mellisamouse
Sea Gull
Joined: Dec 27, 2010
Age: 40
Posts: 212
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 Posted: Mon Apr 02, 2012 4:11 am Post subject: being interupted makes me feel invisible |
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My boyfriend, NEVER and I mean NEVER, lets me complete a full sentence unless other people are around. I really don't think I can take it much more. Your mate is supposed to make you feel loved and respected, but he makes me feel completely invisible and unworthy. Nothing I say ever matters, beause, well, he has never let me finish a sentence to even get to know what it is I am gonna say.
How can he even know me if he won't hear me?
Why should I stay with someone who constantly dismisses me just because "he" loves me so much?
He makes me feel like crap.
Isn't it logical to avoid people and situations that make you feel like crap?
Being ignored is like never ending suffering and I just can't wait to get away from him and talk to someone, ANYONE who will listen so I can feel like I exsist again...
Just a rant, Thanks for listening. |
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OliveOilMom
Queen of cans and jars
Joined: Nov 12, 2011
Posts: 6990
Location: Living in Faulkner's nightmare
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| Posted: Mon Apr 02, 2012 4:15 am Post subject: |
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Next time he does it, take a deep breath and say calmly but in a voice loud enough to overshadow his "Oh, excuse me for talking while you were interrupting. Go ahead. I'll finish when you're done"
If you don't feel like you can do that, then let him finish and take up right exactly where you left off. Midsentence, midword, anything. Like you didn't hear him.
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Frances
I can be a little much sometimes. |
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mellisamouse
Sea Gull
Joined: Dec 27, 2010
Age: 40
Posts: 212
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| Posted: Mon Apr 02, 2012 4:35 am Post subject: |
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Thanks Olive mom, I am gunna start trying different stargeties. I do love him, but I feel ten times lonlier when he is around then when he is not here. It is soooooooo hard. I wanted a boyfriend so I wouldn't be lonely. Now I am lonlier. I go to bed alone every night because he is married to his computer. We were trying for a fresh start but I am loosing all hope.  |
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The_Face_of_Boo
A savage
Joined: Jun 17, 2010
Age: 31
Posts: 9648
Location: Beirut ,Lebanon
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| Posted: Mon Apr 02, 2012 4:36 am Post subject: |
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This is an as*hole behavior.
I'd directly confront him, interrupting every time is a complete lack of manners.
and i'd play 'you'll sleep on the couch tonight' card if I were you. |
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diniesaur
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 03, 2011
Posts: 639
Location: in the Ministry of Silly Walks
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| Posted: Mon Apr 02, 2012 12:41 pm Post subject: |
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| Tell him (maybe in an email so he can't interrupt you?) how it makes you feel when he interrupts you, and tell him that it will be hard to continue your relationship if he continues to interrupt you like that. I try to avoid "hinting." |
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CrazyStarlightRedux
Fake Kiwi
Joined: Jan 14, 2012
Age: 23
Posts: 1028
Location: Manchester, UK.
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| Posted: Mon Apr 02, 2012 1:33 pm Post subject: |
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| The_Face_of_Boo wrote: | This is an as*hole behavior.
I'd directly confront him, interrupting every time is a complete lack of manners.
and i'd play 'you'll sleep on the couch tonight' card if I were you. |
Contradicting what you are against there mate. Especially when sleeping on the coach part doesn't help build marriages or relationships either.
A better idea would be to tell him that you feel he's undermining you.
If he carry on, I would just give him an ultimatum to fix his arrogant ways or you'll leave/kick him out of the house.
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Just a guy who gives advice and talks a lot. |
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jagatai
Idiot
Joined: Feb 22, 2010
Age: 48
Posts: 1316
Location: Los Angeles
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| Posted: Mon Apr 02, 2012 3:35 pm Post subject: |
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If he is doing this sort of thing to you only when there are no other people around, I would suspect it is a conscious act to put you down and "keep you in your place." If he behaved this way with anyone, then I would suspect it was just a bad habit on his part, but it sounds like there is some deeper issue that is pushing him to do this to you.
He needs to be willing to listen to you. If he won't, it tells you that he doesn't value you as a person, but only as someone he can put down to make himself feel better. A relationship without mutual respect and good will is likely to be more damaging than helpful. It's possible that if you two can have an honest discussion and he doesn't try to prevent you from discussing your concerns, you may be able to work this out.
I hope you can work it out with him, but if he is unwilling to change, I hope you will find somebody better.
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Ring the bell that still can ring / Forget your perfect offering /
There is a crack, a crack in everything / That's how the light gets in.
(Anthem - Leonard Cohen) |
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Chronos
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 23, 2010
Posts: 5231
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| Posted: Mon Apr 02, 2012 7:04 pm Post subject: Re: being interupted makes me feel invisible |
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Sometimes people do this because they're worried they won't get to say what they have to say, or you might throw too many points at them at once so they feel compelled to respond to them.
Others interrupt because they have difficulty determining when the other person is done talking. There might be a short pause and they think that is their cue to speak. Additionally, they might come from environments where they had to get in what they wanted to say quickly, or they wouldn't get a chance to say it.
Next time he does it tell him very firmly to stop interrupting you and let you finish. Tell him he will get his chance to respond when you're done. If you have to talk over him to say this and tell him you're not going to listen to what he has to say if he has interrupted you.
You really need to let people who have a problem interrupting that know that it is not acceptable, and that they will get their chance to speak. |
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myth
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 17, 2011
Age: 27
Posts: 707
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| Posted: Tue Apr 03, 2012 7:56 am Post subject: |
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I also hate being interrupted. My family used to pretty much tune out my monologueing and would interrupt me with a completely unrelated sentance when I was in the middle of a story. I guess you can't blame them since I kind of tend to ramble a lot.. but I have things to say.. and I'd like them to be heard. To this day it irritates me when someone does it mainly because of the way my family treated me when I was young.
