CloudLayer
Deinonychus
Joined: Mar 28, 2012
Age: 27
Posts: 300
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 Posted: Sun Apr 22, 2012 12:31 am Post subject: Can't take getting older |
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I really can't take physically aging. I have severe body dysmorphia and this is one of the things that I have thoughts of killing myself and that I cut myself over. There's no denying the factt hat physical aging occurs and I can see it,. I just really can't take it. I think "it's all over" every time I look in the mirror and I can see every new wrinkle that wasn't there even hours earlier and obviously it never gets better because you can't reverse aging. I have been stuck in this thought mode to the level I can't function most of the time for six years now.
What am I supposed to do. Just when I think it can't possibly get any worse, it does, I look even older the next day. |
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perpetualconfusion
Raven
Joined: Dec 26, 2011
Age: 43
Posts: 111
Location: My own little world
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| Posted: Sun Apr 22, 2012 2:26 am Post subject: |
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CloudLayer, sorry to hear this is troubling you  .
It may not be of much consolation, but a few of us have managed to get through the quarter century mark.
Actually, it goes rather quickly  . I was 25 one day, then married and the next thing I know, I have hit 42 and have teenagers  .
"This too, shall pass" seems a bit trite, but it is true.
Sometimes finding something else to focus on is a positive way to see things from "outside the box" if you will.
Kind of changing channels for awhile to give yourself a little perspective ?
Whatever you do, don't lose hope. There is always a way to get through.
That's what we are here for  
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"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." – Aristotle
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ThinkTrees
Sea Gull
Joined: Apr 06, 2012
Posts: 218
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| Posted: Sun Apr 22, 2012 2:49 am Post subject: |
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There are some really great benefits to ageing, and I find it best to turn my focus to those, as my physicality evolves along with my consciousness.
The thing about wrinkles being bad to have is only one perspective, as there are also those among us who find a face/body with visible experience on it to be fascinating, beautiful, unique and certainly far more interesting than the bland, comparatively ignorant face of youth.
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Chronos
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 23, 2010
Posts: 5231
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| Posted: Sun Apr 22, 2012 6:35 am Post subject: Re: Can't take getting older |
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| CloudLayer wrote: | I really can't take physically aging. I have severe body dysmorphia and this is one of the things that I have thoughts of killing myself and that I cut myself over. There's no denying the factt hat physical aging occurs and I can see it,. I just really can't take it. I think "it's all over" every time I look in the mirror and I can see every new wrinkle that wasn't there even hours earlier and obviously it never gets better because you can't reverse aging. I have been stuck in this thought mode to the level I can't function most of the time for six years now.
What am I supposed to do. Just when I think it can't possibly get any worse, it does, I look even older the next day. |
I don't have body dysmorphia and am not very well versed in empathizing it, so perhaps what I'm about to say is of no use, but consider this...
Everyone ages, and if you didn't, you would be an anomaly. That you age means that you can accept that physically, you are just like everyone else. That being said, what you should really focus on, if you wish to focus on aging, is aging gracefully.
Living where I do, I frequently see women who have had a significant amount of cosmetic surgery done to attempt to combat aging. However this surgery rarely, if ever, makes them look young. The vast majority if the time it makes them look "old and done" often to the extent that they look deformed and completely unnatural.
There was one such woman at the mall a while back who's odd looks enticed a crowd of strangers to whisper about her amongst themselves.
So allow yourself to age, just age well. |
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Venger
Seal
Joined: Apr 16, 2008
Posts: 2524
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| Posted: Sun Apr 22, 2012 7:44 am Post subject: Re: Can't take getting older |
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| CloudLayer wrote: |
What am I supposed to do. Just when I think it can't possibly get any worse, it does, I look even older the next day. |
In the shower I only run cold water over my head/face. It's great for anti-aging, but most people don't do it since it's uncomfortable at first. |
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starkid
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 10, 2012
Age: 32
Posts: 735
Location: California Bay Area
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| Posted: Sun Apr 22, 2012 9:53 am Post subject: |
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It may help to work on you body some. Get exercise, eat nutritious, natural (organic if you can afford it) food, don't get drunk/high, moisturize your skin (with something natural like coconut oil, not regular lotion because it has weird chemicals in it). Avoid putting trash in/on your body. Also, maybe you are noticing new wrinkles each day because you are worrying so much? Cut down on stress however you can.
