JCJC777
Deinonychus
Joined: Apr 20, 2007
Age: 52
Posts: 326
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 Posted: Thu Apr 12, 2012 10:04 am Post subject: why is social interaction so exhausting? |
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I try not to systemise now, which means I find it less intense than I used to, but it is still such hard work.
Normally I hang on the outside of the group, being quieter, and only occasionally contributing.
Even so if I have more than a little interaction I begin to stop functioning.
Maybe it's exhausting because
a) I'm actually systemising and working my brain very hard, so my brain gets exhausted?
b) people just penetrate deep into my being somehow, and disturb me in all sorts of ways, which wipes me out? If so then maybe I could somehow let those people's impacts just go straight through me without touching? I don't know.
c) I am expecting too much of myself - to be able to contribute normally in an NT group - and thus I'm exhausting myself with over-high demands of my performance?
Maybe I'm doing something wrong - has anyone found a better way?
Any thoughts very welcome. Thanks |
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Smartalex
Toucan
Joined: Apr 12, 2012
Age: 29
Posts: 259
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| Posted: Fri Apr 13, 2012 6:09 am Post subject: |
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| That's rough man, I'm sorry. I hope someone does. |
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namaste
Enigmatic Charismatically Odd
Joined: Apr 15, 2011
Posts: 1883
Location: Hindustan
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| Posted: Fri Apr 13, 2012 6:52 am Post subject: Re: why is social interaction so exhausting? |
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| JCJC777 wrote: | I try not to systemise now, which means I find it less intense than I used to, but it is still such hard work.
Normally I hang on the outside of the group, being quieter, and only occasionally contributing.
Even so if I have more than a little interaction I begin to stop functioning.
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The main reason is that you hang outside of any group and are quieter..
you have to stress your brain to get topics to discuss or listen carefully to comment
which you find difficult and that leads to exhaustion
same is the case with me.
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PrettyRed
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Mar 15, 2012
Posts: 45
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| Posted: Fri Apr 13, 2012 8:05 am Post subject: |
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Yeah anyones brain will become tired when trying to focus and figure things out intently . Socially interaction probably dont come naturally to you like most people here so its going to take constant effort. I think social demands are also draining and they will always be and probably for you too . Your not obligated to do anything in any social situation. Sometimes when i start getting drained i start playing games on my phone or 3DS this is the best way to be part of the group but focus on something fun so you dont have to worry about the social interaction part ....
So i vote for
C ) I am expecting too much of myself - to be able to contribute normally in an NT group - and thus I'm exhausting myself with over-high demands of my performance? |
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RazorEddie
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 19, 2012
Age: 42
Posts: 608
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| Posted: Fri Apr 13, 2012 9:33 am Post subject: |
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probably the best answer is a mix of A and C. Unlike most NTs, social interaction is very stressful for most of us. If you are stressed and anxious you will tire quickly.
Certainly for me, anxiety is the biggest problem. You are trying to fit in, to follow the various conversations and hide your perceived and actual idiosyncrasies all at the same time. The best solution is to relax and not try so hard. Of course this is a lot easier said than done.
Just like me you tend to keep to the outside of a group. Don't worry about it. That's the way you are so don't fight it too hard. People will notice if you try too hard. Your responses will seem artificial and strained. Most people are pretty tolerant. If you appear a little shy or awkward they will just accept it.
Have a look at CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy). You can read up on it or visit a therapist who specializes in CBT. CBT helps you recognize when you are letting yourself get stressed over things that don't actually matter. If you can reduce the amount of effort you put into worrying about things you have a lot more energy for dealing with the actual problem, if there is one. It isn't a quick fix and you need to work at it but it can make a big difference.
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I stopped fighting my inner demons. We're on the same side now. |
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richardbenson
my mirror shows black
Joined: Oct 31, 2006
Posts: 14536
Location: Leave only a footprint behind
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| Posted: Fri Apr 13, 2012 8:19 pm Post subject: |
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Because most people are not themselves in trying to socialize, their trying to be "cool" "popular" and not that one guy you know your little group of friends secretly makes fun of behind his back.
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Winds of clarity. a universal understanding come and go, I've seen though the Darkness to understand the bounty of Light |
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JCJC777
Deinonychus
Joined: Apr 20, 2007
Age: 52
Posts: 326
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| Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2012 5:31 am Post subject: |
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Thanks everyone very much for the inputs.
We have many people staying. Tonight we're going to have 11 people staying in our house, and 13 here for lunch tomorrow.... aaaarrggghh
I'm going to try
- switching off my emotional working-out systems; I'm going to try much less hard to 'tune in' to other people; if the NT's are having a big emotion, they'll have to tell me. I'll be more wooden, less perceptive.
- I've also found an old note to myself on cartooning; if you just do a very simple children's cartoon of an upcoming situation; who is arriving when, what will happen, and when they're going - it can help Aspie mind's. I've done one.