HOWEVER, I'd also like to point out that there are several aspie traits that can contribute to other people "interrupting":
1. As mentioned above, a tendency to monologue. If it's hard for someone else to get a word in edgewise, then anything they ever try to say will be an interruption.
2. Somewhat related to number 1 - it can be hard for aspies to understand the natural ebb and flow of conversation and therefore the other person's natural "tempo" which may be perfectly normal, is interrupting to aspies. Because their conversational flow is abnormal
3. Sometimes people on the spectrum tend to take time to process what they are about to say before they say it. My husband is like this and as a result has a speech delay. For that reason, he will at times claim that I interrupted him first when I started speaking audibly before he did because he had started the process of "speaking" in his mind long before the actual words come out.
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Non-NT something. Married to a diagnosed aspie.
Nothing is absolute. |
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mellisamouse
Sea Gull
Joined: Dec 27, 2010
Age: 40
Posts: 212
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| Posted: Tue Apr 03, 2012 7:48 pm Post subject: |
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| jagatai wrote: | If he is doing this sort of thing to you only when there are no other people around, I would suspect it is a conscious act to put you down and "keep you in your place." If he behaved this way with anyone, then I would suspect it was just a bad habit on his part, but it sounds like there is some deeper issue that is pushing him to do this to you.
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That is how I feel.... like this is passive agressive behavior, and I wish he would just get it out whatever it is, or leave and do us both a favour.
I feel like being with someone I no longer have an emotional connection with is a waist of every minute, of every hour, of every day.
I used to be such a happy bubbly person, and now I am just down allllll the time.
Thanks for listening everyone. It sure helps. |
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mellisamouse
Sea Gull
Joined: Dec 27, 2010
Age: 40
Posts: 212
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| Posted: Tue Apr 03, 2012 7:54 pm Post subject: Re: being interupted makes me feel invisible |
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| Chronos wrote: | Sometimes people do this because they're worried they won't get to say what they have to say, or you might throw too many points at them at once so they feel compelled to respond to them.
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I wish that were the case, because then I could change my OWN behavior, which is so easy. But I litterally can't even get a few words out.
He even asks a question, to interupt with something else, like asking questions is a fun game for him to have more interuption opportunities.
If he did this to EVEREYONE, or even ANYONE else, it might not hurt so much.
I tried to break up with him last week and he called me the next day crying and begging for me to take him back.
I told him things have to change or forget it.
They just seem more depressing now that I feel I "missed my chance" to get the break up overwith.
I wish he could get out his issues and give us a fresh start and move on.
It took me months to have the courage to break it off, and now I feel stuck all over again. |
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mellisamouse
Sea Gull
Joined: Dec 27, 2010
Age: 40
Posts: 212
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| Posted: Tue Apr 03, 2012 7:58 pm Post subject: |
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| myth wrote: | I also hate being interrupted. My family used to pretty much tune out my monologueing and would interrupt me with a completely unrelated sentance when I was in the middle of a story. I guess you can't blame them since I kind of tend to ramble a lot.. but I have things to say.. and I'd like them to be heard. To this day it irritates me when someone does it mainly because of the way my family treated me when I was young.
HOWEVER, I'd also like to point out that there are several aspie traits that can contribute to other people "interrupting":
1. As mentioned above, a tendency to monologue. If it's hard for someone else to get a word in edgewise, then anything they ever try to say will be an interruption.
2. Somewhat related to number 1 - it can be hard for aspies to understand the natural ebb and flow of conversation and therefore the other person's natural "tempo" which may be perfectly normal, is interrupting to aspies. Because their conversational flow is abnormal
3. Sometimes people on the spectrum tend to take time to process what they are about to say before they say it. My husband is like this and as a result has a speech delay. For that reason, he will at times claim that I interrupted him first when I started speaking audibly before he did because he had started the process of "speaking" in his mind long before the actual words come out. |
You could have some good points there.
we ARE both Aspies.... I am the thinker, he is the interupter..... I will try my best to take it a little less personaly for a while and see if it helps.
Talking used to be a joy for me though.... now it makes me depressed to even think about trying to speak.... to the ONE person who should be closest to me. |
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Maerlyn138
Velociraptor
Joined: Nov 03, 2005
Age: 41
Posts: 476
Location: The Island of Misfit Toys
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| Posted: Wed Apr 04, 2012 9:06 am Post subject: |
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Just break up with him. If that's the way he naturally treats you then don't bother trying to change him, just move on.
_________________
We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams.
Aspie score: 159 of 200 NT score: 64 of 200
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mellisamouse
Sea Gull
Joined: Dec 27, 2010
Age: 40
Posts: 212
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| Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2012 9:31 pm Post subject: |
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| Maerlyn138 wrote: | | Just break up with him. If that's the way he naturally treats you then don't bother trying to change him, just move on. |
It sounds so logical and simple that way.... if it were that easy......  |
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Maerlyn138
Velociraptor
Joined: Nov 03, 2005
Age: 41
Posts: 476
Location: The Island of Misfit Toys
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| Posted: Mon Apr 09, 2012 5:27 am Post subject: |
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| mellisamouse wrote: | | Maerlyn138 wrote: | | Just break up with him. If that's the way he naturally treats you then don't bother trying to change him, just move on. |
It sounds so logical and simple that way.... if it were that easy...... |
But, it is. If you tell him how you feel and he doesn't respect it then it's over. You can't have a successfull relationship with someon who doesn't respect you. Why is it hard to end it?
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We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams.
Aspie score: 159 of 200 NT score: 64 of 200
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