LittleSwallow
Raven
Joined: Aug 26, 2011
Posts: 116
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 Posted: Mon Apr 09, 2012 5:43 pm Post subject: I hate being alone???? |
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I'm 19, female with mild AS, and I am still a virgin. I have made out with nine guys my whole life on nights out or at discos, and it has only gone as far as caressing each other "down there" with the last few guys because of being drunk.
But tbh, I hate it. I hate how they would grab anything on you, say dirty stuff to you, and how they always want to do dirty stuff like w**nking, and then afterwards they would completely ignore you. I hate it because I have no attratction towards these guys at all, physical r emotional.
I dunno but I watched too much television when I was younger, so I think thats why I have such high standards. I just want a guy that i like to see me and....thats it. Just to see me, and want to get to know me, and have them feel like I am the greatest thing to ever happen to them. Whether its emotion or physical or both, I just want to feel wanted by someone.
I know that is OTT, but I can't help it. I get so jealous when I see these couples together at school and also when I see then conversing with each other on my news feed on facebook and seeing pictures of them together cuddling and stuff.
Movie romance makes it worse. Like in "Prince Caspain" the way Caspian looked at Susan, espially in their last scene where she was dressed up so beautifully.....that's what I want a guy to do to me, to have that longing for me when I walk into the room. Not to be disgusted that the "weirdo" girl has walked inot the room.
The physical part is the worst. I constantly think of sex and I cant help it, and pleasure myself to video on the internet but i feel so dirty and disgusted afterwards. A part of me is considering signing up to one of those sites that offer casual sex between strangers thats how lonely i feel. 
I am not going to ask for help (problem is me being too quiet, too weird, blah, blah) but I just want to know if anyone knows how I feel. |
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Vince
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 01, 2008
Age: 26
Posts: 698
Location: Sweden
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| Posted: Mon Apr 09, 2012 5:52 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | because of being drunk |
Yeah, that's not likely to give you very meaningful connections.
_________________
I'm Vince. I make the music. And puppet.
http://www.swenglish.nu |
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Allan
Snowy Owl
Joined: Apr 05, 2010
Age: 19
Posts: 136
Location: Good 'Ol US and A
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| Posted: Mon Apr 09, 2012 5:53 pm Post subject: |
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| try OkCupid. |
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Vince
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 01, 2008
Age: 26
Posts: 698
Location: Sweden
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| Posted: Mon Apr 09, 2012 5:56 pm Post subject: |
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Try hanging out with the geeks.
_________________
I'm Vince. I make the music. And puppet.
http://www.swenglish.nu |
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Acedia
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Feb 27, 2012
Posts: 50
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| Posted: Mon Apr 09, 2012 6:16 pm Post subject: |
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Yeah I know how you feel, I hate the whole nightclub scene and here in England it seems to be the only way to meet other people.
It's horrible. And starting relationships in work or education can go pretty badly.
You never really meet nice people in nightclubs, sometimes you find a few okay extroverts. There doesn't seem to be much real romance anyway. Most relationships seem fraught with dissension and disappointment. |
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AScomposer13413
Complacent Composer
Joined: Feb 02, 2012
Posts: 2082
Location: Canada
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| Posted: Mon Apr 09, 2012 6:38 pm Post subject: |
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| I'm pretty much in a similar position to you - getting annoyed at couples for holding hands, kissing, etc. while not being in a relationship yourself. I've made a resolve not to seek out a relationship, but it's tough! |
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questor
Hermit
Joined: Apr 24, 2011
Posts: 1983
Location: Twilight Zone
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| Posted: Mon Apr 09, 2012 7:25 pm Post subject: Lookin for luv in all the wrong places. |
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If you look for love in a bar or a night club, you will find a drunk who is just trying to use you for gratification. Try looking in better places:
- Volunteer, you will meet other volunteers there.
- Join a club--not a night club, but a club for something you are interested in like a sewing club, chess club, etc.
- Take up a hobby. You can connect with others who share your interest.
- Get involved with community functions, like town meetings, fairs, theater groups, library events, etc.
In order to meet a number of local people to be possible future dates, you have to go out there to where they are. Also, this will give you a chance to get to know them as platonic friends first, which will give you a chance to decide if you want to pursue any of the relationships to a deeper level. So, happy hunting!  |
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redrobin62
Doppelgänger
Joined: Apr 03, 2012
Age: 50
Posts: 4073
Location: Seattle, WA
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| Posted: Mon Apr 09, 2012 7:37 pm Post subject: |
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| If you feel bad about being a virgin at 19, how would you feel being a virgin at 49?! Yeah, that's me. |
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starkid
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 10, 2012
Age: 32
Posts: 785
Location: California Bay Area
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| Posted: Mon Apr 09, 2012 8:54 pm Post subject: |
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Your standards do not seem high; they seem very reasonable. Stay away from drunk guys and try to connect with people in more positive circumstances. Make sure the guy cares about you before you let him put his hands on you if that is what you want.
