Gita
Blue Jay
Joined: May 19, 2011
Posts: 82
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 Posted: Mon Apr 30, 2012 12:55 pm Post subject: Tell me what to think about this |
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So I went out with a nice guy. We went out a few times. Cheap things like lunch and so on. I noticed he had one of those gagets on his ankle. Okay so then he fessed up and said he was on parole. I asked him what for he said he did --- with an underage girl. I looked him up and found he was on the sexual predator list for our town. So I was kind of struggling with this-- which shows you how off i really am. I was also raped as an underage girl, so it seems weird. I was talking to the neighbor and we got to talking about my "boyfriend with the nice car." I said I would not end up with him, that he had made too many "horrible" mistakes.
I told her he'd just gotten out of jail. We talked about forgiving former felons because they had done their time and needed a break (it is very hard for them to get jobs). We both agreed on that. The only thing I could not agree with is if he --- a child.
I was like -- yeah, I really agree. I liked him. He is smart, and can carry on a good conversation. He's decent looking. He's fun to be with. Etc. But this black cloud hovers over him. But just the thought that when it came to acting out, he had to victimize a member of society who was innocent and could not fight back. Really bad.
I also feel stupid, stupid that I have so little experience with people that I should allow myself to be compassonate. I guess I thought it was okay as long as it was all about chatting from across the table, but he started making noises about taking over my life, and wanted to "be with me" a lot.
I mean-- yeah. Obvious. No brainer.
So, next time he called, I ignored. I kept ignoring till he just would dial and hand up after a long "not talking" phase (which on my phone costs money).
I mean, it is too bad-- but on the other hand-- I also felt he saw me as a sad and lonely person who had kind of "childlike" ways, and maybe the pedophile in him was attracted to me. He tried to pay me for a sexual act earlier as well, which grossed me out.
So, from now on, I am not interested in men any more. Or, what should I think-- chat among yourselves and give me some reasonable advice.
Gah! |
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Joker
Sinn Fein
Joined: Mar 20, 2011
Age: 24
Posts: 7593
Location: North Carolina The Tar Heel State :)
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| Posted: Mon Apr 30, 2012 1:02 pm Post subject: |
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| I think you should just learn about who the person is first do a background check on them he was a creep trying to pay you for a sexual act. |
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rabbittss
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 30, 2011
Posts: 1348
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| Posted: Mon Apr 30, 2012 1:04 pm Post subject: |
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Okay. Now lets be clear. Is he a sexual predator because he was (ages are all made up) 19 and molested a 5 year old. Or was he a sexual predator because he was 19 and his girlfriend was 17 and 11 months and he got arrested for statutory rape?
Both things get you on the sexual predator watchlist. |
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book_noodles
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 14, 2010
Age: 19
Posts: 953
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| Posted: Mon Apr 30, 2012 1:08 pm Post subject: |
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Hm.. well to start I think it's very unfair to extend your feelings about one terrible person to what is basically half the planet.
Even if a person serves their time, I find it difficult to excuse a rapist at all...and especially one who continues to engage inappropriate sexual behavior...(trying to pay you for sex acts?)
I know the law is a bit black and white in this situation, but I feel like it's a bit different if it was, for example, a 17 year old that gave their consent, versus a child child. Do you know what the situation was specifically?
Either way, that whole nasty situation is a deal breaker in my eyes. For future encounters of this nature, maybe you ought to check the sex offender registry before your first date 
_________________
"If you look deeply emough into any person's soul, you can see the emu within them struggling to get out. Actually, most people don't have emus in their soul. Just me." - Invisible Dave, Lady of Emus
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Delphiki
Launchie
Joined: Apr 15, 2012
Age: 23
Posts: 1350
Location: My own version of reality
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| Posted: Mon Apr 30, 2012 1:09 pm Post subject: |
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| rabbittss wrote: | Okay. Now lets be clear. Is he a sexual predator because he was (ages are all made up) 19 and molested a 5 year old. Or was he a sexual predator because he was 19 and his girlfriend was 17 and 11 months and he got arrested for statutory rape?
Both things get you on the sexual predator watchlist. |
And public urination (I know that isn't what this is talking about, but wanted to point out how the list can be not as rue as it says) |
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NeueZiel
Señorita Gamera
Joined: Apr 29, 2012
Posts: 1246
Location: Kapustin Yar
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| Posted: Mon Apr 30, 2012 1:28 pm Post subject: |
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| rabbittss wrote: | Okay. Now lets be clear. Is he a sexual predator because he was (ages are all made up) 19 and molested a 5 year old. Or was he a sexual predator because he was 19 and his girlfriend was 17 and 11 months and he got arrested for statutory rape?
Both things get you on the sexual predator watchlist. |
Yes, please tell us which one of these it was. I don't want to get into an argument over this but its a good deal different if the person was 15 or 16. |
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Shatbat
Fénix
Joined: Feb 20, 2012
Age: 20
Posts: 4116
Location: South America
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| Posted: Mon Apr 30, 2012 1:38 pm Post subject: |
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I agree with all of the above. If it was with a child child then it's really, really creepy, but there are many ways to get into that sex offender list other than that.
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Verily I have often laughed at weaklings who thought themselves good because they had no claws. - Nietzsche |
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Gita
Blue Jay
Joined: May 19, 2011
Posts: 82
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| Posted: Mon Apr 30, 2012 1:42 pm Post subject: |
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It was the one where he was like 30 and the child was like 12 -- I do want to be a bit sensitive and not give away all the details.
