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TeaEarlGreyHot
Your Maya
Joined: Jul 05, 2010
Age: 30
Posts: 28106
Location: California
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 Posted: Fri Apr 06, 2012 4:55 am Post subject: |
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| half2focus wrote: | | TeaEarlGreyHot wrote: | I've not been sleeping well. I've never slept well, really. I should probably document my sleeping habits, mania episodes, and when these hallucinations take place so I can get the help I need.
Fortunately, the episodes seem to have subsided for now and I've not seen anything for a couple of weeks. The voices... about a week. |
sleep patterns? that's a laugh. depending where i am in my cycle it could be anywhere from 3 to 9. Never ever more than 9 uninterrupted but 80 percent of the time, never more than 6. I try not to measure sleep unless i'm looking for a reason for my irritability otherwise it just makes me irritable. I would like to have the same amount of sleep every night. Yeah, like that'll ever happen. Not without being a zombie. |
Meh, I pay attention to my sleeping habits specifically because I have insomnia. I have gone for 2 days before (with no episodes) without more than cat naps every so often.
I try to keep a schedule for it. Go to bed around the same time (though tonight I'm clearly past that... ) and have my alarm set for 8am every morning to wake myself. I like routine, I just find it hard to have one when it comes to sleep.
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Do you bury me when I'm gone?
Do you teach me while I'm here?
Just as soon as I belong
Then it's time I disappear |
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lostmyself
Deinonychus
Joined: Dec 05, 2011
Posts: 331
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| Posted: Sat Apr 07, 2012 3:52 am Post subject: |
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| TeaEarlGreyHot wrote: | | half2focus wrote: | | TeaEarlGreyHot wrote: | I've not been sleeping well. I've never slept well, really. I should probably document my sleeping habits, mania episodes, and when these hallucinations take place so I can get the help I need.
Fortunately, the episodes seem to have subsided for now and I've not seen anything for a couple of weeks. The voices... about a week. |
sleep patterns? that's a laugh. depending where i am in my cycle it could be anywhere from 3 to 9. Never ever more than 9 uninterrupted but 80 percent of the time, never more than 6. I try not to measure sleep unless i'm looking for a reason for my irritability otherwise it just makes me irritable. I would like to have the same amount of sleep every night. Yeah, like that'll ever happen. Not without being a zombie. |
Meh, I pay attention to my sleeping habits specifically because I have insomnia. I have gone for 2 days before (with no episodes) without more than cat naps every so often.
I try to keep a schedule for it. Go to bed around the same time (though tonight I'm clearly past that... ) and have my alarm set for 8am every morning to wake myself. I like routine, I just find it hard to have one when it comes to sleep. |
In the past I had no problems with insomnia when I had a fixed sleep cycle. They were maybe a few nights I couldn't sleep but since my sleep cycle been disturbed I am having the hardest time getting enough sleep myself. I think I had a hypomanic phase yesterday and all of a sudden it just crashed today. I can't say if its ADHD or the bipolar mood swings though. When I don't sleep enough this happens. I feel awful and I think I am going to get depressed. |
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sunshower
Ethereality
Joined: Aug 18, 2006
Age: 113
Posts: 4379
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| Posted: Sat Apr 07, 2012 8:31 pm Post subject: Re: amalgum? |
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| 10acity wrote: | I anly just discovered my Aspergers because some of the symptoms overlap my manic swings.
I frequently find myself talking quickly and "creatively" skipping from one tangential development to another deluding myself that the listener)s) are interested and impressed. I have been known to think of a song that would contain an appropriate or related lyric to a subject in a discussion and suddenly start singing it "operatically". I have done this in important business meetings. Sometimes its as if I can stand outside myself and see myself doing it , but unable to stop myself. Its almost as if I think it will work if I can carry it off with confidence, but its only wrong or absurd if I lose my nerve, get embarrassed and stop...because I then wouldn't know how to behave or explain it. So I carry on and act as if it was normal.
Then on other occassions I get intellectual vertigo. Its a bit like a mental equivalent of that scene in Jaws(1) where the cop on the beach suddenly recognises the fin in the water and the focus and zoom and camera all move to create an effect as if total perspective and prominence has changed.
