Gnomey
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Aug 17, 2011
Age: 44
Posts: 61
Location: Calgary
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 Posted: Wed Apr 25, 2012 12:53 am Post subject: Can your AS child make eye contact with you? |
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Just wondering mine can with me but she can't make eye contact with other people. Is that normal with AS.
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Have a child with AS and I also suspect that some family members have undiagnosed AS. I am NT. |
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Blueberrypie
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Feb 11, 2012
Age: 21
Posts: 47
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| Posted: Wed Apr 25, 2012 5:27 am Post subject: |
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Yes.
From the way you worded your question, I cannot help but presume that your child is not Diagnosed with Autism.
It's also normal for shy children to not look in the eyes of people they'd categorize as unfamiliar.
While you're at it, teach him/her that you're also supposed to look at the musculature AROUND the eyes, and not the actual eyes. |
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MMJMOM
Phoenix
Joined: May 22, 2011
Posts: 616
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| Posted: Wed Apr 25, 2012 6:48 am Post subject: |
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YES and my son makes beautiful eye contact most of the time. When he is telling us a long rambling story he has shifting eye contact, but on the whold, he makes great eye contact, always has since a baby!
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Dara, mom to my beautiful kids:
Jayden 7, diagnosed Aspergers and ADHD possible learning disability due to porcessing speed, born with a cleft lip and palate.
Miranda 4
Maya, who would be 5, my forever angel baby
Ethan, new to the world! |
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Gnomey
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Aug 17, 2011
Age: 44
Posts: 61
Location: Calgary
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| Posted: Wed Apr 25, 2012 9:01 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: | Yes.
From the way you worded your question, I cannot help but presume that your child is not Diagnosed with Autism. |
Yesterday somebody asked me the question with eye contact with caregivers which I had never thought or considered before. Actually alll signs for my daughter point to Autism and she is diagnosed with with it. However, she can look me and people close to her in the eye. Therapists are working with her to look her peers in the eyes as she has trouble with that.
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Have a child with AS and I also suspect that some family members have undiagnosed AS. I am NT.
Last edited by Gnomey on Thu Apr 26, 2012 12:01 am; edited 2 times in total |
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ASDMommyASDKid
Hobbit
Joined: Oct 28, 2011
Posts: 1059
Location: "It was a hobbit-hole, and that means comfort."
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| Posted: Wed Apr 25, 2012 11:31 am Post subject: |
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It sounds familiar to me.  My son first made eye contact with nobody, then with me, then with my husband, and then recently started making it with other adults. I am not sure about other kids, though. He is seven.
I think some spectrum kids have little to no problem, some acclimate gradually, and some have to use tricks to fake it because it is too overwhelming.
it is like most indicators that are not central to the diagnosis. There is a lot of variance. |
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Mama_to_Grace
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 02, 2009
Posts: 915
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| Posted: Wed Apr 25, 2012 11:51 am Post subject: |
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| Of course my daughter CAN look me in the eye. Does she always? No. |
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momsparky
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 27, 2010
Posts: 2728
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| Posted: Wed Apr 25, 2012 1:18 pm Post subject: |
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I think there's a whole range of things that go into the eye contact/lack of eye contact issue that are different for each child.
I always thought my son, for instance, had very good eye contact because he looks at you often when he's talking to you - but then he looks up and to the right, like he's thinking. After a video consultation with a social worker, she pointed out that he spends most of his time in conversation looking like he's thinking and actually has very poor eye contact. However, he doesn't avoid eye contact because it bothers him - he avoids it because it distracts him.
I know other kids for whom eye contact seems actually painful - it's sort of a flight-or-fight thing, it's like they're being assaulted. Other kids just forget to look. I can see where in any of these situations, eye contact with someone familiar who you trust might be easier and might happen more often. |
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NigNag
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Apr 23, 2012
Posts: 60
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| Posted: Wed Apr 25, 2012 3:16 pm Post subject: |
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| momsparky wrote: | I think there's a whole range of things that go into the eye contact/lack of eye contact issue that are different for each child.
