cubedemon6073
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 08, 2008
Age: 34
Posts: 1620
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 Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2012 12:04 pm Post subject: Women and Periods |
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| I have a question for the women(NT and aspie) on here if you all do not mind answering. I am a male aspie I do not understand what it is truly like for a woman to be on her period and I may have reacted the wrong way. My wife told me it is like my balls are being squeezed constantly. Is this true? This is what happened on our honeymoon. We were in our hotel room. My wife was in pain from her period. She kept complaining to me about it. I was very concerned about her. In my concern, I asked her what I was supposed to do about it. Was there a special procedure I was supposed to do? The exact words I asked her was "What am I supposed to do about it?" Did I need to get her medicine. I would have done anything alleviate her pain. I was called an insensitive as*hole. What exactly did I do wrong and what should I have done? |
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bookworm285
Snowy Owl
Joined: Dec 28, 2010
Posts: 155
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| Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2012 12:31 pm Post subject: |
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| I'm a woman and it sounds to me like you did the right thing, and she was the one being unreasonable, pain or not. |
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Alexender
Dodo bird
Joined: Jan 03, 2012
Age: 20
Posts: 1194
Location: wrongplanet
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| Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2012 12:32 pm Post subject: |
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"what am I supposed to do about it" is a common sarcastic phrase. I think she took it that way
edit: "what can I do to help" means the same thing but does not have the bad connotation.
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MjrMajorMajor
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 16, 2012
Age: 37
Posts: 2997
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| Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2012 12:47 pm Post subject: |
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| Alexender wrote: | "what am I supposed to do about it" is a common sarcastic phrase. I think she took it that way
edit: "what can I do to help" means the same thing but does not have the bad connotation. |
Phrasing is everything sometimes. |
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Princess78
Sea Gull
Joined: Aug 28, 2009
Age: 34
Posts: 210
Location: Massachusetts, or in a cottage with seven little men
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| Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2012 12:57 pm Post subject: Women and periods |
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| It's different for every woman. Some women aren't bothered by it at all, and others have a bad time with it. It sounds like she was in a lot of pain, but no, there's nothing you could have "done" about it. She wasn't asking you to "do" anything. Most likely, she just wanted your sympathy and understanding. Or perhaps she just overreacted. If you really wanted to help, you could have offered to make her a cup of tea or something. Your other option is to just leave her alone when she has her period. Periods are hard for men to understand, Aspie or not. You're not alone. Most men don't know what to do when a woman has her period. |
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bookworm285
Snowy Owl
Joined: Dec 28, 2010
Posts: 155
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| Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2012 1:00 pm Post subject: |
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| I misread what you said to her. I would have taken "What am supposed to do about it?" as sarcasm also, as opposed to "what can I do to help you?" I thought you said the latter. |
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mv
Protector of the Realm
Joined: Jun 18, 2010
Posts: 3131
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| Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2012 1:43 pm Post subject: |
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Unfortunately, sometimes the only "right" response is to offer comfort and support (*not* problem-solving support) and then back away SLOWLY.
Having a painful period is awful because 1) it's a helpless feeling, something natural that your body is doing to you, and yet it freaking hurts, 2) it just plain hurts (it's like having awful stomach cramps and having to throw up and not being able to, for five days), 3) it's icky (the regular messiness of the blood and uncleanliness and some people have accompanying gastrointestinal effects and bloating), and 4) it can be mood-altering just from the hormones involved, which again feeds into the helpless feeling.
For the next time: offer support in these ways: 1) analgesic pain relief, 2) comfort (food, environmental control, cuddling/massage), and 3) stress your availability to stay or go or whatever she needs.
P.S. Additionally, she must have been furious to have her period on your honeymoon, as a result of either poor wedding planning or a wonky menstrual cycle. That's not your fault, but it could have fed into her general mood. |
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League_Girl
Proud mamma
Joined: Feb 05, 2010
Posts: 13483
Location: My house
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| Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2012 2:00 pm Post subject: |
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Some people like to complain and that means some women will complain about their periods. I don't complain about it because I know it's not going to go away right away. It gets crampy and for me it feels like I am constipated and it goes to my legs and they feel achy. Plus my stomach hurts too. But I take a pill for it and it goes away and I feel better after a day or two and I usually have to take one pill only. I cramp at first when it starts and then it goes away by the next day or two. The pill just reduces the cramps until it has gone away.
If I tell my husband "No wonder I was cramping, I started my period" he tells me to take a pill for it.
Oh yeah I also had my period on my honeymoom but it didn't hurt then because I was on birth control and none of my periods hurt then. |
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mv
Protector of the Realm
Joined: Jun 18, 2010
Posts: 3131
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| Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2012 2:16 pm Post subject: |
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| League_Girl wrote: | Some people like to complain and that means some women will complain about their periods. I don't complain about it because I know it's not going to go away right away. It gets crampy and for me it feels like I am constipated and it goes to my legs and they feel achy. Plus my stomach hurts too. But I take a pill for it and it goes away and I feel better after a day or two and I usually have to take one pill only. I cramp at first when it starts and then it goes away by the next day or two. The pill just reduces the cramps until it has gone away.
