Posted: Mon Apr 09, 2012 8:25 pm Post subject: Not knowing how to react when opening a gift
So I have had this problem my whole life. When I was younger and it was Christmas or my Birthday or whatever I wouldn't know how to react-I would have an expressionless face most of the time-when opening gifts from people. I would get scolded for being rude when reality was I did not know what the proper reaction was even though I was happy. It got to the point where I would ask everyone to turn away as I opened my gifts because people staring at me expecting a certain reaction made me even more nervous. Or I would run into my room and lock the door as I opened it. Or I would open my presents after the Birthday party because it was a nightmare for me between having everyone stare and not knowing what reaction to make. (Obviously this was when I was much, much younger)
Now I have gotten better at this, (I'm 25, so god help me if I still ran into a different room to open a gift) just smile and say thank you and hope for it to be over soon. Or have some wine beforehand.
Even then my reactions are awkward and still feel forced. So now I always send a thank you card to relatives and friends just in case my reaction wasn't what they hoped.
Does anyone else have memories similar to the one I just described, was/is opening up presents in front of people a nightmare for any of you as well?
How do you deal?
Or is this certain scenario not a problem for any of you at all?
Joined: Mar 19, 2012 Posts: 183 Location: Indiana, USA
Posted: Mon Apr 09, 2012 8:49 pm Post subject:
This is one of the main reasons I hate my birthday and christmas and other gift related holidays. Fortunately most of my family seems to have figured out that I don't do well in that and don't seem to care.
I always loved opening gifts, so I always have a big smile on face. I always remember to thank the person too, for me it isn't the gift it self that maters, but the knowledge that they went out of their way to get me something. It always fills me up with warmth and much happiness. I also enjoy giving gifts, the knowledge that someone uses my gift, and enjoys it, fills me with a great deal joy too.
Yes, I've always had that problem.
Honesty is not always acceptable, whether it is blank perplexity or anything other than the one acceptable, pleasing response.
Deliver that, and all is well.
Joined: Apr 24, 2011 Posts: 1983 Location: Twilight Zone
Posted: Mon Apr 09, 2012 9:36 pm Post subject: Gift response.
I am somewhat this way, but my biggest problem is with gifts I didn't want or have no earthly use for. I am lousy at faking "Thank You" behavior in such cases. Although my older brother once cracked me up. He came home from somewhere and was urging me to accept some stuff I had no interest in that he had just bought on sale. Turns out that he had no need, no wanting of, and no use for the stuff, either. He just bought it all because it was on sale. Uh, it's not really a savings to buy something you don't need on sale, because then you are out the money you wasted on the unneeded item. DUH!
This is also the brother who put some food in the microwave, turned it on, and then drove off in the car to run some errands. Not the brightest bulb in the pack.
I have trouble reacting, and worse trouble in trying to figure out when, how and if to reciprocate the gift. _________________ "My personal tragedy will not interfere with my ability to do good hair." - Steel Magnolias
Oh, man. I really dislike opening gifts in front of people. As I've mentioned before, I'm not good with expressing excitement, so even if I really like a gift, my face may not be able to show the level of happiness or excitement I'm feeling, and forcing it exhausts me. Worse, if I get a gift I don't like or didn't ask for, I can't help but think why someone would waste their money on buying random stuff, instead of what I asked for. It makes me uncomfortable.
I don't mind opening gifts in front of my boyfriend, but otherwise, I try to wait to open gifts until everyone is looking the other way. _________________ Aspie Quiz: AS - 141/200, NT - 77/200 (Very likely an Aspie)
AQ: 34/50 (Aspie range)
EQ: 32 / SQ: 68 (Extreme Systemizing / AS or HFA)
Diagnosed with AS and Anxiety Disorder - NOS on 03/21/2012
Joined: Apr 05, 2012 Posts: 957 Location: My own head
Posted: Tue Apr 10, 2012 12:52 am Post subject:
Yep, same here. I'm better than I used to be in that I can usually force a thank you out these days (it took years of scolding to get me to that point), but it's really, really uncomfortable. Even if I like a gift, the most reaction I can usually muster is, "Oh cool." I'm a little uncomfortable giving gifts as well.
Last edited by FishStickNick on Tue Apr 10, 2012 1:41 am; edited 1 time in total
Oh, man. I really dislike opening gifts in front of people. As I've mentioned before, I'm not good with expressing excitement, so even if I really like a gift, my face may not be able to show the level of happiness or excitement I'm feeling, and forcing it exhausts me. Worse, if I get a gift I don't like or didn't ask for, I can't help but think why someone would waste their money on buying random stuff, instead of what I asked for. It makes me uncomfortable.
Yes-this is what I meant. Not that I am ungrateful, but even if I am thrilled, my reactions are just strange and forced. Not to mention, parties and gatherings are exhausting enough for me, so after 5 hours or so of forced socialization, having to open presents and act excited and trying to appear normal in front of an audience is a monumental chore.
What expression do I make? Do I jump up and down? What do I say? I am uncomfortable with physical contact, and dislike being touched immensely, but it is required I give hugs and kisses to the person who gave me the gift. When do I do this? After? After I open all of the gifts? What if they think I am ungrateful? etc etc...
Yes yes yes! That's the reason I don't like celebrating my birthday nowadays. I don't think I had a problem with it when I was younger (until I was 10 or so) but after that I started to feel really awkward when opening presents in front of people. I don't like being in the centre of attention which is one reason. The other reason is simply because I have no idea how to respond. I mean, I get really happy inside but showing it is really difficult.
Joined: Apr 05, 2012 Posts: 957 Location: My own head
Posted: Tue Apr 10, 2012 3:06 am Post subject:
Neutrino wrote:
Yes yes yes! That's the reason I don't like celebrating my birthday nowadays. I don't think I had a problem with it when I was younger (until I was 10 or so) but after that I started to feel really awkward when opening presents in front of people. I don't like being in the centre of attention which is one reason. The other reason is simply because I have no idea how to respond. I mean, I get really happy inside but showing it is really difficult.
That's around the time where birthdays began to become a problem for me too. Thus began a string of several pre-teen and teen years of annual birthday meltdowns. I didn't want people over; I didn't want to have to open gifts and try to force a "thank you"; I wanted it treated like any other day.
My favorite birthday was my 18th because I had to get up early the next day. It was around that time, I think, that my family finally realized I like low-key birthdays.
Uh, it's not really a savings to buy something you don't need on sale, because then you are out the money you wasted on the unneeded item. DUH!
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