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Letsrave
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Mar 27, 2012
Age: 28
Posts: 38
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 Posted: Sat Apr 07, 2012 3:44 am Post subject: Finding it difficult to get over an infatuation |
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This girl has already friend-zoned me after I blew it a couple times, but still I remain infatuated. I see her a couple times a week, she sometimes spends the night, we even cuddle but she denies when I make subtle advances. Problem's are she's only 18, looks very young, I get dirty looks from women when with her in public, and when around her friends she is completely distant and different.
I feel like I should cut ties now and move on, but I cant help myself. When I find out we are gonna hang out I'm instantly happy. I do not have many friends, so she has became one of the only people I see. I am an extrovert who feeds off positive attention, but my confidence has been sinking and without her it will be sunk. |
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TB
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 06, 2008
Age: 23
Posts: 531
Location: netherlands
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| Posted: Sat Apr 07, 2012 5:24 am Post subject: |
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if your positive that she does not want to take it further then cut all ties. Remove all contact info and do not see her again, unless you meet in public in which case be polite and move on asap.
You are only setting yourself up for times where you drag your happiness down. You said she friend zoned you. If you keep hoping for more you are creating a situation where you can only be content if a certain external condition is met (she becomes your gf). Which we both know is unlikely to happen based on what you said. What you are doing is chasing an illusion of a better future.
Ideally we would be able to respect someone's decision and be content with the way things are in practice however this is really really hard. I know i am not strong enough for this yet so removing the thing that you base your well being on from your life is the only other option i see. You need to get in control again of your own happiness, you decide the conditions for how good you feel internally. Not basing it on wether some other person is with you. Because realistically you will be spending most of your time alone, especially if she does not see you as a priority in her life. |
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noname_ever
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 26, 2011
Posts: 500
Location: Indiana
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| Posted: Sat Apr 07, 2012 11:08 am Post subject: |
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| You've been friend zoned and she's using you (acts differently around friends and uses your place to spend the night). Cut all ties and move on. If she asks why, you could mention that you aren't handling the friend zone that well and leave it at that. If she gets pissed then so be it. |
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achicinchina84
Butterfly
Joined: Apr 06, 2012
Age: 28
Posts: 15
Location: Kunming China
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| Posted: Sat Apr 07, 2012 12:01 pm Post subject: A story if you want it (same same but different) |
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Man, went through a similar thing in college, totally crushed on this guy friend, it made me so happy to be around him and in all fairness he did "lead me on". After three years of fawning over him I eventually realized he was just not into me. Slowly I realized the ONLY way I was going to move on was to cut all ties and get a friend to hold me accountable. I also explained to my friend very clearly how I felt and he very clearly said "I will never reciprocate and I think you need to cut ties with me completely and move on." It really hurt for him to say that but I knew it was true. It took me the better part of five years to finally accept that the relationship was over and to stop hurting from it (I didn't even talk to him for 5 years and was really angry for three despite logic!) I felt so stupid because I thought I should have known better and I was really angry with myself to, how could I be so stupid?! However, I believe I am better off from the experience and learned a lot through it. I learned I was strong enough without him and to love and accept my self, and to not judge myself so harshly. Today I have completely forgiven this person and I am not angry at them anymore. I also am more willing to be flirt and try to communicate my feelings (even if I don't always succeed) to men. Most importantly I have learned to forgive myself if I feel a bit stupid because romance will probably never come naturally to me! 
I don't know what you need to do, but it is not the end of all things if you call if off with this person, it will just feel like it is "the end" for a long time but eventually you will heal and forgive. Don't beat yourself up, love is often illogical and it is a difficult calculus to master.
_________________
DON'T PANIC (or do?) |
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