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ardentauthor
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Dec 28, 2011
Age: 16
Posts: 30
Location: Eastern U.S.
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 Posted: Sun May 06, 2012 9:00 am Post subject: Social Norms |
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I was reading a few different websites that say that females with Aspergers will attempt to pick up and mimic social rules and cues whereas males remain oblivious-this has to do with differences in brain wiring, females are generally peace-seeking, etc.
I know this is true in my case. I didn't realize I was doing pretty much everything wrong socially until I was around 8, but from that point on I tried my best to copy the speech patterns and behaviours of others around me. I continue to do so, referencing my scripts constantly, although almost every day I discover that I'd laughed too quickly or smiled too much. -.-
So the point of all this is: Do you look for and imitate social norms, like boring exchanges and scripted expressions, to remain in a more optimal social position? |
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lostgirl1986
There's a party in my head.
Joined: Feb 29, 2012
Age: 26
Posts: 6250
Location: Ontario, Canada
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| Posted: Sun May 06, 2012 9:51 am Post subject: |
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| I definitely try to imitate social norms and traits that I pick up from people that I'm around a lot or my close friends. It's basically how I learn to fit in society. |
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Sweetleaf
Metalhead
Joined: Jan 07, 2011
Age: 23
Posts: 14798
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
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| Posted: Sun May 06, 2012 10:05 am Post subject: Re: Social Norms |
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| ardentauthor wrote: | I was reading a few different websites that say that females with Aspergers will attempt to pick up and mimic social rules and cues whereas males remain oblivious-this has to do with differences in brain wiring, females are generally peace-seeking, etc.
I know this is true in my case. I didn't realize I was doing pretty much everything wrong socially until I was around 8, but from that point on I tried my best to copy the speech patterns and behaviours of others around me. I continue to do so, referencing my scripts constantly, although almost every day I discover that I'd laughed too quickly or smiled too much. -.-
So the point of all this is: Do you look for and imitate social norms, like boring exchanges and scripted expressions, to remain in a more optimal social position? |
No I remain oblivious, in fact my whole not attempting to pick up and mimic social rules was something that actually set me apart from the other girls...its probably part of why I got picked on or used by other girls more than once, then of course the friends who ditch you once the realise you don't have it in you to conform to the popular crowd or whatever(oh yes fun times in school).
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It's like alice in wonderland except, my names not alice and this is the real world not a dream. |
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SilkySifaka
Lemur
Joined: Apr 23, 2012
Age: 27
Posts: 1396
Location: UK
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| Posted: Sun May 06, 2012 10:11 am Post subject: |
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That is exactly what I do. I realised about 11 or 12 that I was getting everything wrong (I had no idea about Aspergers I just thought I was a horrible person) and so I set about learning how to get it right. I watched other people very carefully and mimicked them, I read books on etiquette, I watched films and TV programmes and copied the characters or I chose another woman that I admired and copied her. I practised whole conversations in front of the mirror and imagined interactions in my head until I felt more comfortable with them.
The positive side to this is that I am now good at most social interactions, but the negative aspect is that it took me a long time to work out who I was as a person because the real me was so tangled up with the pretend me. I had whole relationships where I wasn't me at all (if that makes any sense). I think mimicking can work as long as there is a clear line in your mind about the real you and your public persona. |
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MiatheMutant
Raven
Joined: Apr 17, 2012
Age: 20
Posts: 109
Location: Hogwarts, or Vegas maybe
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| Posted: Sun May 06, 2012 10:28 am Post subject: |
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| SilkySifaka wrote: | That is exactly what I do. I realised about 11 or 12 that I was getting everything wrong (I had no idea about Aspergers I just thought I was a horrible person) and so I set about learning how to get it right. I watched other people very carefully and mimicked them, I read books on etiquette, I watched films and TV programmes and copied the characters or I chose another woman that I admired and copied her. I practised whole conversations in front of the mirror and imagined interactions in my head until I felt more comfortable with them.
The positive side to this is that I am now good at most social interactions, but the negative aspect is that it took me a long time to work out who I was as a person because the real me was so tangled up with the pretend me. I had whole relationships where I wasn't me at all (if that makes any sense). I think mimicking can work as long as there is a clear line in your mind about the real you and your public persona. |
This is me. I can even tell where I get most of my material from, since I pick up quite a few of the flamboyant mannerisms of the people I copy. For example, I had a very "out there" English teacher in high school I decided to copy a bit because she was truly brilliant and hysterically funny. The bad thing is that anyone who ever had her knows exactly where that phrase or that hand gesture came from. It's really embarrassing. I went back to visit her about a month ago, and now I catch myself mimicking her at least one every other day and curse myself for being so obvious. 
