Posted: Sat May 05, 2012 1:12 pm Post subject: Bored and burntout
I'm 41 and bored with life. I have tried and done many different things. I've done the get married and raise kid’s thing. (They are teenagers now). I've had 29+ different jobs, but settled into a 'comfortably numb' job that pays a living wage.
I don't do much, I read voraciously, I play video games, I spend time with the wife and kids, go to the occasion movie. Spend most of my time at work it seems. Usually I can't suffer myself to sleep at night though.
I've thought of having an affair to experience 'falling in love again', but I don't really want a different wife, or to hurt her or my kids. I buy occasional lottery tickets so I could live 'the good life' but I know very well the odd of winning are billions to one against and I haven't won yet. I can't afford to take expensive trips; I don't like parties, or crowd things. I have no interest in professional sports.
I'm shut out of many of the usual things 'NT's' have in the way of boats, cottages, reunions, social dinner functions, ect, ect. I look back at my life and I realize that every 5 years or so have been uniquely different than the 5 years before. So now I'm stuck in a rut, but where will I be five years from now?
I feel half-dead inside because of thousands of 'bad' experiences and flashback to traumatic memories. All kinds of bad choices I made, outcomes that never turned out the way I wanted them to. I can remember all the hurtful things that have happened to me, but apparent amnesia for the good things I have experienced. Is this what burnout is?
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Burnout or mid-life crisis. I'm not sure what the difference is, though.
I have a fascination with learning about anything and everything. I don't think I will ever reach a point of burnout - that's just when I start up another project. I like routine, but I have to change it up every so often to keep from getting bored to tears, but then it takes me a while to get used to something new and then I crave the routine again for a little while. It's like a see-saw for me.
Since you read a lot, maybe try learning a new language and then reading books in that language. I always recommend distraction and redirection when someone tells me their mind is heading towards negative thoughts. Rediscover having dates with your wife - your kids are teenagers, they can stay at home by themselves.
I do get into slumps where I start to question existence: What's the point? Why bother? I always counter that mentality by setting new goals for myself. Why? Because there isn't a point. You did your job of procreating and survival of the species, so all the rest of it is just what you make of it. You can sit and meditate all day. You can be depressed and cry in a dark room all day. Or you can get busy living. There isn't a point to be made; only a life to be lived according to how you want to live it. Do you want to frown or do you want to smile? Pick one and then do it, but make it be something you chose. Chose to wallow or chose to go fishing, but whatever you do, you might as well chose something instead of nothing.
Also: I totally recommend looking for a different job, if for no other reason than to change things up again. It doesn't have to be your dream job or your interests turned into a job. It can still be a dead-end job, but at least it will be something different. Dull mental stimulation is still at least some kind of mental stimulation.
<----- King Of Bad Decisions. I'm between jobs now. I quit my last one about 3 months ago. Technically, I should be bored out of my skull. I do have a routine, though. I play Fallout 3 and organize my ever-growing digital classical music collection every day. Realistically, I should be using this down time more productively. The last time I had 9 months to myself I wrote a screenplay. I've been thinking about using this rare stretch of free time to write some classical music using computer software.
Do I reach my goals? Sometimes. Like you I get into slumps where I ask, "What's the point?" I've written 6 screenplays and none have become films. I wrote & produced a pop album last year but I'm not currently following through with promoting it because that's too expensive an endeavor. I think the reason I don't feel so down is because I understand now that I'm an aspie and we are known for moving from one special interest to the next. It's just what we do, like stimming or avoiding social situations.
I'll probably go ahead and write that classical piece before I go back to work and try not to ask, "What's the point?" That question depresses me to no end.
I wrote & produced a pop album last year but I'm not currently following through with promoting it because that's too expensive an endeavor
Where can I get a copy?
One of my special interests was always music. At my last job I was buying one CD a week for years. (ran out of titles to buy)- Qualification; don't like rap, hip hop, or new age. Bought, rock, country, classical ect.
'Comfortably numb' refers to a Pink Floyd song from the Eighties. I would never dream of quiting my job.
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