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HammorHorror
Prepare for unforeseen consequences
Joined: Apr 21, 2012
Age: 18
Posts: 2856
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 Posted: Tue May 01, 2012 10:54 am Post subject: |
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| Sweetleaf wrote: | | HammorHorror wrote: | I'm a massive Pink Floyd fan too sweetleaf, music is pretty much the only thing that keeps me going. The Wall is one of my favorite albums. Nice knowing there's someone else on here who appreciates them too. The Wall and Piper at the Gates of dawn are so personal to me. I have a massive Have a Cigar poster on my wall (from the single)
I wish i could be in a band, not for the fame or attention, i don't want that i don't need that. It seems like the only position i could be in where i would be able to write songs and vent my anger at society.
But its never gonna happen. |
Yeah exactly...I can still appreciate music though...it would just be cool to be the one creating it. But yeah even to this day I can't read sheet music, I mean I can understand after a bit of looking at it but I get all jumbled up its kind of like the same issue with math I can get to a point of understanding but my brain wont retain the information and I get stuff mixed up or can't remember the steps. Then in middle and highschool I was in band class doing precussion......I never really got it and for whatever reason never really got much help with learning. I mean the most learning I had was these horrible anxiety provoking tests where I had to try and play techniques or whatever we were supposed to practice at home(I typically never had anyone show me how to do it right in the first place) so yeah a few times I had embarrass myself by doing horrible at these tests in front of the class. And a lot of the time the main reason I did so badly is because I was so anxious I couldn't keep my hands very steady.
But yeah I kinda wish one of the three band teachers I had would have either suggested we do some one on one after school stuff so I could actually learn without having to deal with the crap from other students/fear of crap from the other students. Lets just say I was that outcast kid people would find anything and everything they could to pick on me about so even common mistakes made when learning music would bring on this sort of thing. Otherwise one of those teachers should have just recommended I stop going to band class since it wasn't doing me any good. |
I cant read music either, but at the same time it does'nt lessen my apprecitation.
Was that band class at school or or did you do it at college?
But yeah i could never attend a band class, for the same reasons as you I'm just an easy target. I would much rather be a solo musician though. Sometimes i wish i could live with my music heroes on my own planet. I wish i had David Gilmour as my father, do you feel the same about musicians?
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Sweetleaf
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Joined: Jan 07, 2011
Age: 23
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Location: Somewhere in Colorado
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| Posted: Tue May 01, 2012 11:31 am Post subject: |
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| HammorHorror wrote: | | Sweetleaf wrote: | | HammorHorror wrote: | I'm a massive Pink Floyd fan too sweetleaf, music is pretty much the only thing that keeps me going. The Wall is one of my favorite albums. Nice knowing there's someone else on here who appreciates them too. The Wall and Piper at the Gates of dawn are so personal to me. I have a massive Have a Cigar poster on my wall (from the single)
I wish i could be in a band, not for the fame or attention, i don't want that i don't need that. It seems like the only position i could be in where i would be able to write songs and vent my anger at society.
But its never gonna happen. |
Yeah exactly...I can still appreciate music though...it would just be cool to be the one creating it. But yeah even to this day I can't read sheet music, I mean I can understand after a bit of looking at it but I get all jumbled up its kind of like the same issue with math I can get to a point of understanding but my brain wont retain the information and I get stuff mixed up or can't remember the steps. Then in middle and highschool I was in band class doing precussion......I never really got it and for whatever reason never really got much help with learning. I mean the most learning I had was these horrible anxiety provoking tests where I had to try and play techniques or whatever we were supposed to practice at home(I typically never had anyone show me how to do it right in the first place) so yeah a few times I had embarrass myself by doing horrible at these tests in front of the class. And a lot of the time the main reason I did so badly is because I was so anxious I couldn't keep my hands very steady.
But yeah I kinda wish one of the three band teachers I had would have either suggested we do some one on one after school stuff so I could actually learn without having to deal with the crap from other students/fear of crap from the other students. Lets just say I was that outcast kid people would find anything and everything they could to pick on me about so even common mistakes made when learning music would bring on this sort of thing. Otherwise one of those teachers should have just recommended I stop going to band class since it wasn't doing me any good. |
I cant read music either, but at the same time it does'nt lessen my apprecitation.
Was that band class at school or or did you do it at college?
