mellisamouse
Sea Gull
Joined: Dec 27, 2010
Age: 40
Posts: 212
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 Posted: Fri Apr 13, 2012 11:33 pm Post subject: Passive aggressive??? |
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| Say, you had recently drowned.... you were resussitated, but now, for the time being were extremely afraid of water.... it terrified you and gave you agonizing anxiety... then someone who knows this puts a pool in your yard, and keeps telling you you are welcome, come hang out! Miss you! etc, but they will only sit right by that pool KNOWING you are terrified of the water.... isn't that person purposley pushing you away and then blaming you for not hanging out in the yard??? It could be a car accident and not wanting to speed..... MANY diferent things..... but isn't their message loud and clear? :S |
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DogsWithoutHorses
mockingbyrd
Joined: Apr 06, 2012
Posts: 1145
Location: New York
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| Posted: Fri Apr 13, 2012 11:54 pm Post subject: |
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| they're clearly a mermaid |
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cozysweater
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 06, 2011
Posts: 570
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| Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2012 12:01 am Post subject: |
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It could be so many things. They might be trying to encourage you to approach the thing that scares you in a safe way to try to help you overcome your fear. Or they might have no idea that you're having so much trouble with the fear. Or maybe they're being mean.
It probably wouldn't hurt to just ask. They might not know that what they're doing is a problem. |
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mellisamouse
Sea Gull
Joined: Dec 27, 2010
Age: 40
Posts: 212
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| Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2012 12:01 am Post subject: |
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I am not talking about actual water....  |
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DogsWithoutHorses
mockingbyrd
Joined: Apr 06, 2012
Posts: 1145
Location: New York
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| Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2012 12:26 am Post subject: |
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| mellisamouse wrote: | | I am not talking about actual water.... |
I let you in on a secret...I know...I'm just really unfunny
the issue would be easier to address if you moved out of metaphor, especially for the crowd you're playing too |
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The_Postmaster
Snowy Owl
Joined: Feb 18, 2011
Age: 17
Posts: 167
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| Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2012 12:34 am Post subject: |
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| DogsWithoutHorses wrote: | | mellisamouse wrote: | | I am not talking about actual water.... |
I let you in on a secret...I know...I'm just really unfunny
the issue would be easier to address if you moved out of metaphor, especially for the crowd you're playing too |
I agree, on WP, it would probably be a good idea to move away from metaphors. I was confused initially, thinking you were actually talking about water, and wondering what that had to do with love and dating. Then I thought, "He/she's having a problem with his/her romantic partner, she/he has decided to get a pool and is passive-aggressively suggesting that he/she should swim."
Now I think it's a metaphor for dating.
Yes- this is passive aggressive behavior. I would recommend explaining to this person that small steps are necessary before jumping right back into the metaphorical pool. Systematic desensitization, I think is the psychological term. |
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questor
Hermit
Joined: Apr 24, 2011
Posts: 1983
Location: Twilight Zone
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| Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2012 12:43 am Post subject: Passive/aggressive. |
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| Did someone do this to you? If so, they are not your friend. If it your yard, get rid of the pool. If your phobia prevents you from doing that have someone else do it for you. If you don't have authority to romove the pool use the front or side yards to hang out in, or move. I suggest you minimize contact with this person. If they want to know why you don't want to have anything to do with them, then just tell them the truth. You don't associate with nasty people, and any one who does what he/she has done is nasty. And then walk away--don't listen to any "spin" they want to put on their behavior, or any attempts by them to turn it somehow into your fault. |
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mellisamouse
Sea Gull
Joined: Dec 27, 2010
Age: 40
Posts: 212
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| Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2012 3:47 am Post subject: Re: Passive/aggressive. |
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| questor wrote: | | Did someone do this to you? If so, they are not your friend. If it your yard, get rid of the pool. If your phobia prevents you from doing that have someone else do it for you. If you don't have authority to romove the pool use the front or side yards to hang out in, or move. I suggest you minimize contact with this person. If they want to know why you don't want to have anything to do with them, then just tell them the truth. You don't associate with nasty people, and any one who does what he/she has done is nasty. And then walk away--don't listen to any "spin" they want to put on their behavior, or any attempts by them to turn it somehow into your fault. |
Thank you, and this is what my insticts have been telling me... another metaphore may have been holding a match or tortch to a burn victom, then mockinng them for avoiding it???
