nick007
old-skewl fan-boy
Joined: May 05, 2010
Age: 30
Posts: 9744
Location: was Louisiana but moved in with my girlfreind in Vermont
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 Posted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 5:48 am Post subject: |
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I mentioned AS in my profiles on OKC & other dating sites & I explained a little about how it affected me. One of the things I said about it was that I am very direct & upfront & not good at subtlety. I mentioned that because I wanted to lay my cards out on the table from the beginning instead of playing a poker game because I totally suck at bluffing. I felt it was best to explain myself starting out because I really need others to be direct with me & it's extremely likely that we would of had a major misunderstanding after the 1st couple messages if she wasn't aware.
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bizboy1
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 24, 2012
Posts: 945
Location: California, USA
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| Posted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 3:43 pm Post subject: |
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| nick007 wrote: | | I mentioned AS in my profiles on OKC & other dating sites & I explained a little about how it affected me. One of the things I said about it was that I am very direct & upfront & not good at subtlety. I mentioned that because I wanted to lay my cards out on the table from the beginning instead of playing a poker game because I totally suck at bluffing. I felt it was best to explain myself starting out because I really need others to be direct with me & it's extremely likely that we would of had a major misunderstanding after the 1st couple messages if she wasn't aware. |
Do you think people treated you differently because you stated it? Do you think fewer people visited your profile or were not into you because of this? |
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nick007
old-skewl fan-boy
Joined: May 05, 2010
Age: 30
Posts: 9744
Location: was Louisiana but moved in with my girlfreind in Vermont
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| Posted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 5:49 pm Post subject: |
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| bizboy1 wrote: | | nick007 wrote: | | I mentioned AS in my profiles on OKC & other dating sites & I explained a little about how it affected me. One of the things I said about it was that I am very direct & upfront & not good at subtlety. I mentioned that because I wanted to lay my cards out on the table from the beginning instead of playing a poker game because I totally suck at bluffing. I felt it was best to explain myself starting out because I really need others to be direct with me & it's extremely likely that we would of had a major misunderstanding after the 1st couple messages if she wasn't aware. |
Do you think people treated you differently because you stated it? Do you think fewer people visited your profile or were not into you because of this? |
Yes but the people who were put off by me mentioning would of got upset with me & quit chatting with me after a couple messages if I wasn't upfront. I didn't mention it when I 1st started using dating sites(I didn't know as much about AS then or think as much about it) & we had major communication problems after a couple messages. The women I chatted with were never direct enough with me ;like they would say they wanted us to be friends instead of dating or something similar & I interpreted that as them not being interested in me romantically but what they really meant was that they wanted us to be friends for now & leave the option open for more after we knew each other better. There were lots of other misunderstanding to because I missed cues or I said something they interpreted as being being very rude when I was just being direct & didn't have a clue what I did wrong. One of the biggest problems I have dealing with NTs is that they are indirect & inconstant & I rally need people(especially my partner) to be direct & consistent. It would of been a disaster trying to get involved with anyone who would of been put off by me mentioning that in my profile
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For info about where I've been & what's up with me check this post~
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roccoslife
Toucan
Joined: Jul 13, 2011
Age: 29
Posts: 293
Location: Essex, UK
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| Posted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 6:03 pm Post subject: |
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In past relationships ive only ever thought it necessary to bring up my AS when they started noticing things that were slightly "off" with my behavior at certain times. Next relationship I have Im thinking im going to be honest from the very start though. Ideally id like to start a relationship with a fellow aspie, as I think there would be more of a mutual understanding in that case. The mere mention of "autism" to an NT (which all my of previous relationships have been with) seems to be a death nell to the relationship sadly.
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30 AQ
Your Aspie score: 82 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 107 of 200
You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits
http://www.facebook.com/roy.costello |
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crmoore
Phoenix
Joined: May 19, 2011
Age: 32
Posts: 573
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
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| Posted: Thu Apr 19, 2012 9:18 pm Post subject: |
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Thank you, everyone, for all the feedback so far. So far, the only thing I've mentioned in my OKC profile is that I'm really shy. I figure that's true enough, unless there are any other suggestions.