My wife and I drove an hour away last night to dinner, into open country, on our own, which felt like it was healing also. |
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Nereid
Snowy Owl
Joined: Jan 06, 2011
Posts: 154
Location: San Francisco
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| Posted: Sun Apr 15, 2012 4:11 am Post subject: |
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I think for a majority on the spectrum, this is at least partially true. Going into a large social group like at a party is like trying to translate a foreign language. You aren't going to understand a good chunk of it the first pass and will have to sit there longer than most to figure out what's going on. I personally have a huge issue trying to jump into other people's convos. I'll sit like a lion waiting to pounce to interject my thought, only to have the group scoop any available chance to jump in and then I just stand there looking like an idiot, until I cower over to the couch and feast on chips alone.
Group social situations = anxiety and stress.
You're not alone, if that's any consolation. |
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Sherman247
Raven
Joined: Apr 10, 2012
Age: 21
Posts: 100
Location: Longmont, CO
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| Posted: Sun Apr 15, 2012 11:17 pm Post subject: |
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| its more or less because the mind isnt nessecarily used to it so like with everything it just takes practice. Ive found that talking to yourself and being comfortable with You is a good form. For awhile my body just didnt work well because it didnt recognize my own voice |
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CockneyRebel
Mick Avory, Sensitive brown-eyed Sweet Pea
Joined: Jul 18, 2004
Age: 38
Posts: 87361
Location: In a quiet and peaceful garden, where gentle Mick Avory-like Sweet Peas grow.
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Apple_in_my_Eye
I don't remember
Joined: May 08, 2008
Age: 44
Posts: 4000
Location: in my brain
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| Posted: Mon Apr 16, 2012 5:04 pm Post subject: |
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| For me, I think it's a matter of slow processing. What stressed me out the most was pushing my brain to hear/understand faster and spit out an answer faster. People outrun my natural pace and trying to keep up is exhausting. In my younger days I was fairly good/sharp with certain subjects (nerdy/techie subjects) so my brain did work, but when it comes to interacting with humans there's a lot of 'lag.' (And it doesn't help that people tend to read meaning that isn't there into that lag.) |
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Comp_Geek_573
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 28, 2011
Age: 28
Posts: 555
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| Posted: Mon Apr 16, 2012 8:45 pm Post subject: |
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1. Having to actively think about social cues that most people process automatically.
2. Having only marginal interest in most conversations.
3. Previous negative experiences from unintentional social faux pas, increasing anxiety.
4. The desperate attempt not to be a wallflower.
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Your Aspie score: 98 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 103 of 200
You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits
AQ: 33 |
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namaste
Enigmatic Charismatically Odd
Joined: Apr 15, 2011
Posts: 1883
Location: Hindustan
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| Posted: Tue Apr 17, 2012 9:05 am Post subject: |
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| Apple_in_my_Eye wrote: | | For me, I think it's a matter of slow processing. What stressed me out the most was pushing my brain to hear/understand faster and spit out an answer faster. People outrun my natural pace and trying to keep up is exhausting. In my younger days I was fairly good/sharp with certain subjects (nerdy/techie subjects) so my brain did work, but when it comes to interacting with humans there's a lot of 'lag.' (And it doesn't help that people tend to read meaning that isn't there into that lag.) |
happens to me too.....but yet i was not avoiding any social situation
but after repeated failure and others making fun of me i cut off socially
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beers
Raven
Joined: Jan 30, 2012
Posts: 123
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| Posted: Tue Apr 17, 2012 9:49 am Post subject: |
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I find it's similar to software emulation. The calculations you're running are outside of your native instruction set, and it takes a significantly higher degree of effort to piece together the functions you do have to achieve the desired result.
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Your Aspie score: 131 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 62 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie |
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lilbetta
Snowy Owl
Joined: Apr 10, 2012
Age: 22
Posts: 153
Location: my own lil world
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| Posted: Tue Apr 17, 2012 1:48 pm Post subject: Exhausting is right |
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Ugghhh i feel you it must be an aspie thing or something because i get worn out from social interaction... thats why at about 6-7 o clock at night i am just emotionally and physically beat and my brain is worn out. whenever it is a holliday or celebration i have to go to dinner with big family ughhhh... thats one of reasons i never liked my birthday...
let me think.. hmm okay last time i had a family gathering was easter my family watched golf and my mom made me sit in the same big den/kitchen area so i wouldnt go iolate myself and listen to music or play with my relatives cat  . so i sat on a couch by myself but with complete view of whole room and i could hear and see everything going on they were watching masters... so i sat theri adn answered questions that were directed at me but otherwise i was in my own world and i drew some pretty neat dragons... i try more and more to initiate social interaction but when there is a large amount of people or my maeds are worn off or i have had a long day i just wanna be left alone.. the Noise and action and movement is just wayyy to much stiimulation... in fact on my birthday we went to a jappanese steakhouse where they do all the tricks and cook food in front of you, the food was excellent but it was very noisy and so much was going on... halfway through i realized i was leainon my elbow on the table with one of my ears in my palm to cover some noise and by the time we were gonna leave soon i had both ears covered i tried to stop but it was just too much... |
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