_________________
I know that, when I finally get my dream job, my patients won't laugh at me or call me a mutant.
AQ: 159/200 NT 50/200
EQ: 14 SQ: 85 AQ: 43 Other Test: 71/72
Undiagnosed: marginal costs > marginal benefits |
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SilkySifaka
Lemur
Joined: Apr 23, 2012
Age: 27
Posts: 1396
Location: UK
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| Posted: Sun May 06, 2012 11:11 am Post subject: |
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| MiatheMutant wrote: | | This is me. I can even tell where I get most of my material from, since I pick up quite a few of the flamboyant mannerisms of the people I copy. For example, I had a very "out there" English teacher in high school I decided to copy a bit because she was truly brilliant and hysterically funny. The bad thing is that anyone who ever had her knows exactly where that phrase or that hand gesture came from. It's really embarrassing. I went back to visit her about a month ago, and now I catch myself mimicking her at least one every other day and curse myself for being so obvious. |
People realising who I am copying has always been one of my ultimate fears. Once I came home from work and my boyfriend had a DVD of a film that I had mentioned watching a lot when I was younger. I felt really uncomfortable when we were watching it because I knew that the character was one that I had copied and I was worried he would notice. But when the film finished he said 'I can see why you like that film'. He thought I liked it because the character was similar to me and didn't realise that it is the other way round! |
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zombiegirl2010
Toucan
Joined: Apr 21, 2012
Age: 34
Posts: 273
Location: edge of sanity and bliss
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| Posted: Sun May 06, 2012 12:29 pm Post subject: |
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I've always done this, and I still do this without even realizing it. For example, a friend of mine called me out on one particular event...
I had been having coffee with a gay professor friend of mine earlier that day. Well, he has a lot of flamboyant mannerisms and such, and apparently I had picked them up from him that day. So, at work later that afternoon, according to my friend, I was acting like a gay man. She said that it was weird and it was freaking her out. I told her that I had had coffee with a gay friend, but she's NT and still didn't quite understand my behavior.
I do this without realizing it.  |
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hanyo
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 01, 2011
Posts: 3422
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| Posted: Sun May 06, 2012 4:08 pm Post subject: Re: Social Norms |
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| ardentauthor wrote: | | I was reading a few different websites that say that females with Aspergers will attempt to pick up and mimic social rules and cues whereas males remain oblivious-this has to do with differences in brain wiring, females are generally peace-seeking, etc. |
As far as I'm aware I did not and still don't do that. |
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CyclopsSummers
tunnel visionary
Joined: Jun 22, 2008
Age: 26
Posts: 1902
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| Posted: Sun May 06, 2012 4:15 pm Post subject: |
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I am male and I TRIED doing that just a couple of weeks ago, mimicking the social norms of my colleagues around me... aaaand it really didn't work out for me. They picked up pretty fast that there was something 'off' about me, and I felt very, very uncomfortable pretending to be something I wasn't. So I said to myself "Eh, screw it", and dropped the whole act altogether. Now, they're gonna take me as I am, or else they're not gonna take me at all.
As far as mimicking behaviours in general, I have done that fairly consistently over the past 3 years or so. Generally, I copy the behaviours of people I like who are sociable. I've had a couple of colleagues who are quite extraverted and with whom I've gottan along with a house on fire, and I've considered them kind of role models for me in terms of social interaction. So, often I think back on how they did things in social situations, and I try to apply that in my own social interactions now, and that seems to be working.
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clarity of thought before rashness of action |
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TheHouseholdCat
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 01, 2012
Posts: 667
Location: Berlin, Germany
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| Posted: Sun May 06, 2012 7:37 pm Post subject: |
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| Sweetleaf wrote: |
No I remain oblivious, in fact my whole not attempting to pick up and mimic social rules was something that actually set me apart from the other girls...its probably part of why I got picked on or used by other girls more than once, then of course the friends who ditch you once the realise you don't have it in you to conform to the popular crowd or whatever(oh yes fun times in school). |
Stuff like the "right clothes", too.
Most social rules have always alienated me.
| SilkySifaka wrote: | That is exactly what I do. I realised about 11 or 12 that I was getting everything wrong (I had no idea about Aspergers I just thought I was a horrible person) and so I set about learning how to get it right. I watched other people very carefully and mimicked them, I read books on etiquette, I watched films and TV programmes and copied the characters or I chose another woman that I admired and copied her. I practised whole conversations in front of the mirror and imagined interactions in my head until I felt more comfortable with them.
