The_Postmaster
Snowy Owl
Joined: Feb 18, 2011
Age: 17
Posts: 167
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 Posted: Thu Apr 12, 2012 11:01 am Post subject: |
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| ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote: | | Don't you just hate it when your errors are quoted. Anyway, chin up Postie. Don't be a dick by not remaining friends with her. |
I wasn't even considering that. People actually do that? She's still a good friend, whether our relationship is platonic or romantic. |
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ZX_SpectrumDisorder
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 25, 2012
Posts: 1608
Location: Ireland
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| Posted: Thu Apr 12, 2012 11:40 am Post subject: |
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Good lad.
_________________
Claude
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Boxman108
"Oh...it's just a box."
Joined: Jan 03, 2012
Age: 21
Posts: 1399
Location: NH
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| Posted: Thu Apr 12, 2012 4:13 pm Post subject: |
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| ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote: | | Don't you just hate it when your errors are quoted. Anyway, chin up Postie. Don't be a dick by not remaining friends with her. |
That's not really dickish.
_________________
About suffering they were never wrong,
The Old Masters: how well they understood
Its human position; how it takes place
While someone else is eating or opening a window or
just walking dully along... |
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ZX_SpectrumDisorder
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 25, 2012
Posts: 1608
Location: Ireland
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| Posted: Thu Apr 12, 2012 6:43 pm Post subject: |
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Hmm OK. You're a dick, though.
_________________
Claude
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Last edited by ZX_SpectrumDisorder on Sun Apr 15, 2012 4:27 am; edited 1 time in total |
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The_Postmaster
Snowy Owl
Joined: Feb 18, 2011
Age: 17
Posts: 167
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| Posted: Thu Apr 12, 2012 9:01 pm Post subject: |
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So what can I do now? There is the possibility, however slim, that she actually does like me and just settled for Other Guy because I never made a move.
...Who am I kidding? She chose OG, and who in their right mind wouldn't? The choice between me and him is like the choice between a fully functional sportscar and a broken down average, generic car. Because that's what we are. He's a catch, and I'm screwed up, broken. This whole ordeal just proves that. |
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Chipshorter
Velociraptor
Joined: Jan 17, 2012
Age: 34
Posts: 477
Location: The Georgian Quarter of The Pool of Life, The Centre of The Creative Universe
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| Posted: Thu Apr 12, 2012 10:00 pm Post subject: |
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Be like a positional chess player and have patience as there relationship might end.
Its a lot like bouncing back from a losing streak of chess matches.
Psychological speaking, your comparison of yourself with him, is not very good for your esteem.
You are you, there's only one of you! For all we know she might find a flaw in his personality that makes her think twice about dating him
Tho right now as some consolation, you do have an advantage as his chess might go off while dating her. 
The key here is for you to focus on you and not on him.
_________________
Censorship reflects a society's lack of confidence in itself. It is a hallmark of an authoritarian regime. --Potter Stewart
Corruption is authority plus monopoly minus transparency. --Unknown |
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IlovemyAspie
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 08, 2012
Posts: 892
Location: On the brink....
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| Posted: Fri Apr 13, 2012 3:01 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | Be like a positional chess player and have patience as there relationship might end. |
I was thinking this same thought. I think it's good that you are going to remain friends with her. You weren't just friends with her just so you could date her right?
| Quote: | | For all we know she might find a flaw in his personality that makes her think twice about dating him |
A bonus for staying friends. If this relationship fails you'll still be there and you'll get your chance.
| Quote: | | your comparison of yourself with him, is not very good for your esteem |
There is always going to be somebody better than you at something and somebody better than them and so on and so forth.
I can't sing, I'm not the best cook, I can't think quickly on my feet, I'm not the prettiest... I can go on and on. A lot of the times I used to feel that if I could do some of those things I would be more likeable. But there are things I can do that no one else can. I'm sure you've got a way of saying things or doing things that are special and unique to you.
I've mentioned this earlier but I'm NT and every relationship I've had has been with NT guys. I'm so in love with an Aspie guy now and it's stronger than any love I've felt for any NT. Being with my Aspie is a lot more work than any other relationship that I've been in. I have NT guys interested in me but I'm not interested in them. My guy is different in so many ways and those are the things I love about him. I'm sure some of those guys can do things better than he can but none of them can make quantum physics sound as sexy as he does 
All you can do is be the best "you" you can be. That's all any of us can do. From your post you seem sincere and genuine. Those traits go farther than looks or social skills.
| Quote: | | The key here is for you to focus on you and not on him. |
You need to think about the things that make you a good catch. |
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ZX_SpectrumDisorder
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 25, 2012
Posts: 1608
Location: Ireland
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| Posted: Fri Apr 13, 2012 4:22 am Post subject: |
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Pretty much what ILMA just said. I would add that it's best to remain at a distance without developing any bitterness towards either party. Remain friends with her, but it's on her terms now or you will look a bit weird and open to ridicule from Other Guy if you 'get in the way'.
