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Mirror21
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 17, 2011
Age: 30
Posts: 1570
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 Posted: Sat May 05, 2012 12:04 am Post subject: Putting a Lid on special interests |
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We all have them from time to time and we do tend to obsess and discuss them a whole lot. I try not to, but I am a passionate person and I love to make conversation. Unfortunately I end up relating everything in any sort of conversation to my special interest of the moment (at this moment is Glee and Sketching).
Today we went out to eat and the songs playing at the restaurant where songs that Glee has done covers for so I went from talking about like the song to in what episode Glee made a cover and how it related to the events the characters where going through at the time . . . so there I went. My roommates looked at each other and one of them said "She DOES live glee".
I was mortified. I know that this annoys the hell out of people in general but I find it really hard to put a lid on it. I seem to have no . . . fuel to make conversations that I can't relate to hobbies I have had or my current interests.
Help make a pleasant conversationalist out of me! I hate empty small talk. |
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questor
Hermit
Joined: Apr 24, 2011
Posts: 1983
Location: Twilight Zone
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| Posted: Sat May 05, 2012 12:35 am Post subject: Special interests and conversation |
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We on the spectrum are at a disadvantage. It is hard for us to learn about and then talk about topics that are not of interest to us, but talking exclusively about our special interests can drive other people nuts, and can be a real turn off to them.
On the other hand if we do make an effort to learn about something that was not previously of interest to us, we run the risk of that becoming a new special interest. 
The only suggestions I can offer are:
1. Find out what your companions are interested in and learn at least a little about it.
2. Turn the conversation onto them--ask them questions, and then sit back and let them carry the conversation ball for a while.
Hope this helps.  |
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Mirror21
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 17, 2011
Age: 30
Posts: 1570
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| Posted: Sat May 05, 2012 12:47 am Post subject: |
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I have tried the first one, but usually when we talk it turns into "why do you always have to gear the conversation towards (insert here)?"
The second one, I had not quite thought about. The biggest issue I have is that they refuse to believe I am in the spectrum. Furthermore, when they saw I come to this forum they got upset. One of them went as far as saying that it was disgusting that I was coming here, with fake problems, to talk to people that did not know the whole story. And I am really sure they would be pissed if they knew I said this right now.
I know I cannot talk to them about autism, and I know that they will never even consider it, and continue to think that when I make social blunders it is selfishness and lack of thought, other an an innocent mistake, so I want do to MY part to make things better. I like your #2 suggestion. |
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Claradoon
Supporting Member
Joined: Aug 24, 2006
Age: 62
Posts: 2445
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| Posted: Sat May 05, 2012 5:48 am Post subject: |
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I second that #2 suggestion. Become a listener. Barbara Walters wrote a book a zillion years ago (out of print now) about How To Have a Conversation With Anybody. She said to become a listener. Maybe produce a "hook" for people to talk about and let them run with it. Listening includes saying things like "Really?" and "I didn't know that." People *love* knowing something that others don't and it keeps them talking. I shoot for 100% Listener, and maybe I succeed half the time, which is pretty good, I think.
_________________
Claradoon
http://www.PTSDinfo.net WEBSITE
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NicoleG
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 26, 2011
Age: 36
Posts: 661
Location: Dallas-Fort Worth
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| Posted: Sat May 05, 2012 6:22 pm Post subject: |
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| Mirror21 wrote: | | The biggest issue I have is that they refuse to believe I am in the spectrum. Furthermore, when they saw I come to this forum they got upset. One of them went as far as saying that it was disgusting that I was coming here, with fake problems, to talk to people that did not know the whole story. And I am really sure they would be pissed if they knew I said this right now. |
Yep, I get this. Being told there's no way I can be autistic is simply ignorance on the part of the other person, but it's not my place to change them. I hang out with people that accept me for who I am, whether or not they know about the autism. The people I hang out with are not threatened by my silence at times and are not getting on to me when I go off on a tangent. If you listen carefully to group conversations, they always draw the conversation back to their own interests as well. I can't tell you how often conversations I hear get brought back to topics that I am unfamiliar or uncomfortable with. It happens all the time. Usually in that case, I just shut up and listen, or if it goes for a long period of time in which I'm not interested, then I'll find something else to occupy my time. |
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