Chickenbird
Sea Gull
Joined: Dec 26, 2010
Posts: 203
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 Posted: Tue Apr 17, 2012 5:13 pm Post subject: For those less fortunate than ourselves |
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I've been reading a lot about trying to be more NT, learning social skills, fitting in, and getting NTs to understand how aspies think. Can you tell me, what is your experience of socialising with those who seem to be worse off than yourself? Those who may seem more awkward, lonelier, etc? I'm not intending to sound preachy, rather wondering how it works out as self-help.
You know - some people like to be social climbers and hang out with those who are more popular and/or wealthier than themselves - for which the price you pay is a certain amount of shame as you learn, or fail, to meaure up. And others like to mix with those who are less popular and wealthy. If it's done to feel like a big shot, I guess that's called "slumming it". Or it could be done out of genuine concern or loneliness.
I realise that funny things can happen, like assuming someone else is worse off than you when really, they aren't. I mean, if your loneliness drives you to speak to someone who appears more awkward than you, but they weren't driven to talk to you, which of you was really the lonelier?
I've got this place I go to, and after several months of thinking it was impossible, I think I've finally found someone worse off than me, so I've been focussing on having brief conversations with them. It's been very warming, although I don't know how its going to pan out - everything I do has turned to ashes so far. But maybe I just need to realise my true level and be in a big enough place that there is someone a bit like me.
When I first realised that whatever was wrong with me might actually have a name, I really wanted to go help autistic kids. But I found I wasn't wanted. I guess the people who run these organisations want super social helpers to bring these kids up to speed fast, not ones who are handicapped themselves. Personally I think this is cruel and faulty reasoning - like giving someone who is down a hole , a ladder with the lowest rung set way too high.
Anyway that's enough rambling - have you tried it, how did it work out?
_________________
"Aspie: 65/200
NT: 155/200
You are very likely neurotypical"
Changed score with attention to health. Still have some AS traits and also some difficulties. |
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BMctav
Snowy Owl
Joined: Jan 14, 2012
Posts: 144
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| Posted: Tue Apr 17, 2012 5:38 pm Post subject: Re: For those less fortunate than ourselves |
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| Chickenbird wrote: | | I really wanted to go help autistic kids. But I found I wasn't wanted. I guess the people who run these organisations want super social helpers to bring these kids up to speed fast, not ones who are handicapped themselves. Personally I think this is cruel and faulty reasoning - like giving someone who is down a hole , a ladder with the lowest rung set way too high. |
Is this not something you can go get training/qualifications to do?
I like the tone of your post. I think it's helpful for people hereabout to realise that while they have challenges, other people have similar problems and sometimes worse even if they are the envied NTs. I know a chap who has mental health problems and couldn't leave his house for years or speak to people be he was so anxious and afraid. He's doing a lot better nowadays, but it's socialising is still hard for him and sometimes quite traumatic. It goes to show that you could be sat next to a tremondously broken person and never even know, all the while being envious of them because they're NT.
It'd be nice if we could all just appreciate that we all have our struggles (AS and NT) and be kind towards and support each other where possible.
I hope you achieve your goals. |
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auntblabby
Chief Assistant to the Assistant Chief
Joined: Feb 13, 2010
Posts: 18182
Location: the island of loveable toy humans
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| Posted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 2:49 am Post subject: |
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| i only associate with other working-class people, similar to myself. middle class folk never have wanted my company. and i never even see upper class people anywhere, 99.99% of the time. i bumped into ted turner once on an airplane in atlanta back in 1985, he was the only upper class person i can claim to have been anywhere near. |
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CaptainTrips222
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 31, 2009
Age: 31
Posts: 3019
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| Posted: Mon Apr 23, 2012 9:25 pm Post subject: Re: For those less fortunate than ourselves |
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| Chickenbird wrote: | I've been reading a lot about trying to be more NT, learning social skills, fitting in, and getting NTs to understand how aspies think. Can you tell me, what is your experience of socialising with those who seem to be worse off than yourself? Those who may seem more awkward, lonelier, etc? I'm not intending to sound preachy, rather wondering how it works out as self-help.
You know - some people like to be social climbers and hang out with those who are more popular and/or wealthier than themselves - for which the price you pay is a certain amount of shame as you learn, or fail, to meaure up. And others like to mix with those who are less popular and wealthy. If it's done to feel like a big shot, I guess that's called "slumming it". Or it could be done out of genuine concern or loneliness.
I realise that funny things can happen, like assuming someone else is worse off than you when really, they aren't. I mean, if your loneliness drives you to speak to someone who appears more awkward than you, but they weren't driven to talk to you, which of you was really the lonelier?
I've got this place I go to, and after several months of thinking it was impossible, I think I've finally found someone worse off than me, so I've been focussing on having brief conversations with them. It's been very warming, although I don't know how its going to pan out - everything I do has turned to ashes so far. But maybe I just need to realise my true level and be in a big enough place that there is someone a bit like me.
When I first realised that whatever was wrong with me might actually have a name, I really wanted to go help autistic kids. But I found I wasn't wanted. I guess the people who run these organisations want super social helpers to bring these kids up to speed fast, not ones who are handicapped themselves. Personally I think this is cruel and faulty reasoning - like giving someone who is down a hole , a ladder with the lowest rung set way too high.
Anyway that's enough rambling - have you tried it, how did it work out? |
You have a lot of different ideas going on here, and I'm not sure what to address first. First, I definitely relate to trying to connect with people who are more impaired than you. It is kinda like "aiming low," as horrible as that sounds. And usually, it turns out they ain't so bad off, and on top of that, they don't necessarily want to connect anyway. They're perfectly content as they are, with their small circle of friends, or just immersed in their interests. And it's best not to look at it like "higher" or "lower," just very different.
As for getting turned down because you're not hyper social enough, that's absolute bulls**t. A hyper social person might not have what it takes to reach socially impaired kids. They may have good intentions, but no Earthly idea as to what an autistic person is experiencing!  They only think they do because of their training, but they really don't! |
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faerie_queene87
Snowy Owl
Joined: Sep 28, 2011
Posts: 162
Location: the TARDIS
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| Posted: Tue Apr 24, 2012 4:43 am Post subject: |
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I usually spot those who look more awkward or lonely in a group. I don't like when I am in a big group and everyone is talking to each other in smaller groups but I don't manage to participate in one. Hence, I think that the other awkward ones might appreciate some company. If I had the chance to talk to them before, I usually go and try to make conversation. If I had not, I don't really know how to initiate a conversation, even though I would like to...
_________________
At age 24, 4 months and 10 days I was officially told: "Congratulations! You are an Aspie".
Now I write about it --> http://happilyclueless.tumblr.com |
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auntblabby
Chief Assistant to the Assistant Chief
Joined: Feb 13, 2010
Posts: 18182
Location: the island of loveable toy humans
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| Posted: Tue Apr 24, 2012 4:45 am Post subject: |
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i'm glad my aspie group is manageably small.  |
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