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WorldsEdge
Deinonychus
Joined: Dec 14, 2009
Age: 49
Posts: 389
Location: Massachusetts
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 Posted: Sun Apr 22, 2012 4:13 pm Post subject: I got ONE blessing to hand out. Will sell to highest bidder. |
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And here's the proof:
  
Came in yesterday's mail. I mean if this organization isn't on the up and up, who is? Just because the salutation is "Dear....Someone connected with this address" and the closing has no name on it, merely that it is from the "Senior Bishop" of blahblahblah, Must be very modest, not to use his name, is my thinking.
And just take a gander at these testimonials:
 
And then comes the serious part. I wasn't supposed to open the sealed fold-up until after I'd done all the rest of it, emphasized by touchdown Jesus ascending into the sky...
 
...but I, ahh, kinda did, anyways...
Very impressive, especially the ALL CAPS part. And, the moment you've been waiting for: the "Prayer Rug" in all its glory. First, the instructions on the back, then flip it over for a view of Jesus in his purple phase...
 
The image is such a mess because the "prayer rug" is actually an 11"x17" poster, and I can't do image editing for squat. Sorry about that. I did try, but when all you've got is a flatbed scanner, you do the best you can. The writing at the bottom of which I managed to truncate a good amount is all about staring at the image and watching Jesus' eyes open, which I doubt will work on the posted copy. But feel free to try.
Anyways, bidding is open. Cash only, no bills larger than $50 and they damn well better be non-sequential. Minimum of $1,000. Also specify whatever it is you're looking for, from having your sore throat healed, (see the testimonials) to getting $46,000. Oh, and I need to know if you want me to kneel on Jesus or hold him between my knees, since that's how they say it works. (I'll do the between the knees thing if asked, but candidly it strikes me as kinda oogie.)
Amyhoo, one time offer folks. Once its gone, its gone. And chances like this don't come by every day.
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"The man who has fed the chicken every day throughout its life at last wrings its neck instead, showing that more refined views as to the uniformity of nature would have been useful to the chicken." — Bertrand Russell |
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Grebels
Toucan
Joined: Mar 06, 2012
Posts: 270
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| Posted: Tue Apr 24, 2012 3:26 pm Post subject: |
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| We don't fall for this kind of stuff in the UK, not at all. |
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Cash__
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 07, 2010
Age: 44
Posts: 680
Location: Missouri, USA
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| Posted: Tue Apr 24, 2012 7:36 pm Post subject: |
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| I'll give you one bajillion dollars. |
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slave
Always stuck between 13-38Hz and tired of it.
Joined: Feb 29, 2012
Age: 100
Posts: 1343
Location: Dystopia Planetia
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| Posted: Thu Apr 26, 2012 12:05 am Post subject: |
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I'll offer
1oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
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ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo bullsh*t bucks for you to keep that pathetic nonsense off of this site.
I see that sh*t from you again and I'll report you.....GET IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Since the birth of civilization, masters have controlled the masses.Our Masters rule over every nation and no one can defy them.They will attain Absolute Power as we reach the Singularity. Any who resist will be destroyed.I will not resist. |
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puddingmouse
exclamation mark!
Joined: Apr 25, 2010
Age: 26
Posts: 7333
Location: Cottonopolis
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| Posted: Thu Apr 26, 2012 12:33 am Post subject: |
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^
The OP was making fun of the phenomenon.
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I'm written in a language even I don't understand - but I am learning. |
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WorldsEdge
Deinonychus
Joined: Dec 14, 2009
Age: 49
Posts: 389
Location: Massachusetts
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| Posted: Mon May 07, 2012 4:05 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | ^
The OP was making fun of the phenomenon.
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Shhh...Getting a warning of some sort over that nonsense would have made my day. 
I wanted to write them back and ask how they could know my future (re: the ALLCAPS prophecy page) but didn't know whether or not I actually would be opening it (message on outside). Then promise them some sum of money if they provided a convincing answer. But the way my luck runs I would not get an answer, but would just wind up on some "Junk Mail for Jesus" list and be buried under that crap. (I've heard that these kind of groups make a good chunk of their money simply selling their mailing lists of suckers to like minded groups.)
What reminded me of this post (I'd completely forgotten about it) was that the Prayer Rug/Poster went out in the recycling today. Though recycling seems far closer to reincarnation than Resurrection, doesn't it?
_________________
"The man who has fed the chicken every day throughout its life at last wrings its neck instead, showing that more refined views as to the uniformity of nature would have been useful to the chicken." — Bertrand Russell |
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enrico_dandolo
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 21, 2011
Posts: 866
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| Posted: Mon May 07, 2012 10:43 pm Post subject: |
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| I will exchange it for a prayer to Saint Expeditus. |
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edgewaters
hibernating
Joined: Aug 17, 2006
Age: 40
Posts: 2426
Location: Ontario
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| Posted: Mon May 07, 2012 11:26 pm Post subject: |
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| Is there any chance of getting this in toilet roll format? |
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DogOfJudah
Deinonychus
Joined: May 01, 2012
Age: 25
Posts: 345
Location: Staffordshire, UK
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| Posted: Mon May 07, 2012 11:26 pm Post subject: |
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Only in America XD
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I could have brought you roses or a diamond ring, that's just material things...This day i want you to be mine...I'm your blood stained valentine.
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