But yeah i could never attend a band class, for the same reasons as you I'm just an easy target. I would much rather be a solo musician though. Sometimes i wish i could live with my music heroes on my own planet. I wish i had David Gilmour as my father, do you feel the same about musicians? |
That was highschool, in college......I went with hardly any skills since I seemed to get more anxiety and self dissapointment from band class than any real skills. But yeah so I ended up having to try and fake it and everyone there seemed kind of told towards me like no one really talked to me I mean I might have been giving the impression of wanting to keep to myself...since I was rather anxious about that class but I really wanted to try and make friends as some people there did seem kinda cool but it turned out seeming kind of futile.
But yeah I get pretty obsessed with musicians like if I really let my mind wander....I might start thinking how cool it would be to have lived back in the 60s and even cooler if I would have known Syd Barret for example. I feel like I can understand some of what drove him over the edge......I mean I feel like the same thing would have happened even if he had chose a different career path and didn't go overboard with the LSD. Fact of the matter is life can be hellish when you realise certain things and also come to the realization there is nothing you can do about it. Not saying the only way to handle it is cut ones self off from the world but I can understand why someone might go that route.
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Last edited by Sweetleaf on Tue May 01, 2012 11:41 am; edited 1 time in total |
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Sweetleaf
Metalhead
Joined: Jan 07, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 14828
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
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| Posted: Tue May 01, 2012 11:35 am Post subject: Re: perfect life |
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| lilbetta wrote: | Society makes me soo sick as well and that's why I plan on doing something about it... but lots of times I wish I could just escape... in fact I have thought it all out here let me know what you think y'all...
Okay so perfect life would be me living on an undiscovered island (tropical climate btw) and this island would be bountiful in resources like robinson carusoe or Swiss family... so I would be on this island with all I need for basic survival but what else would I want? First off I would HAVE to have a generator and wireless access as well as ipodtype device so I can have my music  I would be like listening to Pandora or my ipod while I am doing daily stuff lol... okay so once I have that I can basically make anything else I need except there is one thing left... yes I know I like to be alone but I don't think I could do that. For rest of my life so I would have to have a female partner with me... one with a great personality (and if she happens to be a redhead with a smoking hot body well that will work out just fine too  ).. then it may be nice to have one of my best friends or just another person and their spouse also on the island.. we would.live in our own houses and it would be nice if rhetoric were aspies too that way we could leave eachother alone when we needed personal time... well that's it any thoughts?OH! And my island would also have bunches of animals but especially a group of orangutans (I love orangutans)  |
Sounds like a nice life....but see where I end up when I consider these possibilities is stuck on how to go about doing it.
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lilbetta
Snowy Owl
Joined: Apr 10, 2012
Age: 22
Posts: 153
Location: my own lil world
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| Posted: Tue May 01, 2012 11:37 am Post subject: Re: perfect life |
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| Sweetleaf wrote: | | lilbetta wrote: | Society makes me soo sick as well and that's why I plan on doing something about it... but lots of times I wish I could just escape... in fact I have thought it all out here let me know what you think y'all...
Okay so perfect life would be me living on an undiscovered island (tropical climate btw) and this island would be bountiful in resources like robinson carusoe or Swiss family... so I would be on this island with all I need for basic survival but what else would I want? First off I would HAVE to have a generator and wireless access as well as ipodtype device so I can have my music I would be like listening to Pandora or my ipod while I am doing daily stuff lol... okay so once I have that I can basically make anything else I need except ๑there is one thing left... yes I know I like to be alone but I don't think I could do that. For rest of my life so I would have to have a female partner with me... one with a great personality (and if she happens to be a redhead with a smoking hot body well that will work out just fine too ).. then it may be nice to have one of my best friends or just another person and their spouse also on the island.. we would.live in our own houses and it would be nice if rhetoric were aspies too that way we could leave eachother alone when we needed personal time... well that's it any thoughts?OH! And my island would also have bunches of animals but especially a group of orangutans (I love orangutans) |
Sounds like a nice life....but see where I end up when I consider these possibilities is stuck on how to go about doing it. |
Yea finding an undiscovered island might be tough for a start lol |
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NTAndrew
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Joined: Jan 19, 2012
Posts: 280
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| Posted: Tue May 01, 2012 12:02 pm Post subject: |
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| BuyerBeware wrote: | Yes, society f***ing sucks. And AS f***ing sucks. And the way society approaches AS f***ing sucks.
Advice from personal experience, because several times in my life I have identified WAAAAY too much with that album-- THE ONLY SONG ON "THE WALL" YOU NEED TO LISTEN TO IS "OUTSIDE THE WALL." Give that damn thing away and listen to Bob Dylan or Peter, Paul, and Mary or Blind Melon or something. I don't know what, I don't know what you like, but listen to something else. If you have to go dark and metal, give Queensryche a shot. Operation: Mindcrime is a really good album. It's loud and mechanical and angry and I-hate-the-world but at least it's not as depressing as The Wall.