Don't know why you feel dirty and disgusted. If it's the masturbation, you're just going to have to change your attitude towards it. Think about it and you'll realize that it causes no harm. If it's the videos you are watching...well, it depends on what kind of videos they are. If you are watching something sick and wrong, stop watching it. If there isn't anything wrong with them, it's another attitude adjustment issue.
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Assume nothing, question everything.
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chrissyrun
True love is rare, don't envy an illusion
Joined: Oct 24, 2010
Age: 20
Posts: 13788
Location: Hell :)
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| Posted: Mon Apr 09, 2012 10:33 pm Post subject: |
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Psh, I have high standards if ANYONE. I want to wait til marriage to have sex, and I want a mormon guy.
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Go die in a ditch if you're a b*tch, if you're a jerk, go to work, if you're just mean, flee the scene, and if you're rude, go ahead and intrude because you're probably just like me. |
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Wolfheart
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 18, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 2971
Location: Kent, England
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| Posted: Tue Apr 10, 2012 3:11 am Post subject: |
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I don't think your expectations are high, there's nothing exaggerated about wanting a meaningful relationship. I think you need be more patient and understanding towards yourself in this aspect. These guys ignore you because they know they can have the milk without buying the cow, they have no emotional commitment towards you.
As a poster stated above, find someone that is willing to develop an emotional connection towards you and wants to establish a relationship with mutual understanding and respect before you become intimate. |
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AScomposer13413
Complacent Composer
Joined: Feb 02, 2012
Posts: 2082
Location: Canada
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| Posted: Tue Apr 10, 2012 8:52 am Post subject: |
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| chrissyrun wrote: | | Psh, I have high standards if ANYONE. I want to wait til marriage to have sex, and I want a mormon guy. |
Switch "Mormon guy" with "Christian woman" and that's where my standards lie. I don't really consider it that high, though  Learn something new everyday, I guess  |
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Wolfheart
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 18, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 2971
Location: Kent, England
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| Posted: Tue Apr 10, 2012 9:57 am Post subject: |
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| AScomposer13413 wrote: |
Switch "Mormon guy" with "Christian woman" and that's where my standards lie. I don't really consider it that high, though Learn something new everyday, I guess |
I couldn't seeing myself marrying someone that classifies themselves under any religion or label. You are narrowing out a lot of people that might potentially make good partners, I find it to be extremist and rigid to be honest.
What if you had a child that questioned your beliefs? Would you pigeon hole them and push them into your beliefs or let them develop their own sense of identity? I understand the desire to have similar beliefs and perspectives on morality but still I don't understand the need to pigeon hole yourself. |
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AScomposer13413
Complacent Composer
Joined: Feb 02, 2012
Posts: 2082
Location: Canada
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| Posted: Tue Apr 10, 2012 10:16 am Post subject: |
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| Wolfheart wrote: | | AScomposer13413 wrote: |
Switch "Mormon guy" with "Christian woman" and that's where my standards lie. I don't really consider it that high, though Learn something new everyday, I guess |
I couldn't seeing myself marrying someone that classifies themselves under any religion or label. You are narrowing out a lot of people that might make potentially good partners, I find it to be extremist and rigid to be honest.
What if you had a child that questioned your beliefs? Would you pigeon hole them and push them into your beliefs or let them develop their own sense of identity? I understand the desire to have similar beliefs and perspectives on morality but still I don't understand the need to pigeon hole yourself. |
"Standards" isn't the right word to describe it. It's more "preferences", if anything. Meaning, I'd prefer a Christian woman for a partner, but it would take more than not fulfilling that point alone to narrow my dating pool. I also know that even if I do find someone that fits that preference, there could still be dealbreakers with the rest. I realize it's not as black-and-white as I came across!
Also, I wouldn't mind if I had a child that questioned my beliefs. In fact, I'd welcome that and let the child find out what s/he believes in! Correct me if I'm wrong, but its usually childhood where humans are at their most creative point, so putting my beliefs onto my child without giving him/her the chance to ponder on it would stifle that creativity. |
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PastFixations
One who will open the door.
Joined: Sep 22, 2011
Posts: 2697
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| Posted: Tue Apr 10, 2012 1:44 pm Post subject: |
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| chrissyrun wrote: | | Psh, I have high standards if ANYONE. I want to wait til marriage to have sex, and I want a mormon guy. |
I can be a moron guy or a bourbon guy. =P
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Sora: "My friends are my power."
Ventus: "I'm asking you as a friend. Just... put an end to me." |
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