging that that social plan is flawed and that true happiness comes from choosing your own plan....... find someone who doesnt need others approval, who is self confident, and who appreciates honesty and independence. |
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rabbittss
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 30, 2011
Posts: 1348
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| Posted: Wed Apr 04, 2012 11:53 am Post subject: |
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| Asp-Z wrote: | | rabbittss wrote: | | Asp-Z wrote: | | rabbittss wrote: | | If you take this sub forum as an indicator I'd say "None". |
You can't use forums as an accurate representation of how often any sort of problem occurs because people only make threads when they're asking for help. I don't make threads every day about how awesome my relationship is, but if something were to go wrong and I needed advice/support then I would. See? |
Of course.
But if I use my own experience as a model, and then collate that with the data presented on the forum.. it does paint a pretty bleak picture. |
Anecdotal evidence is rarely accurate. There are still people who'll tell you MMR causes autism because it apparently happened to their friend's brother, and while I don't think what you're saying about your own experience is inaccurate, you can hardly use it to talk about Aspies in general. If you can do that then I claim all Aspies do S&M on the same grounds. |
I'm not going to debate you on this. The forum is all the proof I need that there are a lot of really miserable and lonely Aspies in the world, myself among them. But if there are a lot of threads about Aspies being into deviant sexual practices then I've obviously missed them. |
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