If you have to listen to Pink Floyd, try Dark Side of the Moon instead.
Not Soul Asylum, either. It's not much better. |
Funny story, a friend of mine went to a therapist for depression. This therapist provided him with a list of books and movies he SHOULD NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES read or watch. And my friend, being like me, went out and read every book on the list and watched every movie. And you know what? It didn't kill him. Actually sometimes sad, depressing stuff can be kind of cathartic.
The therapist I go to now is this clean-cut yuppie guy who pushes Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, which I am pretty sure you would hate. So of course I categorize him as Mr. Button down with a wife and a mortgage and 2.5 children. And he is. But he's told me he's read everything Charles Bukowski ever wrote and he is a total metal head. It's funny when this guy talks to these head bangers in my Social Anxiety Disorder group about the bands he listens to. Life is full of surprises.
I used to listen to The Wall a lot. And Wish You Were Here. Hey, you're 22, what are you listening to depressing music from my generation for? |
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NTAndrew
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| Posted: Tue May 01, 2012 12:07 pm Post subject: |
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And yeah sort of, I haven't had anyone give me any feedback about it though because like I said.....I don't really in front of people but yeah the extent is basically I might be listening to music I like and look up the lyrics so I can attempt....but yeah keep in mind its rock and metal for the most part that I listen to.[/quote]
As long as it makes you happy, that is all that matters. You don't have to make a profession out of it. A friend of mine and I write, and he is always complaining that why should he write anything because he can't sell it. I tell him to write anyway, it is the process that is important. I write because I enjoy writing. I wish I could get other people to read it, but, what ya gonna do? |
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Sweetleaf
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Joined: Jan 07, 2011
Age: 23
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Location: Somewhere in Colorado
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| Posted: Tue May 01, 2012 12:13 pm Post subject: |
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| NTAndrew wrote: | | BuyerBeware wrote: | Yes, society f***ing sucks. And AS f***ing sucks. And the way society approaches AS f***ing sucks.
Advice from personal experience, because several times in my life I have identified WAAAAY too much with that album-- THE ONLY SONG ON "THE WALL" YOU NEED TO LISTEN TO IS "OUTSIDE THE WALL." Give that damn thing away and listen to Bob Dylan or Peter, Paul, and Mary or Blind Melon or something. I don't know what, I don't know what you like, but listen to something else. If you have to go dark and metal, give Queensryche a shot. Operation: Mindcrime is a really good album. It's loud and mechanical and angry and I-hate-the-world but at least it's not as depressing as The Wall.
If you have to listen to Pink Floyd, try Dark Side of the Moon instead.
Not Soul Asylum, either. It's not much better. |
Funny story, a friend of mine went to a therapist for depression. This therapist provided him with a list of books and movies he SHOULD NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES read or watch. And my friend, being like me, went out and read every book on the list and watched every movie. And you know what? It didn't kill him. Actually sometimes sad, depressing stuff can be kind of cathartic.
The therapist I go to now is this clean-cut yuppie guy who pushes Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, which I am pretty sure you would hate. So of course I categorize him as Mr. Button down with a wife and a mortgage and 2.5 children. And he is. But he's told me he's read everything Charles Bukowski ever wrote and he is a total metal head. It's funny when this guy talks to these head bangers in my Social Anxiety Disorder group about the bands he listens to. Life is full of surprises.
I used to listen to The Wall a lot. And Wish You Were Here. Hey, you're 22, what are you listening to depressing music from my generation for? |
I have had people suggest to me not to watch depressing movies or listen to depressing music, but sometimes that's all that helps....on some days trying to watch even comedy movies makes me sad because I can't deal with pushing how I feel inside to try and enjoy the movie if I watch something depressing or listen to depressing music it helps me let it out some. But yeah and I just kinda have a darker taste in music.....I don't like that fluff on the top 40 list or whatever.
And Pink Floyd is one of the best bands of all time in my opinion so its hard not to listen to them for a music addict like me.
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EstimatedProphet
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Joined: Apr 16, 2012
Age: 27
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| Posted: Tue May 01, 2012 12:28 pm Post subject: |
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| NTAndrew wrote: | | Funny story, a friend of mine went to a therapist for depression. This therapist provided him with a list of books and movies he SHOULD NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES read or watch. And my friend, being like me, went out and read every book on the list and watched every movie. And you know what? It didn't kill him. Actually sometimes sad, depressing stuff can be kind of cathartic. |
I totally agree. Sometimes it just helps to know that there are other people out there dealing with the same problems or worse. Whenever I'm feeling particularly depressed I like to watch episodes of No Reservations that were shot in third world countries or other areas of great poverty. To see those people dealing with such greater hardships than I've ever even come close to still able to put a smile on their face and be happy about life really puts things into perspective. Yeah, life is difficult, but a lot of people have it a lot worse and still cherish every day they have and I'm sitting over here whining about things that are just so insignificant in comparison. It doesn't make what I've got to deal with any better, but knowing that it could be a lot worse helps me feel a little better.
