NTgal
Hummingbird
Joined: Dec 15, 2011
Posts: 24
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 Posted: Tue May 08, 2012 4:14 am Post subject: communicating with an aspie partner |
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Hi all,
I haven't really posted here much, but here goes. I have an aspie partner (have been going out for 6 and a half years). I might be aspie, I have some traits, but not yet diagnosed, hence the nick. Anyway, just wondering if anyone finds this with their aspie partner. There can be times when communication is no issue, the NT partner could be vague as anything, and the AS partner will pick it up and know what the NT partner means, and then there will be times where it's like some kind of wall is between the NT and AS partners trying to communicate. I would have thought it would be one way or the other all the time. I'm just wondering what other peoples experiences are with this?
Thanks |
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Heidi80
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 05, 2011
Age: 33
Posts: 507
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| Posted: Tue May 08, 2012 4:53 am Post subject: |
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| It's not just an asperger-nt thing. My aspie friends can be vague as hell too and then I get frustrated because I don't understand |
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Skilpadde
Honorary Chelonian
Joined: Dec 08, 2008
Posts: 1671
Location: In my mind
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| Posted: Tue May 08, 2012 6:14 am Post subject: Re: communicating with an aspie partner |
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| NTgal wrote: | | Anyway, just wondering if anyone finds this with their aspie partner. There can be times when communication is no issue, the NT partner could be vague as anything, and the AS partner will pick it up and know what the NT partner means, and then there will be times where it's like some kind of wall is between the NT and AS partners trying to communicate. I would have thought it would be one way or the other all the time. I'm just wondering what other peoples experiences are with this? |
It sure was that way between me and my ex (we're both aspies), and for that matter, it's definitely that way between me and my NT family too.
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Teredia
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 13, 2011
Age: 22
Posts: 621
Location: N.T. Australia
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| Posted: Tue May 08, 2012 10:57 am Post subject: |
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| i find that i end up being vague around other aspies who are my close friends and some days they fully get me, and others its a nightmare that lasts too long. with NT's I kind of need to explain them the whole thing or they will never get me |
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Callista
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 04, 2006
Age: 30
Posts: 9838
Location: Central USA
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| Posted: Tue May 08, 2012 11:28 am Post subject: |
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Sometimes it helps to write instead of talk. You two could try e-mail and/or text messages.
Yeah, it's normal to be better at communication, especially the non-word parts of communication, at some times than at others. When he's tired--even just tired at the end of a long but good day--he won't be as good at that as when he's relaxed and has a full energy meter.
Save any really important communication for when you're both relaxed. Having big talks at the end of a day is just a recipe for messed-up communication.
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NTgal
Hummingbird
Joined: Dec 15, 2011
Posts: 24
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| Posted: Tue May 08, 2012 8:00 pm Post subject: |
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HI Callista and all, yeah it turns out that the miscommunication is a lot to do with when he's tired. Which is something that frustrates me, I would have thought I would have picked that up long before now, but clearly not.
Whilst we have good communication in both text and speech (I love how I can have discussions with him in speech when I would not be that verbose with anyone else), I do find at times, when I'm very stressed about something, it's better for me to talk about it in text, because if I do try and say it out loud, I will end up crying and then not saying things how I want them to sound. I don't know if I sound any more rational when in text, but I seem to be able to get more out than what I would do if I was crying (the crying usually stops me from saying much else). That's one thing I want to get rid of, is the inability to remain calm when I get stressed. I'd like to be able to remain calm when angry, (well, at least not cry) and be more assertive, i.e. angry or whatever the "normal" reaction would be in those situations. |
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LoriB
Deinonychus
Joined: Oct 16, 2012
Age: 42
Posts: 314
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| Posted: Fri Oct 26, 2012 2:01 pm Post subject: |
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I am NT and my boyfriend is AS and it happens with us as well. At times he totally gets my verbal and non verbal cues... at least the more obvious ones. I didn't recognize until recently why sometimes he gets something complicated but at times simple concepts he just can't grasp. This is usually due to his personal stress and it may be over something I would not notice as being a stressful situation it just is for him. He has learned to simply say "I am not getting it" it saves a lot of trouble. I do understand that he doesn't always process the same way. SOmetimes I have to rethink and reword what I am trying to say.
Callista, when I am emotional I tell him I need a minute to get my thoughts together so I can communicate. Sometimes you have to get through the personal frustration to be able to communicate clearly.  |
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