| Which describes your situation most accurately? |
| I'M A MAN. I am married or in a steady relationship and have never experienced dating problems. |
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1% |
[ 2 ] |
| I'M A MAN. I am married or in a steady relationship, but I used to have dating problems in the past. |
|
8% |
[ 14 ] |
| I'M A MAN. I am currently single, but I don't have any problems with dating in general. |
|
6% |
[ 11 ] |
| I'M A MAN. I am single, and I do experience chronic dating problems, which might be AS-related. |
|
46% |
[ 78 ] |
| I'M A WOMAN. I am married or in a steady relationship and have never experienced dating problems. |
|
4% |
[ 8 ] |
| I'M A WOMAN. I am married or in a steady relationship, but I used to have dating problems in the past. |
|
10% |
[ 18 ] |
| I'M A WOMAN. I am currently single, but I don't have any problems with dating in general. |
|
2% |
[ 4 ] |
| I'M A WOMAN. I am single, and I do experience chronic dating problems, which might be AS-related. |
|
20% |
[ 34 ] |
|
| Total Votes : 169 |
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New-Yorker
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Feb 12, 2012
Posts: 31
Location: New York City
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 Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2012 12:14 am Post subject: How is your dating/relationship life? |
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I'm a man and, unfortunately, I have been experiencing dating difficulties for the past decade or so. I tend to think that these difficulties have a lot to do with the way I present myself, which, in turn, may very well be due to undiagnosed AS.
Of course, I maintain the optimisic composure: even if I do turn out to have AS, I'm determined to override its symptoms and get myself a happy relationship (marriage). |
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littlelily613
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 12, 2011
Age: 29
Posts: 3607
Location: Canada
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| Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2012 12:25 am Post subject: |
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I'm female, and I picked the chronic dating problems, though I don't know if you could exactly call it that. I don't have dating problems per se since I've never dated anyone. My dating life is completely 100% non-existant. I will be 28 years old in less than a week, and I have never had any relationship at all. I am not exactly a magnet for the opposite sex--with looks or personality--but even if I did attract people, I wouldn't know how to have a relationship. I can't hold a conversation for very long (even if you think you are having a conversation with me sometimes, it soon stops progressing and sort of goes to a loop of me repeating things I've already said because my mind isn't moving as fast as the conversation should be. I get entangled in it, then find a way to move on so I can get out of the situation). I am not opposed to future relationships, but I honestly do not believe I will ever have one.
Edit: And I didn't pick the, "I have no problems" option because technically I do have these social issues which I attribute to Autism.
_________________
Diagnosed with classic Autism
AQ score= 48
PDD assessment score= 170 (severe PDD)
EQ=8 SQ=93 (Extreme Systemizer)
Alexithymia Quiz=164/185 (high)
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webcam
Velociraptor
Joined: Feb 09, 2012
Posts: 427
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| Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2012 12:34 am Post subject: |
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Hmmm... not really sure how to answer this one... I'm in a relationship which is going pretty good except for not getting laid (dating since the end of January) and we're both really busy with school and work.
A good excuse to ask for suggestions to speed things along? She's probably NT but we have alot in common with communication problems cuz she's foreign. I'm starting to think I'm not an aspie BTW. Still neurodiverse though. |
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ValentineWiggin
Yup.
Joined: May 16, 2011
Posts: 4879
Location: Beneath my cat's paw
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| Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2012 12:40 am Post subject: |
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I like how they all begin with caps. 
I'M A WOMAN. ~beats chest~
+ I'm in a relationship + I experience dating problems
_________________
"Such is the Frailty
of the human Heart, that very few Men, who have no Property, have any Judgment of their own.
They talk and vote as they are directed by Some Man of Property, who has attached their Minds
to his Interest." |
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webcam
Velociraptor
Joined: Feb 09, 2012
Posts: 427
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| Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2012 1:03 am Post subject: |
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| ValentineWiggin wrote: | I like how they all begin with caps.
I'M A WOMAN. ~beats chest~
+ I'm in a relationship + I experience dating problems |
So whats a common dating problem when dating an aspergirl? Does it only happen with NTs or both? How do you solve it?
I'm in no way saying that you are the problem btw. I'm just looking for experiential solutions and wisdom in case I ever date an aspie chick. |
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c0bo
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Jan 30, 2012
Age: 23
Posts: 63
Location: London UK
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| Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2012 1:40 am Post subject: |
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I'M A MAN. I am single, and I do experience chronic dating problems, which might be AS-related.
I don't know if other Aspie males have this problem but when ever I see a girl I'm a attracted I have a fear of going up to her and talk or to dance with her, I also have a tenacity to staring at her.
