edgewaters
hibernating
Joined: Aug 17, 2006
Age: 40
Posts: 2426
Location: Ontario
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 Posted: Sat May 05, 2012 2:32 am Post subject: |
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| rabbittss wrote: | | I don't believe I ever stated it was a categorical fact, merely that I consider myself to be above these girls in terms of looks, and thus, for me to contemplate going out with them would require me to lower standards, often considerably. |
You're utterly obsessed with this inferior/superior, lesser/greater nonsense. You're all tied up in knots because you think you've been incorrectly assessed or whatever, you're constantly assuming superiority over other people, etc etc. There's probably some fellow out there who thinks the "chunky friend" is ideal. There is no scale, your hierarchy is nothing more than an assumed illusion. All there is, is people and their preferences, some of which may be more common than others. But almost any quality you can imagine is preferred by someone. |
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DogsWithoutHorses
mockingbyrd
Joined: Apr 06, 2012
Posts: 1145
Location: New York
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| Posted: Sat May 05, 2012 3:08 am Post subject: |
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| edgewaters wrote: |
You're utterly obsessed with this inferior/superior, lesser/greater nonsense. You're all tied up in knots because you think you've been incorrectly assessed or whatever, you're constantly assuming superiority over other people, etc etc. There's probably some fellow out there who thinks the "chunky friend" is ideal. There is no scale, your hierarchy is nothing more than an assumed illusion. All there is, is people and their preferences, some of which may be more common than others. But almost any quality you can imagine is preferred by someone. |
preach
this is truth
_________________
If your success is defined as being well adjusted to injustice and well adapted to indifference, then we don’t want successful leaders. We want great leaders- who are unbought, unbound, unafraid, and unintimidated to tell the truth.
Last edited by DogsWithoutHorses on Sat May 05, 2012 3:50 am; edited 1 time in total |
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The_Face_of_Boo
A savage
Joined: Jun 17, 2010
Age: 31
Posts: 9301
Location: Beirut ,Lebanon
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| Posted: Sat May 05, 2012 9:34 am Post subject: |
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The main question of the thread:
| Quote: | Is that common?
PS: We're not talking about friendship as attempt to date someone, but simply friendship with the opposite sex.
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As you see it's not about romance through friendship (SO FORGET ABOUT THE ROMANCE PART!!) or gender inequality problems. |
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hyperlexian
loves the man who typed too much and ran outta spa
Joined: Jul 22, 2010
Age: 41
Posts: 21969
Location: with bucephalus
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DW_a_mom
Ignoring the To-Do List
Joined: Feb 23, 2008
Posts: 9299
Location: Northern California
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| Posted: Sat May 05, 2012 5:25 pm Post subject: |
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| The_Face_of_Boo wrote: | The main question of the thread:
| Quote: | Is that common?
PS: We're not talking about friendship as attempt to date someone, but simply friendship with the opposite sex.
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As you see it's not about romance through friendship (SO FORGET ABOUT THE ROMANCE PART!!) or gender inequality problems. |
My answer is no, it does not have to be.
There are women that are bitchy gossips all the time, rating and evaluating everyone, but guess what? I choose not be to friends with them. I don't know how common they are, but I do know that it is entirely possible to have a wide circle of friends without encountering a single one. So maybe it isn't really a question of choosing female friends as much as a question about choosing friends, period.
Now, that said, you can't expect to never hear from a female friend that she is attracted to a trait you don't have. Let's apply some logic: if she was attracted to every single thing about you, why are you friends and not dates? I mean, in my world, where everyone is married, there might be some men that I can't find a single unattractive thing about, and since we're all married, friends is all there will ever be. But when I was single, I would have been doing everything I knew to date the guy, if I found him attractive in every way (and I'm including personality and compatibility traits here on the list of what is attractive, not just physical ones).
Be careful to separate the occasional admission of a harmless fact ("I've always loved men with blue eyes") from something that indicates a more superficial (and less worthy for friendship) core ("how can any guy allow himself to have chest hair? It is so gross!").
And also be careful to remember that when it comes to attraction, everyone is different, and thank God for that, or we'd all be fighting for the same mates. Why would it matter to you that a friend finds men with blue eyes more attractive when that interest is unique to her and you didn't want to date her anyway?
_________________
Mom to an amazing AS boy (plus a non-AS daughter). Have at least a few AS genes myself, although probably more NT than AS.
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Think of the greening of my name as an emeritus thing; I used to be a moderator but am retired and have no authority to act |
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The_Face_of_Boo
A savage
Joined: Jun 17, 2010
Age: 31
Posts: 9301
Location: Beirut ,Lebanon
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| Posted: Sat May 05, 2012 7:48 pm Post subject: |
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| DW_a_mom wrote: | | The_Face_of_Boo wrote: | The main question of the thread:
| Quote: | Is that common?
PS: We're not talking about friendship as attempt to date someone, but simply friendship with the opposite sex.
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As you see it's not about romance through friendship (SO FORGET ABOUT THE ROMANCE PART!!) or gender inequality problems. |
My answer is no, it does not have to be.
