Brianruns10
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 25, 2006
Age: 29
Posts: 865
|
 Posted: Mon Apr 30, 2012 6:27 pm Post subject: OKCupid status update |
 |
|
So here's my track record with OKCupid after approximately 2 months:
Of 86 women written-
10 replied
of those 10-
5 deleted their accounts
4 ceased responding after 1 to 2 rounds of correspondence
1 resulted in a face to face meetup. We continue to correspond by texting, but it has been three weeks since our first "date" and she has declined my entreaties for second outings ever since, citing work or jobs around her house. I suspect she's not interested in me.
What have the rest of you experienced? Is OKC worth it? Or is the problem, as I believe it to be, that I'm simply undateable and should quit altogether? |
|
| Back to top |
|
JanuaryMan
Aspierational
Joined: Jan 02, 2012
Age: 28
Posts: 2620
Location: Hants, UK
|
| Posted: Mon Apr 30, 2012 6:32 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Very very cautious about using normal dating sites and such.
On OKCupid....
*Messaged 2 in a couple of months.
*No responses
*I've viewed many profiles and many have views me but no messages or hints or anything.
Obviously my profile is naff or I need to update my picture!
Sorry to hear you aren't having much luck either, brian. Just remember it's one of many dating sites and there will be people that set their standards a bit too high. If you do feel it's something you've done though just go over your profile or what you did on your date, and think what you could do to make it more appealing without removing any of the elements that make you who you are. Dress them up if you have to but stay true to yourself  anyways not like I can say much, cos I've had even worse luck than you there 
All the best, amigo.
_________________
"A man is but the product of his thoughts - what he thinks, he becomes." - Mahatma Gandhi |
|
| Back to top |
|
The_Face_of_Boo
A savage
Joined: Jun 17, 2010
Age: 31
Posts: 9647
Location: Beirut ,Lebanon
|
| Posted: Mon Apr 30, 2012 6:33 pm Post subject: |
|
|
I won't waste my time by counting that much.
But i have 9 pages of sent emails (some of them were deleted for space)
and 4 pages of received emails there.
Average per week:
2 Visitors |
|
| Back to top |
|
nebrets
Velociraptor
Joined: Feb 27, 2012
Posts: 490
Location: Orion–Cygnus Arm of the Milky Way galaxy.
|
| Posted: Mon Apr 30, 2012 6:44 pm Post subject: |
|
|
It might not be you. I had two guys I was messaging semi- regularly but because of the number of messages I got from creepy guys I got too stressed and paranoid and left the site without warning. Although some of that is because I have excess anxiety issues from my AS, especially about anything that has to do with interacting with other people.
Good luck. |
|
| Back to top |
|
starkid
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 10, 2012
Age: 32
Posts: 785
Location: California Bay Area
|
| Posted: Mon Apr 30, 2012 6:45 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Nobody can really say anything about your results unless we know what you are looking for, what the women you messaged are looking for, and how you approached them.
In my experience, people on okcupid are shallow (or hiding their interesting characteristics) and don't really take meeting people online seriously, so it's difficult to make a connection. The only interesting profile I've found was from an autistic person who wrote paragraphs and paragraphs about her special interest. As for the non-responses, some people don't even check for messages regularly. It's like they just throw up a profile and forget about it completely. I was reading the OkTrends blog a while back, and some people said they think it is more rude to respond and say they're not interested than to ignore the message. So they are ignoring people because they thing it is polite! 
Seems like it's mostly a waste of time, but then, it only takes one person out of all those non-responses who's interested in you (assuming you only want one).
_________________
Assume nothing, question everything.
Last edited by starkid on Mon Apr 30, 2012 6:47 pm; edited 1 time in total |
|
| Back to top |
|
scubasteve
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 18, 2009
Age: 28
Posts: 993
Location: Ann Arbor, Michigan
|
| Posted: Mon Apr 30, 2012 6:45 pm Post subject: |
|
|
OP - It's about the same as other sites. Just work on improving your profile and pics and keep messaging. You'll find someone eventually.
