lostgirl1986
There's a party in my head.
Joined: Feb 29, 2012
Age: 26
Posts: 6339
Location: Ontario, Canada
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 Posted: Mon Mar 12, 2012 2:07 pm Post subject: |
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| When I was little I never looked into peoples eyes when I was talking to them. My kindergarten teacher talked to my mum about this and my mum punished me and made sure that I always looked into peoples eyes. I look into peoples eyes now but I usually look away because I can't for too long and then quickly look back. Also, if the person is too close to me, an example would be when I'm sitting in the front seat and the person is driving I usually don't look at them but I'll look out the window while I'm talking. |
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Jaz1787
Sea Gull
Joined: Nov 03, 2010
Age: 26
Posts: 220
Location: Australia
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| Posted: Tue Mar 13, 2012 9:06 pm Post subject: |
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people just always thought i was shy.
i distract myself mid conversation wondering if i'm making enough eye contact or too much 
occasionally i startle myself mid conversation when i realise how easily i've been maintaining it. then i fall back into the pattern of wondering how long i'd been looking.
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skenasis
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Aug 12, 2011
Age: 24
Posts: 183
Location: Geelong, Australia
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| Posted: Wed Mar 14, 2012 6:49 am Post subject: |
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| I had troubles when I was younger, but over the years I've learned how to do it. It's really not that bad. |
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Sweetleaf
Metalhead
Joined: Jan 07, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 14869
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
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| Posted: Wed Mar 14, 2012 10:45 am Post subject: |
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| skenasis wrote: | | I had troubles when I was younger, but over the years I've learned how to do it. It's really not that bad. |
for me it is.
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It's like alice in wonderland except, my names not alice and this is the real world not a dream. |
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MjrMajorMajor
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 16, 2012
Posts: 3586
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| Posted: Wed Mar 14, 2012 11:44 am Post subject: |
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| I can only do it if I'm really relaxed or really pushing myself. If I'm truly paying attention to you and focusing on the conversation, then I'm not going to be looking at you the majority of the time. |
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xkandakex
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Mar 13, 2012
Posts: 53
Location: Michiana
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| Posted: Wed Mar 14, 2012 3:22 pm Post subject: |
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This is me having a conversation.
"So anyways..."
:looks away:
(in my head) 'MAKE EYE CONTACT!!!'
"I was talking to this person..."
:looks away again:
'DAMMIT EYE CONTACT!'
I must look really weird when I'm talking to people, because I'm constantly looking away into the distance while talking, then I realize what I'm doing and look back at the person, then look away again...
However I've trained myself to look at a person's eyes while THEY are talking as much as possible, so I suppose that makes up for it a bit! |
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Gita
Blue Jay
Joined: May 19, 2011
Posts: 82
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| Posted: Mon Mar 19, 2012 2:17 pm Post subject: |
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| I realized that I did not look at people in the eye about 15 years ago. At that time, i was at a job interview, and the man interviewing me, stared intensely, rudely into my eyes. I did not get the job because I could not make the connection. He scared me away. I started to just glance, as though "scanning" the mirrors in a car while driving. Maybe once every five seconds or so. So that is what I do; Scan. I prefer writing e-mails to talking face to face, but sometimes I must. |
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kamesponge
Butterfly
Joined: Apr 05, 2012
Age: 19
Posts: 10
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| Posted: Fri Apr 06, 2012 11:17 pm Post subject: |
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| It used to be a problem. I thought that it was weird for people to look me in the eyes and that therefore, it must be rude to do so to others. I forced myself into it when people started to complain about it. They thought I was being rude! Now, I do it immediately and I don't really no how or when to stop it. It feels like I'm in a staring contest with them. I don't understand what either of us gets from it but, I do so very well now. |
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Joker
Sinn Fein
Joined: Mar 20, 2011
Age: 24
Posts: 7593
Location: North Carolina The Tar Heel State :)
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| Posted: Fri Apr 06, 2012 11:46 pm Post subject: |
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| I have this problem when talking to guys. |
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Nikkt
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Mar 02, 2012
Posts: 196
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| Posted: Sat Apr 07, 2012 7:51 am Post subject: |
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I look at people's mouths. So do the majority of my family so I never realised looking at the eyes was generally preferred.