There are women that are bitchy gossips all the time, rating and evaluating everyone, but guess what? I choose not be to friends with them. I don't know how common they are, but I do know that it is entirely possible to have a wide circle of friends without encountering a single one. So maybe it isn't really a question of choosing female friends as much as a question about choosing friends, period.
Now, that said, you can't expect to never hear from a female friend that she is attracted to a trait you don't have. Let's apply some logic: if she was attracted to every single thing about you, why are you friends and not dates? I mean, in my world, where everyone is married, there might be some men that I can't find a single unattractive thing about, and since we're all married, friends is all there will ever be. But when I was single, I would have been doing everything I knew to date the guy, if I found him attractive in every way (and I'm including personality and compatibility traits here on the list of what is attractive, not just physical ones).
Be careful to separate the occasional admission of a harmless fact ("I've always loved men with blue eyes") from something that indicates a more superficial (and less worthy for friendship) core ("how can any guy allow himself to have chest hair? It is so gross!").
And also be careful to remember that when it comes to attraction, everyone is different, and thank God for that, or we'd all be fighting for the same mates. Why would it matter to you that a friend finds men with blue eyes more attractive when that interest is unique to her and you didn't want to date her anyway? |
Mom, It's nothing like your blue eyes example |
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DW_a_mom
Ignoring the To-Do List
Joined: Feb 23, 2008
Posts: 9299
Location: Northern California
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| Posted: Sat May 05, 2012 8:45 pm Post subject: |
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| The_Face_of_Boo wrote: | | DW_a_mom wrote: | | The_Face_of_Boo wrote: | The main question of the thread:
| Quote: | Is that common?
PS: We're not talking about friendship as attempt to date someone, but simply friendship with the opposite sex.
|
As you see it's not about romance through friendship (SO FORGET ABOUT THE ROMANCE PART!!) or gender inequality problems. |
My answer is no, it does not have to be.
There are women that are bitchy gossips all the time, rating and evaluating everyone, but guess what? I choose not be to friends with them. I don't know how common they are, but I do know that it is entirely possible to have a wide circle of friends without encountering a single one. So maybe it isn't really a question of choosing female friends as much as a question about choosing friends, period.
Now, that said, you can't expect to never hear from a female friend that she is attracted to a trait you don't have. Let's apply some logic: if she was attracted to every single thing about you, why are you friends and not dates? I mean, in my world, where everyone is married, there might be some men that I can't find a single unattractive thing about, and since we're all married, friends is all there will ever be. But when I was single, I would have been doing everything I knew to date the guy, if I found him attractive in every way (and I'm including personality and compatibility traits here on the list of what is attractive, not just physical ones).
Be careful to separate the occasional admission of a harmless fact ("I've always loved men with blue eyes") from something that indicates a more superficial (and less worthy for friendship) core ("how can any guy allow himself to have chest hair? It is so gross!").
And also be careful to remember that when it comes to attraction, everyone is different, and thank God for that, or we'd all be fighting for the same mates. Why would it matter to you that a friend finds men with blue eyes more attractive when that interest is unique to her and you didn't want to date her anyway? |
Mom, It's nothing like your blue eyes example |
I was drawing a distinction between the comments that are OK, and those that are not.
What you mentioned in your first post represents people I would refuse to be friends with. They were catty and shallow. Not all women are like that. I would guess that MOST are not like that. You can't base a decision on whether or not friendship with women is possible based on history with women that didn't share enough values with you to even make good friends. Good friends, in my opinion, shouldn't act the way you described. Or, if they do, they should see the hurt they caused and apologize. THAT is the point YOU are failing to acknowledge.
_________________
Mom to an amazing AS boy (plus a non-AS daughter). Have at least a few AS genes myself, although probably more NT than AS.
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Think of the greening of my name as an emeritus thing; I used to be a moderator but am retired and have no authority to act |
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The_Face_of_Boo
A savage
Joined: Jun 17, 2010
Age: 31
Posts: 9301
Location: Beirut ,Lebanon
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| Posted: Sun May 06, 2012 4:44 am Post subject: |
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| ^^ mama, honestly I just started re-building a social life again, so honestly i can't afford yet to cut friendships right and left (despite their flaws) just because of a one convo. Btw, if you read carefuly my first two posts here you'd realize that i never let such things go (I face them, I counter them), and hence this was never repeated by the same group. |
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The_Face_of_Boo
A savage
Joined: Jun 17, 2010
Age: 31
Posts: 9301
Location: Beirut ,Lebanon
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| Posted: Sun May 06, 2012 4:51 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | There are women that are bitchy gossips all the time, rating and evaluating everyone, but guess what? I choose not be to friends with them. I don't know how common they are, but I do know that it is entirely possible to have a wide circle of friends without encountering a single one. So maybe it isn't really a question of choosing female friends as much as a question about choosing friends, period. |
A group of women who doesn't gossip/rating/evaluating others?
