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Nereid
Snowy Owl
Joined: Jan 06, 2011
Posts: 154
Location: San Francisco
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 Posted: Fri Apr 27, 2012 2:39 am Post subject: Close Friendships after K-12 School |
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One of the symptoms I read for aspergers (for females anyway) was no close friendships after high school. While I communicate from time to time from my buddies who I met anywhere from early childhood to the end of high school, I haven't made any truely close friends since then, and I graduated in 2005. Sure, I occassionally get to know coworkers or classmates, but I would compare our relationship more like acquaintances than someone I can call up randomly to hang out with. I moved cities about 3 years ago and outside of my boyfriend I am socially isolated when it comes to people to confide in. I know some of you on here have had more success in that department. What struggles have you all dealt with regarding this and what have you done to change/improve/address it?
I have tried hanging out with coworkers, schoolmates (college), hobby groups, boyfriend's friends, online meetup groups, even platonic craigslist ads. I think some people do like me but not enough to really "connect". I will try to talk to some acquaintances on Facebook but its usually limited engagement back from the other end and I've learned the hard way not to push myself too much on people. People like me up to acquaintance level or very casual friends and never further. I dont know what else to do while still being true to myself. Its both stressful and depressing to imagine that this may be a permanent aspect of my life. |
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roronoa79
Raven
Joined: Jan 23, 2012
Age: 21
Posts: 112
Location: Zionsville, USA
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| Posted: Fri Apr 27, 2012 4:36 am Post subject: |
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I made it through most of my first semester as a college freshman before I had to leave because of mental things. I also had difficulty making friends after high school, but I don't think my situation is too similar to yours. I tend to have possibly unhealthily high standards that must be met by a person (based on their personality mostly) before I consider them someone I would like to have as a close friend. I tend to look down on people (not that I feel good about it) when they aren't as smart as me or when they behave immorally. People with me usually fall into two categories: people I view with disappointment, pity, or sadness; and people I am too intimidated by to approach because I feel I am inferior to them. The vast majority of people fall into the former.
I still talk to my good friends from high school, but only one of them goes to the same university I do, so hanging out has become more infrequent. I'm certain there are numerous neuroses at play in my particular situation.
I'm living at home until next fall, so I've been fairly starved for interaction with new people that I consider to be interesting or worth attaching myself to. You could PM me if you like--I'm not too insufferable.
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_________________
And what exactly is a dream?
And what exactly is a joke? |
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NicoleG
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 26, 2011
Age: 36
Posts: 661
Location: Dallas-Fort Worth
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| Posted: Sat May 05, 2012 12:43 am Post subject: |
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I have always been an outgoing introvert, so making lots of acquaintances was never a problem for me. Making close friends is very rare, though, and very valued. I at least now have people that I can say I'm more friends with than just acquaintances, which has only come about in the past 5 or so years, but I still only have 3 people I call best friends and a couple of additional confidants that I haven't quite decided to move into the "best friend for life" category, but they're pretty close to that. Prior to 5 years ago, I had 2 best friends that I sometimes hung out with and just some casual acquaintances. It takes time for me to develop the right kind of connection with someone.
You can't force a connection. If you know how to make acquaintances, then you're on the right track. Closer friends are just acquaintances with whom you've developed deeper relationships, and it really takes time and trust to get there. |
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