Also its like if I lie on my back on a clear summers night looking up at the stars and try to conceive the distance and vastness between us and suddenly realise that there is no such thing as up or down in space, and actually it is the earths gravity that is sucking me UPWARD so that my back is pressed against the LOWER side of the earth, and I am staring light years of distance DOWNWARDS into a bottomless pit of stars, and if someone turns off gravity I will fall into it.
Well I get that same feeling suddenly as I go about, in relation to my relationships with people and life and what the world is about and what holds things together.....like its only peoples believing in the need to all do the different jobs and for banks and shops and electricity people, and everybody to keep doing it, but there is nothing to make them...and there is nothing to make anything I depend on still be there or even be there now.....its like mental vertigo or sideways shifts.
Many years ago I made several attempts at suicide, for a combination of reasons..some logical, and some illogical but just because of such serious and acute depressive periods, when all my values would be removed or negated.
Now I convince myself that I will be dead soon enough anyway, but that life can't therefore really hurt me or inflict permanent damage and there might be a few more good experiences to come so I might as well hang around for them. Some times though its just a mantra in my head to hold on hold on hold on, because any previous motivation suddenly has no value or worth, so "good experiences" are a null concept.
So then the effort self-understanding, and working hardto compensate for what is going on inside my head and appear normal. To intellectually think what people would like to hear at a party or from small talk and from humour and then do it. To shut out all the Asperger literality and word-play and playing with words and sounds and following curious lines of thought from a converastion. To suppress it and keep to a business purpose, and conduct a meeting, or supervise staff or answer questions after a presentation. All utterly exhausting.
But most paralising is to be able to conceptualise a project or initiative, or a process towards a business objective, and have to explain and break it down, to why the processes link and will work, and why a particular aspect is crucial because of its relationship to another, and how it creates a receptive and primed environment for the subsequent action or phase of implementation to be well received and acted upon.
That is so paralising! I ( and many of you) do thinking and mental manipulation of process planning intuitively and in an organic almost osmotic way which we can't possibly explain to others. If they leave you alone to do it, and it is possible to do it alone, then it works and you are congratulated as a genious. But if you need permission or need to get others to share and understand why and what you are trying to do towards the outcome, they don't follow you and they want to block you,,,or take it in another direction which they can understand.... but then it becomes something totally different and does not achieve what it should have achieved...., so frustrating.
And in the middle of that you get so exhausted that you can't always hold in and translate into " normal " the things that are flashing through your head and building conclusion upon conclusion, and you start to appear a bit crazy......but then you realise and get embarrased and that knocks your confidence and everything collapses.
STOP.........there you are. Awful isn't it? my main consolation is ...its not boring!.......
Guess what phase I am in at the moment? |
It's very much like how you describe for me too. I remember once lying on the beach and feeling as though the earth was moving under me and everything was tilting.
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ZX_SpectrumDisorder
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 25, 2012
Posts: 1608
Location: Ireland
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| Posted: Mon Apr 09, 2012 10:03 am Post subject: |
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| Can I just ask if it's possible for someone with Bipolar disorder to be able to maintain a romantic relationship? |
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half2focus
Butterfly
Joined: Mar 28, 2012
Age: 37
Posts: 15
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| Posted: Mon Apr 09, 2012 10:19 am Post subject: |
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| ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote: | | Can I just ask if it's possible for someone with Bipolar disorder to be able to maintain a romantic relationship? |
Just as long as the partner is understanding to the illness and caring enough to help with it. With the right partner, bpd can be more manageable. The partner must also understand that romance might not always be available from the bipolar. Sex however shouldn't be a problem as bipolars are usually hyper sexual unless the medication negates erection and therein lies the need for understanding. Keywords to a successful relationship are understanding and knowledge of the disease and it's patterns. Learn the triggers and the suppressors as this goes for both partners in the relationship. And for the non bipolar, never force anything unless it means life or death.
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"Do" and "did" are two words of accomplishment which (when combined) have the same amount of letters as "could". Only difference is, with do and did, it's already done. |
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ZX_SpectrumDisorder
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 25, 2012
Posts: 1608
Location: Ireland
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| Posted: Mon Apr 09, 2012 10:35 am Post subject: |
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I just ask because my last two break ups have been with bipolar girls who've told me it's for my own good.
