JanuaryMan
Aspierational
Joined: Jan 02, 2012
Age: 28
Posts: 2548
Location: Hants, UK
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 Posted: Sat Apr 28, 2012 8:46 pm Post subject: Lost in translation |
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Hi!
First of all, thanks for advice given in previous thread I made. After a week long ordeal all is well.
Onto new business then, shall we?
I have been using the dating / relating site linked to this one (AspieAffection). Now, with women sometimes I am messaged first, or I am the one to make the move. Initial first PM's are fine....THEN anything after that, such as asking about hobbies, things they like, discussing particular bits about a topic. Then I get a swarm of angry and paranoid messages that pretty much insinuate I was trying to chat the girl up with some dirty innuendos.
Example 1: One girl got really funny with me cos my first username was PortOfCall. She said it meant I see the site as an outlet, a "port of call" for women and proceded to make snide remarks that I'm some sort of male slut and don't need her attention. I mean WHAT THE HECK?! I used to work in maritime and cruise. It's common terminology in the cruise industry!
Example 2: Today I was talking with another girl. I noticed she liked food, so I went to talk about cooking, and asked what she likes to eat, and how I like restaurants. She then got really shitty with me, and it turns out she thinks I was asking for an invitation...a "bite to eat" if we must use hidden meanings. I never even said anything like that it was basically "Oh I like to cook, what are your favourite foods? If I can I tend to dine out in restaurants"
Example 3: Another girl I talked to about the friggin Hunger games. Practically every girl watching that at the moment. And she thought I was on about sexual appetite! WHAT THE FRIG!!?!?!
So in short, I'm asking this to aspie women, do aspie women in general see hidden meanings in everything guys say, even if those meanings are so incredibly distanced from the subject matter? Or is it just the site being full of oddballs or perhaps people that do not have aspergers but another disorder?? I just find it so hard to believe that other aspergers would not think other aspergers are like them in the sense they don't do small talk and say everything very literally and not with hidden meanings.
Do these women just see a basic image of me and associate me with some sort of sleazy background? Therefore EVERYTHING I say must be dirty (even though none of it is)? The picture on my new profile is just a side shot of me playing chess! Chess! And another is just of a house on the seaside. I really don't get it 
*shrugs*  I'd say I look forward to any replies, but I fear people might even see THAT as a euphemism !!!
Help please lol
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JanuaryMan
Aspierational
Joined: Jan 02, 2012
Age: 28
Posts: 2548
Location: Hants, UK
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| Posted: Sat Apr 28, 2012 8:49 pm Post subject: |
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I'd just like to add, the site has plenty of normal, nice, friendly women who like me just want to chat  but the occasional ones like this keep popping up..
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MaxShock
Snowy Owl
Joined: Mar 06, 2012
Age: 18
Posts: 125
Location: South Carolina
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| Posted: Sat Apr 28, 2012 9:06 pm Post subject: |
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That's a real head scratcher.
Are you sure you were being precise?
Also, it's always best to make sure they know what you were talking about. Like, you should have said "Hunger Games" movie.
Although, I'd consider this bizzare bad luck, not all people know what you're talking about.
But yeah, women be a bit strange sometimes, and confusing. (Especially aspie girls).
And I think women would say the same thing about us.
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JanuaryMan
Aspierational
Joined: Jan 02, 2012
Age: 28
Posts: 2548
Location: Hants, UK
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| Posted: Sat Apr 28, 2012 9:08 pm Post subject: |
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Hi, my friend. I assure you, and as you can probably tell from my writing style, I was definitely precise. Hunger Games, THE MOVIE "Restaurants, as in ones in the town"
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MaxShock
Snowy Owl
Joined: Mar 06, 2012
Age: 18
Posts: 125
Location: South Carolina
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| Posted: Sat Apr 28, 2012 9:20 pm Post subject: |
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Okay then....
I've used my powerful math and scientific skills, calculated all the possible sequences, and used the decimal system to come to the conclusion that....
You came across strange women.
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nebrets
Velociraptor
Joined: Feb 27, 2012
Posts: 460
Location: Orion–Cygnus Arm of the Milky Way galaxy.
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| Posted: Sat Apr 28, 2012 9:37 pm Post subject: |
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Those were some strange replies. As an aspie woman, I never would have jumped to the connotation that they did. I take the messages to be exactly as they were stated.
Perhaps they had a really bad past with guys that made them try to find problems with everything that is sent them? |
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JanuaryMan
Aspierational
Joined: Jan 02, 2012
Age: 28
Posts: 2548
Location: Hants, UK
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| Posted: Sat Apr 28, 2012 9:43 pm Post subject: |
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Well. I just did a look on 2 people, and it turns out they are the same person. So really I am just dealing with 2 freaks not 3.
Now this person acting as 2 people...I basically had to block all communications with them because all they would do was talk in code language and cryptic messages pushing for sex chat, then trying to say it was me that was rushing and pushing for it too much. And every time I backed off they didn't like it and would swamp me with messages. This is the person I recently was able to stop talking to. It wouldn't surprise me if they found this as well to be honest.
So I guess it raises new questions:
1) Is this something that happens with aspies often or not? I'm still learning the ropes, I've only been going to activity groups for a little while.