I guess doing background checks on anyone you go out with is an option too. It could be that the moral of this story is to do a background check on everyone you meet.
I don't understand about the "unfair to extend your feelings about one terrible person to what is essentially half the planet" by book_noodles. I thought that in a public forum I could write and receive replies about real things. Do I not understand public forums? Besides I did not give a name and more specific information, so that person is still anonymous. Anyway it was all over the newspapers when it happened (I found out maybe a week ago). |
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Delphiki
Launchie
Joined: Apr 15, 2012
Age: 23
Posts: 1350
Location: My own version of reality
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| Posted: Mon Apr 30, 2012 1:51 pm Post subject: |
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He probably regrets having ever done that and has been sentenced for it. I think you should give him a chance
edit: just read mv's post underneath mine and agree with the part about that an important part of what you said is he tried to pay you for a sex act. That is creepy.
Last edited by Delphiki on Mon Apr 30, 2012 1:53 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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mv
Protector of the Realm
Joined: Jun 18, 2010
Posts: 3131
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| Posted: Mon Apr 30, 2012 1:51 pm Post subject: |
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| Gita wrote: | It was the one where he was like 30 and the child was like 12 -- I do want to be a bit sensitive and not give away all the details.
I guess doing background checks on anyone you go out with is an option too. It could be that the moral of this story is to do a background check on everyone you meet.
I don't understand about the "unfair to extend your feelings about one terrible person to what is essentially half the planet" by book_noodles. I thought that in a public forum I could write and receive replies about real things. Do I not understand public forums? Besides I did not give a name and more specific information, so that person is still anonymous. Anyway it was all over the newspapers when it happened (I found out maybe a week ago). |
book_noodles just meant "don't judge all men by the actions of a few (creeps)."
Also, it doesn't matter if it's a pedophile case or a "my girlfriend was 17" kind of case. That doesn't matter one little bit. What matters is that he tried to pay you for a sex act.
I know you're trying to be kind and compassionate and respectful, but you should not date if your instincts are this poor and if you cannot establish and maintain strong boundaries. Otherwise, bad things are going to continue to happen to you, bad people will continue to hurt you and take advantage of you. It's just the sad reality. Not everyone is capable of every kind of relationship. |
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JanuaryMan
Aspierational
Joined: Jan 02, 2012
Age: 28
Posts: 2548
Location: Hants, UK
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| Posted: Mon Apr 30, 2012 1:53 pm Post subject: |
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Well, you haven't made it clear who you are in real life, and also who they are. So I think you're ok to share the info the way you shared it.
And, that situation is freaky. We all make mistakes, sure, but that's the kind of mistake this guy is likely to repeat given the opportunity. He's lucky to be walking / breathing, let alone dating if this is true. Avoid like the plague, and pass his info on to the authorities if he isn't already being tried / convicted.
EDIT: It's horrible he was essentially going to pay for a sex act. If anything it sounds like he wanted to clear his name by saying "oh look I sleep with adults women! So I can't be sick!" I apologise if I am rather pessimistic about the whole thing but that's just how I see it.
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"A man is but the product of his thoughts - what he thinks, he becomes." - Mahatma Gandhi
Last edited by JanuaryMan on Mon Apr 30, 2012 1:55 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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Cornflake
Rattles when shaken
Joined: Oct 31, 2010
Posts: 30566
Location: Hertfordshire, UK
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| Posted: Mon Apr 30, 2012 1:53 pm Post subject: |
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Just a friendly reminder that this is in fact a public forum and what you say on this thread could potentially be read by anyone on the Internet.
So please; don't provide any real names or enough information to allow someone to be identified in real life, because these things have a habit of popping up and biting the wrong people - or even you.
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Giraffe: a ruminant with a view. |
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Delphiki
Launchie
Joined: Apr 15, 2012
Age: 23
Posts: 1350
Location: My own version of reality
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| Posted: Mon Apr 30, 2012 1:56 pm Post subject: |
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| JanuaryMan wrote: | Well, you haven't made it clear who you are in real life, and also who they are. So I think you're ok to share the info the way you shared it.
And, that situation is freaky. We all make mistakes, sure, but that's the kind of mistake this guy is likely to repeat given the opportunity. He's lucky to be walking / breathing, let alone dating if this is true. Avoid like the plague, and pass his info on to the authorities if he isn't already being tried / convicted. |
he has been tried, he is on parole. Why are you so sure he is likely to repeat the mistake given the opportunity? |
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JanuaryMan
Aspierational
Joined: Jan 02, 2012
Age: 28
Posts: 2548
Location: Hants, UK
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| Posted: Mon Apr 30, 2012 2:07 pm Post subject: |
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I never said I was sure, I said it was likely (if it turns out he did commit what he's on parole for). This is just based on general media coverage though of people being commonly proven to repeat this type of offence. Much like other types of people that fall into the sex offender category.
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"A man is but the product of his thoughts - what he thinks, he becomes." - Mahatma Gandhi |
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Delphiki
Launchie
Joined: Apr 15, 2012
Age: 23
Posts: 1350
Location: My own version of reality
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| Posted: Mon Apr 30, 2012 2:11 pm Post subject: |
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| JanuaryMan wrote: | | I never said I was sure, I said it was likely (if it turns out he did commit what he's on parole for). This is just based on general media coverage though of people being commonly proven to repeat this type of offence. Much like other types of people that fall into the sex offender category. |
I did say likely in response. I don't think you read what I said clearly (not trying to sound condescending, I did word it funny, sorry) |
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