If anyone wants to look at the profile and offer anymore input on what I should say about my AS, no matter how subtle, my OKC username is the same as my WP one. |
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Asp-Z
Clockwork Planet
Joined: Dec 07, 2009
Posts: 11016
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| Posted: Fri Apr 20, 2012 10:26 am Post subject: |
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| People put far too much thought into things like this. When I first met my now girlfriend and we were just friends, I mentioned Asperger's casually without an issue. She knows who I am and having a label on it doesn't affect our relationship at all. Same for my previous relationships too. It's no big deal really. |
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crmoore
Phoenix
Joined: May 19, 2011
Age: 32
Posts: 573
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
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| Posted: Fri Apr 20, 2012 10:31 am Post subject: |
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| Asp-Z wrote: | | People put far too much thought into things like this. When I first met my now girlfriend and we were just friends, I mentioned Asperger's casually without an issue. She knows who I am and having a label on it doesn't affect our relationship at all. Same for my previous relationships too. It's no big deal really. |
I'm not so much worried about the labeling aspect of it. Personally, I'm more concerned of it being an explaination as to why I'm not making the first move or why I may act awkward on a first date when I really do like a girl. (the second scenario is completely hypothetical since I've never been on a date) In regards to my other friendships, I'm not at all concerned with the labeling aspect of my AS since I've accepted it as part of who I am, and anyone I know who doesn't isn't worth my time. |
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nick007
old-skewl fan-boy
Joined: May 05, 2010
Age: 30
Posts: 9744
Location: was Louisiana but moved in with my girlfreind in Vermont
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| Posted: Fri Apr 20, 2012 1:18 pm Post subject: |
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| crmoore wrote: | | Asp-Z wrote: | | People put far too much thought into things like this. When I first met my now girlfriend and we were just friends, I mentioned Asperger's casually without an issue. She knows who I am and having a label on it doesn't affect our relationship at all. Same for my previous relationships too. It's no big deal really. |
I'm not so much worried about the labeling aspect of it. Personally, I'm more concerned of it being an explaination as to why I'm not making the first move or why I may act awkward on a first date when I really do like a girl. (the second scenario is completely hypothetical since I've never been on a date) In regards to my other friendships, I'm not at all concerned with the labeling aspect of my AS since I've accepted it as part of who I am, and anyone I know who doesn't isn't worth my time. |
Same here. They may understand your behavior better & be less likely to misinterpret things or more likely to try to talk things over/out instead of assuming the wrong thing. Also there's a small chance that the other person may have it or knows a little about it(maybe has a family member or friend who has it) or may have some kind of other disorder & that person might feel more comfortable knowing about your AS. Talking about it could be a way to get closer & understand each other better
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scubasteve
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 18, 2009
Age: 28
Posts: 993
Location: Ann Arbor, Michigan
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| Posted: Fri Apr 20, 2012 8:12 pm Post subject: |
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My concern, and the reason I don't put it in my profile, is that people may misunderstand what it is. They may have this image of someone with classic autism and think I'm like that. Or they may have no idea at all and just be scared or turned off by the idea.
Whereas, if I tell them after I've met them, they have a sense of what I'm like, and they realize I'm not completely crazy. A little weird, sure. But I think people pick up on that even without mentioning Asperger's. |
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Homer_Bob
Bazinga!
Joined: Jan 06, 2009
Age: 24
Posts: 1288
Location: New England
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| Posted: Fri Apr 20, 2012 8:21 pm Post subject: |
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It's not something I'd be out in the open with but I feel when I know someone after a while and feel I can really trust them, then that would be the right time to tell them. For the most, part me telling them didn't really make that much of a difference.
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I have to feel sorry for myself. I’m the only one who cares. Just like I’m the only one who’ll have sex with me.
Excuse me. I’m going to go wander the streets alone. Invisible, unwanted and unloved, a pathetic shadow in a city with no heart. -Raj |
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crmoore
Phoenix
Joined: May 19, 2011
Age: 32
Posts: 573
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
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| Posted: Mon Apr 23, 2012 11:08 am Post subject: |
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| Okay, I'll just stick with the usual half-truths like "shy, not outgoing, introverted" and leave the AS discussion for a later conversation, provided of course I even manage to have any with anyone. Thank you everyone again for your input. |
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