The_Postmaster
Snowy Owl
Joined: Feb 18, 2011
Age: 17
Posts: 167
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 Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2012 1:36 am Post subject: I'm inadequate |
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So the last couple of months there's been this girl who's been going to the same chess club that I go to. I really like her. The problem is there's another guy there, the same age as me, who is superior in nearly every respect.
He looks better than me.
He plays chess better than me.
He's socially competent, and I have AS.
He has a cheerful, optimistic view of the world, and I have grown cynical and jaded.
In fact, I only have a couple of advantages over him, and even those are relatively minor. 1) I am much more intelligent than he is. 2) I, like another person I read about recently, have the special interest of knowledge- in other words, I live to absorb information about many different topics. I am competent enough to hold a conversation on just about any topic, whereas his area of expertise is limited to chess.
But really, the main problem is that I am f*cked up and he is perfect. Can anyone else relate to this? I mean, who in their right mind would choose me over him? He always knows what the right thing to say is, and I can't even make eye contact. |
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Joker
Sinn Fein
Joined: Mar 20, 2011
Age: 24
Posts: 7593
Location: North Carolina The Tar Heel State :)
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| Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2012 1:41 am Post subject: Re: I'm inadequate |
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| The_Postmaster wrote: | So the last couple of months there's been this girl who's been going to the same chess club that I go to. I really like her. The problem is there's another guy there, the same age as me, who is superior in nearly every respect.
He looks better than me.
He plays chess better than me.
He's socially competent, and I have AS.
He has a cheerful, optimistic view of the world, and I have grown cynical and jaded.
In fact, I only have a couple of advantages over him, and even those are relatively minor. 1) I am much more intelligent than he is. 2) I, like another person I read about recently, have the special interest of knowledge- in other words, I live to absorb information about many different topics. I am competent enough to hold a conversation on just about any topic, whereas his area of expertise is limited to chess.
But really, the main problem is that I am f*cked up and he is perfect. Can anyone else relate to this? I mean, who in their right mind would choose me over him? He always knows what the right thing to say is, and I can't even make eye contact. |
I can relate but I would choose you over him because (1. Looks don't matter to me (2. I like to play chess also  |
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IlovemyAspie
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 08, 2012
Posts: 891
Location: On the brink....
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| Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2012 3:44 am Post subject: |
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All of those things don't make him superior to you. I know for myself (I'm and NT female) none of those things matter. For me it's always been a chemistry thing. Most of the guys I've dated have been people no one would expect I'd be with. I went out with a guy who wasn't what most folks would call attractive but the chemistry was AMAZING. Looks aren't everything. Beauty fades, dumb is forever! Sometimes guys who are very social are too social and it's hard to keep their attention because they are all over the place. I have dated several folks and have been married. All to guys who were NT. I am currently in love with an amazing guy who happens to be an Aspie. He's quiet, socially awkward, has special interests,doesn't know crap about pop culture and shuts down on me sometimes. Guess what? I'm the exact opposite! BUT, he's sweet, caring, intelligent,sincere and much much more. Add some chemistry to that and it's a wonderful mix.
That other guy may have all of those things and still be a jerk. If you are interested in her, go for her. Chess and social skills do not a perfect man make. Oh and by the way NOBODY is perfect  |
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Chronos
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 23, 2010
Posts: 5231
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| Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2012 3:59 am Post subject: Re: I'm inadequate |
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| The_Postmaster wrote: | So the last couple of months there's been this girl who's been going to the same chess club that I go to. I really like her. The problem is there's another guy there, the same age as me, who is superior in nearly every respect.
He looks better than me.
He plays chess better than me.
He's socially competent, and I have AS.
He has a cheerful, optimistic view of the world, and I have grown cynical and jaded.
In fact, I only have a couple of advantages over him, and even those are relatively minor. 1) I am much more intelligent than he is. 2) I, like another person I read about recently, have the special interest of knowledge- in other words, I live to absorb information about many different topics. I am competent enough to hold a conversation on just about any topic, whereas his area of expertise is limited to chess.
But really, the main problem is that I am f*cked up and he is perfect. Can anyone else relate to this? I mean, who in their right mind would choose me over him? He always knows what the right thing to say is, and I can't even make eye contact. |
So you're just going to sit around until he asks her out then?
Why don't you just ask her out first? It's not necessarily correct to assume that "Mr. Perfect" by your standards is her type. |
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Wolfheart
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 18, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 2971
Location: Kent, England
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| Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2012 4:03 am Post subject: |
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| Remember it's easy to judge yourself and take a self defeatist attitude, it's more difficult to be understanding towards yourself. You shouldn't jump to conclusions based on what she is feeling, simply ask her first and find out how she is feeling. |
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Joker
Sinn Fein
Joined: Mar 20, 2011
Age: 24
Posts: 7593
Location: North Carolina The Tar Heel State :)
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| Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2012 4:08 am Post subject: |
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| Wolfheart wrote: | | Remember it's easy to judge yourself and take a self defeatist attitude, it's more difficult to be understanding towards yourself. You shouldn't jump to conclusions based on what she is feeling, simply ask her first and find out how she is feeling. |
I also enjoy what Wolfheart posts on WP he gives great advice, |
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ZX_SpectrumDisorder
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 25, 2012
Posts: 1608
Location: Ireland
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| Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2012 4:16 am Post subject: |
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| When you say you really like her, what exactly do you mean? Have you become friends? Do you talk regularly? Has there been any indication that she likes you? Has anyone else said to you that she's said anything about it? Has anyone teased the both of you about being a couple, when you're together? |
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The_Postmaster
Snowy Owl
Joined: Feb 18, 2011
Age: 17
Posts: 167
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| Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2012 11:29 am Post subject: |
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Thanks, everyone, for the advice. I really appreciate having WP. A collective shoulder to lean on when one feels like a leper is always a good thing.
| ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote: | | When you say you really like her, what exactly do you mean? Have you become friends? Do you talk regularly? Has there been any indication that she likes you? Has anyone else said to you that she's said anything about it? Has anyone teased the both of you about being a couple, when you're together? |
Yes, we have become friends over the last couple of months. We do talk regularly. I don't know what indications you're referring to, though. What would those be? Also, no, no one has said anything about it. |
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IlovemyAspie
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 08, 2012
Posts: 891
Location: On the brink....
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| Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2012 12:32 pm Post subject: |
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Yes Joker Wolfheart does give great advice  |
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ZX_SpectrumDisorder
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 25, 2012
Posts: 1608
Location: Ireland
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| Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2012 12:49 pm Post subject: |
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| The_Postmaster wrote: | | Yes, we have become friends over the last couple of months. We do talk regularly. |
OK. Getting a picture of what's going on first is usually a good idea before ploughing in with often ridiculous cavalier advice.
Have you spent any time together outside of the chess club? |
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The_Postmaster
Snowy Owl
Joined: Feb 18, 2011
Age: 17
Posts: 167
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| Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2012 3:04 pm Post subject: |
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| ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote: | | The_Postmaster wrote: | | Yes, we have become friends over the last couple of months. We do talk regularly. |
OK. Getting a picture of what's going on first is usually a good idea before ploughing in with often ridiculous cavalier advice.
Have you spent any time together outside of the chess club? |
Not as of yet. She's invited me to the mall with her and the other guy from the chess club, but due to extenuating circumstances, I couldn't make it. We have plans to watch a movie on Tuesday, but, of course, the other guy's going to be there too. In addition, one of my latest topics of study has been music theory, so we also have plans for me to meet with her band and help with the composition- but, of course, the other guy's going to be there too. He knows nothing about music, but he's decided to learn either drums or guitar since he heard there were vacancies in her band. |
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ZX_SpectrumDisorder
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 25, 2012
Posts: 1608
Location: Ireland
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| Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2012 3:25 pm Post subject: |
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| The_Postmaster wrote: |
Not as of yet. She's invited me to the mall with her and the other guy from the chess club, but due to extenuating circumstances, I couldn't make it. We have plans to watch a movie on Tuesday, but, of course, the other guy's going to be there too. In addition, one of my latest topics of study has been music theory, so we also have plans for me to meet with her band and help with the composition- but, of course, the other guy's going to be there too. He knows nothing about music, but he's decided to learn either drums or guitar since he heard there were vacancies in her band. |
Have you been able to gauge how she feels about this other guy? Where are you guys going on Tuesday to watch this film? |
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IlovemyAspie
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 08, 2012
Posts: 891
Location: On the brink....
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| Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2012 4:09 pm Post subject: |
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| I think you've got to find a way to do something or go somewhere without the "other guy". You need to spend some one on one time with her. Sounds like the other guy is interested in her too. But it's good that she's inviting you places. It makes me think she likes having you around. |
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CrazyStarlightRedux
Fake Kiwi
Joined: Jan 14, 2012
Age: 23
Posts: 1028
Location: Manchester, UK.
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| Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2012 4:14 pm Post subject: |
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This makes me think that I should join a Chess Club and see where it takes me now...
Just ask her!
_________________
Just a guy who gives advice and talks a lot. |
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The_Postmaster
Snowy Owl
Joined: Feb 18, 2011
Age: 17
Posts: 167
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| Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2012 6:58 pm Post subject: |
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| ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote: | | The_Postmaster wrote: |
Not as of yet. She's invited me to the mall with her and the other guy from the chess club, but due to extenuating circumstances, I couldn't make it. We have plans to watch a movie on Tuesday, but, of course, the other guy's going to be there too. In addition, one of my latest topics of study has been music theory, so we also have plans for me to meet with her band and help with the composition- but, of course, the other guy's going to be there too. He knows nothing about music, but he's decided to learn either drums or guitar since he heard there were vacancies in her band. |
Have you been able to gauge how she feels about this other guy? Where are you guys going on Tuesday to watch this film? |
No, I haven't. I have no idea how she feels about either of us. I don't know what the signs that I should be looking for are.
I don't know where we're going, but I get the feeling it might be to her house. We rented a horror film, so anywhere with a DVD player, I guess.
@IlovemyAspie, yeah, I think you're right. I have to spend some time with her, rather than with a group of people.
@CrazyStarlightRedux, lol, not a good idea. I had been going to this chess club for about two and a half years before a single female showed up. |
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