gailryder17
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 16, 2011
Age: 16
Posts: 1024
Location: Los Angeles
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 Posted: Tue Jan 03, 2012 11:46 pm Post subject: "You need to learn social skills" |
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I hate being told this. I worked on it for most of my life and I get kinda tired of it.
At the same time, however, I don't want to be the "incompetent" one out. Do you understand what I'm trying to say?
Also, do you dislike being reproached for holding odd views, thus causing you to hide them?
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cinbad
Deinonychus
Joined: Aug 14, 2011
Posts: 366
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| Posted: Wed Jan 04, 2012 2:40 am Post subject: |
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Unfortunately, even NT's need to learn social skills or else we would not be a civilized society and we would have chaos. Having Autism is not an excuse for bad behavior. If you learn anything, then at least learn this, because it will get your farther than any other skill. If you are having trouble learn and perfect one polite skill a week. You will get there. Work on the ones you seem to need the most. Make a list and prioritize.
You don't have to let everyone know your views, just those you know who might have an open mind and give you an honest discussion.
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AspieAshley
Snowy Owl
Joined: Jan 16, 2012
Age: 23
Posts: 174
Location: Bloomington, MN
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| Posted: Mon Jan 16, 2012 7:28 pm Post subject: |
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Social skills are a hoax! The thing is, everybody has their own style of interaction and it's important for parents, teachers, psychologists to recognize that. My experience with social skills training has been that it's all about forcing us to be conventional people, and forcing us to conform. I also never liked the idea of somebody watching you (figuratively) to see that you "learn social skills."
Who in your life is putting pressure on you to learn social skills? Is it something you're doing in school as part of your special ed or IEP program? Are you enrolled in a group that's intended to teach social skills (or even somehow about social skills)? My first advice would be to tell your parents (or whoever is responsible) that you don't want it. Unfortunetly because you are a minor they can force it on you. If they don't listen the first time, keep bugging them and tell them that the idea that you need to learn social skills is harmful to you. |
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Ganondox
Visceral Diety
Joined: Oct 08, 2011
Age: 16
Posts: 3599
Location: Indonesia
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| Posted: Mon Jan 16, 2012 10:56 pm Post subject: |
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| AspieAshley wrote: | Social skills are a hoax! The thing is, everybody has their own style of interaction and it's important for parents, teachers, psychologists to recognize that. My experience with social skills training has been that it's all about forcing us to be conventional people, and forcing us to conform. I also never liked the idea of somebody watching you (figuratively) to see that you "learn social skills."
Who in your life is putting pressure on you to learn social skills? Is it something you're doing in school as part of your special ed or IEP program? Are you enrolled in a group that's intended to teach social skills (or even somehow about social skills)? My first advice would be to tell your parents (or whoever is responsible) that you don't want it. Unfortunetly because you are a minor they can force it on you. If they don't listen the first time, keep bugging them and tell them that the idea that you need to learn social skills is harmful to you. |
Harmful? Being able to interact with people without them thinking you are the biggest as*hole in the world is very beneficial. Yes, there are different ways of interacting, but there are many things that are fairly universal that come natural to most people, but not aspies, but can easily be taught to aspies.
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Ame_Neko
Emu Egg
Joined: Jan 23, 2012
Age: 14
Posts: 7
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| Posted: Tue Jan 24, 2012 7:24 pm Post subject: My Responce |
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I've been told this. "You need to improve your socail skills" Who tells me? My mother, father, and myself. I know I need improvement, so I'm trying to improve. But I do hate whenever people shot down what you say, but what I hate worse is being afraid of saying what your thinking.
My advice? Try to follow the advice of non-aspie people. And not kids, non-aspie kids are jerks most of the time, but adults that you trust. |
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EnglishJess
Princezz
Joined: Dec 19, 2011
Age: 16
Posts: 4624
Location: England
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| Posted: Fri Feb 03, 2012 5:51 pm Post subject: |
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I'm annoyed with poepl saying it.Why can;t I live my life how I wantto live it? I know it's for my own good, but I just can't do it. I need new people who will accept me.
