SKOREAPV83
Snowy Owl
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Joined: Aug 13, 2007
Posts: 141
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 Posted: Fri Apr 27, 2012 2:22 pm Post subject: questions I get asked when trying to socialize |
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It's like every single time I try to socialize, I get asked the same questions:
Do you work?
Do you go to school?
Do you go to church?
What do you do?
Have you lived in California all your life?
Where did you live before California?
Do you have DeafBlind friends?
Do you have Deaf sighted friends?
When I gotta answer "no" to all of the above questions except the "What do you do?" & "Where did you live before California?", I think I'm alienating people.
I think many people can tell that my vocabulary choices, pronunciation & signing habits are not like that of a native Californian, so I refuse to lie and say I've been in Cali my whole life. Besides that they can Google me and find my posts here on WP and then they know I'm from Cincinnati, OH. I might as well not try to hide that.
When they ask me "What do you do?", all I can tell them is: 1) walk the bike trail near my home, 2) walk on Newport Beach, & 3) go to OCPL Tustin branch (the Library). I'm broke as F*** & cannot afford to put any entertainment in my home. Per-i-od! It's NOT my fault!
I just don't know what to tell these ppl other than the answers to their questions. I avoid most public places due to squealin' brats, monetary charges I cannot pay, & communication frustrations due to me being the only signer. |
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1000Knives
It's not difficult if you know how.
Joined: Jul 09, 2011
Age: 22
Posts: 4724
Location: CT, USA
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| Posted: Fri Apr 27, 2012 2:55 pm Post subject: |
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I have this problem, too. I don't think it's quite the fact you're in California, I've been in CT all my life, and my vocabulary is...different, I guess. I've even had a Pakistani guy think I wasn't even native born in the USA, just because my mannerisms and the way I talk. Also people tend to think I'm much older than I am sometimes for that reason, at 20 years old I've had people guess my age as 30, since I keep facial hair.
I too have the same problem of "where do you work, where do you go to school?" I do neither at the moment, and seemingly all I can say is "Yeah, I go ice skating and lift weights." Maybe with some more tact than that, but yeah. When they ask about work, sometimes I bring up my last job that's now about a year ago. Makes it look like you at least sorta kinda care about working and society and stuff. A way to spin your walking is say you like hiking a lot. Or you're an outdoor person and don't watch much TV. It makes you more interesting to say such things, but everyone else is boring, so yeah.
I can't relate as far as the signing thing, and got zero idea what to tell you there.
I guess my advice is, as far as friends, they're the people that are left, so to speak. The people that after you say "I don't work, I don't do ______" that still conversate with you regardless.
_________________
Too kawaii to live...
Too sugoi to die! |
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Steven_Tyler77
Sea Gull
Joined: Apr 20, 2012
Posts: 209
Location: Romania
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| Posted: Fri Apr 27, 2012 6:37 pm Post subject: |
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Ask them the same questions. Enquire about their interests. It's called small talk, something I've been unaware of for most of my life. That usually helps cement a conversation. I usually let the NTs lead the conversation and the small talk, until we settle in a discussion that I feel comfortable about.
_________________
Probably 75% Aspie, 25% NT... and 100% ADHD 
Aspie-quiz results:
Aspie score: 138 of 200 / NT score: 78 of 200 => Very likely an Aspie. |
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Stargazer43
Scruffy-looking Nerf Herder
Joined: Nov 07, 2011
Posts: 1421
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| Posted: Fri Apr 27, 2012 7:42 pm Post subject: |
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Why do people ask you if your friends are deaf and blind? That seems like a really strange thing to ask someone lol, unless you're meeting them at a school for the deaf and blind or something.
As for the questions, they're just general questions you ask someone when you want to get to know them. It takes you from "I know absolutely nothing about you at all" to "I know your name and some basic details!". And you don't have to just answer "no" to the questions...for example if someone asks you about living in California you could explain where you're from, what brought you to Cali, how you like it, similarities/differences with your hometown, etc. If they ask you about work/school, you could tell them what you're doing instead, perhaps describe some of your hobbies or something. |
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VeggieGirl
Snowy Owl
Joined: Jun 02, 2011
Posts: 129
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| Posted: Fri May 04, 2012 8:26 pm Post subject: |
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| I wish I could sign with you. I love sign language and have no one to talk to in it. (I am hearing but I love it.) |
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lilbetta
Snowy Owl
Joined: Apr 10, 2012
Age: 22
Posts: 153
Location: my own lil world
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| Posted: Fri May 04, 2012 10:54 pm Post subject: |
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| VeggieGirl wrote: | | I wish I could sign with you. I love sign language and have no one to talk to in it. (I am hearing but I love it.) |
Omg me too it is so fun but no one here to sign with except on Thursday nights I cab go to the bowling alleys and talk with the deaf bowling league members... shout out to Reggie and gary! |
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RobotGreenAlien2
Toucan
Joined: Feb 14, 2008
Posts: 291
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| Posted: Tue May 08, 2012 10:38 pm Post subject: |
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They're looking for a foothold to start a conversation. Eg. If you mention a college they might know someone there and it can go from there. Or if you say where your from they might want to talk about that. They'll probably find a simple 'No' frustrating. Maybe have something ready eg.
Are you from California?
No, I'm from X originaly, I love the Y there but I came to California to check out the scenery
or something like that. |
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McAnulty
Toucan
Joined: May 09, 2012
Posts: 258
Location: Montreal
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| Posted: Thu May 10, 2012 8:02 am Post subject: |
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| I agree with the poster above, where you might be getting stuck is when They ask you those questions they are expecting you to ask a question back. So like if they ask if you go to school you can say "not right now, how about you" . If they say no, ask them what they do, or if they say yes ask them more about it, "what do you study, how do you like it, have you always known you wanted to do that?, etc... I don't have Aspergers so I hope that the way I have explained this is actually helpful! My son isn't even talking yet so I haven't had much experience talking about pragmatics. |
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