JanuaryMan - Don't expect women to initiate. You have to message them first. Two messages won't get you anywhere.
I get replies from like 1 in 4 messages. Most of those replies don't end up with dates. That's just the way these things work, I suppose. Keep messaging and try not to take it personal. |
|
| Back to top |
|
JanuaryMan
Aspierational
Joined: Jan 02, 2012
Age: 28
Posts: 2620
Location: Hants, UK
|
| Posted: Mon Apr 30, 2012 6:51 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Hey dude
You're right, and I don't expect them to. I have some anxiety I still need to work out as far as making the first move goes. I've been getting better at being the first to message, and am generating a lot of responses now! just not at OKCupid...
starkid makes a valid point. It's worth assessing if both your needs and the needs of the girls you message, then from that how you communicated with them.
_________________
"A man is but the product of his thoughts - what he thinks, he becomes." - Mahatma Gandhi |
|
| Back to top |
|
The_Face_of_Boo
A savage
Joined: Jun 17, 2010
Age: 31
Posts: 9647
Location: Beirut ,Lebanon
|
| Posted: Mon Apr 30, 2012 7:51 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| scubasteve wrote: | OP - It's about the same as other sites. Just work on improving your profile and pics and keep messaging. You'll find someone eventually.
JanuaryMan - Don't expect women to initiate. You have to message them first. Two messages won't get you anywhere.
I get replies from like 1 in 4 messages. Most of those replies don't end up with dates. That's just the way these things work, I suppose. Keep messaging and try not to take it personal. |
That's where i find the absurdity in this whole process used in online dating (which is the only approach that can actually work since women there almost never initiate and rarely reply) - I mean, based on what value the girl would be picked as a gf? based on the fact she was the first who said yes after hundreds of attempts?
but i don't think there's another feasible way on okc. |
|
| Back to top |
|
Agemaki
Snowy Owl
Joined: Oct 12, 2011
Posts: 151
Location: In a grove of oak trees, having a tea party with squirrels.
|
| Posted: Mon Apr 30, 2012 7:56 pm Post subject: |
|
|
I met my current boyfriend on OKCupid. OKC had some interesting statistical information on how to begin a message and get replies, it mainly came down to saying something interesting in the first message, particularly something relevant to the person's profile. It also said that it was generally a bad idea to give compliments about someone's attractiveness, at least until you know them better. Other compliments were good though. It also said that people who initiate messages have more success than those who don't (regardless of gender) so keep trying.
I found my boyfriend by using the search feature and selecting for qualities that I thought were important. I then looked through the personality sections of the results (most of which were hippies or nerds...interestingly enough) and ruled out the ones that had personalities that did not appeal to me. In the end I found a cute aspie guy who is very similar to myself. |
|
| Back to top |
|
starkid
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 10, 2012
Age: 32
Posts: 785
Location: California Bay Area
|
| Posted: Mon Apr 30, 2012 8:06 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| The_Face_of_Boo wrote: | | I mean, based on what value the girl would be picked as a gf? based on the fact she was the first who said yes after hundreds of attempts? |
No, based on the fact that, first of all, she is one of several people you are actually interested in and think you may be compatible with (that should be the reason for messaging in the first place) and, second, getting to know her through further messaging and dates.