I know other kids for whom eye contact seems actually painful - |
Yep, my son tells me that looking into peoples eyes feels like they are burning a hole through his head. He also can't concentrate very well when he looks into someones eyes. His teachers are always telling me he doesn't pay attention in class because he doesn't LOOK at them while they are lecturing. I have to explain to them the whole eye contact autism thing. Once I asked the teacher who was oppositional to the idea of autism and eye contact being related, do you want him to remember what you are saying or what your eyes are doing? |
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Sweetleaf
Metalhead
Joined: Jan 07, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 14799
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
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| Posted: Wed Apr 25, 2012 3:19 pm Post subject: |
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Well I have AS, and I have found I can make some eye contact with people close to me who I trust, but other then that its either extremely difficult or impossible. But yeah it's especially impossible if I feel intimidated in any way, it's like in those situations I don't need to feel even more vulnerable by giving them eye contact.
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It's like alice in wonderland except, my names not alice and this is the real world not a dream. |
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Sweetleaf
Metalhead
Joined: Jan 07, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 14799
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
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| Posted: Wed Apr 25, 2012 3:22 pm Post subject: |
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| NigNag wrote: | | momsparky wrote: | I think there's a whole range of things that go into the eye contact/lack of eye contact issue that are different for each child.
I know other kids for whom eye contact seems actually painful - |
Yep, my son tells me that looking into peoples eyes feels like they are burning a hole through his head. He also can't concentrate very well when he looks into someones eyes. His teachers are always telling me he doesn't pay attention in class because he doesn't LOOK at them while they are lecturing. I have to explain to them the whole eye contact autism thing. Once I asked the teacher who was oppositional to the idea of autism and eye contact being related, do you want him to remember what you are saying or what your eyes are doing? |
Teachers complained of that from me to, though my dad would have none of it because he always brought up that my grades were fine so . what was the problem? my mom sometimes almost got talked into having me put on meds or whatever but my dad would have none of it. But yeah not only might it feel like a hole is being burnt in my head if I make eye contact but I am even sensative to if someone is looking at me and that can create that feeling to.
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It's like alice in wonderland except, my names not alice and this is the real world not a dream. |
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angelgarden
Sea Gull
Joined: Oct 07, 2011
Posts: 229
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| Posted: Wed Apr 25, 2012 9:23 pm Post subject: |
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| He CAN. But he often doesn't. And when he does, it is usually fleeting. Just a millisecond. In the majority of the photos I have of him, he is looking off to the side or at the floor. Because he won't look at the camera even . . . or will only for a split second, not long enough to catch him! |
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momsparky
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 27, 2010
Posts: 2728
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| Posted: Wed Apr 25, 2012 9:46 pm Post subject: |
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| LOL - it is funny, when looking at old family pictures, how rare it is to see either DH or I looking at the camera. |
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Mama_to_Grace
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 02, 2009
Posts: 915
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| Posted: Wed Apr 25, 2012 10:21 pm Post subject: |
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My daughter's lack of eye contact doesn't bother me at all. I do notice sometimes that others take note of it. But I think better when I am visualizing what I am thinking of and I think my daughter is the same. She seems to always be "seeing" or visualizing what she is thinking of...and I think a lot of nt's do this as well. A lot of times when someone is talking to me my mind is 3 steps ahead and it is easier to look away so I can "concentrate". Perhaps this is rude? I'm not known for my social niceties, I am more of a "let's get to the bottom line and skip over all the blah blah blah".  |
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MomofThree1975
Deinonychus
Joined: Mar 14, 2012
Posts: 367
Location: NYC
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| Posted: Wed Apr 25, 2012 10:42 pm Post subject: |
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| My 3 yo demands my attention and will hold my head so that I can look at him (he has done that for a very long time, probably so that he is guaranteed his share of attention). So with me, his eye contact can be pretty intense but it is regular for the rest of the immediate family. It's good to poor with extended family. He is still at home but once he starts school in July, I will have a better idea of how he relates to strangers (old and young). |
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DW_a_mom
Ignoring the To-Do List
Joined: Feb 23, 2008
Posts: 9295
Location: Northern California
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| Posted: Wed Apr 25, 2012 10:46 pm Post subject: |
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I believe it all varies quite a bit. My son makes eye contact, but it is overly piercing.
I do think he holds it back more outside of the family, maybe because he knows he doesn't do it quite right for social standards.
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Mom to an amazing AS boy (plus a non-AS daughter). Have at least a few AS genes myself, although probably more NT than AS.
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Think of the greening of my name as an emeritus thing; I used to be a moderator but am retired and have no authority to act |
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