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MeesterZack
Hummingbird
Joined: Feb 13, 2012
Posts: 22
Location: USA
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| Posted: Tue Feb 14, 2012 5:16 pm Post subject: If it makes you happy... |
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| EnglishJess wrote: | | I'm annoyed with poepl saying it.Why can;t I live my life how I wantto live it? I know it's for my own good, but I just can't do it. I need new people who will accept me. |
I hear you, man. I get picked on all the time. Sheryl Crow sings "If it makes you happy/It can't be that bad". Maybe it's not so bad to keep to yourself, say, a little more than others do. |
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MakaylaTheAspie
Zodai's girl
Joined: Jun 22, 2011
Age: 16
Posts: 12822
Location: Aus den USA
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| Posted: Wed Feb 15, 2012 1:03 am Post subject: |
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What is said: "You need to learn social skills."
What should be said: "We need to open our minds a little bit and take in your point of view, not force you to conform to a pointless way of communicating with others."
See the difference? Which looks better to you?
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MeesterZack
Hummingbird
Joined: Feb 13, 2012
Posts: 22
Location: USA
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| Posted: Wed Feb 15, 2012 2:59 pm Post subject: The second one! |
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| MakaylaTheAspie wrote: | What is said: "You need to learn social skills."
What should be said: "We need to open our minds a little bit and take in your point of view, not force you to conform to a pointless way of communicating with others."
See the difference? Which looks better to you? |
The second one! |
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muslimmetalhead
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 30, 2011
Posts: 1072
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| Posted: Sat Mar 24, 2012 3:43 pm Post subject: Re: The second one! |
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| MeesterZack wrote: | | MakaylaTheAspie wrote: | What is said: "You need to learn social skills."
What should be said: "We need to open our minds a little bit and take in your point of view, not force you to conform to a pointless way of communicating with others."
See the difference? Which looks better to you? |
The second one! |
I choose : "You need to open your mind a little bit and take in our point of view, not force us to conform to your pointless way of communicating with others."
You start to get it as you get it older.
Or maybe I just don't get where you're coming from.
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SanityTheorist
Wandering Artist
Joined: Feb 14, 2012
Posts: 2098
Location: The Akuma Afterglow
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| Posted: Tue Apr 03, 2012 2:15 pm Post subject: |
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Having basic social skills is very important. I had to fight like hell to get decent social skills, but it was completely worth it.
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cinbad
Deinonychus
Joined: Aug 14, 2011
Posts: 366
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| Posted: Tue Apr 03, 2012 2:45 pm Post subject: |
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Social skills are basic rules of respect. Without them, humanity would never be able to get along with or understand each other. It is a sign that you recognize that the other person has value and deserves not to be treated badly.
When you have the ability and you choose to learn these rules and apply them, you are called high functioning and are respected as a sane and valued human being. People enjoy being around you and you can appreciate that others will treat you with the same respect.
If you deny that these rules are appropriate and think you deserve to be treated with respect even though you don't think the same rules apply to you, then you are essentially denying yourself a huge chunk of the population as friends. If you cannot learn and apply them, then you should associate yourself with like minded individuals and live within the chaos that "no rules" creates. Or consider the fact that no one will take you seriously or respect you as an intelligent, sensitive, thinking human being. If they continue to take the lack of social courtesy from you, then they will eventually not want to be around you. It is interpreted as abuse.
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Apple_in_my_Eye
I don't remember
Joined: May 08, 2008
Age: 44
Posts: 3947
Location: in my brain
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| Posted: Tue Apr 03, 2012 3:03 pm Post subject: |
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| I thought that "courtesy" and "social skills" were two different thIngs. I was always good at courtesy (the "formal, stilted" thing), but that doesn't win you friends. |
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fraac
Tufted Titmouse
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Joined: Mar 24, 2011
Posts: 1865
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| Posted: Tue Apr 03, 2012 3:09 pm Post subject: |
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| cinbad wrote: | | Social skills are basic rules of respect. Without them, humanity would never be able to get along with or understand each other. It is a sign that you recognize that the other person has value and deserves not to be treated badly. |
That's politeness. Social skills are like lying and flattery and stuff. |
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cinbad
Deinonychus
Joined: Aug 14, 2011
Posts: 366
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| Posted: Tue Apr 03, 2012 3:26 pm Post subject: |
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Social skills are a broad term that encompasses a general range of skills, that includes lying, insulting and speaking inappropriately. A basic definition from socialskills.org:
"Social skills can be defined as the set of skills people use to interact and communicate with one another.
Examples of social skills include: how to greet someone, turn-taking in conversation, skills involved in maintaining conversation, engaging in eye contact, to name a few."
Being polite is another general term for all of these skills.
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