I have never felt so disrespected and unloved in my whole life...
it just hurts... I thought all aspies where loyal like me....
thanks for letting me rant and cry... crying wil help me heal...... |
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CrinklyCrustacean
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 23, 2009
Posts: 1223
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| Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2012 4:02 am Post subject: |
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| I'm having a hard time understanding because your metaphor isn't specific enough. I mean, I understand that someone is asking you to do something that is grossly unpleasant, in spite of that the fact that they know it is grossly unpleasant, but that tells me nothing. Without more specific details, I have no way of determining the motive behind it. |
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Rax
Sea Gull
Joined: Nov 16, 2011
Posts: 226
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| Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2012 4:29 am Post subject: |
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I don't know the person you're talking about or what the fear is, but my thoughts is that they want you to get used to it
(I bet 10 bucks its a dog.)
_________________
You laugh because I am different, I laugh because you're all the same. |
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ChrisP
Sea Gull
Joined: Jul 18, 2011
Posts: 202
Location: La France profonde
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| Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2012 6:22 am Post subject: |
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| I hope they are trying to help, but I know some people who just give one an emotional poke in the eye because they enjoy the perceived sense of power over you. There is a technical name for people like this, which you will discover by filling in the gaps on the following word puzzle: A---H---E. |
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AngelKnight
Phoenix
Joined: May 04, 2011
Posts: 748
Location: This is not my home; I'm just passing through
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| Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2012 7:16 pm Post subject: Re: Passive aggressive??? |
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| mellisamouse wrote: | | Say, you had recently drowned.... you were resussitated, but now, for the time being were extremely afraid of water.... it terrified you and gave you agonizing anxiety... then someone who knows this puts a pool in your yard, and keeps telling you you are welcome, come hang out! Miss you! etc, but they will only sit right by that pool KNOWING you are terrified of the water.... isn't that person purposley pushing you away and then blaming you for not hanging out in the yard??? It could be a car accident and not wanting to speed..... MANY diferent things..... but isn't their message loud and clear? :S |
I recommend taking a wee in their pool. [1]
[1] I don't really. |
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mellisamouse
Sea Gull
Joined: Dec 27, 2010
Age: 40
Posts: 212
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| Posted: Thu Apr 26, 2012 1:38 am Post subject: |
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| Rax wrote: | I don't know the person you're talking about or what the fear is, but my thoughts is that they want you to get used to it
(I bet 10 bucks its a dog.) |
I was abused as a child, plus we discussed it before agreeing to be in a relationship, then I found out about it a few times and broek up with him.... then he promised never again to suck me back in..... this time he basically wouldn't leave... ( I own my house )
and keeps cranking it down in my spare room...
It is this word, fil in the gaps..... P_ _ N_ _A_PHY.....
I told him before being his girlfriend that to me it is probly the most traumatizing thing on the planet, cause I got locked under the seat in a van as a child, and blacked out from lack of air a number of times while the baby sitter thought that was ok, while I suffocated and her and her boyfriend ignored my cring and screaming until I blacked out... almost died the final time.....
So he KNOWS for me it is beyond just an irritation, or me being some prude, but full blown, panick attack inducing, trauma of a worst nightmare type of thing...
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ChrisP
Sea Gull
Joined: Jul 18, 2011
Posts: 202
Location: La France profonde
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| Posted: Thu Apr 26, 2012 3:11 am Post subject: |
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This person sounds a total A---H---, and in my humble opinion you need rid of him out of your house and your life. For good.
Get help, and be strong - I know how difficult dealing with this sort of person can be.
Thinking of you. |
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mellisamouse
Sea Gull
Joined: Dec 27, 2010
Age: 40
Posts: 212
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| Posted: Thu Apr 26, 2012 3:57 am Post subject: |
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| ChrisP wrote: | This person sounds a total A---H---, and in my humble opinion you need rid of him out of your house and your life. For good.
Get help, and be strong - I know how difficult dealing with this sort of person can be.
Thinking of you. |
thank you Chris.
I asked him to leave the other day, and he is finally gone.... the hard part is not letting him come back, because somehow he keeps making me think there is something wrong with me, I am a prude and no one else would be with someone who dosen't like P_ _____phy....
Like every guy does it etc.... I can understand if you are single, or if it dosen't bother your girl, but when I have made it clear to such an extent, I feel violated he tries to make me feel like a bad person for wanting a relationship with someone who won't do that...
He tells me any guy that says they don't do it are lying and no one else will take me knowing that so, I might as well stay with him etc....
I KNOW this is untrue, but the way he does it really makes me feel no hope of meeting someone ever again... it is only the first few days so I am trying my best to keep talking about it so I stay strong and don't let him back.... |
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