_________________
Assume nothing, question everything.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
Agemaki
Snowy Owl
Joined: Oct 12, 2011
Posts: 151
Location: In a grove of oak trees, having a tea party with squirrels.
|
| Posted: Tue May 01, 2012 4:33 am Post subject: |
|
|
| Another thing that might be of help is experimenting with your profile pictures on OKC. I believe there was a section on some dos and don'ts in the OK Trends. Most humans are rather visual creatures and you might want to try different lighting/ angles etc. The first picture that I ever saw of my boyfriend was one of him wearing several hats with ties draped between them. Going for a squid aesthetic as he put it. Not that the picture is the most important thing, but you can use it to display your personality and other interesting qualities. I'm wearing one costume or other in most of my pictures on OKC since I like to play dress-up. |
|
| Back to top |
|
The_Face_of_Boo
A savage
Joined: Jun 17, 2010
Age: 31
Posts: 9647
Location: Beirut ,Lebanon
|
| Posted: Tue May 01, 2012 8:27 am Post subject: |
|
|
| Agemaki wrote: | | Another thing that might be of help is experimenting with your profile pictures on OKC. I believe there was a section on some dos and don'ts in the OK Trends. Most humans are rather visual creatures and you might want to try different lighting/ angles etc. The first picture that I ever saw of my boyfriend was one of him wearing several hats with ties draped between them. Going for a squid aesthetic as he put it. Not that the picture is the most important thing, but you can use it to display your personality and other interesting qualities. I'm wearing one costume or other in most of my pictures on OKC since I like to play dress-up. |
You know what worked most with my okc profile?
Removing my pics and going pictureless. |
|
| Back to top |
|
johansen
Deinonychus
Joined: May 16, 2011
Age: 24
Posts: 321
|
| Posted: Thu May 03, 2012 12:16 am Post subject: Re: OKCupid status update |
|
|
| Brianruns10 wrote: | So here's my track record with OKCupid after approximately 2 months:
Of 86 women written-
10 replied
of those 10-
5 deleted their accounts
4 ceased responding after 1 to 2 rounds of correspondence
1 resulted in a face to face meetup. We continue to correspond by texting, but it has been three weeks since our first "date" and she has declined my entreaties for second outings ever since, citing work or jobs around her house. I suspect she's not interested in me.
What have the rest of you experienced? Is OKC worth it? Or is the problem, as I believe it to be, that I'm simply undateable and should quit altogether? |
you're doing pretty good.
in 4 months i've had 25 visitors.
about half of them viewed my profile after i viewed theirs.
two of them sent me a message, one i replied to and she never did back, the other was just yesterday so i don't know.
i thing it's the photo of me that scares them off or something.. there's probably 10 new accounts created per day within 10 miles of me and the first thing everyone does is search for people who have been online within the last month. |
|
| Back to top |
|
Wolfheart
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 18, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 2971
Location: Kent, England
|
| Posted: Thu May 03, 2012 12:51 am Post subject: |
|
|
One hundred failed attempts will make the one success you have seem perfect and after all, it only takes one relationship to find happiness and social acceptance so I would say don't give up and keep pressing on with the messaging.
To be honest, internet dating is based on first impressions and it is shallow, you would be best joining a local group or club that shares a mutual interest with you so that you can build familiarity and comfort with the group and maybe start a relationship that way.
Ask a female friend, if you have any on what you can improve on. Better yet, ask some of the women here, I'm sure they will help you. |
|
| Back to top |
|
hyperlexian
loves the man who typed too much and ran outta spa
Joined: Jul 22, 2010
Age: 41
Posts: 21990
Location: with bucephalus
|
| Posted: Thu May 03, 2012 4:15 am Post subject: |
|
|
| scubasteve wrote: | OP - It's about the same as other sites. Just work on improving your profile and pics and keep messaging. You'll find someone eventually.
JanuaryMan - Don't expect women to initiate. You have to message them first. Two messages won't get you anywhere.
I get replies from like 1 in 4 messages. Most of those replies don't end up with dates. That's just the way these things work, I suppose. Keep messaging and try not to take it personal. |
that is an awesome reply rate. you come across well on WP, so i would not be surprised if you came across well on dating sites.
EDIT: i should add that my response rate was not all that much better when i initiated conversations.
_________________
on a break, so if you need assistance please contact another moderator from this list:
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp5043493.html#5043493 |
|
| Back to top |
|