It also felt like with each girl that I was dating two different people, one chirpy and positive and one negative and completely irrational. I put up with the negativity because the chirpy and positive was awesome. |
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TeaEarlGreyHot
Your Maya
Joined: Jul 05, 2010
Age: 30
Posts: 28106
Location: California
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| Posted: Mon Apr 09, 2012 4:51 pm Post subject: |
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It certainly is possible, but many with Bipolar Disorder often feel that they shouldn't. The reasons for this vary from person to person.
For me, I'm starting to believe I shouldn't because I become too distant due to paranoia. (both about my ability to not hurt my partner and thinking my partner wants to hurt me)
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Do you bury me when I'm gone?
Do you teach me while I'm here?
Just as soon as I belong
Then it's time I disappear |
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sunshower
Ethereality
Joined: Aug 18, 2006
Age: 113
Posts: 4379
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| Posted: Tue Apr 10, 2012 6:41 pm Post subject: |
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| ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote: | I just ask because my last two break ups have been with bipolar girls who've told me it's for my own good.
It also felt like with each girl that I was dating two different people, one chirpy and positive and one negative and completely irrational. I put up with the negativity because the chirpy and positive was awesome. |
I think it's important that the girl is very solid about wanting to be in the relationship irrespective of whether she is down or up. I have been in a relationship where i felt like I didn't want to be in it, but then when I was up I did (because the high distorted my judgment and what I felt, and overrode my rationale), so then when I was low or even in between as I was obviously very negative towards this person as I felt as though I was being manipulated into staying with him (because he ignored me when I told him I wanted to end things and deliberately got in my space and tried to seduce me).
So if the bipolar partner does want to be with you, in that place inside their head beyond emotion (like they love you in a rational sense for what kind of person you are, rather than feeling emotional infatuation towards you), then you can work through those issues.
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ZX_SpectrumDisorder
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 25, 2012
Posts: 1608
Location: Ireland
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| Posted: Fri Apr 13, 2012 5:54 am Post subject: |
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What about the down distorting your judgement? That's what I was experiencing. They were both being incredibly paranoid, finding 'things' that weren't there, taking everything the wrong way, interpreting everything with a negative spin on it, then 'coming around' and apologising for their behaviour, then repeating the same behaviours again a couple of week later.
We just seemed to be going around in circles. All the while I was getting 'This isn't fair on you, you deserve a lovely sane girl, I'm a horrible person etc etc'. |
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ZX_SpectrumDisorder
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 25, 2012
Posts: 1608
Location: Ireland
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| Posted: Tue Apr 24, 2012 8:02 am Post subject: |
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| TeaEarlGreyHot wrote: | It certainly is possible, but many with Bipolar Disorder often feel that they shouldn't. The reasons for this vary from person to person.
For me, I'm starting to believe I shouldn't because I become too distant due to paranoia. (both about my ability to not hurt my partner and thinking my partner wants to hurt me) |
Yes, I was accused of settling and all manner of bullshit. Why would I settle? It's not like I smell or I'm an axe murderer. |
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qwan
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Jan 02, 2012
Age: 21
Posts: 194
Location: Great(!) Britain
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| Posted: Thu May 03, 2012 2:11 pm Post subject: |
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| ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote: | | TeaEarlGreyHot wrote: | It certainly is possible, but many with Bipolar Disorder often feel that they shouldn't. The reasons for this vary from person to person.
For me, I'm starting to believe I shouldn't because I become too distant due to paranoia. (both about my ability to not hurt my partner and thinking my partner wants to hurt me) |
Yes, I was accused of settling and all manner of bullshit. Why would I settle? It's not like I smell or I'm an axe murderer. |
lmao you might be one day... >.>
I get this all the time, with my moods.
I'm with someone unusually patient so I think it might last a bit longer but I don't expect it to last as I get anxious about relationships and think they are settling, just because I'm easy to be with when I'm happy and help give people confidence.
The idea of you (and any other person in a relationship with someone with a mood disorder) putting up witht he negative side for the positive side is also horrible. It's like you feel like you're 2 or 3 people and they only love one of them, and you're not even fully them.