_________________
Claude
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lapinmort
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Apr 11, 2012
Posts: 27
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| Posted: Fri Apr 13, 2012 7:34 am Post subject: Re: I'm inadequate |
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| The_Postmaster wrote: | So the last couple of months there's been this girl who's been going to the same chess club that I go to. I really like her. The problem is there's another guy there, the same age as me, who is superior in nearly every respect.
He looks better than me.
He plays chess better than me.
He's socially competent, and I have AS.
He has a cheerful, optimistic view of the world, and I have grown cynical and jaded.
In fact, I only have a couple of advantages over him, and even those are relatively minor. 1) I am much more intelligent than he is. 2) I, like another person I read about recently, have the special interest of knowledge- in other words, I live to absorb information about many different topics. I am competent enough to hold a conversation on just about any topic, whereas his area of expertise is limited to chess.
But really, the main problem is that I am f*cked up and he is perfect. Can anyone else relate to this? I mean, who in their right mind would choose me over him? He always knows what the right thing to say is, and I can't even make eye contact. |
Your problem is that you make excuses for being who you are, instead of being perfectly fine with it. And I don't see the logic of being stuck over one girl, especially if you live in a populated area, when in fact probability is on your side just due to the sheer number of girls in your neighborhood who turned 18 today, and may be just as nice and cute, and actually interested in you.
Let me tell you something that should be obvious. Would you like to hang around someone who always look depressed, and as if life was killing him? I wouldn't. So stop presenting yourself as that person by starting from inside. Why are you making excuses for being you? Why don't you take responsibility for being you and try to look like someone else? Why can't you be happy with being you?
Do you think your body is not fit? That's easy, hit the gym. Not for that girl, but for your own sake. Girls like men who take care of themselves. It hints they can take care of business. You smell? Take at least two showers everyday, make sure your smelly areas are washed with soap at least twice or thrice, use a good deodorant, and dress nice or conservative. Learn how to iron your clothes, and don't wear anything frumpy or dirty. Get good shoes. Learn about little stupid things like what the darn Kardashians were up to this week. If you see a girl who is attractive and seem nice, say so frankly and confidently while looking in her eyes (not like a hungry wolf please), and get her number, then leave. You can do that in a minute.
If I came to you with a big smile, and said, hey man, you seem to be a really cool dude, and I figure we should hang out and have a cold beer. Wouldn't you warm up to me right there? Well, women are no different.
Don't ask just one girl, ask as many as you like. You have plenty to choose from. Just increase your own chances man, nobody else will do it for you. |
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Trigas
A bit crazy
Joined: Jul 14, 2011
Age: 20
Posts: 4143
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| Posted: Fri Apr 13, 2012 3:43 pm Post subject: |
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Pretty much sums it up.
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All fantasy should have a solid base in reality. |
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IlovemyAspie
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 08, 2012
Posts: 892
Location: On the brink....
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| Posted: Fri Apr 13, 2012 4:11 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | Your problem is that you make excuses for being who you are, instead of being perfectly fine with it. And I don't see the logic of being stuck over one girl, especially if you live in a populated area, when in fact probability is on your side just due to the sheer number of girls in your neighborhood who turned 18 today, and may be just as nice and cute, and actually interested in you.
Let me tell you something that should be obvious. Would you like to hang around someone who always look depressed, and as if life was killing him? I wouldn't. So stop presenting yourself as that person by starting from inside. Why are you making excuses for being you? Why don't you take responsibility for being you and try to look like someone else? Why can't you be happy with being you?
Do you think your body is not fit? That's easy, hit the gym. Not for that girl, but for your own sake. Girls like men who take care of themselves. It hints they can take care of business. You smell? Take at least two showers everyday, make sure your smelly areas are washed with soap at least twice or thrice, use a good deodorant, and dress nice or conservative. Learn how to iron your clothes, and don't wear anything frumpy or dirty. Get good shoes. Learn about little stupid things like what the darn Kardashians were up to this week. If you see a girl who is attractive and seem nice, say so frankly and confidently while looking in her eyes (not like a hungry wolf please), and get her number, then leave. You can do that in a minute.
If I came to you with a big smile, and said, hey man, you seem to be a really cool dude, and I figure we should hang out and have a cold beer. Wouldn't you warm up to me right there? Well, women are no different.
Don't ask just one girl, ask as many as you like. You have plenty to choose from. Just increase your own chances man, nobody else will do it for you. |
NOW THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKIN' ABOUT! |
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The_Postmaster
Snowy Owl
Joined: Feb 18, 2011
Age: 17
Posts: 167
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| Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2012 12:04 am Post subject: |
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| Chipshorter wrote: | Be like a positional chess player and have patience as there relationship might end.
