Joe90
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Joined: Feb 24, 2010
Posts: 8237
Location: Great Britain
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 Posted: Mon Apr 23, 2012 5:41 pm Post subject: Afraid of being doubted/do people always doubt you? |
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Another reason why I have Social Phobia and stay quiet in social situations is because I'm afraid if I say something I might be doubted. Often I've said something, and one or two people have shook their heads and said, ''no....'' and explained how and why I was wrong.
Like when I had just got my hair styled, I said to my friend, ''I will try putting some hairspray just on the front of my hair to keep it from falling in my face all the time'', and she said, ''no, it won't work with long hair.'' But I didn't take her answer. I went home and tried it, and it worked like a charm.
Then another occasion was when my friend had an appointment somewhere and I was to sit and wait for her, she asked if I had a book to read while I was waiting, and I said, ''no but I will listen to my music'', and she said quite firmly, ''no, don't do that - you don't know if somebody is coming up from behind you when you have your music on, no I wouldn't do that if I were you'', and she gave me a big lecture, and I felt a bit patronized afterwards.
I know people mean well, but I am not 10 years old any more, and whatever I do isn't always wrong, but people always seem to think they can doubt me, and sometimes I wonder if it comes from people overestimating things too much. I just wish people would let me have ideas of my own rather than keep forcing me to believe what they think is right. And this has nothing to do with ''the way I think vs the way the think'', it's just to do with people assuming I'm vulnerable, or people being too overpowering or bossy and thinking they can rule me, and whatever I say is ''wrong''. I think it also comes from me never being very domineering because I'm not that type.
Anyone else feel they get doubted? Is this one of the reasons why you stay quiet a lot of the time?
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TechnoDog
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Location: Thornaby, UK
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| Posted: Mon Apr 23, 2012 5:54 pm Post subject: |
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If they mouth is moving, they talking out the other end.
Just reply, "I am unable to control my leg, if you correct me you might end up been launched into the ceiling."
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“When you make a mistake, don't look back at it long. Take the reason of the thing into your mind and then look forward. Mistakes are lessons of wisdom. The past cannot be changed. The future is yet in your power.”
Last edited by TechnoDog on Mon Apr 23, 2012 6:03 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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edgewaters
hibernating
Joined: Aug 17, 2006
Age: 40
Posts: 2426
Location: Ontario
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| Posted: Mon Apr 23, 2012 5:57 pm Post subject: |
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| Yes most people assume I don't know what I'm talking about most of the time, unless I make some kind of elaborate airtight case, like I have to be a lawyer about everything. And then they get mad because I've embarassed them, showing them how they're wrong. |
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Mahlon
Snowy Owl
Joined: May 16, 2008
Age: 32
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Location: California & Canada
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| Posted: Mon Apr 23, 2012 7:20 pm Post subject: |
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| edgewaters wrote: | | Yes most people assume I don't know what I'm talking about most of the time, unless I make some kind of elaborate airtight case, like I have to be a lawyer about everything. And then they get mad because I've embarassed them, showing them how they're wrong. |
Quoted for truth, definitely can relate to that lol. They doubt you when you try to be casual, and get upset with you when you give it to them lawyer style (most likely b/c in previous relations, they've doubted you with your casual approach).
I absolutely loathe this, and the fact that people's egos constantly get in the way of legitimate information sharing. Hell if I'm wrong, correct me I don't mind, I'd rather know the truth, rather than pad my ego heh.
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ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
Rasta is about freedom and the living God
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| Posted: Mon Apr 23, 2012 7:40 pm Post subject: |
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I stay quiet because I don't like the quality of my interactions with other people. I want them to be more positive. They tend to be either negative, or neutral with me feeling bewildered afterward, not knowing why someone reacted the way they did. I want high quality, normal interactions, like other people experience. I want people to listen to my attempt at banter and respond positively to it, not just stand there looking like a fish head. That really annoys me.
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TechnoDog
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Posts: 869
Location: Thornaby, UK
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| Posted: Mon Apr 23, 2012 7:56 pm Post subject: |
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| ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo wrote: | | I want high quality, normal interactions, like other people experience. I want people to listen to my attempt at banter and respond positively to it, not just stand there looking like a fish head. That really annoys me. |
What about criticism? When they is a valid fault or error or listening to someone else's viewpoint after yours.
Or you see that as positive in that context, when you have got a error?
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“When you make a mistake, don't look back at it long. Take the reason of the thing into your mind and then look forward. Mistakes are lessons of wisdom. The past cannot be changed. The future is yet in your power.” |
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Ann2011
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Joined: Jul 16, 2011
Posts: 1511
Location: Ontario, Canada
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| Posted: Mon Apr 23, 2012 7:58 pm Post subject: |
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| I don't worry about it ... just say what you think, wait a few days, and then they'll be trying to pass it off as their idea. |
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ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
Rasta is about freedom and the living God
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Location: Babylon
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| Posted: Mon Apr 23, 2012 8:01 pm Post subject: |
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| TechnoDog wrote: | | ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo wrote: | | I want high quality, normal interactions, like other people experience. I want people to listen to my attempt at banter and respond positively to it, not just stand there looking like a fish head. That really annoys me. |
What about criticism? When they is a valid fault or error or listening to someone else's viewpoint after yours.
Or you see that as positive in that context, when you have got a error? |
People don't criticize me. They say something to me about something and when I attempt banter they don't seem at ease. When other people attempt the same banter, people banter back. I don't get it.
