| Which describes your situation most accurately? |
| I'M A MAN. I am married or in a steady relationship and have never experienced dating problems. |
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1% |
[ 2 ] |
| I'M A MAN. I am married or in a steady relationship, but I used to have dating problems in the past. |
|
8% |
[ 14 ] |
| I'M A MAN. I am currently single, but I don't have any problems with dating in general. |
|
6% |
[ 11 ] |
| I'M A MAN. I am single, and I do experience chronic dating problems, which might be AS-related. |
|
46% |
[ 78 ] |
| I'M A WOMAN. I am married or in a steady relationship and have never experienced dating problems. |
|
4% |
[ 8 ] |
| I'M A WOMAN. I am married or in a steady relationship, but I used to have dating problems in the past. |
|
10% |
[ 18 ] |
| I'M A WOMAN. I am currently single, but I don't have any problems with dating in general. |
|
2% |
[ 4 ] |
| I'M A WOMAN. I am single, and I do experience chronic dating problems, which might be AS-related. |
|
20% |
[ 34 ] |
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| Total Votes : 169 |
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OJani
a brat
Joined: Feb 24, 2011
Age: 40
Posts: 2320
Location: Budapest, Hungary, Europe
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 Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2012 6:13 am Post subject: |
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| ValentineWiggin wrote: | | OJani wrote: | | This way we will see at last which gender has it harder when it comes to romantic relationships and marriage. |
ROFL. The two dozen problems with self-selection bias and non-representative sampling aside. |
No poll is perfect. Thank you for brushing off this issue so neatly. |
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Heidi80
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 05, 2011
Age: 33
Posts: 507
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| Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2012 7:54 am Post subject: |
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| I'm a woman and am in a relationship with another aspie woman. Usually everything is ok, but sometimes when we're both overloaded there can be fights over nothing. It took it's time to get to understand each other's routines, special interests etc, but now everything is fine |
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CockneyRebel
Mick Avory, Sensitive brown-eyed Sweet Pea
Joined: Jul 18, 2004
Age: 38
Posts: 87192
Location: In a quiet and peaceful garden, where gentle Mick Avory-like Sweet Peas grow.
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infinitenull
Velociraptor
Joined: Jan 01, 2012
Posts: 466
Location: Home in the desert
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| Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2012 8:10 am Post subject: |
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I voted "I'M A MAN. I am single, and I do experience chronic dating problems, which might be AS-related."
yet I dont strongly identify as manly man... and am asexual: which is actually my primary dating problem (since dating situations that dont lead to sex tend to end and as a result relationships dont really seem worth it)
However...
I do suspect that some of my asexuality is associated with Aspergers like disinterest in connecting emotionally to people the way that everyone else assumes that the whole world is supposed to...
So when I have tried in the past, yeah I have had problems... but I don't try because its not really something I want.
_________________
er um... w.. eh... y.. you cant hear me um like.................. stammer on the internet ha ha ha  |
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Taybot97
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Feb 23, 2012
Posts: 186
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| Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2012 8:58 am Post subject: |
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| I am a male an at least have a dating life. I chose in relationship and used to have problems because it matched me best. I'm in a relationship and still have problems, they're mostly me and fixable but they are still problems. |
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katwithhat
Toucan
Joined: Mar 01, 2012
Age: 37
Posts: 271
Location: Who knows
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| Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2012 9:22 am Post subject: |
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I am a woman who has been divorced twice. I have not been able to find someone who can put up with my basic neurotics longer than a few years. I am called cold, uncaring, controlling, a poor communicator,extremely OCD, childish, a liar, unwilling to change, a loser, friendless and lazy. I believe most all of those have something to do with AS.
_________________
I see your lips moving, but all I hear is, oh, look!!! A cat... |
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ValentineWiggin
Yup.
Joined: May 16, 2011
Posts: 4879
Location: Beneath my cat's paw
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| Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2012 11:06 am Post subject: |
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| OJani wrote: | | ValentineWiggin wrote: | | OJani wrote: | | This way we will see at last which gender has it harder when it comes to romantic relationships and marriage. |
ROFL. The two dozen problems with self-selection bias and non-representative sampling aside. |
No poll is perfect. Thank you for brushing off this issue so neatly. |
I was laughing at the implication that this one was the exception.
_________________
"Such is the Frailty
of the human Heart, that very few Men, who have no Property, have any Judgment of their own.