2) How can I get her to leave me alone the website doesn't have any moderators but it's linked to here.
edit: maxshock. Yes. Uber strange.
nebrets: I think it has to do with a troubled past of some kind and a couple of mental health conditions to boot. But I can't even ask this person what their favourite colour is without them flipping out so I'll never know.
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Ana6
Hummingbird
Joined: Apr 28, 2012
Posts: 22
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| Posted: Sat Apr 28, 2012 10:11 pm Post subject: |
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Hi,
Sounds like you are perplexed over finding a freak on an online dating site? You shouldn't be. When you find a freak, block them. Ignore them. Move on.
If you are worried you might be shooting off inuendo without realizing it, and if chess is a big deal to you, pls take care with phrases like "mounting multiple attacks," or "touch moves."
Cheers. |
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ThinkTrees
Sea Gull
Joined: Apr 06, 2012
Posts: 218
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| Posted: Sat Apr 28, 2012 10:11 pm Post subject: |
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Yes, strange and unwell.
But there are lots of crazies everywhere, so, it's not unexpected really. Lucky you only encountered 2...
I would have been shocked too though, so I understand your confusion. I would have, naively, expected a greater innocence, plenty of literalism, some blunt honesty, that kind of thing Something different from the rest...Ah well.
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JanuaryMan
Aspierational
Joined: Jan 02, 2012
Age: 28
Posts: 2548
Location: Hants, UK
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| Posted: Sat Apr 28, 2012 10:14 pm Post subject: |
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Thank you Ana. I'm not well equipped for their sort of behaviour. So found it hard to block the person out at first, so I did. And all they did was make a new ID. And try again with me only tohave it get just as ugly and give the game away (the profiles, writing style everything for the most part matched after a 2nd thorough look).
I sort of realised this stalker person was the same person from before only after I had written this thread. Guess I will just have to block them again.
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smudge
Your worst nightmare
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Joined: Sep 07, 2006
Age: 25
Posts: 2133
Location: London
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| Posted: Sun Apr 29, 2012 2:44 pm Post subject: |
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Haha! I wondered if you were going to mention me (you didn't). I've only known a couple of aspie girls like that. I've been guilty of something similar, but milder, in the past...but that's when I already know the person and I'm in a bad mood. If someone bothered me that much, I'd ignore them. Those responses are kinda funny though. 
Why don't you have a "chat" on this thread with other aspie girls as if you were to date them, and see how we all respond? Then others can give you feedback. Or make a new thread about it. Could be fun and interesting. |
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JanuaryMan
Aspierational
Joined: Jan 02, 2012
Age: 28
Posts: 2548
Location: Hants, UK
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| Posted: Sun Apr 29, 2012 5:32 pm Post subject: |
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@smudge, hi thanks for replying as you can see above, this is a very sad predicament to be in. I'm not even safe on network site like this. They took the time to browse all the threads here, dig up my thread and identify me by picture.
ANYWAYS........... I accept your challenge! 
Let's say for our example....you're from Cali US, a House / Mad Men fan, like to go to the beach, and read romance novels. Although you'd have no pictures you physically sound like a match. Your personality comes across as friendly in your profile. So I take the opportunity to message. I'm fairly neutral as given the distance it might take a long time to ever pursue a deeper relationship.
Title: California
"Hey smudge,
Good weekend? I like your profile, esp. the bit about Cali and the beach. Guess it's always hot there? I live in a city by the coast but you know..it's England, we have rain LOL.
What's Mad Men like? Friends keep going on about it but never seen it. I watch Rescue Me and Criminal Minds now and again.
Well, it's pretty late so gonna finish up here. Feel free to message back. Have a good one
-(my name here).
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So yeah, I guess I sound a little dull but considering I just want to make friends first and maybe date later on if things are good, I don't see the harm in that! I appreciate some are wanting life partners, to try out dating, to also make friends or whatever and that no one is the same. And when people have outright told me they don't know, or if they don't respond I just leave it at that one message or say "ok no problem" and leave it there.
What would you think as an aspie lady from that above example? Feel free to be as harsh as you like trust me have probably heard worse!
Thanks for the response.
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"A man is but the product of his thoughts - what he thinks, he becomes." - Mahatma Gandhi |
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blueroses
restless, but going nowhere
Joined: Feb 11, 2007
Age: 30
Posts: 1599
Location: Lancaster, PA
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| Posted: Sun Apr 29, 2012 6:36 pm Post subject: Re: Lost in translation |
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| JanuaryMan wrote: | | So in short, I'm asking this to aspie women, do aspie women in general see hidden meanings in everything guys say, even if those meanings are so incredibly distanced from the subject matter? |
Lol, I definitely don't. In fact, I tend to be pretty oblivious to hidden meanings or subtle nuances in anything a guy says, which has gotten me into trouble more than once. |
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MightyMorphin
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 30, 2012
Age: 22
Posts: 570
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| Posted: Mon Apr 30, 2012 3:21 pm Post subject: |
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| Dude I feel real sorry for you. Don't know what to say, she sounds histrionic. |
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MightyMorphin
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 30, 2012
Age: 22
Posts: 570
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| Posted: Mon Apr 30, 2012 5:18 pm Post subject: |
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| This reminds me of PlayStation Home when people know they've been beaten and proved wrong, and they just do the "laughing" emotion. |
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