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Assume nothing, question everything.
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mntn13
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 07, 2011
Posts: 1006
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| Posted: Sun Apr 22, 2012 10:27 am Post subject: |
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| starkid wrote: | | It may help to work on you body some. Get exercise, eat nutritious, natural (organic if you can afford it) food, don't get drunk/high, moisturize your skin (with something natural like coconut oil, not regular lotion because it has weird chemicals in it). Avoid putting trash in/on your body. Also, maybe you are noticing new wrinkles each day because you are worrying so much? Cut down on stress however you can. |
^
Well said, starkid. this is pretty much exactly what I was going to try and say.
I felt the same way as you, cloudlayer, and I have somehow managed to make to my early fifites. (!) It's scary and stressful and sometimes dark as ----, but with the above advice implemented you may feel better.
Also, what my ol' Grandpa used to say with a gentle wink about aging: it's better than the alternative.
Hope you feel better soon. |
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CloudLayer
Deinonychus
Joined: Mar 28, 2012
Age: 27
Posts: 300
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| Posted: Sun Apr 22, 2012 2:16 pm Post subject: |
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Thank you. I find that focusing on trying to reduce aging makes me even more panicked. Exercise for its own sake sounds like a good idea.
It is comforting to hear from people who've had the same thoughts I have now and gone on to be able to appreciate aging later. I know it can be appreciated but I find it very hard to appreciate in myself. |
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Bloom
Deinonychus
Joined: Mar 16, 2012
Posts: 332
Location: On the OTHER Wrong Planet. The nicer one...
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| Posted: Sun Apr 22, 2012 8:58 pm Post subject: |
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You know, fancy I should find this thread today. I've been dealing with this for the last couple of years (despite the fact I've been aging most of my life), and some days are worse than others. Screw aging gracefully - I'm fighting it tooth and nail 
I, too, live with dysmorphia. It's just part of being on the spectrum, for me. I'm 100 pounds heavier, in my head, than I actually am. I'm 100 times uglier, in my eyes, than others tell me I am. I look in a mirror once a day - to put on my make up - because sometimes it's all I can stand.
Anyway, I spend more money on skincare than I do on anything else - including food. I, fortunately, am in a position to afford some of the best products available. I eat right (mostly), and exercise, and I have quarterly visits with a doctor that tends my skincare needs. You know what? I'm still freakin' aging I easily spend more money on my skin/hair than many folks do on rent; it's like the universe's cruel joke, yanno?
I am getting MUCH better and laughing at myself about it... I mean, seriously, I could have much worse vices... I could be an addicted to drugs and alcohol or sommat. Sure... I still stress out from time to time - like today - but I recover from the stress faster, too. It helps to stay away from mirrors; because I know I live with dysmorphia, I know I'm not seeing myself "correctly." It just triggers those negative self-thoughts.
So... Like PerpetuallyConfused said (who, btw, is an amazingly insightful guy), lean on the positive, when there's positive, and when there's not, look for us. Take it from a Frontline Infantry gal on the Battlefield of the War on Aging - We ain't gonna win! We're just here to hold out as long as we can
And to look good doing it
*strikes a pose*
Now... where'd I put that cane... |
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Venger
Seal
Joined: Apr 16, 2008
Posts: 2524
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| Posted: Mon Apr 23, 2012 12:21 am Post subject: |
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| Bloom wrote: |
Anyway, I spend more money on skincare than I do on anything else - including food. I, fortunately, am in a position to afford some of the best products available. I eat right (mostly), and exercise, and I have quarterly visits with a doctor that tends my skincare needs. You know what? I'm still freakin' aging I easily spend more money on my skin/hair than many folks do on rent; it's like the universe's cruel joke, yanno?
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Use ONLY cold water in the shower whenever you spray it on your head/face. Then you won't have to waste money on skincare needs since they don't work as well as ice cold water anyway. |
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CloudLayer
Deinonychus
Joined: Mar 28, 2012
Age: 27
Posts: 300
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| Posted: Mon Apr 23, 2012 5:28 pm Post subject: |
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Hello Bloom, good to hear from someone who understands how distressing dysmorphia is. I appreciate the support.