They talk and vote as they are directed by Some Man of Property, who has attached their Minds
to his Interest." |
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Frankleton
Butterfly
Joined: Apr 02, 2012
Age: 20
Posts: 11
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| Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2012 12:24 pm Post subject: |
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As far as dating is concerned, I'm pretty useless!
I talk to quite a few girls who i would genuinely consider to be my friends. There is one that I fancy at the moment and we get on fairly well, but recently our conversations have been cut short due to my inability to think of a topic that would be appropriate to that particular situation or time. I feel so boring because I more or less say the same thing to her every time that i see her so I better start getting creative lol.
But I'm not losing hope because I'm sure that somewhere out there is a girl who I'm destined to be with and who will understand. In the meantime, I will learn how to become more interesting in regards to conversation haha. |
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ScientistOfSound
Hope I die before I get old
Joined: May 22, 2011
Age: 18
Posts: 1014
Location: In an evil testing facility
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| Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2012 12:44 pm Post subject: |
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Where is the option for...
I am a man, and I do not want to be in relationships full stop? |
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webcam
Velociraptor
Joined: Feb 09, 2012
Posts: 427
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| Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2012 12:51 pm Post subject: |
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| ValentineWiggin wrote: | | webcam wrote: | | ValentineWiggin wrote: | I like how they all begin with caps.
I'M A WOMAN. ~beats chest~
+ I'm in a relationship + I experience dating problems |
So whats a common dating problem when dating an aspergirl? Does it only happen with NTs or both? How do you solve it?
I'm in no way saying that you are the problem btw. I'm just looking for experiential solutions and wisdom in case I ever date an aspie chick. |
I can't speak from experience: I AM the Aspergirl in question,
and I'm no more representative of Autistics than any other random spectrumite.
With me, my partners have faced:
my asexuality + sexual aversion
restrictive + compulsive disorders (binging/starving)
social anxiety- I have no friends and will probably not be able to meet yours for a long, long time, if ever
(These aren't even Aspergers per se, only co-morbids)
my severe executive dysfunction- procrastination/internet addiction/running late/managing money
my cognitive deficits- telling time on an analog clock, math skills
my inability to empathize with non-deductive thought processes
my obsessions- social sciences, gender theories, free thinking, and leftist thought in particular; and also (contrastingly) all things domestic- decorating, cooking (especially baking) and general homemaking skills
my childishness- I'm very easily hurt, and oscillate between professorlike assholish opining and little girl-esque emotional fragility
my sensory issues- overhead lights are the biggest no-no's, followed by loud sounds, light stroking of my skin is excruciating, but heavy touch such as pressure is welcomed
my eccentricities, especially food-related- I'm an ethical vegan, and have hyposensitivity to taste and also gain weight extremely easily. When I make a meal, it has to be less than 100 calories, and is usually drowned in a condiment or spices, lest it make me gag. It's not uncommon, however. for me to go on a multiple day 20+ thousand calorie binge on gas station garbage. This is aside from general, logic-based food prep differences, like cooking, serving, eating, and storing food in one container, as opposed to dirtying four by moving it from container to container. I try to drink two gallons of fluid a day.
my 3 AM cathartic singing + piano playing sessions, wherein I lose myself in Elton John as tears stream down my face and I overuse the sostenuto
my inability to recognize non-literal language, with the exceptions of the Colbert Report and The Onion
Hm. I guess these are more relationship-oriented than "dating" per se.
It's only recently I've ever even been on a date, and that was thanks to OKC.
On dates, usually my biggest obstacles are inability to discuss things outside my interests, and my lack of eye contact. And that I give off a non-sexual, downright prudish "vibe", it would appear.
This list has likely been more helpful to me than anyone reading. |
Wow where are you from? we might make a pretty good match. I've got a girl ATM though. Everything but the sex sounds like stuff I could handle.
I'd love a woman like you, your obsessions sound pretty compatible to mine. I love singing and piano BTW, you could sing me into just about anything. I would just need regular sex and things would be about perfect for me.
Have you ever thought about doing a comparative analysis of the Colbert Report and Onion to see what they have in common that makes them understandable to you? |
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readingbetweenlines
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 29, 2010
Posts: 621
Location: UK
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| Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2012 3:10 pm Post subject: |
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| OJani wrote: | First, I welcome that this poll has different options for men and women, unlike the recent topic on sexual orientation. This way we will see at last which gender has it harder when it comes to romantic relationships and marriage.
I went with the last option for men, but as you might know I was dx'd with frickin' PDD-NOS which I don't believe describes me (if it can 'describe' anyone at all, such vague and meaningless category).