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Sweetleaf
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Age: 23
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| Posted: Tue May 01, 2012 12:40 pm Post subject: |
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| EstimatedProphet wrote: | | NTAndrew wrote: | | Funny story, a friend of mine went to a therapist for depression. This therapist provided him with a list of books and movies he SHOULD NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES read or watch. And my friend, being like me, went out and read every book on the list and watched every movie. And you know what? It didn't kill him. Actually sometimes sad, depressing stuff can be kind of cathartic. |
I totally agree. Sometimes it just helps to know that there are other people out there dealing with the same problems or worse. Whenever I'm feeling particularly depressed I like to watch episodes of No Reservations that were shot in third world countries or other areas of great poverty. To see those people dealing with such greater hardships than I've ever even come close to still able to put a smile on their face and be happy about life really puts things into perspective. Yeah, life is difficult, but a lot of people have it a lot worse and still cherish every day they have and I'm sitting over here whining about things that are just so insignificant in comparison. It doesn't make what I've got to deal with any better, but knowing that it could be a lot worse helps me feel a little better. |
Yeah I'd have to say I have a bit of a different perspective on that.....I mean the fact that others could have it worse, does not do anything to make my situation any better or make me feel any better. I don't mean this in a selfish me, me, me way...but rather yes it is sad that there are people who have it worse and I'll admit its pretty heartwarming to see someone in a worse situation being able to make the best of it and find some enjoyment. But I guess it just does not make my pain any less I mean its not so much I don't want to have a slightly more positive outlook.....but when you have the level of pain I do that seems to overwhelm everything else. So there are the times I want nothing more than to enjoy myself or be there for people I'm close to but am held back by the psychological pain.
But I am glad that helps you some...and I certainly am not saying you're wrong. I just can't seem to see it that way.
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HammorHorror
Prepare for unforeseen consequences
Joined: Apr 21, 2012
Age: 18
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| Posted: Tue May 01, 2012 12:44 pm Post subject: |
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Id much rather listen to depressing music and watch depressing movies than live in a happy fairyland where i avoid that all. When i'm depressed and watch "light" things, it only makes me feel like i'm distracting myself from the true reality of my situation.
I'd rather not distract myself from what i really feel.
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EstimatedProphet
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| Posted: Tue May 01, 2012 1:00 pm Post subject: |
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| Sweetleaf wrote: | Yeah I'd have to say I have a bit of a different perspective on that.....I mean the fact that others could have it worse, does not do anything to make my situation any better or make me feel any better. I don't mean this in a selfish me, me, me way...but rather yes it is sad that there are people who have it worse and I'll admit its pretty heartwarming to see someone in a worse situation being able to make the best of it and find some enjoyment. But I guess it just does not make my pain any less I mean its not so much I don't want to have a slightly more positive outlook.....but when you have the level of pain I do that seems to overwhelm everything else. So there are the times I want nothing more than to enjoy myself or be there for people I'm close to but am held back by the psychological pain.
But I am glad that helps you some...and I certainly am not saying you're wrong. I just can't seem to see it that way. |
Totally understandable. At the peak of my depression there's probably nothing that could've really made me feel better. I'm doing a lot better now than I was in my late teens and early 20s, so it's easier for me to find something to cheer me up a little. If somebody would've told me what I just said back then I would've told them that showing me that the world is even more f**** up in other places just gives me more reason to be depressed. Living a few more years and gaining some more experience in the world has changed my outlook a bit and I think that happens with a lot of people dealing with depression. Unfortunately, there are far too many people that don't make it to that point. It's hard as hell, but you've just got to tell yourself that it's going to get better if you can just stick it out.
On a side note, I feel like you would do great in some sort of position where you could help others. Even if you can't find a job helping people, you could give volunteer work a try. You might be surprised at the outcome.
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Sweetleaf
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Age: 23
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| Posted: Tue May 01, 2012 1:59 pm Post subject: |
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| EstimatedProphet wrote: | | Sweetleaf wrote: | Yeah I'd have to say I have a bit of a different perspective on that.....I mean the fact that others could have it worse, does not do anything to make my situation any better or make me feel any better. I don't mean this in a selfish me, me, me way...but rather yes it is sad that there are people who have it worse and I'll admit its pretty heartwarming to see someone in a worse situation being able to make the best of it and find some enjoyment. But I guess it just does not make my pain any less I mean its not so much I don't want to have a slightly more positive outlook.....but when you have the level of pain I do that seems to overwhelm everything else. So there are the times I want nothing more than to enjoy myself or be there for people I'm close to but am held back by the psychological pain.