All of my emotional concerns get turned into bad thoughts about my body. I internalize all problems.
I am semi-panicking right now, I don't know what to do. |
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Bloom
Deinonychus
Joined: Mar 16, 2012
Posts: 332
Location: On the OTHER Wrong Planet. The nicer one...
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| Posted: Mon Apr 23, 2012 11:55 pm Post subject: |
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| CloudLayer wrote: | Hello Bloom, good to hear from someone who understands how distressing dysmorphia is. I appreciate the support.
All of my emotional concerns get turned into bad thoughts about my body. I internalize all problems.
I am semi-panicking right now, I don't know what to do. |
Distract yourself.
Take care of yourself.
When I'm panicking about my looks, I pay attention to stuff I know is OK. My skin, for instance, looks really good - especially for my age. So I strip down, hop into a warm shower, and get out all my goodies, and start treating myself *well*. And I mean the whole kit-and-kaboodle type of well. I use an expensive, all natural, organic scrub, a no-soap body cleanser, oil, bath lotion, etc. I really do it up! I focus on the positive. What I don't do is look in a mirror, I don't focus on the 2-4 wrinkles, and I don't spend time holding on to the negative self-talk. I let it come, because it will, and then I let it go, because I know it will. I'm Buddhist, and have been for years, so this practice has become easier for me over time, but it's taken work...
It's started with me just sitting back, when I have those thoughts, and saying to myself, "Wow... check me out! Thinking all these terrible things about myself... wow... how interesting is that... check me out..." This place of "curious observation" allowed for detaching, and eventually letting go... What's more, when you're saying the whole "check me out" mantra to yourself, it's hard to also say the "stars I'm getting old" mantra at the same time!
One of the hardest things for us to do is observe... but as individuals living on the spectrum, one of our biggest strengths is our ability to hyperfocus and/or analyze. Use it to your benefit... detach, and approach with curiosity and interest. Hold yourself in compassion, and be good to yourself.
Getting old can be rough! But it can be transforming, too. I still have difficulty with it... but I'll be damned if I allow my MIND to age me any faster than nature intended.
*hugs*
I hope my experience helps a little... |
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hyperlexian
loves the man who typed too much and ran outta spa
Joined: Jul 22, 2010
Age: 41
Posts: 21970
Location: with bucephalus
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| Posted: Tue Apr 24, 2012 3:18 am Post subject: |
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i understand where you are coming from, CloudLayer. i have found that other people pointing out what age i look has started to make me fixate on it. hard to explain.
i read something very interesting about BDD recently, in Psychology Today... i was a little surprised to find the fulltext pasted into a blog, but anywhooooooo:
http://dinosaur2009-blog.blogspot.ca/2012/04/body-blindness-how-to-get-past.html
in the same issue, they discussed how CBT can help with BDD.
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mntn13
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 07, 2011
Posts: 1006
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| Posted: Tue Apr 24, 2012 5:24 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | Use ONLY cold water in the shower whenever you spray it on your head/face. Then you won't have to waste money on skincare needs since they don't work as well as ice cold water anyway. |
^ venger ... tried doing that in the shower today and it felt really good. I made sure I was really warm first; then only put my face in the cold water. nice! |
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Venger
Seal
Joined: Apr 16, 2008
Posts: 2524
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| Posted: Tue Apr 24, 2012 7:40 pm Post subject: |
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| mntn13 wrote: | | Quote: | | Use ONLY cold water in the shower whenever you spray it on your head/face. Then you won't have to waste money on skincare needs since they don't work as well as ice cold water anyway. |
^ venger ... tried doing that in the shower today and it felt really good. I made sure I was really warm first; then only put my face in the cold water. nice! |
After you get used to it, running cold water over your whole body isn't that bad. However, I usually turn the water warm if it's going to be several minutes before spraying the cold water over my head again. You just have to keep your head/face separate when the shower water is turned to warm.
I started doing this when I was around 29 by the way, and I haven't sprayed warm/hot water over my head in years. |
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