RazorEddie
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 19, 2012
Age: 42
Posts: 608
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 Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2012 6:33 am Post subject: |
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| YourMum wrote: | | It seems to me that people talk about/treat friendship as some beautiful, abstract, perhaps even "spiritual" connection with another person, but in reality it is just lies and (mutual) selfishness. |
It is not lies and selfishness, it is a mutually beneficial arrangement. Any relationship based on lies will fall apart fairly quickly. Pretty much everyone needs some form of help or emotional support at some time. Friends can provide that help and support. In return you help them. It can also be good to share interests. It can be enjoyable to share experiences and ideas about your interests.
| Quote: | | I think that it would be good to have a sort of relationship with someone perhaps slightly similar to the relationship one might have with a psych(iatr/olog)ist, but not one sided. A relationship where you are completely open to say anything and everything, without judgement. |
Some friendships are like this. In that case you both have to have a great deal of trust each other, something which only develops over time. It depends very much on the temperaments of the people involved. For instance I am not an emotional person and I don't generally want to share feelings. My friendships are more to share ideas and experiences.
Don't try to over analyze this. If you enjoy communicating with your friend then keep it up. If you just find it hard work and don't see the point then it may not be worth continuing.
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I stopped fighting my inner demons. We're on the same side now. |
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Night_Shade917
Blue Jay
Joined: Apr 04, 2012
Posts: 95
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| Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2012 7:16 am Post subject: |
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| YourMum wrote: | | Night_Shade917 wrote: | Well, friendship means many different things for different people. For me it means someone who is always there for you and that you can confide in when you're going through a rough time. A friend is someone who helps you and gives you advice when you are in a tough situation or feeling sad. A friend is not only a companion, but someone that you can place your trust within. A friend to me is someone who's loyal and doesn't lie to you. Someone who's always there through thick and thin  . Someone that you can laugh and joke with. Also, someone you can go places with and have fun. That's my definition of a true friend. I hope this helped. |
So all the "work" in between is just so that you can use the person when up need "something"? |
All the work inbetween is not so you can use the other person, it's something that is shared. Both people do this for one another out of caring for eachother. It's not both people using one another because helping one another goes both ways. A friend is someone that will always be there and the favour will be returned later. Me and my friends don't "use" eachother, we trust eachother and we are always there for eachother no matter what because we care about one another. Friends are not just someone there for when you need something, they're also there to share life experiences with, to talk to, to share interests, have fun and share laughs and jokes. All this is not using the other person, friendship is a bond that you and another person share and everything you do goes both ways.
But if that is your oppinion on friends, I shall let it be and accept it. I just wanted share my perspective. |
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UnLoser
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 29, 2012
Posts: 623
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| Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2012 12:48 pm Post subject: |
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It seems to me that people talk about/treat friendship as some beautiful, abstract, perhaps event "spiritual" connection with another person, but in reality it is just lies and (mutual) selfishness.
Friendships based on lies and selfishness aren't real friendships at all, and will likely collapse. A true friendships is based on truthfulness(mostly), and mutual selfishness AND selflessness. You'll be there for the other person, and in turn, they'll be there for you.
Although, technically speaking, people desire friendships for selfish reasons, they don't think about it that way themselves. Most (normal)people do view true friendship as a beautiful, abstract, perhaps event "spiritual" connection.
I think that it would be good to have a sort of relationship with someone perhaps slightly similar to the relationship one might have with a psych(iatr/olog)ist, but not one sided. A relationship where you are completely open to say anything and everything, without judgement, with the aim of understanding: but that would not be "friendship". It would be impossible for friendship to occur in such a relationship. I think.
Actually, that's what really close friendships are often like. |
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FMX
Velociraptor
Joined: Mar 17, 2012
Posts: 480
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| Posted: Tue Apr 17, 2012 7:09 am Post subject: |
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| UnLoser wrote: |
I think that it would be good to have a sort of relationship with someone perhaps slightly similar to the relationship one might have with a psych(iatr/olog)ist, but not one sided. A relationship where you are completely open to say anything and everything, without judgement, with the aim of understanding: but that would not be "friendship". It would be impossible for friendship to occur in such a relationship. I think.
Actually, that's what really close friendships are often like. |
I agree, a close friend has to really understand you. Fortunately, I have one such close friend and another one who is a bit less close and tends to misunderstand some things I say, though I can still trust him to not use them against me. Unfortunately, that's all I have - no other friends or relationships.
To me, friends serve two main purposes:
1) Emotional support and true understanding.
2) Enjoying each other's company - spending time together doing whatever it is you want to do - and going out of your way to see each other. That's where I draw the line between "acquaintance" and "friend". If you only see each other because you happen to be in the same place at the same time (eg. at work) you're acquaintances. If you both go out of your way just to meet up then you're friends.
I'm fortunate enough to have the first (though only from one person, so I wouldn't mind another), but I'd like to have more friends that I could do stuff with on the weekends when my best friend is busy with something else. |
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MagicMeerkat
meerkat
Joined: Jun 12, 2011
Age: 26
Posts: 1347
Location: Kalahari Desert
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| Posted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 12:18 am Post subject: |
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Isn't that the million dollar question?
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"So for all of you with the courage to stand up and say "I am me, screw you, World if you don't like it!" Here's to you!
-Erik Sprague
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Galymia
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Apr 19, 2012
Age: 28
Posts: 42
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| Posted: Thu Apr 19, 2012 6:18 pm Post subject: |
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| I was also wondering what the point of friends are and these answers seem logical. At the same time though, I don't really mind not having friends. It seems like a lot of work and most people end up not wanting to be around me anyway. I do have one friend who doesn't mind not visiting for months on end and we can pick up where we left off. I love that friendship since both of us mutually don't put much time into it and we understand each other on that. |
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NicoleG
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 26, 2011
Age: 36
Posts: 661
Location: Dallas-Fort Worth
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| Posted: Sat Apr 21, 2012 4:56 pm Post subject: |
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| YourMum wrote: | | It seems to me that it's not "a situation of one person using another", but rather "two people using each other". It seems to me that people talk about/treat friendship as some beautiful, abstract, perhaps event "spiritual" connection with another person, but in reality it is just lies and (mutual) selfishness. |
Ick, I don't like either of those extremes. Friendship for me isn't some mythical spiritual thing, nor is it about having some selfish needs being met or someone available that I can call on for a ride if I need it. To me, friendship is simply about companionship, and about having company instead of doing something alone. I can just as easily crave having time alone away from others, and just about anything I can do with a friend I can also do alone, but I enjoy having the company sometimes, as I do get lonely trapped up in my own head all the time.
One of my friends and I are very giving towards each other. We like to share links to articles and hang out watching shows and movies with each other while enjoying good wine or hot tea and tasty food. We both participate in an online philosophy club meeting, and we can also bounce philosophical ideas off of one another. We have enough overlap in our interests that we can find commonalities, but also enough non-overlap that we can compare notions and learn from each other in various ways. When I ask questions about her writing, for instance, it isn't so that she can meet my need of curiosity, but so that I can get to understand her and one of her interests better. We chat online randomly and live far enough apart that I might only see her once a twice a month at most. The entire relationship I have with her is comfortable, unassuming, and I call her my friend. There is mutual respect for each other, and I feel relaxed talking with her and hanging out with her. |
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Kinme
Dinosaurlicious
Joined: Apr 14, 2012
Posts: 3223
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| Posted: Sun Apr 22, 2012 1:13 pm Post subject: |
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Go see a movie.
Go do a fun activity that you both enjoy.
Go shopping...?
Talk about stuff.
That's all I can think of. |
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