invisibubble
Blue Jay
Joined: Mar 16, 2012
Posts: 84
Location: Australia
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 Posted: Thu Apr 19, 2012 8:41 am Post subject: what to do when you unexpectedly meet someone you've known? |
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I've had this problem for a long time and it happened again today and I'm soooo frustrated with myself. I'm at uni walking around and see someone that was in one of my classes that I did some group work with last semester but haven't seen since. As I notice them coming towards me I can't work out if they'd be happy to see me and want me to say "hi" or if the right thing to do is pretend like I don't notice them. So, I panic and quickly change direction... but afterwards realised they were looking right at me. Hmmm... suspect it was the wrong thing. It keeps happening. A big problem is a lifetime of rejection makes me suspect people want nothing to do with me... of course for people who don't know that's my background my behaviour must be puzzling. I feel really bad that they probably thought I was snubbing them... It will be even more awkward if we cross paths again.
Is there a book or something that gives instructions on how to deal with this - mainly the unexpected meeting of someone you're not sure is possibly an acquaintance? I'm sure this is covered in the NT social code - I was probably supposed to give a nod or something. I wish I got social training when I was young.... |
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DominictheStampede
Sea Gull
Joined: Feb 26, 2012
Age: 28
Posts: 205
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| Posted: Thu Apr 19, 2012 10:18 am Post subject: |
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| I *think* the appropriate thing to do in that situation is to smile at them and say hi and possibly wave. I know that Marc Segar wrote a book for AS people about how to deal with social situations, maybe you could google that? |
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Stargazer43
Scruffy-looking Nerf Herder
Joined: Nov 07, 2011
Posts: 1328
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| Posted: Thu Apr 19, 2012 7:05 pm Post subject: |
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| You should say something like "Hello! how are you?" when you pass them. If they know your name and you know theirs, there isn't anything weird about it and I'm sure they'll be glad to see you! If you watch what a lot of really friendly people do, they'll greet just about everyone they see, sometimes whether they know them or not. Of course it can be more difficult sometimes in practice...I also struggle with this a bit if I'm not expecting to see someone it kind of catches me off-guard and I get flustered lol. |
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invisibubble
Blue Jay
Joined: Mar 16, 2012
Posts: 84
Location: Australia
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| Posted: Thu Apr 19, 2012 7:33 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks for the book recommendation Dominic - I have found a website where the content is available online for free and have started looking through it - haven't found my particular query yet but what I've read so far seems really good. 
Stargazer - what you've said about really friendly people greeting everyone sounds right but I frequent an Australian forum that lot's of other students (and plenty from my uni use) and they often make fun of that idiot who's still saying "hello" to people 2 years after they last had a class with them and that sort of thing. They're really scathing towards people who do things perceived as "wrong" - even choosing to sit at a computer too close to someone else in a computer lab.... and I don't even know what distance is "too close". It all makes me aware there's rules that trump the rules about being friendly. If I can't have one rule that stands always, and especially when it means making decisions on the spot, my mind just goes to pieces.
Also wondering if the book "The Way I See It" by Temple Grandin would help? (I was given a book voucher for a store that carries a very small range and this is the only book they have about the autism spectrum). |
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