here_to_learn
Butterfly
Joined: Jan 29, 2012
Posts: 15
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 Posted: Sun Apr 15, 2012 11:43 am Post subject: Theories about Aspies and anger??? |
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I'm an NT. I've been doing a lot reading here on WP about Aspies who seem to get angry a lot in their relationships (maybe just with NTs). Come to think of it, I've only read about anger in Aspie men....don't recall seeing anything about Aspie women having anger outbursts.
My Aspie husband has always been emotionally stable and middle ground...never extremely happy or sad...just consistently pretty mellow and happy. I have literally never seen him get angry. I don't think he is necessarily unique in this regard.
There's clearly a link between emotions and Autism, right? I haven't done a lot of reading on that, but it seems like that is generally accepted knowledge.
So, I'm wondering about how to account for such different emotional characteristics among AS men?
Could it be related to testosterone levels?
Could it be that AS just exaggerates emotional predispositions or traits? So just like some NTs are more prone to anger, so are some AS?
Could it be related to coping skills? Meaning that, as I understand it, living in an NT world can be stressful and frustrating...so maybe the Aspies who have anger outbursts have less coping ability or less opportunity to "recharge their batteries", so they are just thinly stretched emotionally?
I'm still fairly new to WP, so I hope I have not inadvertently said anything offensive. I've read in a few places on this discussion board that sometimes people feel like they get attacked for posting certain things (or in certain ways). |
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Ria1989
Deinonychus
Joined: Feb 19, 2011
Posts: 336
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| Posted: Sun Apr 15, 2012 11:54 am Post subject: Re: Theories about Aspies and anger??? |
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I've read something similar to the examples you used in Maxine Austin's book. It's really hard for Aspies to navigate the world, especially with sarcasm, double meanings, etc. I personally think people who can't express their anger through jabs, insults, etc. like neurotypicals do, they end up bottling it up and exploding. They tend to also avoid confrontations, so I can see how getting angry all at once would happen easier.
Furthermore, I actually think Aspie females do get angry, if not angrier than males. It seems to be opposite of neurotypical relationships. What I've read is, female Aspies have even MORE pressure than male aspies in relationships. Female aspies are expected to be nurturing and all these other things that are very hard for them to do naturally. Male aspies kind of get lucky in this sense because their perceived inadequacies are generally inadequacies other male neurotypicals experience, just to a different extent. |
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devark
Deinonychus
Joined: Feb 09, 2010
Age: 31
Posts: 337
Location: Here, now.
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| Posted: Sun Apr 15, 2012 11:59 am Post subject: |
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I use to have fairly strong emotional meltdowns and outbursts. While my introspection of those events may be a little biased I feel it rooted from two problems. 1. Failure on my behalf to recognize I wasn't communicating clearly and thus getting unexpected feedback without knowing why, and 2. Feeling overly interrupted and overloaded with sensory input (two questions at once, thinking about too much at once and then losing track and not knowing what to do, ect...).
I can only speak for myself but medication (an ssri and a benzo), and a whole lot of sessions with a therapist really went a long way at calming me down and helping me understanding myself better.
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"To the end, my dear." ~ Stravinsky |
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Roman
Phoenix
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Joined: Mar 18, 2005
Posts: 2301
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| Posted: Sun Apr 15, 2012 12:29 pm Post subject: |
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| Up until I was 21 I was the opposite to that. It was VERY difficult to get me angry. At least from my mom's point of view I was one of the most forgiving people. Things changed drastically, however, at 21, when I left home. What happened is that I finally realized I am being treated as "inferior" by NT-s, which is something I was unaware of before. From that point on, anger became my major issue. So this leads me to say that perhaps anger is NOT inherent part of Asperger but rather it is a consequence of inferior status that aspie receive? Perhaps other "unpopular" traints, like being short, overweight, etc. also makes people angry? |
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Joe90
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 24, 2010
Posts: 8233
Location: Great Britain
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| Posted: Sun Apr 15, 2012 12:54 pm Post subject: |
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I'm a female Aspie and I have angry outbursts. I had one this morning, it wasn't big, but I did get so angry with something that I kicked the wall in a temper and felt so angry that I wanted to scream and cry and even hit myself on the head because I felt so angry.