The positive side to this is that I am now good at most social interactions, but the negative aspect is that it took me a long time to work out who I was as a person because the real me was so tangled up with the pretend me. I had whole relationships where I wasn't me at all (if that makes any sense). I think mimicking can work as long as there is a clear line in your mind about the real you and your public persona. |
I never felt I saw the real me. I always felt incomplete.
I still wonder whether I have something like a real me.
This is especially difficult in a world where you have to present yourself 24/7. I don't get it...
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EXPANDED CIRCLE OF FIFTHS
"It's how they see things. It's a way of bringing class to an environment, and I say that pejoratively because, obviously, good music is good music however it's created, however it's motivated." - Thomas Newman |
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Cogs
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 13, 2012
Age: 21
Posts: 830
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| Posted: Sun May 06, 2012 7:58 pm Post subject: |
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I mimic to some extent to get along with people. It was sort of part of how I originally understood people. Give them such and such an input to get a specific result from them. I saw what other people did to get certain results and mimicked what they did to (try) get the same result. I think that is part of why AS went unrecognised in me for so long. However I dont get the more complicated things and dont really get the differences in how to treat different genres of people.
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No one will tell me who and what I am and can be. |
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biribiri20
Snowy Owl
Joined: Dec 23, 2011
Age: 22
Posts: 131
Location: New York
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| Posted: Mon May 07, 2012 10:18 am Post subject: |
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I didn't even realize how crucial social skills were to surviving in this world until I entered college and there was this guest speaker there who spoke of how important maintaining friendships and creating your own social network are and how they could help you a lot once you started working, and further more upon joining WP. Now, I at least try not to be a hermit, even when I'd rather be at home reading or something. It feels like I have a lot to catch up on now though in terms of socializing 
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I like making friends! Even if I'm not the best at it ^^;
Diagnosis: ADHD-PI, suspected AS
Your Aspie Score: 142 of 200, Your NT Score: 74 of 200, You are very likely an Aspie
AQ: 38/EQ: 16/SQ: 52
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Bloodheart
Grisha's Gal
Joined: Jan 18, 2011
Age: 30
Posts: 2165
Location: Newcastle, England.
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| Posted: Mon May 07, 2012 11:18 am Post subject: |
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I guess I mimic social norms - but do so unconsciously.
I do wonder about child/teen/adult brain with AS/ASD - the fact is that teen brains work differently to adult brains, so I wonder how this effects those of us on the spectrum and how it may effect AS/ASD assessment between kids and adults. I don't think enough with AS/ASD research focuses on differences between people on the spectrum; different sexes, ages, other neurological differences.
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Bloodheart
Good-looking girls break hearts, and goodhearted girls mend them. |
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MiatheMutant
Raven
Joined: Apr 17, 2012
Age: 20
Posts: 109
Location: Hogwarts, or Vegas maybe
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| Posted: Mon May 07, 2012 2:43 pm Post subject: |
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| Bloodheart wrote: | I guess I mimic social norms - but do so unconsciously.
I do wonder about child/teen/adult brain with AS/ASD - the fact is that teen brains work differently to adult brains, so I wonder how this effects those of us on the spectrum and how it may effect AS/ASD assessment between kids and adults. I don't think enough with AS/ASD research focuses on differences between people on the spectrum; different sexes, ages, other neurological differences. |
I agree. They just kind of lump us together even though there are significant (and obvious) differences between our subgroups. It would be interesting to see more research about specific groups within the ASD category instead of just focusing on the stereotypes that go along with adult males, even if they make up a sizeable portion of the population. I was skimming through an Atwood book the other day and came across a section about female Aspies... To say I was disappointed would be a bit of an understatement. I'm a little upset about the huge assumptions and stereotypes he uses, especially since it seems to be the best source of information I've been able to find so far. Most of the books I flipped through didn't even have a section about it. 
_________________
I know that, when I finally get my dream job, my patients won't laugh at me or call me a mutant.
AQ: 159/200 NT 50/200
EQ: 14 SQ: 85 AQ: 43 Other Test: 71/72
Undiagnosed: marginal costs > marginal benefits |
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Ai_Ling
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 16, 2010
Age: 24
Posts: 1832
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| Posted: Mon May 07, 2012 4:17 pm Post subject: |
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| As a kid, I never mimiced people, I found the concept of acting rather difficult. When I got older and I pushed hard to learn social skills, I did adapt certain phrases and mannerisms little by little. I would watch people a lot and pick up small things here and there. But outright copying has never been my style. I encorporate things into my personality. |
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