Mayel
Velociraptor
Joined: Jul 31, 2011
Posts: 427
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 Posted: Wed May 02, 2012 4:46 pm Post subject: Do people mistake you for something other than you are? |
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I really want to know what other people think about this.
My reason: I find this to be a curiosity. I don't think this happens often to other people.
Most people who say they're mistaken for being gay are mostly talking about straight people mistakening them....but in my case it's gay women who mistake for being lesbian so often. Is this common?
I mean, I have been hit on, noticed, asked and approached by gay women a lot. Only a few straight people on the other hand have questioned me in this regard.
I think some reasons could be: I'm asexual (they look non-straight sometimes) and one of my best friends is a lesbian (she's engaged) and talks with me about movies and music concerning LGTB frequently. When I researched about asexuality I did read a lot of stuff I haven't read about before (concerning LGBT). I have short nails because I play musical instruments and I dress tomboyish most of the time (like Ellen Page or Kristen Stewart without make-up, gowns and dresses, of course). I don't know if I act like that, too but it's possible I do.
I actually love the appearance and mannerisms of say Kate Moennig or Samantha Ronson and hence, look to fashion myself slightly like them. But I've always dressed less femenine than most of my peers anyway.
So those could be reasons but sometimes I think I must look or better appear blatantly and subtly gay at the same time (like enough to be noticed by gays themselves but not enough to be noticed by straight people)...
I'm not diagnosed but given my overall idiosyncracies....this could be another reason.
I'd like to see some opinions and insights on my particular case but also your own stories.
E.g. have you been mistaken for straight, gay, bi...etc. very often and by whom?
Why do you think that happens?
P.D.: if you have any knowledge about research on "gaydar" or other "..dars", share it. I'm interested to read mor about this.
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CSBurks
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 30, 2012
Posts: 654
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| Posted: Thu May 03, 2012 1:26 am Post subject: |
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I guess people tend to classify what they don't understand, even when they have limited knowledge to do so.
I'm guessing people have more experience with homosexuality than AS or ASD, so they classify you as a homosexual based on their limited knowledge.
Some people have thought I was gay and some haven't. But I don't know what most people think. |
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edgewaters
hibernating
Joined: Aug 17, 2006
Age: 40
Posts: 2426
Location: Ontario
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| Posted: Thu May 03, 2012 2:30 am Post subject: |
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| Yeah ... but only by women, oddly enough. I've never been mistaken for gay by other guys (including gays), that I know of. |
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Mayel
Velociraptor
Joined: Jul 31, 2011
Posts: 427
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| Posted: Thu May 03, 2012 12:44 pm Post subject: |
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| edgewaters wrote: | | Yeah ... but only by women, oddly enough. I've never been mistaken for gay by other guys (including gays), that I know of. |
I think that's intresting if just one "group" classifies you as ... in this case gay.
Because wouldn't that imply there are more assumptions about something that are shared among a group, but those assumptions seem to differ from group to group.
(Although you can't really generalize all women or all men or whatever)
| CSBurks wrote: |
I'm guessing people have more experience with homosexuality than AS or ASD, so they classify you as a homosexual based on their limited knowledge.
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Mhmm....that's another point. Limited knowledge.
That's probably the main generalizing point; the big picture.
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Knowing / that I could walk seventeen miles through a ravine / in the heart of Toronto,
and never / directly see the city/ is of some comfort |
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edgewaters
hibernating
Joined: Aug 17, 2006
Age: 40
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Location: Ontario
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| Posted: Thu May 03, 2012 8:52 pm Post subject: |
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| Mayel wrote: | | Because wouldn't that imply there are more assumptions about something that are shared among a group, but those assumptions seem to differ from group to group. |
That's one possible explanation. But I think it goes more like this. Other straight guys know I'm a straight guy because we're both interested in the same thing and they can relate. Also, we're competitors. Not proud of it but I was at one point sleeping with someone's girlfriend (before anyone bites my head off, I didn't initiate, they'd been together for a year and they hated each other, and I'm still with her, 13 years later)
There were three instances of this that I know about, all were straight women I'd interacted with but didn't know very well, all of them asked one of my friends rather than me directly. My thinking is that they were flirting with me, I didn't see it, and they couldn't figure out why. So it occurred to them that I might be gay. |
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AstroGeek
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 29, 2011
Age: 19
Posts: 1477
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| Posted: Thu May 03, 2012 9:18 pm Post subject: |
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| Back in grade 9 someone asked if I was gay. At the time I thought that they were mistaken. Turns out they had a better sense of things than I did. |
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lxuser
Sea Gull
Joined: Sep 30, 2008
Age: 21
Posts: 224
Location: When you're here, I'm nowhere
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| Posted: Fri May 04, 2012 1:06 am Post subject: |
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| I have had numerous mothers tell me how I look gorgeous and I should hook up with their daughters. They really have no clue, do they. |
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Bun
Bunnymen
Joined: Jan 09, 2012
Posts: 3250
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| Posted: Fri May 04, 2012 2:09 am Post subject: |
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I mistook you for one, and I haven't even seen you. 