Its a lot like bouncing back from a losing streak of chess matches.
Psychological speaking, your comparison of yourself with him, is not very good for your esteem.
You are you, there's only one of you! For all we know she might find a flaw in his personality that makes her think twice about dating him
Tho right now as some consolation, you do have an advantage as his chess might go off while dating her.
The key here is for you to focus on you and not on him. |
I've never been a positional player. I'm a tactician. My style is modeled after Shirov and Tal's aggressive, ambitious play and I've never been content to patiently play positional chess.
| ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote: | | Pretty much what ILMA just said. I would add that it's best to remain at a distance without developing any bitterness towards either party. Remain friends with her, but it's on her terms now or you will look a bit weird and open to ridicule from Other Guy if you 'get in the way'. |
I haven't developed any bitterness toward the girl- I still am very much attracted toward her- but the guy is a different story. I do feel bitter toward him. How can I not, when he's constantly one-upping me?
| lapinmort wrote: | | The_Postmaster wrote: | So the last couple of months there's been this girl who's been going to the same chess club that I go to. I really like her. The problem is there's another guy there, the same age as me, who is superior in nearly every respect.
He looks better than me.
He plays chess better than me.
He's socially competent, and I have AS.
He has a cheerful, optimistic view of the world, and I have grown cynical and jaded.
In fact, I only have a couple of advantages over him, and even those are relatively minor. 1) I am much more intelligent than he is. 2) I, like another person I read about recently, have the special interest of knowledge- in other words, I live to absorb information about many different topics. I am competent enough to hold a conversation on just about any topic, whereas his area of expertise is limited to chess.
But really, the main problem is that I am f*cked up and he is perfect. Can anyone else relate to this? I mean, who in their right mind would choose me over him? He always knows what the right thing to say is, and I can't even make eye contact. |
Your problem is that you make excuses for being who you are, instead of being perfectly fine with it. And I don't see the logic of being stuck over one girl, especially if you live in a populated area, when in fact probability is on your side just due to the sheer number of girls in your neighborhood who turned 18 today, and may be just as nice and cute, and actually interested in you.
Let me tell you something that should be obvious. Would you like to hang around someone who always look depressed, and as if life was killing him? I wouldn't. So stop presenting yourself as that person by starting from inside. Why are you making excuses for being you? Why don't you take responsibility for being you and try to look like someone else? Why can't you be happy with being you?
Do you think your body is not fit? That's easy, hit the gym. Not for that girl, but for your own sake. Girls like men who take care of themselves. It hints they can take care of business. You smell? Take at least two showers everyday, make sure your smelly areas are washed with soap at least twice or thrice, use a good deodorant, and dress nice or conservative. Learn how to iron your clothes, and don't wear anything frumpy or dirty. Get good shoes. Learn about little stupid things like what the darn Kardashians were up to this week. If you see a girl who is attractive and seem nice, say so frankly and confidently while looking in her eyes (not like a hungry wolf please), and get her number, then leave. You can do that in a minute.
If I came to you with a big smile, and said, hey man, you seem to be a really cool dude, and I figure we should hang out and have a cold beer. Wouldn't you warm up to me right there? Well, women are no different.
Don't ask just one girl, ask as many as you like. You have plenty to choose from. Just increase your own chances man, nobody else will do it for you. |
You're saying that I should be who I am, but who I am is that depressed person who feels like life is killing him- that person you said you wouldn't want to hang out with. I don't make excuses or portray myself as someone I'm not, which is a problem, because I am inferior.
Wow. That was a surprisingly long winded post. By the way, ILMA, curiously enough one of my special interests, like the guy you spoke of, is physics. In fact, I intend to major in physics. |
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Chipshorter
Velociraptor
Joined: Jan 17, 2012
Age: 34
Posts: 477
Location: The Georgian Quarter of The Pool of Life, The Centre of The Creative Universe
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| Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2012 12:41 am Post subject: |
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| The_Postmaster wrote: |
I've never been a positional player. I'm a tactician. My style is modeled after Shirov and Tal's aggressive, ambitious play and I've never been content to patiently play positional chess. |
I use to be a tactician then just started out into positional play over the last few months. Lasker, Steinitz and Capablanca have an influence on my style. I find a balance of tactics and position has improve my chess of late, especially after study and trying out in a few lines of the Queen's Gambit, the Caro-Kann and The Ruy Lopez.
_________________
Censorship reflects a society's lack of confidence in itself. It is a hallmark of an authoritarian regime. --Potter Stewart
Corruption is authority plus monopoly minus transparency. --Unknown |
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ZX_SpectrumDisorder
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 25, 2012
Posts: 1608
Location: Ireland
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| Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2012 5:33 am Post subject: |
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| The_Postmaster wrote: | | ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote: | | Pretty much what ILMA just said. I would add that it's best to remain at a distance without developing any bitterness towards either party. Remain friends with her, but it's on her terms now or you will look a bit weird and open to ridicule from Other Guy if you 'get in the way'. |
I haven't developed any bitterness toward the girl- I still am very much attracted toward her- but the guy is a different story. I do feel bitter toward him. How can I not, when he's constantly one-upping me?
