CrinklyCrustacean
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 23, 2009
Posts: 1223
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 Posted: Sun Apr 29, 2012 3:25 am Post subject: Kissing "goodnight" at the end of the first date |
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| So apparently people like to kiss goodnight at the end of their first date with each other. What kind of a kiss is it? On the cheek, on the lips, a snog? Also, is it bad if you don't kiss goodnight? |
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hyperlexian
loves the man who typed too much and ran outta spa
Joined: Jul 22, 2010
Age: 41
Posts: 21969
Location: with bucephalus
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| Posted: Sun Apr 29, 2012 3:38 am Post subject: |
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if i am not seriously making out with the guy (or girl) during the date (or at the end by the latest), then it was not a successful date in my mind as the chemistry must have been lacking. i do not know if other people feel this way or not.
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heathergracie
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Mar 11, 2012
Age: 32
Posts: 31
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| Posted: Sun Apr 29, 2012 4:13 am Post subject: |
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My experience has been the opposite of hyperlexian. The dates where I wound up making out on the first night ended up burning out fast. My current boyfriend gave me a hug on date one...kisses came on date two, and things are still great.
I don't think there's necessarily a right or wrong answer. It depends what you're comfortable with. If you push past your comfort zone, believe me, your date will feel it. So, a hug, a kiss on the cheek, a full-scale makeout? It's up to you. Just make sure you're happy with it. |
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ZX_SpectrumDisorder
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 25, 2012
Posts: 1608
Location: Ireland
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| Posted: Sun Apr 29, 2012 6:02 am Post subject: |
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| The last date I was on, we were told to get a room. Embarrassing as I'm 37 and she's 29. |
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bnky
Velociraptor
Joined: Nov 20, 2011
Posts: 479
Location: Kent, England
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| Posted: Sun Apr 29, 2012 10:49 am Post subject: |
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Some people may make you feel like they deserve a kiss (or more) because they bought you dinner, or drinks, or went on the date with you. They don't deserve a kiss for any of those reasons. Kiss them if you're comfortable with it and the person. Don't feel pressured by whatever the perceived norm may be.
(What is portrayed in movies and TV is not reality, and should not be mistaken as such) |
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ToughDiamond
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 16, 2008
Age: 60
Posts: 4751
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| Posted: Sun Apr 29, 2012 11:34 am Post subject: |
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Depends on your view of a good pathway to what you want to get from dating.
Snogging at the end of the first date is heavy petting....that would be too fast for me, it would get my chemistry (and maybe theirs) going and I'd feel like I was getting too involved with somebody I didn't know for my own safety - and maybe theirs. Of course if you aren't looking for a longterm relationship, that doesn't really matter. If I were to tongue somebody, I'd feel I was giving them at least an amber light for sex, and as a lousy judge of character, I need to know them a lot better than I could after one date, and I'd expect them to understand that and respect me for it. I'd be tempted to comply if they seemed to want it that way, but I hope I wouldn't. If they were moving that fast, they'd presumably not exactly want the LTR thing with me......if they did, then they would seem to be rather reckless in making their selection.
I heard somebody on WP suggest that parallel dating works as long as there's no heavy petting, and I think I agree with that. I think it's good to just get used to the opposite sex as people....easier said than done, especially when you're young and have a strong sex drive.
I'd like to give my date a hug at least. But it depends on how touchy-feely you and the locals are. To some folks it's offensive not to do the hug/peck thing, to others it's unusual to hug much at all. I think at the end of a first date, if I didn't hug them, it would mean that either they seemed a tad reluctant when I slowly raised my arms a bit to initiate it, so I'd backed off quick before the rebuff was too obvious, or that I hadn't begun to feel all that warm towards them yet, which wouldn't be a good sign. |
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Roxas_XIII
Fortune favors the bold
Joined: Jan 09, 2007
Age: 22
Posts: 3298
Location: Laramie, WY
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| Posted: Mon Apr 30, 2012 5:13 pm Post subject: |
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Well... Usually for me, the "dates" don't start happening until after a relationship is established. I think, though, that a kiss after the two of you have confessed your feelings for each other and decided to remain in a relationship is the norm nowadays. With my last girlfriend, she had been dropping hints about her feelings toward me, but I had been completely oblivious to this fact (although we were friends) and break the ice by kissing me on the cheek one night after walking me home after anime club. The next night she was walking me home again, and she started apologizing thinking she had gone too far, that is until I kissed her full on the mouth to get her to shut up and stop second-guessing herself because it wasn't becoming of her.