_________________
I am a Aspie and I'm proud of it. |
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Letsrave
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Mar 27, 2012
Age: 28
Posts: 38
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| Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2012 1:48 am Post subject: |
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I am terrible with forming relationships and have a pretty crazy life as far as dating. Ive only had 5 or 6 girls I called my "girlfriend" in my life. Most lasted about a month with the exception of a 5 year relationship. I sometimes go months without sex and without any frustration, but I develop an urge to go get laid for a feeling of normalcy. Ive found that if I force myself to think and talk about sexual topics with the girls around me I have far more success. Until recently I had givin up seeking a partner and resigned myself to only pursuing sex. Everytime I pursue more than sex from a girl she is scarred off  |
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That70sKid
Emu Egg
Joined: Mar 31, 2012
Age: 40
Posts: 5
Location: Hobart, Indiana (aka Snoresville, USA)
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| Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2012 1:50 am Post subject: |
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| I'm a man, pushing 40, who would, if anything, LOVE to have a girlfriend. But, then again, however, I've had MORE of my share of arguments, kid gloves, and bullsh** lip service (or brown-nosing or "kissing ass" for lack of a better term, sorry, pardon my French) being rammed down my throat within my lifetime so far. And to those who think they know me well, it wasn't on account of my AS, it was just "my stubborn refusal to show a humble attitude" (Mind you, I am NOT by any means copping an attitude nor am I pushing any double standards on anybody; plus, I happen to be VERY tolerant of other people's opinions. The bottom line is, I had issues, and still do, with people, even those from high school, who insist on going out of their way riding and blowing up sh** in my face about me that isn't even true, and the cock-and-bull false pretenses behind it.) |
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ebec11
If only I could fly...
Joined: Jan 18, 2008
Age: 20
Posts: 7029
Location: Ottawa, Ontario
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| Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2012 2:19 am Post subject: |
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| Erm, it was hard for me to choose because while I haven't really had dating problems before, that's because this is my first steady relationship It's been three months now |
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johnsmcjohn
ad hominem
Joined: Jun 02, 2011
Posts: 1213
Location: Las Vegas
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| Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2012 2:32 am Post subject: |
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I selected "Single and no problems" but I am asexual. I've been single for 10 years(and am totally ok with that) so I'm probably not the usual case. Your mileage may vary.
_________________
Your Aspie score: 181 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 30 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie
Myers-Briggs: INTJ
AQ: 44 |
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Ai_Ling
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 16, 2010
Age: 24
Posts: 1832
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| Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2012 4:39 am Post subject: |
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| Well Im female and I'm single and I do have dating problems. I wouldn't consider then "chronic" really. There are problems that do relate to AS. My main problem is my inability to develop an adequate social circle but really I don't have any more problems relating to guys then your normal girl. I can make pretty good conversation but I have a hard time meeting people in person and getting things going even if its just a casual acquaintance. I do have friends and acquaintance's, just a lot less then most NTs. So I have opted for online dating, but I'm not really that into it a whole lot anymore. I second problem is that I scare off guys with my emotional issues. So I took a 1 year hiatus from any sorta dating or pursuing of guys after realizing that I will never have a steady bf unless I get things together. |
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League_Girl
Proud mamma
Joined: Feb 05, 2010
Posts: 13485
Location: My house
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| Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2012 5:07 am Post subject: |
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I am between" I'M A WOMAN. I am married or in a steady relationship and have never experienced dating problems" and "I'M A WOMAN. I am married or in a steady relationship, but I used to have dating problems in the past."
I could not get a date in real life. I was shy and when a man would talk to me, they would never ask me for my number or email or even ask me out. I wonder if I missed a social cue or something or if I was supposed to make a move or I put off a body language indicating I didn't like them. Online I met my first ex because he was the first to message me on myspace talking about getting together and playing video games. Then after that relationship I started finding men online using a dating site. I found that a lot easier than real life because I had all these men messaging me. Then I met my other ex and I moved and was with him for a month and then we split up and then I met all these other men from online and then I met my husband on a forum. But none my last two relationships were good. But my marriage is good. |
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ValentineWiggin
Yup.
Joined: May 16, 2011
Posts: 4879
Location: Beneath my cat's paw
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| Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2012 5:14 am Post subject: |
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| webcam wrote: | | ValentineWiggin wrote: | I like how they all begin with caps.
I'M A WOMAN. ~beats chest~
+ I'm in a relationship + I experience dating problems |
So whats a common dating problem when dating an aspergirl? Does it only happen with NTs or both? How do you solve it?