If I tell my husband "No wonder I was cramping, I started my period" he tells me to take a pill for it.
Oh yeah I also had my period on my honeymoom but it didn't hurt then because I was on birth control and none of my periods hurt then. |
Yes, but you are lucky that 1) pill pain relief works for you and 2) being on the birth control pill gave you painless periods. This is not always the case for every woman (neither of those things work for me, for example). I, too, don't complain about my period (I have no one to complain to), but it can be an awful, awful experience with no pain mitigation. |
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cubedemon6073
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 08, 2008
Age: 34
Posts: 1620
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| Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2012 2:54 pm Post subject: |
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| mv wrote: | Unfortunately, sometimes the only "right" response is to offer comfort and support (*not* problem-solving support) and then back away SLOWLY.
Having a painful period is awful because 1) it's a helpless feeling, something natural that your body is doing to you, and yet it freaking hurts, 2) it just plain hurts (it's like having awful stomach cramps and having to throw up and not being able to, for five days), 3) it's icky (the regular messiness of the blood and uncleanliness and some people have accompanying gastrointestinal effects and bloating), and 4) it can be mood-altering just from the hormones involved, which again feeds into the helpless feeling.
For the next time: offer support in these ways: 1) analgesic pain relief, 2) comfort (food, environmental control, cuddling/massage), and 3) stress your availability to stay or go or whatever she needs.
P.S. Additionally, she must have been furious to have her period on your honeymoon, as a result of either poor wedding planning or a wonky menstrual cycle. That's not your fault, but it could have fed into her general mood. |
I believe I may have had some fault in it. She is an NT and I am an aspie. We had major problems between each other especially major communication problems. |
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Princess78
Sea Gull
Joined: Aug 28, 2009
Age: 34
Posts: 210
Location: Massachusetts, or in a cottage with seven little men
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| Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2012 10:33 pm Post subject: Women and Periods |
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| Don't blame yourself. It was just a misunderstanding, that's all. I would have to agree with cubedemon6073. Buy her some Midol for the pain, and buy some chocolate, or some chips (depending on what she's craving). Hold her or rub her back. Bring her a heating pad. And don't take her moods personally. It's all part of the process. Her body is going through a lot. I don't usually tell my boyfriend when I have my period; I like to keep it private. But obviously, she feels comfortable enough around you to tell you when she has hers. |
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IdahoRose
Imaginary Friend
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Joined: Feb 25, 2007
Age: 22
Posts: 18651
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| Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2012 11:26 pm Post subject: Re: Women and Periods |
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| Princess78 wrote: | | Don't blame yourself. It was just a misunderstanding, that's all. |
I agree. I also agree with the poster who said that "what am I supposed to do about it" is very often used sarcastically, so for future reference, do not use that phrase when you are being sincere. |
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cubedemon6073
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 08, 2008
Age: 34
Posts: 1620
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| Posted: Fri Apr 06, 2012 1:21 am Post subject: Re: Women and Periods |
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| IdahoRose wrote: | | Princess78 wrote: | | Don't blame yourself. It was just a misunderstanding, that's all. |
I agree. I also agree with the poster who said that "what am I supposed to do about it" is very often used sarcastically, so for future reference, do not use that phrase when you are being sincere. |
Now I feel bad 
My wife has a sweet and salty thing that goes on sometimes. |
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MusicMama
Raven
Joined: Feb 24, 2012
Posts: 104
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| Posted: Fri Apr 06, 2012 1:41 am Post subject: |
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I dunno, I wouldn't expect sympathy from a man while on my period, but I'm not exactly NT. You cannot "fix" this situation, but you can do some practical things to help.
Some practical things that have either helped me or that I know have helped other women I know are:
Chocolate (the good, aka expensive, kind - not the cheap stuff)
Heating pad or hot water bottle
Wine
Pain meds
Massages - always ask first, of course ("Honey, would a nice foot/shoulder/back massage help?")
Warm or hot bath
Being brought breakfast in bed
You'll probably figure out pretty quickly which things help her and which things she hates. IME women tend to get more clear in their wording about their needs and especially their dislikes when they're on their period. It's a nice change, I think  Not so much guesswork involved. |
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IdahoRose
Imaginary Friend
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Joined: Feb 25, 2007
Age: 22
Posts: 18651
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| Posted: Fri Apr 06, 2012 2:50 am Post subject: Re: Women and Periods |
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| cubedemon6073 wrote: | | IdahoRose wrote: | | Princess78 wrote: | | Don't blame yourself. It was just a misunderstanding, that's all. |
I agree. I also agree with the poster who said that "what am I supposed to do about it" is very often used sarcastically, so for future reference, do not use that phrase when you are being sincere. |
Now I feel bad
My wife has a sweet and salty thing that goes on sometimes. |
I'm sorry. It wasn't my intention to make you feel bad. |
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