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Real gender: Female
From: East UK
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WerewolfPoet
Deinonychus
Joined: Mar 04, 2012
Posts: 360
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| Posted: Sun Apr 15, 2012 1:01 pm Post subject: |
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| Some (possibly many) autistics are hypersensitive to their emotions and feel everything at an intense level. I, for one, am ecstatic when I am happy; I am dejected when I am sad; I am infuriated when I am angry. Perhaps this hyper-emotionality amplifies the normal human range of anger in some Aspies and causes these so-called "anger outbursts." |
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Jtuk
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 22, 2012
Posts: 732
Location: Wales, UK
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| Posted: Sun Apr 15, 2012 1:04 pm Post subject: |
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I think it's down to poorly developed emotions. Think of a toddler, happy, content, scared or a mega tantrum. It appears that many aspies never develop their beyond these basic emotions.
Jason |
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League_Girl
Proud mamma
Joined: Feb 05, 2010
Posts: 13483
Location: My house
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| Posted: Sun Apr 15, 2012 2:02 pm Post subject: |
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| When my anxiety gets bad, I shut down or have outbursts or meltdowns and I throw things and I have hit my husband once before and thrown stuff at him a few times. My husband says my meltdowns look like a toddler throwing a tantrum. He also says there is like no between with my emotions. It's either this or that. I can be fine and the next minute I am very angry or very excited. I used to be worse as a kid but I have gotten better. |
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balletnerd
Snowy Owl
Joined: Jan 29, 2012
Posts: 172
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| Posted: Sun Apr 15, 2012 2:45 pm Post subject: |
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| I have issues with anger certainly. I can't seem to respond emotionally in a way which is considered "appropriate" in most situations. Wether this is Aspergers or something else I don't know quite yet as still seeking diagnosis. |
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Taylor1002
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 31, 2011
Posts: 574
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| Posted: Sun Apr 15, 2012 4:41 pm Post subject: |
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| I've always been considered patient, and I like to talk about my anger when I'm mad to avoid drama. My dad probably also has AS but he gets mad very easily and is prone to outbursts. |
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here_to_learn
Butterfly
Joined: Jan 29, 2012
Posts: 15
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| Posted: Sun Apr 15, 2012 4:46 pm Post subject: Re: Theories about Aspies and anger??? |
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| Ria1989 wrote: | I've read something similar to the examples you used in Maxine Austin's book. It's really hard for Aspies to navigate the world, especially with sarcasm, double meanings, etc. I personally think people who can't express their anger through jabs, insults, etc. like neurotypicals do, they end up bottling it up and exploding. They tend to also avoid confrontations, so I can see how getting angry all at once would happen easier.
Furthermore, I actually think Aspie females do get angry, if not angrier than males. It seems to be opposite of neurotypical relationships. What I've read is, female Aspies have even MORE pressure than male aspies in relationships. Female aspies are expected to be nurturing and all these other things that are very hard for them to do naturally. Male aspies kind of get lucky in this sense because their perceived inadequacies are generally inadequacies other male neurotypicals experience, just to a different extent. |
I think you've come up an interesting theory...The Pressure Cooker Theory of Aspie Anger Outbursts.
Really interesting ideas about gender expectations and Aspieness. I wonder about how Aspieness intersects with gender, race, social class, and sexual orientation. How is it easier/harder for individuals that have additional constraints/expectations in addition to NT ones? |
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Ria1989
Deinonychus
Joined: Feb 19, 2011
Posts: 336
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| Posted: Sun Apr 15, 2012 5:32 pm Post subject: Re: Theories about Aspies and anger??? |
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| here_to_learn wrote: | | Ria1989 wrote: | I've read something similar to the examples you used in Maxine Austin's book. It's really hard for Aspies to navigate the world, especially with sarcasm, double meanings, etc. I personally think people who can't express their anger through jabs, insults, etc. like neurotypicals do, they end up bottling it up and exploding. They tend to also avoid confrontations, so I can see how getting angry all at once would happen easier.