I'm in no way saying that you are the problem btw. I'm just looking for experiential solutions and wisdom in case I ever date an aspie chick. |
I can't speak from experience: I AM the Aspergirl in question,
and I'm no more representative of Autistics than any other random spectrumite.
With me, my partners have faced:
my asexuality + sexual aversion
restrictive + compulsive disorders (binging/starving)
social anxiety- I have no friends and will probably not be able to meet yours for a long, long time, if ever
(These aren't even Aspergers per se, only co-morbids)
my severe executive dysfunction- procrastination/internet addiction/running late/managing money
my cognitive deficits- telling time on an analog clock, math skills
my inability to empathize with non-deductive thought processes
my obsessions- social sciences, gender theories, free thinking, and leftist thought in particular; and also (contrastingly) all things domestic- decorating, cooking (especially baking) and general homemaking skills
my childishness- I'm very easily hurt, and oscillate between professorlike assholish opining and little girl-esque emotional fragility
my sensory issues- overhead lights are the biggest no-no's, followed by loud sounds, light stroking of my skin is excruciating, but heavy touch such as pressure is welcomed
my eccentricities, especially food-related- I'm an ethical vegan, and have hyposensitivity to taste and also gain weight extremely easily. When I make a meal, it has to be less than 100 calories, and is usually drowned in a condiment or spices, lest it make me gag. It's not uncommon, however. for me to go on a multiple day 20+ thousand calorie binge on gas station garbage. This is aside from general, logic-based food prep differences, like cooking, serving, eating, and storing food in one container, as opposed to dirtying four by moving it from container to container. I try to drink two gallons of fluid a day.
my 3 AM cathartic singing + piano playing sessions, wherein I lose myself in Elton John as tears stream down my face and I overuse the sostenuto
my inability to recognize non-literal language, with the exceptions of the Colbert Report and The Onion
Hm. I guess these are more relationship-oriented than "dating" per se.
It's only recently I've ever even been on a date, and that was thanks to OKC.
On dates, usually my biggest obstacles are inability to discuss things outside my interests, and my lack of eye contact. And that I give off a non-sexual, downright prudish "vibe", it would appear.
This list has likely been more helpful to me than anyone reading.
_________________
"Such is the Frailty
of the human Heart, that very few Men, who have no Property, have any Judgment of their own.
They talk and vote as they are directed by Some Man of Property, who has attached their Minds
to his Interest." |
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OJani
a brat
Joined: Feb 24, 2011
Age: 40
Posts: 2320
Location: Budapest, Hungary, Europe
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| Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2012 6:04 am Post subject: |
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First, I welcome that this poll has different options for men and women, unlike the recent topic on sexual orientation. This way we will see at last which gender has it harder when it comes to romantic relationships and marriage.
I went with the last option for men, but as you might know I was dx'd with frickin' PDD-NOS which I don't believe describes me (if it can 'describe' anyone at all, such vague and meaningless category).
I had my first relationship with a woman at age 36. Before that I was approached by a girl during the years at the Uni, but honestly I didn't have a clue what to do with it, I was so much off and naive.
My first relationship lasted about a year, and after that I had another that lasted two months. Since then I had none.
A few months ago I believed in internet dating, but now I feel disappointed, disillusioned altogether, as I find chatting up women via the net just as much tiring and meaningless as in real life, of even more so.
In real life I seem to be able to hold a conversation with a woman for quite long, I chat about my interests (there are quite a few topics I can talk about), but somehow I 'give off the wrong vibes', or don't do something what other men do, IDK, so in the end I have no progress, no achievement, no girlfriend, no nothing.
I don't know what to do, maybe an advertisement in a women's magazine? I've just turned 39 and I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Or maybe it's the train, on one nice day I will welcome that, sorry.
_________________
Another non-English speaking - DX'd at age 38
"Aut viam inveniam aut faciam." (Hannibal) - Latin for "I'll either find a way or make one."
Last edited by OJani on Thu Apr 05, 2012 6:07 am; edited 1 time in total |
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ValentineWiggin
Yup.
Joined: May 16, 2011
Posts: 4879
Location: Beneath my cat's paw
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| Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2012 6:06 am Post subject: |
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| OJani wrote: | | This way we will see at last which gender has it harder when it comes to romantic relationships and marriage. |
ROFL. The two dozen problems with self-selection bias and non-representative sampling aside.
_________________
"Such is the Frailty
of the human Heart, that very few Men, who have no Property, have any Judgment of their own.
They talk and vote as they are directed by Some Man of Property, who has attached their Minds
to his Interest." |
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