Out there, there's someone who is just like me but not broken, all a full person without f**** up moods. And my partner should just spend their effort looking for them if they really like that side of me, rather then spending it trying to grasp at the glimpses of that side of me which might only last 3 weeks in a year... |
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sunshower
Ethereality
Joined: Aug 18, 2006
Age: 113
Posts: 4379
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| Posted: Mon May 07, 2012 11:59 pm Post subject: |
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| qwan wrote: | | ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote: | | TeaEarlGreyHot wrote: | It certainly is possible, but many with Bipolar Disorder often feel that they shouldn't. The reasons for this vary from person to person.
For me, I'm starting to believe I shouldn't because I become too distant due to paranoia. (both about my ability to not hurt my partner and thinking my partner wants to hurt me) |
Yes, I was accused of settling and all manner of bullshit. Why would I settle? It's not like I smell or I'm an axe murderer. |
lmao you might be one day... >.>
I get this all the time, with my moods.
I'm with someone unusually patient so I think it might last a bit longer but I don't expect it to last as I get anxious about relationships and think they are settling, just because I'm easy to be with when I'm happy and help give people confidence.
The idea of you (and any other person in a relationship with someone with a mood disorder) putting up witht he negative side for the positive side is also horrible. It's like you feel like you're 2 or 3 people and they only love one of them, and you're not even fully them.
Out there, there's someone who is just like me but not broken, all a full person without f**** up moods. And my partner should just spend their effort looking for them if they really like that side of me, rather then spending it trying to grasp at the glimpses of that side of me which might only last 3 weeks in a year... |
Yes.. I feel like it's a question I cannot answer. Like I wanted to answer your post earlier ZX_SpectrumDisorder but I couldn't find the answer.
Unfortunately the down/negative side is going to be there, and it isn't going to change. I still truly believe that it is mediated by the bipolar person's level of certainty about being in the relationship - how much they want to be in the relationship/feel it is a good thing.
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ZX_SpectrumDisorder
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 25, 2012
Posts: 1608
Location: Ireland
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| Posted: Tue May 08, 2012 11:31 am Post subject: |
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Maybe using the term 'putting up with' was a little wrong. They were both considerably quieter than usual and I carried us both on the 'fun and chat' stakes.
I felt the paranioa and settling stuff was more to do with insecurity. I should add that one of these relationships went on for 10 years and neither of us knew she was bipolar until after we broke up. I actually just put the moods down to 'bad PMT', how stupid of me. She was very jealous of the girl I was seeing before her and this 'thing' about settling would come up every few years, and this previous ex would feature in this. The previous ex was 5-10 slim and blonde, while the ex with bipolar disorder was 5-2 with brown hair and a little bit overweight. I think a lot of her insecurity comes from being very overweight when she was younger. I was 16 stone at 16, so I know how sh** it is to be that fat kid, but I lost that weight and kept it off longer that I was actually fat, so I don't really care anymore, but I am a little cautious with people as a result, and maybe a little jaded too if I'm honest.
As well as being diagnosed bipolar aftter we broke up, I later found she was also diagnosed with AS, which is probably why we hit it off so well. I've only been diagnosed myself earlier this year. I've never felt more comfortable with another person than I did with her. Oh I don't know, the whole thing's just confusing as hell. |
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Awkwardphase
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Apr 25, 2011
Age: 32
Posts: 31
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| Posted: Sat May 12, 2012 2:12 am Post subject: |
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| Awhile since i posted but appreciate advice. Unavoidable event requires presence and self exposure to triggers. Travel to home town of bad memories an participate in large social settings spending time with family all which i moved away from years ago. Purchased tickets tuesday with reservation and anxiety. Friday psychiatrist said i displayed defensive body language, appeared hypervigilant, lacked explanation in general behaviour seemed off. Have two more sessions with him monitoring stress and mood before i go advised to go back to risperdal from seroquel. I hate this, ive been pacing and my facial tics are coming back, its hard to focus and keep losing my train of thought. Unsure what objective behind post is other than paradoxial impossibiliy facing triggering situations requiring unimpaired cognitive functioning i lose taking anti-psychotic to help surpress mania without triggering episode. Uncertain of clarity very confused and might try later unless its comprehended |
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ZX_SpectrumDisorder
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 25, 2012
Posts: 1608
Location: Ireland
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| Posted: Sun May 20, 2012 1:07 pm Post subject: |
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| ahaha I sound like ILoveMyAspie. |
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