I had my first relationship with a woman at age 36. Before that I was approached by a girl during the years at the Uni, but honestly I didn't have a clue what to do with it, I was so much off and naive.
My first relationship lasted about a year, and after that I had another that lasted two months. Since then I had none.
A few months ago I believed in internet dating, but now I feel disappointed, disillusioned altogether, as I find chatting up women via the net just as much tiring and meaningless as in real life, of even more so.
In real life I seem to be able to hold a conversation with a woman for quite long, I chat about my interests (there are quite a few topics I can talk about), but somehow I 'give off the wrong vibes', or don't do something what other men do, IDK, so in the end I have no progress, no achievement, no girlfriend, no nothing.
I don't know what to do, maybe an advertisement in a women's magazine? I've just turned 39 and I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Or maybe it's the train, on one nice day I will welcome that, sorry. |
I think you're being too hard on yourself. If your very first relationship lasted a year you are doing better than most NTs. Honestly not trying to patronise you.
You sound like a slightly old fashioned person (in a good way), have you considered evening classes? Combining education with the chance of meeting a few new people in a non threatening environment means that even if you don't find a woman you like you haven't wasted your time.
_________________
I have traveled extensively in Concord (Thoreau) |
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OJani
a brat
Joined: Feb 24, 2011
Age: 40
Posts: 2320
Location: Budapest, Hungary, Europe
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| Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2012 4:55 pm Post subject: |
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| readingbetweenlines wrote: |
I think you're being too hard on yourself. If your very first relationship lasted a year you are doing better than most NTs. Honestly not trying to patronise you.
You sound like a slightly old fashioned person (in a good way), have you considered evening classes? Combining education with the chance of meeting a few new people in a non threatening environment means that even if you don't find a woman you like you haven't wasted your time. |
Thanks. I have been in adult education (courses) for six years without much success at connecting with other people there. You wouldn't believe that I was alone during recesses most of the time. Well, I could speak to some people and I have a good acquaintance from there who is a bit weird himself, but that's all. I haven't seen any possibility or opportunity for dating with someone there.
It's interesting that you see me as slightly old fashioned, as in real life I sound and look younger to my age. It could be my voice and my appearance, though. Confusing, eh? |
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Tuttle
Not a bird, a turtle.
Joined: Mar 27, 2006
Age: 24
Posts: 2592
Location: Massachusetts
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| Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2012 5:08 pm Post subject: |
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How do you answer for "I have a steady relationship, but there are problems in the relationship because of my autism?"
I didn't have issues before my relationship, because I had no interest in dating before my relationship. We even skipped the "dating" step with the two of us. If I were someone who wanted to find people to be involved with, rather than someone who's demisexual, demiromantic, and doesn't understand seeking out relationships, then I'd have problems, but I'm not. Who I am hasn't had problems in having or keeping a relationship, because having problems would require having interest in the first place. |
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Halligeninseln
Deinonychus
Joined: Sep 23, 2011
Age: 59
Posts: 377
Location: Central Europe
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| Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2012 5:38 pm Post subject: |
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| I'm a man and had catastrophic dating problems until I was nearly 34, in the sense that I didn't have the faintest idea how to find a partner, not a clue, despite being otherwise intelligent. In fact I had no idea how to even get a date. In the end someone came up to me and we saw each other for 3 years after that. Then there was another huge gap of ten years. Now I have a long-term (10 years) platonic relationship with someone else although my partner and I live in separate apartments. Apart from on Wrong Planet I've never met anyone who took so long to find a first partner as me,; it was amazing (in a bad way), such a long, long, long, long lonely time. It is hard work sustaining a relationship but I do it because I don't want to be alone. |
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Boxman108
"Oh...it's just a box."
Joined: Jan 03, 2012
Age: 21
Posts: 1392
Location: NH
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| Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2012 8:45 pm Post subject: |
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Single. Have barely had anything you could call a relationship, and none of those that I've had ever turned out well. Product of a world that's all about possessions and expectations and relying on external factors to make one happy. Wanting others to support me and having to jump through hoops in return hasn't gotten anybody anywhere.
It's not an entirely new concept to me, but I suppose with this class about soft skills and finding a job, some of the same things can be applied to finding someone or life in general. Allowing yourself to get stressed over every little thing only narrows your point of view and then you really can't see things too clearly. Focusing more on what kind of job you'd fit or who you would go well with, rather than what you want or need, will probably get you a lot farther.
_________________
About suffering they were never wrong,
The Old Masters: how well they understood
Its human position; how it takes place
While someone else is eating or opening a window or
just walking dully along... |
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