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TechnoDog
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Location: Thornaby, UK
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| Posted: Mon Apr 23, 2012 8:09 pm Post subject: |
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| ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo wrote: | | People don't criticize me. They say something to me about something and when I attempt banter they don't seem at ease. |
Selective hearing or blocking out stuff you don't want to hear or listen to. Should you not be questioning that information that says "noiseeeeeeeeeeeeeeee". Do you question why you think you get no criticism.
Sure they were not annoyed for you not listening? Since you heard the banter of the others. I would find it amazing to find no one that does it.
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“When you make a mistake, don't look back at it long. Take the reason of the thing into your mind and then look forward. Mistakes are lessons of wisdom. The past cannot be changed. The future is yet in your power.” |
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conan
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Age: 26
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| Posted: Mon Apr 23, 2012 8:42 pm Post subject: |
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i guess this is something everyone has to deal with to varying degrees.
there are many approaches of how to deal with it i'm sure.
in the cases you mention you were totally right. if you don't already then try standing up for yourself, it doesn't need to be particularly confrontational (unless it's called for!)
calling out people on their patronising or controlling behaviour should really make them think. i think everyone is like that to an extent but if there are particular people who do it a lot then sometimes they need reminding to not be dicks!
i've come to realise that there is a fine balance you need to find between independent though and accepting other peoples thinking. i often will ask in shops or ask supposedly knowlegable people about something and get answers that are wrong or misleading. i think the best thing to do is find multiple sources and ally that with your own opinion. Corroboration is very useful.
in the past i've often been far too independent in thought and i think that can slow you down as you have to do all the thinking rather than accepting what other people have to say. i've also been in situations where i've taken other peoples advice against my better judgement and failed as a result. i guess each time something like that happens you learn
if you have a stronger than usual belief in your opinion then you should recognise that but still try to be open to other peoples thoughts.
i'm sure it's a hugely complicated topic with many variables but you should be able to find a balance |
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conan
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| Posted: Mon Apr 23, 2012 8:45 pm Post subject: |
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| ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo wrote: |
People don't criticize me. They say something to me about something and when I attempt banter they don't seem at ease. When other people attempt the same banter, people banter back. I don't get it. |
eye contact?
that is a big thing that stops me being accepted in banter. i think the non verbal side of things is very important for banter |
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TechnoDog
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Location: Thornaby, UK
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| Posted: Mon Apr 23, 2012 8:54 pm Post subject: |
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| conan wrote: | | ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo wrote: |
People don't criticize me. They say something to me about something and when I attempt banter they don't seem at ease. When other people attempt the same banter, people banter back. I don't get it. |
eye contact?
that is a big thing that stops me being accepted in banter. i think the non verbal side of things is very important for banter |
I would disagree. I am a shy guy & sometimes I will be looking at my hands been nervous & I get back & fourth banter & by the way, I will know if you not listened. Even if you do eye contact, because I test people. Because I can't be bothered to waste my time with one sided conversations.
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INTJ, Type5 Observer, Ecologists,
“When you make a mistake, don't look back at it long. Take the reason of the thing into your mind and then look forward. Mistakes are lessons of wisdom. The past cannot be changed. The future is yet in your power.” |
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MiatheMutant
Raven
Joined: Apr 17, 2012
Age: 20
Posts: 109
Location: Hogwarts, or Vegas maybe
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| Posted: Mon Apr 23, 2012 9:01 pm Post subject: |
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I can relate to this quite a bit, especially with people I've just met. I usually come off as really quiet and spacey, and because of this most people think I'm a complete air head. I have to prove them significantly wrong at least once, or score 10% higher than them on the test they were lecturing me about in order for them to shut up about it. I get tired of being treated like a five-year-old.
It's even worse when they're wrong about something and just won't give it up. I have several family members like that. 
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ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
Rasta is about freedom and the living God
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Joined: Jun 19, 2008
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| Posted: Mon Apr 23, 2012 9:53 pm Post subject: |
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| TechnoDog wrote: | | ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo wrote: | | People don't criticize me. They say something to me about something and when I attempt banter they don't seem at ease. |
Selective hearing or blocking out stuff you don't want to hear or listen to. Should you not be questioning that information that says "noiseeeeeeeeeeeeeeee". Do you question why you think you get no criticism.
Sure they were not annoyed for you not listening? Since you heard the banter of the others. I would find it amazing to find no one that does it. |
I just get the feeling they don't really want to talk to me. So, I stay quiet.
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Dan_Undiagnosed
Toucan
Joined: Jun 19, 2011
Age: 29
Posts: 291
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| Posted: Mon Apr 23, 2012 11:15 pm Post subject: |
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| Mahlon wrote: | | edgewaters wrote: | | Yes most people assume I don't know what I'm talking about most of the time, unless I make some kind of elaborate airtight case, like I have to be a lawyer about everything. And then they get mad because I've embarassed them, showing them how they're wrong. |
Quoted for truth, definitely can relate to that lol. They doubt you when you try to be casual, and get upset with you when you give it to them lawyer style (most likely b/c in previous relations, they've doubted you with your casual approach).
I absolutely loathe this, and the fact that people's egos constantly get in the way of legitimate information sharing. Hell if I'm wrong, correct me I don't mind, I'd rather know the truth, rather than pad my ego heh. |
As a kid telling the truth seemed pointless. When you did it that's when you weren't believed. When I tried to do the lawyer speak to emphasise my point my Dad would call me the Little Bush Lawyer (in Australia a "Bush Lawyer" is the caricature of a bumbling small town country lawyer). |
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