Furthermore, I actually think Aspie females do get angry, if not angrier than males. It seems to be opposite of neurotypical relationships. What I've read is, female Aspies have even MORE pressure than male aspies in relationships. Female aspies are expected to be nurturing and all these other things that are very hard for them to do naturally. Male aspies kind of get lucky in this sense because their perceived inadequacies are generally inadequacies other male neurotypicals experience, just to a different extent. |
I think you've come up an interesting theory...The Pressure Cooker Theory of Aspie Anger Outbursts.
Really interesting ideas about gender expectations and Aspieness. I wonder about how Aspieness intersects with gender, race, social class, and sexual orientation. How is it easier/harder for individuals that have additional constraints/expectations in addition to NT ones? |
I've seen aspie females and males on here, whom are bisexual, say it is easier to deal with same sex people in a relationship since they understand them more. It's hard enough to figure out someone of the same sex, but add a different gender, it tends to make it tougher for some.
I think social class has a huge impact; for example, a lot of articles I've read about abusers abusing their disabled child, come from lower socioeconomical class. It's tough enough for parents to raise neurotypicals without enough resources, but that adds even more stress on the caregiver when their child is disabled (doesn't mean they should abuse their child no matter what the circumstances are). I can see how this would negatively affect a disabled child's emotion when they have other added stressors within their family. This goes with any child, neurotypical or not. |
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Cogs
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 13, 2012
Age: 21
Posts: 830
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| Posted: Sun Apr 15, 2012 6:27 pm Post subject: |
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I'm female and working on improving my anger, I think mine comes/has come from many sources including:
1. Communication problems – not able to communicate what I need, not getting what I need, not able to understand what others need, not giving them what they need because I don’t know what they need etc. I find communication very frustrating.
2. Constantly dealing with too much sensory input – tires me and I feel irritable to start with – and not understanding or knowing how to improve this.
3. Trying to control things I cannot control.
4. Trying to constantly compensate/go against my natural tendancies in some areas to better fit in with everyone else.
5. People accusing me of not putting in enough effort etc. when really I am pushing myself as hard as I can but am limited by factors out of my control
6. Not understanding myself so fighting against myself
7. In the past I have tried to deal with a lot of things without support, which was too much for me to handle.
8. Me not understanding others and others not understanding me. Frustrations trying to understand social expectations, what is happening etc. The expectations others have that I will be like them.
9. Being unable to verbally express problems, so bottling anger in me then exploding.
10. Disliking confrontations, conflict etc. so getting angry when I had to be around one, and disliking it when I got pushed to the point of explosion.
11. I used anger as a defence to keep people away from me, to build a metaphorical wall, keep a distance between myself and others, not care about others.
12. I feel emotions either a little or a lot, so I can go from not angry to very angry in a minute, but it seems to take a long time to reduce anger once it is triggered.
13. Not understanding or knowing how to work with emotions, so I did not know how to handle anger.
14. Feeling like others are judging me and treating me based on inaccurate judgements.
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TheSunAlsoRises
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 02, 2011
Posts: 1039
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| Posted: Sun Apr 15, 2012 8:01 pm Post subject: |
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So, I'm wondering about how to account for such different emotional characteristics among AS men?
Diversity.
Genetics, environment, and other factors determine their temperament just like anyone else.
TheSunAlsoRises |
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Sweetleaf
Metalhead
Joined: Jan 07, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 14798
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
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| Posted: Sun Apr 15, 2012 8:07 pm Post subject: |
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I get pretty angry, though I think the PTSD contributes some to it. But yeah sometimes I get so mad I end up having to hit something, typically it ends up being something harder than my hand so bloody knuckles happen. though recently instead of hitting a hard object I hit myself in the leg as hard as I could repeatedly and got a nice bruise.
But here's a little known secret, at around 7 the doctors thought I could have some form of MD that typically only males get....so basically they told me I have the genes of both a male and female. It turns out I don't have any MD just a weird DNA structure or something, I'm not really clear on it but the whole male and female DNA thing still stands regardless of the fact I am physically female well other than my shoulder and neck structure apparently, a chiropractor told me that. I don't really know...but weird none the less.
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