But I am glad that helps you some...and I certainly am not saying you're wrong. I just can't seem to see it that way. |
Totally understandable. At the peak of my depression there's probably nothing that could've really made me feel better. I'm doing a lot better now than I was in my late teens and early 20s, so it's easier for me to find something to cheer me up a little. If somebody would've told me what I just said back then I would've told them that showing me that the world is even more f**** up in other places just gives me more reason to be depressed. Living a few more years and gaining some more experience in the world has changed my outlook a bit and I think that happens with a lot of people dealing with depression. Unfortunately, there are far too many people that don't make it to that point. It's hard as hell, but you've just got to tell yourself that it's going to get better if you can just stick it out.
Yeah I see what you mean...though in my case I don't see why I should even bother telling myself that, I mean in my opinion its not going to get better regardless of if I stick it out or not. So now I am just trying to find a way to deal with it not getting better. I mean sometimes I wish I could convince myself it will.....but all my experiances in the past indicate if anything things will get worse.
On a side note, I feel like you would do great in some sort of position where you could help others. Even if you can't find a job helping people, you could give volunteer work a try. You might be surprised at the outcome. |
Well I'm not sure.....I mean I feel like I can't even help myself so what good would I be to anyone else. I'd be more likely to piss of the people I am helping by coming off as socially akward, reclusive and odd and freaking them out. Me and large groups of people usually does not work out too well.
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EstimatedProphet
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| Posted: Tue May 01, 2012 2:29 pm Post subject: |
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You may think there's no reason to continue living, but you obviously haven't quit searching for one. The fact that you're here talking about it shows that you at least have some hope. Some day in the future you'll look back and be glad you never gave in. You don't have to believe it now, but I reserve the right to say "I told you so" when it finally happens
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EstimatedProphet
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| Posted: Tue May 01, 2012 2:39 pm Post subject: |
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| Sweetleaf wrote: | | Well I'm not sure.....I mean I feel like I can't even help myself so what good would I be to anyone else. I'd be more likely to piss of the people I am helping by coming off as socially akward, reclusive and odd and freaking them out. Me and large groups of people usually does not work out too well. |
I think you're really selling yourself short. You'd be surprised how much you can help somebody by just listening. I find those of us with ASD are especially good at listening to somebody else being emotional about something, process it logically, and then give them a more realistic perspective without all of the emotion involved. This skill can be an immense help and is just one of many that I'm sure you have and are aware of on some level but the depression is just making you discount yourself.
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NTAndrew
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Posts: 280
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| Posted: Tue May 01, 2012 3:08 pm Post subject: |
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Yeah I'd have to say I have a bit of a different perspective on that.....I mean the fact that others could have it worse, does not do anything to make my situation any better or make me feel any better. I don't mean this in a selfish me, me, me way...but rather yes it is sad that there are people who have it worse and I'll admit its pretty heartwarming to see someone in a worse situation being able to make the best of it and find some enjoyment. But I guess it just does not make my pain any less I mean its not so much I don't want to have a slightly more positive outlook.....but when you have the level of pain I do that seems to overwhelm everything else. So there are the times I want nothing more than to enjoy myself or be there for people I'm close to but am held back by the psychological pain.
But I am glad that helps you some...and I certainly am not saying you're wrong. I just can't seem to see it that way.[/quote]
When I would come to my father with problems when I was a teen or a young adult, he would say "You think you got it bad, I have had to deal with this, that and the other thing..." Didn't really help much.
One thing that has sort of helped me, believe it or not, is seeing death up close and personal. I saw both my parents die after extended illnesses, I've lost co-workers and friends and I have seen celebrities I grew up seeing on television and the movies grow old and die. And I have had the occasional health problem, in which my body has temporarily failed me. All of it puts things in perspective, narrows ones focus. I don't have the existential angst that you are suffering through anymore.
One of my more morbid strategies when I was having a bad day was looking at a picture of the Brooklyn Bridge as seen from the observation deck of the World Trade Center. I'd been up there once a long time ago, so I knew that view well. On that morning on September 11, some people up in that tower were faced with two choices: jump and die, or burn to death. When thinking about a choice like that, getting chewed out by my boss or having to pay a big bill for repairs on my car just didn't seem that bad. |
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