There is no way I can listen to what people are saying when I look at their eyes so I don't even bother trying. No one's ever pointed it out to me, so either they don't notice or they're too polite to say.
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Frustrated polymath; Current status: dilettante...I'm working on it.
http://linguisticautistic.tumblr.com/ |
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dizzywater
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Feb 04, 2012
Posts: 194
Location: sitting by the computer
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| Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2012 11:41 am Post subject: |
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| kamesponge wrote: | | It feels like I'm in a staring contest with them. I don't understand what either of us gets from it but, I do so very well now. |
^ Thats it ^
When I'm listening it is possible, but gets uncomfortable after a short while. Very distracting. I am trying to sort & understand what they are saying at the same time as trying to know when looking up or down is appropriate, the staring doesn't feel right. I often half expect the other person to comment on it, because how can it be any better for them?
I just keep looking if I'm listening, but can't speak in any useful way at same time as eye contact, need to look away to think of what I'm saying.
Maybe its to do with the thinking in pictures thing. I need to look at something neutral and non distracting in order to "see" what I'm talking about. |
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dizzywater
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Feb 04, 2012
Posts: 194
Location: sitting by the computer
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| Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2012 12:24 pm Post subject: |
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| My parents and my children don't use much eye contact, that is comfortable for me, maybe its just learnt? |
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HollowHills
Tufted Titmouse
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Joined: Jun 03, 2011
Age: 21
Posts: 33
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| Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2012 4:29 pm Post subject: |
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| I used to be able to fake eye contact sometimes, but I think I've gotten out of practice since being out of high school. If I'm talking to someone, I'll usually try to look in their general direction, but eye contact is too overwhelming for me. |
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Kjas
Onçinha
Joined: Feb 27, 2012
Age: 23
Posts: 5179
Location: the place I'm from doesn't exist anymore
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| Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2012 11:24 pm Post subject: |
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It used to be a problem, and it still is sometimes especially if I am agitated or not focusing on the person in front of me. I have to remind myself a lot. I don't like making eye contact, it makes me extremely uncomfortable but I force myself to do it anyway.
What I had to figure out was how long to look at somebody and how often to look away, that took a bit of practise. Now I follow the 3 second rule (e.g. don't stare at someone for longer than 3 seconds, and try to look at them at least once in every 3 seconds if you aren't already looking at them)
Here I get accused of staring occasionally because what was "normal" eye contact from my original cultures here is considered to be "staring" and they think it's rude. I avoid eye contact here even more because of that, I just tend to glance at people or scan the area.
So I have a tendency now to look at someone if they are from my original continent, or if I really trust someone but it can still be a bit uncomfortable since I want to but I also don't want to at the same time.
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Diagnostic Tools and Resources for Women with AS: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt211004.html |
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biribiri20
Snowy Owl
Joined: Dec 23, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 131
Location: New York
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| Posted: Mon Apr 09, 2012 9:27 pm Post subject: |
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I still have trouble with this, but I've gotten a lot better compared to when I was a teen - to the point where I was even able to achieve a "makes normal eye contact" comment on my ADD diagnosis sheet(I am still weighing the pros and cons for being formally diagnosed for AS). One thing I've never understood though was why people think you aren't listening to them unless you are directly staring at them. I got the "Look at me when I'm talking to you!" spiel a lot as a kid despite always being a good listener.
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I like making friends! Even if I'm not the best at it ^^;
Diagnosis: ADHD-PI, suspected AS
Your Aspie Score: 142 of 200, Your NT Score: 74 of 200, You are very likely an Aspie
AQ: 38/EQ: 16/SQ: 52
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