Does a such thing exist? LOL
I have yet to meet one to believe that. |
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JanuaryMan
Aspierational
Joined: Jan 02, 2012
Age: 28
Posts: 2543
Location: Hants, UK
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| Posted: Sun May 06, 2012 4:59 am Post subject: |
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Aren't threads like this and most others in L&D made by guys or girls, about being bitchy, gossiping, evaluating others?
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"A man is but the product of his thoughts - what he thinks, he becomes." - Mahatma Gandhi |
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The_Face_of_Boo
A savage
Joined: Jun 17, 2010
Age: 31
Posts: 9301
Location: Beirut ,Lebanon
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| Posted: Sun May 06, 2012 5:10 am Post subject: |
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| JanuaryMan wrote: | | Aren't threads like this and most others in L&D made by guys or girls, about being bitchy, gossiping, evaluating others? |
I think if we would apply real gossiping in real life it would be against the rules.
Gossiping is talking about acquaintances by their names, and not about a group of people in general (probably like the threads you are referring to).
Some men do gossip but every group of women/girls i knew ... well.. gossip when they're together. |
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rabbittss
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 30, 2011
Posts: 1348
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| Posted: Sun May 06, 2012 10:42 am Post subject: |
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| edgewaters wrote: | | rabbittss wrote: | | I don't believe I ever stated it was a categorical fact, merely that I consider myself to be above these girls in terms of looks, and thus, for me to contemplate going out with them would require me to lower standards, often considerably. |
You're utterly obsessed with this inferior/superior, lesser/greater nonsense. You're all tied up in knots because you think you've been incorrectly assessed or whatever, you're constantly assuming superiority over other people, etc etc. There's probably some fellow out there who thinks the "chunky friend" is ideal. There is no scale, your hierarchy is nothing more than an assumed illusion. All there is, is people and their preferences, some of which may be more common than others. But almost any quality you can imagine is preferred by someone. |
I measure every thing/person/activity on a sliding scale of its attractiveness, to me. I've never ONCE to my knowledge said that it makes these observations universal. I'm the only person I speak for. I'm stating my preferences. That is it. If other people see things differently than I do, thats a good thing, all that means though is they have a different system of categorizing than I do. |
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edgewaters
hibernating
Joined: Aug 17, 2006
Age: 40
Posts: 2426
Location: Ontario
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| Posted: Sun May 06, 2012 11:34 am Post subject: |
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| rabbittss wrote: | | I measure every thing/person/activity on a sliding scale of its attractiveness, to me. I've never ONCE to my knowledge said that it makes these observations universal. I'm the only person I speak for. I'm stating my preferences. That is it. If other people see things differently than I do, thats a good thing, all that means though is they have a different system of categorizing than I do. |
So why are you worried about where you fit in someone else's scale (if they even have one like you do)? Your big complaint was that she'd incorrectly assessed your status/ranking. That implies a universal standard. |
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DW_a_mom
Ignoring the To-Do List
Joined: Feb 23, 2008
Posts: 9299
Location: Northern California
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| Posted: Sun May 06, 2012 11:35 am Post subject: |
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| The_Face_of_Boo wrote: | | ^^ mama, honestly I just started re-building a social life again, so honestly i can't afford yet to cut friendships right and left (despite their flaws) just because of a one convo. Btw, if you read carefuly my first two posts here you'd realize that i never let such things go (I face them, I counter them), and hence this was never repeated by the same group. |
Good to hear they are maturing. If people can accept that type of input, then yes they can be true friends. Sorry for not addressing that point.
Your question was about how common it was, and that is what I answered.
_________________
Mom to an amazing AS boy (plus a non-AS daughter). Have at least a few AS genes myself, although probably more NT than AS.
---
Think of the greening of my name as an emeritus thing; I used to be a moderator but am retired and have no authority to act |
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DW_a_mom
Ignoring the To-Do List
Joined: Feb 23, 2008
Posts: 9299
Location: Northern California
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| Posted: Sun May 06, 2012 11:42 am Post subject: |
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| The_Face_of_Boo wrote: | | Quote: | | There are women that are bitchy gossips all the time, rating and evaluating everyone, but guess what? I choose not be to friends with them. I don't know how common they are, but I do know that it is entirely possible to have a wide circle of friends without encountering a single one. So maybe it isn't really a question of choosing female friends as much as a question about choosing friends, period. |
A group of women who doesn't gossip/rating/evaluating others?
Does a such thing exist? LOL
I have yet to meet one to believe that. |
That is a pretty sad view of women.
Do I think most women are capable of it in the right circumstances? Maybe. Believing that would make me feel better about the few times in my life that I engaged (we all have to learn how to grow up). But since I honestly cannot even remember the last time I heard such a conversation, I stand by what I said: I do not think most women do it.
_________________
Mom to an amazing AS boy (plus a non-AS daughter). Have at least a few AS genes myself, although probably more NT than AS.
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Think of the greening of my name as an emeritus thing; I used to be a moderator but am retired and have no authority to act |
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