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Bigbrett119
Hummingbird
Joined: Apr 02, 2012
Age: 20
Posts: 19
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 Posted: Thu Apr 12, 2012 3:43 pm Post subject: Why does it feel so bad? |
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| I have a bit of a story to tell, and I hope some of you guys can give me some advise. For as long as I can remember, I was always scared of girls. Even up to the beginning of High School, I avoided women at all cost. Since my father died back in 2008, I told myself I wanted to be more like the man he was, so I began to force myself into social situations with girls. At first it was agonizing, but after some time passed, I was able to talk face to face with a girl without turning red or walking away. I have even had crushes since then, and I believe that I am a better person overall. But lately I have been in a deep depression. In the last year or so, I matured enough to look for a girlfriend. I have a younger brother, and I see what some boys and girls today are like; I don't want a one night stand or a sex buddy. I want to meet a girl I can fall in love with, and maybe marry in the future. But no matter how hard I try, no one is ever interested in me. It is made even worse considering I see my brother come home every other week with a new girlfriend. Are there any girls out there who are looking for an emotional relationship instead of a physical one? |
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Night_Shade917
Blue Jay
Joined: Apr 04, 2012
Posts: 95
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| Posted: Thu Apr 12, 2012 7:05 pm Post subject: |
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Hey BigBrett,
Of course there will be girls out there who will be looking for an emotional relationship! It all depends on where you look. For instance, I don't think parties are a good place because the people that go there could be there just to get drunk and may not be looking for an emotional relationship. I recommend taking up a hobby that involves groups of people. That way, you can meet new people and enjoy what you're doing at the same time. If you attend college, there could be an enrichment activity that you can attend there too. Also, on the subject of college. If you do go to college, there may be some girls in your class that you could get to know that may share the same interests as you do. There are also online dating sites that you could try, but I am not sure how well these sites work because I have never used them before. What about playing an MMO and meeting people through there that may be around your area? If you are interested in gaming that is  . Well, I hope this reply was helpful to you and that you find someone who is genuinely interested in you  |
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MovieCriticGamer
Snowy Owl
Joined: Dec 28, 2011
Posts: 135
Location: Florida
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| Posted: Thu Apr 12, 2012 9:36 pm Post subject: |
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Wow...I had the same problem as you BigBrett with trying to get into social situations with girls....
_________________
Regards,
Your friendly movie critic gamer.
A light heart carries you through all the hard times. |
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invisibubble
Blue Jay
Joined: Mar 16, 2012
Posts: 84
Location: Australia
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| Posted: Thu Apr 12, 2012 9:47 pm Post subject: Re: Why does it feel so bad? |
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| Bigbrett119 wrote: | | I want to meet a girl I can fall in love with, and maybe marry in the future. But no matter how hard I try, no one is ever interested in me. It is made even worse considering I see my brother come home every other week with a new girlfriend. Are there any girls out there who are looking for an emotional relationship instead of a physical one? |
There are also girls out there in the same boat as you. I've been there. I didn't date much until I found my partner who also hadn't dated much - we both wanted respect, love and a great friendship above all else so we were both holding out for someone to come along that didn't treat dating like a conquest. It seemed like we took forever to find each other. But, whereas others around us went through countless bad relationships and many still haven't found "the one" we felt like we were on the sidelines for a long time but when the right person came along neither of us was caught up in a bad relationship - we were both available to enter into the relationship we'd dreamed of.
It's not easy playing the waiting game but worth it. In the meantime it doesn't hurt to try to improve yourself - especially work on confidence if its a weakness because it seems a pretty attractive trait to anyone who's not a predator. I came across my partner when I least expected it - when I had my head down working on other things... I suspect in the prior years when I was feeling rather desperate to get into the dating game that had been a huge turn off for others.... |
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RICKY5
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 28, 2009
Posts: 1175
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| Posted: Sun Apr 15, 2012 11:50 am Post subject: Re: Why does it feel so bad? |
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| Bigbrett119 wrote: | | I have a bit of a story to tell, and I hope some of you guys can give me some advise. For as long as I can remember, I was always scared of girls. Even up to the beginning of High School, I avoided women at all cost. Since my father died back in 2008, I told myself I wanted to be more like the man he was, so I began to force myself into social situations with girls. At first it was agonizing, but after some time passed, I was able to talk face to face with a girl without turning red or walking away. I have even had crushes since then, and I believe that I am a better person overall. But lately I have been in a deep depression. In the last year or so, I matured enough to look for a girlfriend. I have a younger brother, and I see what some boys and girls today are like; I don't want a one night stand or a sex buddy. I want to meet a girl I can fall in love with, and maybe marry in the future. But no matter how hard I try, no one is ever interested in me. It is made even worse considering I see my brother come home every other week with a new girlfriend. Are there any girls out there who are looking for an emotional relationship instead of a physical one? |
The idea of romantic love is a secular religion. It is all about lust and status improvement. |
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Homer_Bob
Bazinga!
Joined: Jan 06, 2009
Age: 24
Posts: 1287
Location: New England
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| Posted: Sun Apr 15, 2012 2:49 pm Post subject: |
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I certainly know how you feel. I use to be all upset about never being able to find a girlfriend because I felt like I was an unwanted freak. However for me, what makes it easier is not trying to find a girlfriend but instead focus on finding more friends. Many people I know find their girlfriends to be people they were friends with for years(one or both were dating someone else at the time they meet). I have gained some opposite sex friends over the past few years where I had none in high school. Most of them are dating other people but it's not like it's set in stone. I think for most people with aspergers, we certainly are not built for one night stands and blind dates. We need to get to know and trust people and become friends with them first. If an opportunity presents itself where one of my female friends is no longer in a relationship, I certainly will waste no time in trying to see if my opportunity will come. It's a slow process but it's a much easier process. I know the fear of friend-zone can fall into place but it's a risk I am willing to take. I'd rather be friend zoned than have no friends at all. I feel like for some of my friends, I'm on a waiting list to date them. I may not be able to date them right now (or possibly ever) but I have found some friends who actually care for me very much and that certainly is better than being alone.
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I have to feel sorry for myself. I’m the only one who cares. Just like I’m the only one who’ll have sex with me.
Excuse me. I’m going to go wander the streets alone. Invisible, unwanted and unloved, a pathetic shadow in a city with no heart. -Raj |
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