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You may feel bitter toward him, but you understand you can never show this? You'll only alienate yourself.
_________________
Claude
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lapinmort
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Apr 11, 2012
Posts: 27
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| Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2012 10:36 am Post subject: |
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| The_Postmaster wrote: | | Chipshorter wrote: | Be like a positional chess player and have patience as there relationship might end.
Its a lot like bouncing back from a losing streak of chess matches.
Psychological speaking, your comparison of yourself with him, is not very good for your esteem.
You are you, there's only one of you! For all we know she might find a flaw in his personality that makes her think twice about dating him
Tho right now as some consolation, you do have an advantage as his chess might go off while dating her.
The key here is for you to focus on you and not on him. |
I've never been a positional player. I'm a tactician. My style is modeled after Shirov and Tal's aggressive, ambitious play and I've never been content to patiently play positional chess.
| ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote: | | Pretty much what ILMA just said. I would add that it's best to remain at a distance without developing any bitterness towards either party. Remain friends with her, but it's on her terms now or you will look a bit weird and open to ridicule from Other Guy if you 'get in the way'. |
I haven't developed any bitterness toward the girl- I still am very much attracted toward her- but the guy is a different story. I do feel bitter toward him. How can I not, when he's constantly one-upping me?
| lapinmort wrote: | | The_Postmaster wrote: | So the last couple of months there's been this girl who's been going to the same chess club that I go to. I really like her. The problem is there's another guy there, the same age as me, who is superior in nearly every respect.
He looks better than me.
He plays chess better than me.
He's socially competent, and I have AS.
He has a cheerful, optimistic view of the world, and I have grown cynical and jaded.
In fact, I only have a couple of advantages over him, and even those are relatively minor. 1) I am much more intelligent than he is. 2) I, like another person I read about recently, have the special interest of knowledge- in other words, I live to absorb information about many different topics. I am competent enough to hold a conversation on just about any topic, whereas his area of expertise is limited to chess.
But really, the main problem is that I am f*cked up and he is perfect. Can anyone else relate to this? I mean, who in their right mind would choose me over him? He always knows what the right thing to say is, and I can't even make eye contact. |
Your problem is that you make excuses for being who you are, instead of being perfectly fine with it. And I don't see the logic of being stuck over one girl, especially if you live in a populated area, when in fact probability is on your side just due to the sheer number of girls in your neighborhood who turned 18 today, and may be just as nice and cute, and actually interested in you.
Let me tell you something that should be obvious. Would you like to hang around someone who always look depressed, and as if life was killing him? I wouldn't. So stop presenting yourself as that person by starting from inside. Why are you making excuses for being you? Why don't you take responsibility for being you and try to look like someone else? Why can't you be happy with being you?
Do you think your body is not fit? That's easy, hit the gym. Not for that girl, but for your own sake. Girls like men who take care of themselves. It hints they can take care of business. You smell? Take at least two showers everyday, make sure your smelly areas are washed with soap at least twice or thrice, use a good deodorant, and dress nice or conservative. Learn how to iron your clothes, and don't wear anything frumpy or dirty. Get good shoes. Learn about little stupid things like what the darn Kardashians were up to this week. If you see a girl who is attractive and seem nice, say so frankly and confidently while looking in her eyes (not like a hungry wolf please), and get her number, then leave. You can do that in a minute.
If I came to you with a big smile, and said, hey man, you seem to be a really cool dude, and I figure we should hang out and have a cold beer. Wouldn't you warm up to me right there? Well, women are no different.
Don't ask just one girl, ask as many as you like. You have plenty to choose from. Just increase your own chances man, nobody else will do it for you. |
You're saying that I should be who I am, but who I am is that depressed person who feels like life is killing him- that person you said you wouldn't want to hang out with. I don't make excuses or portray myself as someone I'm not, which is a problem, because I am inferior.
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Two things:
1) A teacher in high school once told my class "The difference between the poor man and the miserable man, is that the poor man still fights tooth and nail to change his situation". If you don't like who you are, it's up to you to change it. And you don't change by trying to be another person, you change by becoming another person. I still hold a glimmer of hope that you understand the difference.
2) There was a passage I read a while ago in the Bible... Somewhere in the Proverbs of King Solomon. It was advice about not wasting time arguing with fools who can't ever change their minds since the only thing they deserve and understand is having the living cr@p beaten out of them or something of that nature. Well... since it takes a lot to bring me to violence, I'll just say best of luck to you, man. Peace. |
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