As for my current GF... we both consider our relationship to have began on November 20th, 2011, which was a Sunday, but in reality I confessed to her the Friday prior. This was after we had stayed up most of the night at her dorm playing cards. She gave me a hug as was leaving, she seemed kind of confused about it so I told her if she needed time to think on it that was ok, but that I wanted her to come over to my house for Sunday dinner with my family and I. She did, and then we ended up back at her dorm. At this point it was clear that she was not only accepting of our relationship, but overjoyed and a bit excited seeing as she had never had a boyfriend before and didn't think someone would ask her out (she was a bit unpopular in high school). I considered that dinner our first real "date", and yes we did kiss at the end. It was kind of funny, she ended up taking a picture with me to prove to her friends that I actually existed (they were skeptical of her claim of having been asked out). When she told me this, I told her "Well, if the photographic evidence isn't enough, here's this" and kissed her. It was slow but gentle, there wasn't any real making out involved, that didn't happen until much later.
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scubasteve
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 18, 2009
Age: 28
Posts: 993
Location: Ann Arbor, Michigan
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| Posted: Mon Apr 30, 2012 5:15 pm Post subject: |
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| heathergracie wrote: | | I don't think there's necessarily a right or wrong answer. It depends what you're comfortable with. |
+1 |
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heathergracie
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Mar 11, 2012
Age: 32
Posts: 31
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| Posted: Mon Apr 30, 2012 11:41 pm Post subject: |
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| scubasteve wrote: | | heathergracie wrote: | | I don't think there's necessarily a right or wrong answer. It depends what you're comfortable with. |
+1 |
Thanks!  |
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CrinklyCrustacean
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 23, 2009
Posts: 1223
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| Posted: Tue May 01, 2012 5:16 am Post subject: |
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| So it's what I'm comfortable with and a little bit of luck that she views it the same way? |
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ZX_SpectrumDisorder
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 25, 2012
Posts: 1608
Location: Ireland
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| Posted: Tue May 01, 2012 5:24 am Post subject: |
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| It all really depends on the circumstances of the date and how it came about. Has a friend set you up with someone you've only met once or twice? Is is it with someone you've grown to know over time from say... work? Is it someone you've met online and chatted to without meeting? |
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CrinklyCrustacean
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 23, 2009
Posts: 1223
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| Posted: Wed May 02, 2012 5:52 am Post subject: |
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| ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote: | | It all really depends on the circumstances of the date and how it came about. Has a friend set you up with someone you've only met once or twice? Is is it with someone you've grown to know over time from say... work? Is it someone you've met online and chatted to without meeting? |
Oh, I don't have a date lined up. It's more of a "When it happens" approach. I don't want to reach that point and then the evening falls flat because I don't know what to do at the end. |
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OliveOilMom
Queen of cans and jars
Joined: Nov 12, 2011
Posts: 6775
Location: Living in Faulkner's nightmare
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| Posted: Wed May 02, 2012 6:27 am Post subject: |
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Way back when the dinosaurs were roaming the earth and I was dating, if I was really attracted to the guy then I really hoped he would kiss me good night. I wanted him to very much. If I wasn't, then I always felt awkward like I was supposed to pretend.
I used to always let the guy decide. It's awkward when it happens at the very end of the date. When I was a teenager and we went to movies or older and went out to bars and were slow dancing, there was always the opportunity to kiss before the end of the date. Even if the date was just a group of us driving out in the woods to sit in the bed of somebodys truck and drink beer.
I think that if there is real attraction there, and there is an opportunity, and the guy isn't too shy to go for it, that if a kiss is meant to be, it will happen before the end of the date.
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What if Jessie's girl was Stacy's mom and her number was 867-5309? |
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ToughDiamond
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 16, 2008
Age: 60
Posts: 4751
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| Posted: Wed May 02, 2012 6:56 am Post subject: |
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| I think another thing to remember is to only kiss if it feels right for you at the time, on a first date. Just that from personal experience, if I move to kiss a woman just because I think I should, or because I fear being dumped for courting too slowly, or because of some daft "must get her to first base tonight" imperative, I do it so clumsily that I nearly knock her over, or miss the target completely, and then I feel really stupid. But sometimes it's not been like that at all, when I've not tried to contrive or premeditate it, but just felt it was right.....I'd arranged for a lady to come visit me, and then the demands of my day job took a turn for the worse, so that when she arrived, I had to tell her I'd got to go into work for a little while but would call on her as soon as I got back. I rushed through the work and arrived at her place, feeling rather fazed at the sudden changes and the unexpected need to deal with a social imbalance and do a rush job at work.........the moment she opened the door to me, I confidently planted a kiss on her lips.....it felt as natural as anything, and I could see the way it had cheered her up. That was a proper kiss. |
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minervx
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 14, 2011
Age: 21
Posts: 1101
Location: United States
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| Posted: Wed May 02, 2012 10:08 am Post subject: |
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| hyperlexian wrote: | | if i am not seriously making out with the guy (or girl) during the date (or at the end by the latest), then it was not a successful date in my mind as the chemistry must have been lacking. i do not know if other people feel this way or not. |
expecting a passionate makeout during the FIRST date, is possible, but I don't think many people are on that boat with you. |
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