I swear I either get mistaken for a complete asexual, or a complete sex maniac... Not by the same people, mind - people would usually assume the former, but I got the latter accusation from one or two people. |
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Mayel
Velociraptor
Joined: Jul 31, 2011
Posts: 427
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| Posted: Fri May 04, 2012 12:41 pm Post subject: |
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| Bun wrote: | | I mistook you for one, and I haven't even seen you. |
Are you basing this assumption solely on my musical preferences? Or is there something else? 
| Quote: | | I swear I either get mistaken for a complete asexual, or a complete sex maniac... Not by the same people, mind - people would usually assume the former, but I got the latter accusation from one or two people. |
Is that even possible?
I wonder how that works since I thought asexuals weren't that visible to society anyway. Therefore no stereotypes exist. Maybe they do.
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Bun
Bunnymen
Joined: Jan 09, 2012
Posts: 3250
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| Posted: Fri May 04, 2012 12:54 pm Post subject: |
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| Mayel wrote: | | Bun wrote: | | I mistook you for one, and I haven't even seen you. |
Are you basing this assumption solely on my musical preferences? Or is there something else?
| Quote: | | I swear I either get mistaken for a complete asexual, or a complete sex maniac... Not by the same people, mind - people would usually assume the former, but I got the latter accusation from one or two people. |
Is that even possible?
I wonder how that works since I thought asexuals weren't that visible to society anyway. Therefore no stereotypes exist. Maybe they do. |
* I think it was mostly your musical preferences...
* Well, it starts from the fact I get mistaken for single, even if the same people talk to me on Facebook, and my profile has a link to my fiancé's page... But then there's also the fact people devalue/minimize my own romantic experiences if I do tell them, I'm disabled, fat, short, wearing glasses etc., so people just expect me to not have a life, it's hard to be on a constant campaign to explain that I don't 'do nothing' like they think I do.  |
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Mayel
Velociraptor
Joined: Jul 31, 2011
Posts: 427
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| Posted: Fri May 04, 2012 1:10 pm Post subject: |
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| Bun wrote: |
* I think it was mostly your musical preferences...
* Well, it starts from the fact I get mistaken for single, even if the same people talk to me on Facebook, and my profile has a link to my fiancé's page... But then there's also the fact people devalue/minimize my own romantic experiences if I do tell them, I'm disabled, fat, short, wearing glasses etc., so people just expect me to not have a life, it's hard to be on a constant campaign to explain that I don't 'do nothing' like they think I do. |
Yes, my musical preferences (a part of them) got me also into this assumption once or twice.
It's because as I've written, I've got a lesbian friend which shares with me her musical discoveries from time to time which are often lesbian artists. When she showed me the band "The Organ", that's when I thought "such beautiful music and it's not famous...etc.". So I researched L-music to see if there were more treasures which don't get into the mainstream because the artists are gay or not beautiful enough....or whatever. It was one of my special interests.
And, .. that's right. People assume disabled and/or overweight people are automatically asexual. But that's more of a prejudiced based on disability than on asexuality itself.Nonetheless, I see now why people would mistake you for asexual.
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Knowing / that I could walk seventeen miles through a ravine / in the heart of Toronto,
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Bun
Bunnymen
Joined: Jan 09, 2012
Posts: 3250
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| Posted: Fri May 04, 2012 1:13 pm Post subject: |
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| Yeah, you're right, it would be sort of impossible to read someone as asexual if there aren't any other assumptions involved. |
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Joker
Sinn Fein
Joined: Mar 20, 2011
Age: 24
Posts: 7593
Location: North Carolina The Tar Heel State :)
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| Posted: Fri May 04, 2012 3:35 pm Post subject: |
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| Not really sure to be honest. |
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Canis_Majoris
Butterfly
Joined: Apr 07, 2012
Posts: 11
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| Posted: Fri May 04, 2012 8:33 pm Post subject: |
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| AstroGeek wrote: | | Back in grade 9 someone asked if I was gay. At the time I thought that they were mistaken. Turns out they had a better sense of things than I did. |
That's basically my experience as well. In high school (when I assumed I was straight cause I had never heard of asexuality) I think I got asked out/hit on by every bi and lesbian girl in the school. I currently label myself as demisexual/panromantic. |
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godoftruemercy
Toucan
Joined: Sep 20, 2011
Age: 22
Posts: 296
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| Posted: Tue May 08, 2012 10:59 pm Post subject: |
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| Everyone thinks I'm straight, which is confusing. I really don't get it. More than a little butch here. |
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